(no subject)
I have insomnia. I've been trying to get to sleep for two hours, and though I truly am exhausted, I cannot for the life of me sleeeeeep. I think this is because of my meds. I was CONSTANTLY drowsy and exhausted, I brought it up to my doctor, and now I may have the opposite problem.
Last night our improv group, One Shot Comedy (you can find us on Myspace [= shameless plug]), had an amazing show! We were all unsure of how it was going to turn out, especially since Mark and I have been butting heads a bit, as well as additional negativity and ego entering into the equation. However, Anand showed up, and it seems we really did need him. He brought the positivity, the energy, and he even helped us do an Armandito -- which we REALLY needed. There were no weak links, no weak scenes last night. And we got a standing ovation. Pretty sweet. Cal can suck my dick. We have another show on Saturday the 24th, and you should probably come. I don't know, are you cool enough?
Today will be my first REAL day as a manager at Vic. Sec., as I like to call it. (I've never called it that in my life.) I wonder how I will fair...
MONTAGE - INT. DAY. VICTORIA'S SECRET
Vanessa is running wildly around the store. Other various associates fling panties and bras as customers defend themselves with Very Sexy for Her eu de parfum and aphrodisiac candles.
VANESSA
Everyone! Please! Stay in your zones! Danielle just called me -- the district manager is coming for a surprise visit, and she'll be here in FIVE MINUTES! If she doesn't like what she sees, I'll be fired!
NATALIE
(Over the headset) Help! Someone tied me up with black size C nylons and locked me in the fitting rooms! I can't get out!
VANESSA
I'm coming, Natalie!
Vanessa runs with great haste to the fitting rooms, only to find the other bra specialists waiting with metal hangers in hand, and the sharp end of sensors lining the floor.
VANESSA V.O.
There was no way I could get to the fitting rooms like this...
Vanessa runs to the back and grabs the swiffer and a piece of measuring tape. Returning to the fitting rooms, she swiffers the sensors out of her way and uses the measuring tape as a whip. The Indiana Jones theme plays over the obscenely loud techno that is blasting overhead.
VANESSA
I'm coming Natalie!
Vanessa uses her manager's keys to unlock the fitting room.
VANESSA V.O.
But it was too late...
Natalie is dead on the ground. Vanessa starts to cough violently. Tears are streaming down her face.
VANESSA V.O.
Rapture...Those fiends. I knew it was getting out of control, but I never thought it would go this far. The scent was so strong it had killed Natalie, and now it was killing me. I had to get out of here.
Vanessa runs past legions of women battling over panty tables. She gets to the front door and breathes in fresh air.
VANESSA V.O.
I was saved. But that was close. Too close. I couldn't let that happen again, I couldn't afford it. And now it was personal as well. Natalie was dead. I had to avenge her.
Grabbing a 2.5 oz. bottle of Rapture, Vanessa makes her way to the cash registers.
VANESSA V.O.
I would beat them at their own game. And I had a fool-proof master plan.
VANESSA
(at cashrap, over intercom)
Alright, everyone stop right now! If you associates keep fighting, I will log into the managers account, and clock you all out. For the entire day! That's right, you'll be paid nothing! And customers, don't you see. It's not about free panties that don't come in your size or a bra that just doesn't fit a DD. It's not about an associate taking a long time at the register because she doesn't know what to do when you harass her. It's not about any of that...What we forgot is the love.
VANESSA V.O.
I thought about what I just said for a second.
VANESSA
(Over intercom) Scratch that. It's about underwear. About feeling comfortable and sexy. Isn't that really why we're all here. So let's work together, and do the best that we can!
Silence falls over the store. Women put down their weapons. There are hugs and tears all around.
VANESSA V.O.
But I had still lost Natalie. I had failed her, and now I had lost one of my best friends.
A sudden thought dawns on Vanessa! She runs into the beauty room and picks up a container of Aura Science age replenishing cream.
VANESSA V.O.
