Twilight World
Title: Twilight World
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: R
Table: 1
Prompt: 90, Otherworld
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I've been here for what feels like years now, even though I know it's only been a few weeks. Every day feels like an eternity, but the nights are longer than the days. It's the nights that make me think of you all the time and miss you the most.
Truth is, I miss you all the time. I can almost feel your presence with me at night, though. I lay there and stare up at the stars, and I wonder if you're looking at the same stars in our bed at home and thinking of me, and missing me just as much.
I know you are. I don't even have to wonder about that. I know you're feeling just as lonely and mixed up as I am. I hope you're getting by okay, baby. All I can think of at night when I'm trying to go to sleep is you, and how much I wish I was holding you and making love to you.
I'll be back, you know. I'm not going to let this war kill me. I promised you the day I left that I'd come back to you, and I'm going to keep that promise. There's no way I'll let myself die here and not be able to see you and hold you again.
I kep thinking of how you looked on that last day, when I hugged and kissed you and got on the train to leave for training. I can't get that look in your eyes out of my mind, the terror and the sadness and the pain all rolled up into one poignant look.
Everybody around us looked the same way, but I didn't have eyes for anybody but you. I wanted to take all that pain and fear in your eyes away and reassure you that this wasn't real, it wasn't happening, it was all a joke and we could go back home.
But I couldn't do that, as much as I wanted to. And I can't help wondering if you still have that same kind of haunted look in your eyes every day. I'm sure that I do, even though I haven't been able to look into a mirror for a while.
That's one of the weirdest things about being here. I can't do all these little things that I used to take for granted when I was at home, like glancing into a mirror to make sure I looked okay. It feels like a whole different world from what I'm used to.
Hell, it is a different world. It's like this dark underworld that exists alongside the one I'm used to, a world that's totally different from anything I've ever dealt with before. A world that's full of shadows and fear and death that I have to walk through carefully.
Not only that -- but I'm part of those shadows. That's one of the things that it's hardest to wrap my head around. I'm part of the scary underworld for the people who live here. I'm one of the thieves that comes in the night, to take everything away from them.
I not only take away their safety and security and scare the hell out of them, but I take away their lives. Their families. Their homes. Even their kids. I'm the dark creeping boogeyman, the thing that goes bump in the night, even if I don't want to be.
I've never been used to being the bad guy. And for these people, that's what I am. I don't want to hurt them. But when their kids are coming after me with guns and bayonets and hand grenades, what choice do I have? Here, it's kill or be killed.
And I won't be killed. I made that promise to come back to you, and it's a promise I'm going to keep. I'm not going to let some random person with a gun keep me from fulfilling that promise, even if it means I have to do things I normally would flinch away from.
It's a whole other world here, baby. A world that I don't want you to ever be a part of. If you were here, I'd do anything I had to do to keep you safe, even if it meant sacrificing myself. I'm just glad you can't be drafted and you'll never have to know what this is like.
I know that it's hard enough for you to be there, wondering what's happening to me and if I'm okay. I just hope my letters are getting to you. I don't even know if they are. I know that it's got to be hard to read some of the things I say, but at least you'll know I'm still alive.
Sometimes I wonder how you feel when you get one of my letters. Does your heart leap out of your throat when you see my handwriting, and you know it's another letter from me? Do you rip it open and read it like you're clinging to a lifeline?
That's how I felt when I got your letters at first. I still would, if I still got all of them. I've gotten some, but I don't know if they get every letter sent to us out here. Sometimes I think they do, and sometimes I don't know. But every letter I get is like a talisman for me.
Every letter I read of yours in this otherworld I'm living in lets me know that I'm still in your heart, and that I'll still have you when I get out of here and go home. I'm clinging to that lifeline, Jude. I'm clinging to the fact that you still love me and want us to make a life together.
In this kind of twilight world I'm living in, that lifeline of knowing you're there for me and I have something to work towards is what's keeping me going. You keep me sane, you keep me alive. You keep me holding on to the future.
I'm thinking of you every day that I'm here, and hoping that this damned war will end soon so I can keep my promise and come back to you. I can't guarantee you that you'll get the same man, but I know one thing -- my feelings for you will be just as strong as they always were.
I might be changed from some of the things I've been through here, but one thing is never going to change. I'll always love you, Jude. I'll always be yours. And when I get back from this dark world I'm stuck in, I'm going to prove that to you every day and night for the rest of our lives.
