So gay
So I have this coworker, and I really like her. We talk a lot, and we goof a bit, and we have a good time together, and I value her opinions. She's a smart girl. But she does one thing that I. CAN'T. STAND.
She is always, ALWAYS, using "queer" as an insult. You know, like "He's so queer," or in true Boston fashion, "That's wicked queer." And I have stepped up and told her that I didn't like it, and she always says, "Oh, you know that's not what I meant" (as in, she doesn't mean anything in reference to queer people). And I tried to explain once that using a word that references a group of people as a replacement for 'stupid' is offensive, and that conversation didn't really go anywhere. And one day I had to make a conscious decision to let it roll off my back (she's not going to change) and so I told myself that perhaps when SHE was saying, "That's not how I meant it," she meant that she was using the /original/ meaning of the word queer, as in strange. Somehow that was more palatable to me.
Last night at Movie Club, though, she was talking about someone or other, maybe an old boss or a teacher or something like that (I forget, I was too hungry from our bad service), and she said, "He was being totally gay about it," and I didn't know what to do. I have /never/ heard her use the word 'gay' (only 'queer') like that. And it hurts so much more, because I can't even use the 'original meaning' excuse in her favor this time.
I didn't say anything to her because I didn't really want to chew her out in front of Movie Club, but I was really burned. It's not like she's a crazy homophobe or whatever, not by actions, just by language... I just don't know how to get through /years/ of her thinking this is okay. And it's been so long that I've had to speak to someone about why using "that's gay" et al is offensive that I am admittedly out of practice. Ugh.
I wish I didn't like her so much. It would be so much easier.
She is always, ALWAYS, using "queer" as an insult. You know, like "He's so queer," or in true Boston fashion, "That's wicked queer." And I have stepped up and told her that I didn't like it, and she always says, "Oh, you know that's not what I meant" (as in, she doesn't mean anything in reference to queer people). And I tried to explain once that using a word that references a group of people as a replacement for 'stupid' is offensive, and that conversation didn't really go anywhere. And one day I had to make a conscious decision to let it roll off my back (she's not going to change) and so I told myself that perhaps when SHE was saying, "That's not how I meant it," she meant that she was using the /original/ meaning of the word queer, as in strange. Somehow that was more palatable to me.
Last night at Movie Club, though, she was talking about someone or other, maybe an old boss or a teacher or something like that (I forget, I was too hungry from our bad service), and she said, "He was being totally gay about it," and I didn't know what to do. I have /never/ heard her use the word 'gay' (only 'queer') like that. And it hurts so much more, because I can't even use the 'original meaning' excuse in her favor this time.
I didn't say anything to her because I didn't really want to chew her out in front of Movie Club, but I was really burned. It's not like she's a crazy homophobe or whatever, not by actions, just by language... I just don't know how to get through /years/ of her thinking this is okay. And it's been so long that I've had to speak to someone about why using "that's gay" et al is offensive that I am admittedly out of practice. Ugh.
I wish I didn't like her so much. It would be so much easier.