Pressure Cooker
Title: Pressure Cooker
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 53, Summer
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I keep wanting to write and ask you all kinds of little inconsequential things, and I never seem to do that. I always talk about what it's like here, and how I'm feeling, and how much I miss you. I'll probably end up doing that in this letter, too.
But I want to ask you about all those little things. I want us to talk about stuff that doesn't involve life and death, and all the things I see here that I'd rather forget about. I don't want any of that to touch you, or our relationship. I want it kept away from you.
I can't do that, as much as I want to. I have to talk to you about some of the things I see, or I'd go crazy. It's not like I can talk about it with the other guys here, because they see the same things I do -- and some of them don't cope with it like I can.
So I talk to you about everything I deal with here, and I draw you into a world that I'd rather you kept away from. It's my fault that I do it, but I don't feel like I have any choice. You're all that keeps me sane here, Jude. If it wasn't for you, I'd have gone over the edge by now.
This is already getting to be one of those self-indulgent letters where I talk about myself and what I'm feeling. That's enough of that. What about you? What are you doing, back there at home in New York? Is everything okay there?
That's kind of a stupid question to ask, isn't it? I know everything isn't okay, just because you're there and I'm here and we're not together. But I hope you're getting along okay, and dealing with summer in the city as well as you can on your own.
I know what New York is like during this time of year. It's hot and stifling and sometimes you feel like you're going to jump out of your skin because everything is sweltering. I just hope you're keeping cool and not letting all the pressure get to you.
New York is like a pressure cooker in the summertime. I know what it can feel like, but I'm hoping you don't get frustrated by it. And I'm hoping that if anybody puts pressure on you to step out, you won't give in to it. I trust you not to do that, Jude. I know you won't.
I shouldn't even be mentioning that, and I feel guilty for doing it. It sounds like I'm cautioning you, or that I don't trust you to be faithful to me like I am to you. I do. I don't want you think that I believe for even one second that you'd cheat on me. I know you're not like that.
It's something that I think about a lot, and I feel guilty too. I feel that way because I don't know if I have the right to ask you to be faithful. I shouldn't expect it. I'm so far away from you, and I don't know when this fucking war will be over and I'll be back.
I don't have the right to expect you not to want anybody else. If you meet somebody and fall in love with them and forget about me, who am I to keep you from being happy? I'd rather know that you're with a guy who loves you and can make you happy than know you're miserable.
I'm not going to condemn you to a life like that. As much as it would break my heart to lose you because I'm over here and I can't be with you, I want you to be happy. You deserve that. So if you do meet somebody else, I hope you'll do what's best for you.
But I'll be honest and say that I hope it won't happen. I don't want you to be unhappy, Jude, but I don't want to lose you, either. It's one of the greatest fears of my life -- probably the biggest one. Just thinking about not having you to come back to destroys me.
If I don't have you there waiting for me, then what reason do I have to come back? I might as well die over here if being in this place makes me lose you. I'm always afraid that's going to happen, that I'll get one of those "Dear John" letters the other guys do.
I might be the only person here who has an enduring relationship to go back to. Even the guys who are married keep losing the people they love; I don't want to be one of them, but like I said, I'd rather you be happy than stay with me out of a sense of obligation.
I said that I wasn't going to talk about important issues in this letter, didn't I? I really didn't mean to. I just can't get things like that out of my head. They're some of the main things I think about when I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
Worries like that always plague me. It's like they settle into my mind when I'm alone at night and thinking about you, and they won't go away. Even if they're just in the back of my mind during other times, they're still hanging around when I just want them to leave.
Maybe it's the summertime that brings those worries out. Maybe because it's hot and sultry and I wish that I was at home with you, curled up in our bed after we've made love, instead of here in a sleeping bag wondering if we'll have to deal with a surprise attack tonight.
Or maybe I just have much on my mind that I can't keep it from seeping through in my letters to you. I don't want you to worry about me, Jude. And I don't want you to feel like my feelings for you are any less because I'm urging you to be happy without me.
If anything, I love you more than I ever did. I know what it's like for you to be there in the city in the middle of summer; you've got to feel like you're stuck in a pressure cooker that you can't get out of. And I wish I was right there in the middle of it with you.
Hang in there, baby. I'm going to be back with you as soon as I can. And once I am, nothing's going to take me away from you ever again, I promise you that. No matter what, we'll be together. I just hope that we'll both make it through this summer so I can keep that promise.
