Hold Back the Future
Title: Hold Back the Future
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 62, Curious
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Max,
Sometimes I wonder if my letters actually make it over there to you. I worry that they don't, and that you'll think I'm not still waiting for you and thinking about you ever second of every day. I'm scared that you'll give up hope, and you'll give up on us.
I can't let that happen. Every time I write a letter, I pray that it's going to make it over there into your hands, and you'll know that I still love you just as much as ever. Even more, because I'm praying every day for you to come back to me safe.
I know it's awful for you over there. I wish there was some way I could pack up and fly over to you, so we could be together without your having to worry about how long it's going to be before you get to come back home to me.
But we both know that can't happen. I'd get caught as an illegal, and I'd be shipped back to Liverpool. I worry all the time that it's going to happen, and that I won't ever see you again. That's the one thing that scares me more than anything else.
Not going back to Liverpool. I could live with that, if it was only for a visit and I knew that I'd be coming home to you. No, what scares me the most is the idea that it would be so easy for people to separate us forever. It's the scariest thing imaginable.
I know it's not going to happen. I know that if I got deported and sent back home, you'd find me. You've got my mom's address, and you could find me. So even if I got sent back to England, I know you'd come after me and we wouldn't be apart for long.
It's this damn war that's responsibile for separating us. I don't believe in it, and neither do you. Why are we having to fight another country's battles? I know they're being oppressed and all that, but that doesn't it make it right for you to have to risk your life for them.
If you were in the military willingly, I could understand it. But you're not. You were drafted into it, against your will. You didn't make the choice to risk your life. You were told that you had to do it, and that's not right. It's never right to force people into a situation like the one you're in.
I know it's hell on Earth for you over there. I wish more than anything I could get you out and have you here, safe at home with me, falling asleep in our bed every night after we make love. I'd give anything for you to be out of there and be able to put it all behind you.
But at the same time, I'm curious. I know what you're dealing with from your letters, but I still can't help wondering exactly what it's like. Aren't there things like glorious sunsets & sights that you never would have seen if you hadn't been there?
Yes, I know that you're seeing things you don't want to see. Murder and death and destruction aren't what I mean. You know that. I mean that you're getting to see a way of life in a country that most of us can't even begin to imagine.
I guess anybody's curious about how people live on the other side of the world. I can see some of it from what you've told me in your letters, but there are things that I can't wrap my head around. And some that I probably wouldn't want to, even if I could.
And I'm curious about the people around you, too. I'll be honest -- I worry about you with them. Not that you might fall in love with one of those guys, but that they might try to convince you that you don't have anything to come back to.
You're gorgeous, Max. Not only that, but you're from a wealthy family, and you've got a great sense of humor, and you're a great lover. Any one of those guys might decide that he wants you, and try his best to take you away from me. That's a terrifying thought.
I know you wouldn't want to leave me. But sometimes I can't help being curious about what goes on with you and other men over there. It's not like I'd find out if you were unfaithful to me. It would be easy for you to take comfort in somebody else's arms.
Would I be mad if you did? Of course I would. You couldn't blame me for that. Before you left, we both swore complete fidelity to each other, and I've kept that promise. Other guys have propositioned me, but I've never even looked at any of them in that way.
I don't want anybody but you. And I know in my heart that you don't want to be with anybody but me. But when I'm lying alone in our bed at night and I can't sleep because you're not there with me, I start feeling like it's possible that you won't want me any more when you come back.
Notice that I always say when you come back, not if. You're coming back, Max. I don't doubt that for a second. It's bad enough that this bloody war took you away from me for a while -- it won't take you away from me on a permanent basis.
I won't let that happen. Even if I've got to somehow hold back the future, I won't let anything take you away from me like that. Another man might be able to do it, but I won't let death have you. I won't let us be parted before I get to see you alive and well one last time.
I've got to stop being so fatalistic. You're coming back to me, I know it. And you're coming back with just as much love in your heart for me as you had when you left. Maybe more, because we've been parted for what seems like ages now.
Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I've always been curious about that old saying, and I've always wondered if it's true. I guess now it's my time to find out. For me, the answer is definitely yes. I think I love you more every day.
I couldn't make it through this if I didn't. Knowing that you're over there risking your life every day, and I'm stuck here, just waiting, not being able to do anything to help you or bring you back. All I can do is wait, and hope, and pray that you'll be safe.
And that you'll come back to me loving me just as much as when you left. Hold on to that thought, Max. I do. Every day I tell myself that we're going to be together again. And that our lives will pick up where they left off, like this war never happened and we've never been apart.