The box compaired this cream to a 'fountain of youth in a bottle'. If I could apply it to Natalie's clear complexion, perhaps it would work just like the fountain of youth...When you use it when you're alive you stay young forever, but if you use it on someone who's dead, they will come back to life.
Vanessa runs to the fitting room. She kneels down over Natalie's body, scoops out the opalescent cream and applies it to her face.
VANESSA
Wake up, Natalie. You've gotta pull through for me. Come on, Wake up! Wake up! God dammit, wake up!
VANESSA V.O.
It was up to her now.
All of a sudden Natalie's body starts to move again. She slowly opens her eyes and gasps for breath.
NATALIE
Oh, Vanessa. I was so scared. I saw a light, and it was so beautiful...
VANESSA
It's gonna be okay, Natalie. It's gonna be okay.
FLASH! A thunderbolt interupts the scene. The lights flicker off and on. It walks Angie, the district manager. Her 90% black Victoria's Secret work uniform oddly resembled Darth Vader at this moment. She slowly approaches the fitting rooms, and stops in front of Vanessa, who is still cradling Natalie in her arms.
ANGIE
Are you in charge here?
VANESSA
Yes, ma'am. I take full responsibility for everything. The panties and bras strewn everywhere. The battered bra specialists. The bleeding customers.
ANGIE
Vanessa...I want to commend you for what you did here. You stopped a civil war of epic proportions, saved this young girl's life, and all the while still kept a figure eight around the store.
VANESSA
So...I'm not fired then?
ANGIE
No, of course not.
Angie turns and begins to walk away. Suddenly she stops, and turns back around.
ANGIE
Did you get any credit card applications in today?
VANESSA
No.
ANGIE
Then I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. I want you out of here in two minutes.
Angie storms out of the store. The store feels as if a storm has just passed.
VANESSA V.O.
Well, despite my greatest efforts, I still managed to get fired. But I looked at Natalie and realized that it was okay. Life would go on. And...
VANESSA
I'm goin' to Hollywood!
An epic Gene Kelly-esque musical production bursts out and Vanessa tap dances in a sequined leotard and cane out of the store.
END OF SCENE.
Yeah, we'll see how it goes.
Last night our improv group, One Shot Comedy (you can find us on Myspace [= shameless plug]), had an amazing show! We were all unsure of how it was going to turn out, especially since Mark and I have been butting heads a bit, as well as additional negativity and ego entering into the equation. However, Anand showed up, and it seems we really did need him. He brought the positivity, the energy, and he even helped us do an Armandito -- which we REALLY needed. There were no weak links, no weak scenes last night. And we got a standing ovation. Pretty sweet. Cal can suck my dick. We have another show on Saturday the 24th, and you should probably come. I don't know, are you cool enough?
Today will be my first REAL day as a manager at Vic. Sec., as I like to call it. (I've never called it that in my life.) I wonder how I will fair...
MONTAGE - INT. DAY. VICTORIA'S SECRET
Vanessa is running wildly around the store. Other various associates fling panties and bras as customers defend themselves with Very Sexy for Her eu de parfum and aphrodisiac candles.
VANESSA
Everyone! Please! Stay in your zones! Danielle just called me -- the district manager is coming for a surprise visit, and she'll be here in FIVE MINUTES! If she doesn't like what she sees, I'll be fired!
NATALIE
(Over the headset) Help! Someone tied me up with black size C nylons and locked me in the fitting rooms! I can't get out!
VANESSA
I'm coming, Natalie!
Vanessa runs with great haste to the fitting rooms, only to find the other bra specialists waiting with metal hangers in hand, and the sharp end of sensors lining the floor.
VANESSA V.O.
There was no way I could get to the fitting rooms like this...
Vanessa runs to the back and grabs the swiffer and a piece of measuring tape. Returning to the fitting rooms, she swiffers the sensors out of her way and uses the measuring tape as a whip. The Indiana Jones theme plays over the obscenely loud techno that is blasting overhead.
VANESSA
I'm coming Natalie!