Love always,
Max
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 53, Summer
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
I keep wanting to write and ask you all kinds of little inconsequential things, and I never seem to do that. I always talk about what it's like here, and how I'm feeling, and how much I miss you. I'll probably end up doing that in this letter, too.
But I want to ask you about all those little things. I want us to talk about stuff that doesn't involve life and death, and all the things I see here that I'd rather forget about. I don't want any of that to touch you, or our relationship. I want it kept away from you.
I can't do that, as much as I want to. I have to talk to you about some of the things I see, or I'd go crazy. It's not like I can talk about it with the other guys here, because they see the same things I do -- and some of them don't cope with it like I can.
So I talk to you about everything I deal with here, and I draw you into a world that I'd rather you kept away from. It's my fault that I do it, but I don't feel like I have any choice. You're all that keeps me sane here, Jude. If it wasn't for you, I'd have gone over the edge by now.
This is already getting to be one of those self-indulgent letters where I talk about myself and what I'm feeling. That's enough of that. What about you? What are you doing, back there at home in New York? Is everything okay there?
That's kind of a stupid question to ask, isn't it? I know everything isn't okay, just because you're there and I'm here and we're not together. But I hope you're getting along okay, and dealing with summer in the city as well as you can on your own.
I know what New York is like during this time of year. It's hot and stifling and sometimes you feel like you're going to jump out of your skin because everything is sweltering. I just hope you're keeping cool and not letting all the pressure get to you.
New York is like a pressure cooker in the summertime. I know what it can feel like, but I'm hoping you don't get frustrated by it. And I'm hoping that if anybody puts pressure on you to step out, you won't give in to it. I trust you not to do that, Jude. I know you won't.
I shouldn't even be mentioning that, and I feel guilty for doing it. It sounds like I'm cautioning you, or that I don't trust you to be faithful to me like I am to you. I do. I don't want you think that I believe for even one second that you'd cheat on me. I know you're not like that.
It's something that I think about a lot, and I feel guilty too. I feel that way because I don't know if I have the right to ask you to be faithful. I shouldn't expect it. I'm so far away from you, and I don't know when this fucking war will be over and I'll be back.
I don't have the right to expect you not to want anybody else. If you meet somebody and fall in love with them and forget about me, who am I to keep you from being happy? I'd rather know that you're with a guy who loves you and can make you happy than know you're miserable.
I'm not going to condemn you to a life like that. As much as it would break my heart to lose you because I'm over here and I can't be with you, I want you to be happy. You deserve that. So if you do meet somebody else, I hope you'll do what's best for you.
But I'll be honest and say that I hope it won't happen. I don't want you to be unhappy, Jude, but I don't want to lose you, either. It's one of the greatest fears of my life -- probably the biggest one. Just thinking about not having you to come back to destroys me.
If I don't have you there waiting for me, then what reason do I have to come back? I might as well die over here if being in this place makes me lose you. I'm always afraid that's going to happen, that I'll get one of those "Dear John" letters the other guys do.
I might be the only person here who has an enduring relationship to go back to. Even the guys who are married keep losing the people they love; I don't want to be one of them, but like I said, I'd rather you be happy than stay with me out of a sense of obligation.
I said that I wasn't going to talk about important issues in this letter, didn't I? I really didn't mean to. I just can't get things like that out of my head. They're some of the main things I think about when I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
Worries like that always plague me. It's like they settle into my mind when I'm alone at night and thinking about you, and they won't go away. Even if they're just in the back of my mind during other times, they're still hanging around when I just want them to leave.
Maybe it's the summertime that brings those worries out. Maybe because it's hot and sultry and I wish that I was at home with you, curled up in our bed after we've made love, instead of here in a sleeping bag wondering if we'll have to deal with a surprise attack tonight.
Or maybe I just have much on my mind that I can't keep it from seeping through in my letters to you. I don't want you to worry about me, Jude. And I don't want you to feel like my feelings for you are any less because I'm urging you to be happy without me.
If anything, I love you more than I ever did. I know what it's like for you to be there in the city in the middle of summer; you've got to feel like you're stuck in a pressure cooker that you can't get out of. And I wish I was right there in the middle of it with you.
Hang in there, baby. I'm going to be back with you as soon as I can. And once I am, nothing's going to take me away from you ever again, I promise you that. No matter what, we'll be together. I just hope that we'll both make it through this summer so I can keep that promise.
Love always,
Max