(no subject)
Sometimes I wish he would just leave my life. Like that huge pang in my chest when I stumble on a journal entry about him, and me. As if we were forever connected. I wish he wasn't automatically there, like a ghost that I never want to look back at. I wish I could make peace with him.
But then I actually take the time to think. And I realize that he's not part of my life any more. I am a completely different person than I was when I was with him. My life is completely different. I have grown up immensely, for better and worse. I have grown more jaded but more wise. I have new faults, of which I want desperately to improve. But they do not include him. I am no longer connected by him. And maybe he's not a ghost, but a memory, just as everyone else I've loved and known. And maybe it can never be resolved, because love isn't simple. Maybe love is never really resolved. Maybe that pang in my chest, which was not as big as an earthquake at all, was just a sign that I am human.
In other news, I met with the executive producers of CBS.com on Wednesday. They want my headshots (which I do not have and would like to inlist the help of Iris, should she accept.) and invited me to come back to their shoots. Anand is pitching an idea for a series to them, which they've basically already said they'll do, and then he can cast whoever he wants. At any rate, I know I made a very good impression, simply by being honest and not fake. The atmosphere of the shoot was so shallow and plastic. It was nausiating. But this is my first step towards what I want to do. My only concern is this is my break into comedy and television. What I want to do is drama and film. But I suppose I'll figure it out as it comes.
And the most important thing of all -- I went to Pavillions with Tyler the other day, and in the frozen food section, what did we see?
LEGO EGGOS!
I can now die happy.
But then I actually take the time to think. And I realize that he's not part of my life any more. I am a completely different person than I was when I was with him. My life is completely different. I have grown up immensely, for better and worse. I have grown more jaded but more wise. I have new faults, of which I want desperately to improve. But they do not include him. I am no longer connected by him. And maybe he's not a ghost, but a memory, just as everyone else I've loved and known. And maybe it can never be resolved, because love isn't simple. Maybe love is never really resolved. Maybe that pang in my chest, which was not as big as an earthquake at all, was just a sign that I am human.
In other news, I met with the executive producers of CBS.com on Wednesday. They want my headshots (which I do not have and would like to inlist the help of Iris, should she accept.) and invited me to come back to their shoots. Anand is pitching an idea for a series to them, which they've basically already said they'll do, and then he can cast whoever he wants. At any rate, I know I made a very good impression, simply by being honest and not fake. The atmosphere of the shoot was so shallow and plastic. It was nausiating. But this is my first step towards what I want to do. My only concern is this is my break into comedy and television. What I want to do is drama and film. But I suppose I'll figure it out as it comes.
And the most important thing of all -- I went to Pavillions with Tyler the other day, and in the frozen food section, what did we see?
LEGO EGGOS!
I can now die happy.