English 328 Prompt #2
The sentence I chose from the old Undergraduate Catalog was:
"Advantageous to all students are not only the cultural activities of the metropolitan areas, both within a 45-minute drive from the campus, but also the resources of its sister city, Ann Arbor, home of The University of Michigan."
Wow. Clarity anyone? This sentence gives me goosebumps after reading the first section of William's book. As William's states, "...we do not describe sentences on the page; we describe how we feel about them." (17) This sentence flat out confuses me. Does not seem very professional to me, especially from a University.
The first word of this sentence distracts the reader from the rest of the sentence. I would re-write this sentence as such:
A 45 minute drive from campus offers cultural activities in the metropolitan areas and in Ann Arbor, the sister city and the home of the University of Michigan.
Ahh, much clearer.
"Advantageous to all students are not only the cultural activities of the metropolitan areas, both within a 45-minute drive from the campus, but also the resources of its sister city, Ann Arbor, home of The University of Michigan."
Wow. Clarity anyone? This sentence gives me goosebumps after reading the first section of William's book. As William's states, "...we do not describe sentences on the page; we describe how we feel about them." (17) This sentence flat out confuses me. Does not seem very professional to me, especially from a University.
The first word of this sentence distracts the reader from the rest of the sentence. I would re-write this sentence as such:
A 45 minute drive from campus offers cultural activities in the metropolitan areas and in Ann Arbor, the sister city and the home of the University of Michigan.
Ahh, much clearer.