Vanessa uses her manager's keys to unlock the fitting room.
VANESSA V.O.
But it was too late...
Natalie is dead on the ground. Vanessa starts to cough violently. Tears are streaming down her face.
VANESSA V.O.
Rapture...Those fiends. I knew it was getting out of control, but I never thought it would go this far. The scent was so strong it had killed Natalie, and now it was killing me. I had to get out of here.
Vanessa runs past legions of women battling over panty tables. She gets to the front door and breathes in fresh air.
VANESSA V.O.
I was saved. But that was close. Too close. I couldn't let that happen again, I couldn't afford it. And now it was personal as well. Natalie was dead. I had to avenge her.
Grabbing a 2.5 oz. bottle of Rapture, Vanessa makes her way to the cash registers.
VANESSA V.O.
I would beat them at their own game. And I had a fool-proof master plan.
VANESSA
(at cashrap, over intercom)
Alright, everyone stop right now! If you associates keep fighting, I will log into the managers account, and clock you all out. For the entire day! That's right, you'll be paid nothing! And customers, don't you see. It's not about free panties that don't come in your size or a bra that just doesn't fit a DD. It's not about an associate taking a long time at the register because she doesn't know what to do when you harass her. It's not about any of that...What we forgot is the love.
VANESSA V.O.
I thought about what I just said for a second.
VANESSA
(Over intercom) Scratch that. It's about underwear. About feeling comfortable and sexy. Isn't that really why we're all here. So let's work together, and do the best that we can!
Silence falls over the store. Women put down their weapons. There are hugs and tears all around.
VANESSA V.O.
But I had still lost Natalie. I had failed her, and now I had lost one of my best friends.
A sudden thought dawns on Vanessa! She runs into the beauty room and picks up a container of Aura Science age replenishing cream.
VANESSA V.O.
The box compaired this cream to a 'fountain of youth in a bottle'. If I could apply it to Natalie's clear complexion, perhaps it would work just like the fountain of youth...When you use it when you're alive you stay young forever, but if you use it on someone who's dead, they will come back to life.
Vanessa runs to the fitting room. She kneels down over Natalie's body, scoops out the opalescent cream and applies it to her face.
VANESSA
Wake up, Natalie. You've gotta pull through for me. Come on, Wake up! Wake up! God dammit, wake up!
VANESSA V.O.
It was up to her now.
All of a sudden Natalie's body starts to move again. She slowly opens her eyes and gasps for breath.
NATALIE
Oh, Vanessa. I was so scared. I saw a light, and it was so beautiful...
VANESSA
It's gonna be okay, Natalie. It's gonna be okay.
FLASH! A thunderbolt interupts the scene. The lights flicker off and on. It walks Angie, the district manager. Her 90% black Victoria's Secret work uniform oddly resembled Darth Vader at this moment. She slowly approaches the fitting rooms, and stops in front of Vanessa, who is still cradling Natalie in her arms.
ANGIE
Are you in charge here?
VANESSA
Yes, ma'am. I take full responsibility for everything. The panties and bras strewn everywhere. The battered bra specialists. The bleeding customers.
ANGIE
Vanessa...I want to commend you for what you did here. You stopped a civil war of epic proportions, saved this young girl's life, and all the while still kept a figure eight around the store.
VANESSA
So...I'm not fired then?
ANGIE
No, of course not.
Angie turns and begins to walk away. Suddenly she stops, and turns back around.
ANGIE
Did you get any credit card applications in today?
VANESSA
No.
ANGIE
Then I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. I want you out of here in two minutes.
Angie storms out of the store. The store feels as if a storm has just passed.
VANESSA V.O.
Well, despite my greatest efforts, I still managed to get fired. But I looked at Natalie and realized that it was okay. Life would go on. And...
VANESSA
I'm goin' to Hollywood!
An epic Gene Kelly-esque musical production bursts out and Vanessa tap dances in a sequined leotard and cane out of the store.
END OF SCENE.
Yeah, we'll see how it goes.