Love always,
Jude
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: R
Table: 1
Prompt: 90, Otherworld
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I've been here for what feels like years now, even though I know it's only been a few weeks. Every day feels like an eternity, but the nights are longer than the days. It's the nights that make me think of you all the time and miss you the most.
Truth is, I miss you all the time. I can almost feel your presence with me at night, though. I lay there and stare up at the stars, and I wonder if you're looking at the same stars in our bed at home and thinking of me, and missing me just as much.
I know you are. I don't even have to wonder about that. I know you're feeling just as lonely and mixed up as I am. I hope you're getting by okay, baby. All I can think of at night when I'm trying to go to sleep is you, and how much I wish I was holding you and making love to you.
I'll be back, you know. I'm not going to let this war kill me. I promised you the day I left that I'd come back to you, and I'm going to keep that promise. There's no way I'll let myself die here and not be able to see you and hold you again.
I kep thinking of how you looked on that last day, when I hugged and kissed you and got on the train to leave for training. I can't get that look in your eyes out of my mind, the terror and the sadness and the pain all rolled up into one poignant look.
Everybody around us looked the same way, but I didn't have eyes for anybody but you. I wanted to take all that pain and fear in your eyes away and reassure you that this wasn't real, it wasn't happening, it was all a joke and we could go back home.
But I couldn't do that, as much as I wanted to. And I can't help wondering if you still have that same kind of haunted look in your eyes every day. I'm sure that I do, even though I haven't been able to look into a mirror for a while.
That's one of the weirdest things about being here. I can't do all these little things that I used to take for granted when I was at home, like glancing into a mirror to make sure I looked okay. It feels like a whole different world from what I'm used to.
Hell, it is a different world. It's like this dark underworld that exists alongside the one I'm used to, a world that's totally different from anything I've ever dealt with before. A world that's full of shadows and fear and death that I have to walk through carefully.
Not only that -- but I'm part of those shadows. That's one of the things that it's hardest to wrap my head around. I'm part of the scary underworld for the people who live here. I'm one of the thieves that comes in the night, to take everything away from them.
I not only take away their safety and security and scare the hell out of them, but I take away their lives. Their families. Their homes. Even their kids. I'm the dark creeping boogeyman, the thing that goes bump in the night, even if I don't want to be.
I've never been used to being the bad guy. And for these people, that's what I am. I don't want to hurt them. But when their kids are coming after me with guns and bayonets and hand grenades, what choice do I have? Here, it's kill or be killed.
And I won't be killed. I made that promise to come back to you, and it's a promise I'm going to keep. I'm not going to let some random person with a gun keep me from fulfilling that promise, even if it means I have to do things I normally would flinch away from.
It's a whole other world here, baby. A world that I don't want you to ever be a part of. If you were here, I'd do anything I had to do to keep you safe, even if it meant sacrificing myself. I'm just glad you can't be drafted and you'll never have to know what this is like.
I know that it's hard enough for you to be there, wondering what's happening to me and if I'm okay. I just hope my letters are getting to you. I don't even know if they are. I know that it's got to be hard to read some of the things I say, but at least you'll know I'm still alive.
Sometimes I wonder how you feel when you get one of my letters. Does your heart leap out of your throat when you see my handwriting, and you know it's another letter from me? Do you rip it open and read it like you're clinging to a lifeline?
That's how I felt when I got your letters at first. I still would, if I still got all of them. I've gotten some, but I don't know if they get every letter sent to us out here. Sometimes I think they do, and sometimes I don't know. But every letter I get is like a talisman for me.
Every letter I read of yours in this otherworld I'm living in lets me know that I'm still in your heart, and that I'll still have you when I get out of here and go home. I'm clinging to that lifeline, Jude. I'm clinging to the fact that you still love me and want us to make a life together.
In this kind of twilight world I'm living in, that lifeline of knowing you're there for me and I have something to work towards is what's keeping me going. You keep me sane, you keep me alive. You keep me holding on to the future.
I'm thinking of you every day that I'm here, and hoping that this damned war will end soon so I can keep my promise and come back to you. I can't guarantee you that you'll get the same man, but I know one thing -- my feelings for you will be just as strong as they always were.
I might be changed from some of the things I've been through here, but one thing is never going to change. I'll always love you, Jude. I'll always be yours. And when I get back from this dark world I'm stuck in, I'm going to prove that to you every day and night for the rest of our lives.
Love always,
Jude