Love always,
Jude
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 62, Curious
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Max,
Sometimes I wonder if my letters actually make it over there to you. I worry that they don't, and that you'll think I'm not still waiting for you and thinking about you ever second of every day. I'm scared that you'll give up hope, and you'll give up on us.
I can't let that happen. Every time I write a letter, I pray that it's going to make it over there into your hands, and you'll know that I still love you just as much as ever. Even more, because I'm praying every day for you to come back to me safe.
I know it's awful for you over there. I wish there was some way I could pack up and fly over to you, so we could be together without your having to worry about how long it's going to be before you get to come back home to me.
But we both know that can't happen. I'd get caught as an illegal, and I'd be shipped back to Liverpool. I worry all the time that it's going to happen, and that I won't ever see you again. That's the one thing that scares me more than anything else.
Not going back to Liverpool. I could live with that, if it was only for a visit and I knew that I'd be coming home to you. No, what scares me the most is the idea that it would be so easy for people to separate us forever. It's the scariest thing imaginable.
I know it's not going to happen. I know that if I got deported and sent back home, you'd find me. You've got my mom's address, and you could find me. So even if I got sent back to England, I know you'd come after me and we wouldn't be apart for long.
It's this damn war that's responsibile for separating us. I don't believe in it, and neither do you. Why are we having to fight another country's battles? I know they're being oppressed and all that, but that doesn't it make it right for you to have to risk your life for them.
If you were in the military willingly, I could understand it. But you're not. You were drafted into it, against your will. You didn't make the choice to risk your life. You were told that you had to do it, and that's not right. It's never right to force people into a situation like the one you're in.
I know it's hell on Earth for you over there. I wish more than anything I could get you out and have you here, safe at home with me, falling asleep in our bed every night after we make love. I'd give anything for you to be out of there and be able to put it all behind you.
But at the same time, I'm curious. I know what you're dealing with from your letters, but I still can't help wondering exactly what it's like. Aren't there things like glorious sunsets & sights that you never would have seen if you hadn't been there?
Yes, I know that you're seeing things you don't want to see. Murder and death and destruction aren't what I mean. You know that. I mean that you're getting to see a way of life in a country that most of us can't even begin to imagine.
I guess anybody's curious about how people live on the other side of the world. I can see some of it from what you've told me in your letters, but there are things that I can't wrap my head around. And some that I probably wouldn't want to, even if I could.
And I'm curious about the people around you, too. I'll be honest -- I worry about you with them. Not that you might fall in love with one of those guys, but that they might try to convince you that you don't have anything to come back to.
You're gorgeous, Max. Not only that, but you're from a wealthy family, and you've got a great sense of humor, and you're a great lover. Any one of those guys might decide that he wants you, and try his best to take you away from me. That's a terrifying thought.
I know you wouldn't want to leave me. But sometimes I can't help being curious about what goes on with you and other men over there. It's not like I'd find out if you were unfaithful to me. It would be easy for you to take comfort in somebody else's arms.
Would I be mad if you did? Of course I would. You couldn't blame me for that. Before you left, we both swore complete fidelity to each other, and I've kept that promise. Other guys have propositioned me, but I've never even looked at any of them in that way.
I don't want anybody but you. And I know in my heart that you don't want to be with anybody but me. But when I'm lying alone in our bed at night and I can't sleep because you're not there with me, I start feeling like it's possible that you won't want me any more when you come back.
Notice that I always say when you come back, not if. You're coming back, Max. I don't doubt that for a second. It's bad enough that this bloody war took you away from me for a while -- it won't take you away from me on a permanent basis.
I won't let that happen. Even if I've got to somehow hold back the future, I won't let anything take you away from me like that. Another man might be able to do it, but I won't let death have you. I won't let us be parted before I get to see you alive and well one last time.
I've got to stop being so fatalistic. You're coming back to me, I know it. And you're coming back with just as much love in your heart for me as you had when you left. Maybe more, because we've been parted for what seems like ages now.
Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I've always been curious about that old saying, and I've always wondered if it's true. I guess now it's my time to find out. For me, the answer is definitely yes. I think I love you more every day.
I couldn't make it through this if I didn't. Knowing that you're over there risking your life every day, and I'm stuck here, just waiting, not being able to do anything to help you or bring you back. All I can do is wait, and hope, and pray that you'll be safe.
And that you'll come back to me loving me just as much as when you left. Hold on to that thought, Max. I do. Every day I tell myself that we're going to be together again. And that our lives will pick up where they left off, like this war never happened and we've never been apart.
Love always,
Jude