Meeeeeh

[jubee1]

So, I fail at life. At least that's how I feel right now. All year I've been a member of the New York Arts Internship program and working my tail off to find an internship in New York for the summer. Well, I applied to like a million places and only was contacted by three of them, one who actually offered me the job but circumstances changed for them and now all they need are readers who would read play submissions on their own and come in about once a week to give a report on them. Originally I was planning on going (and even told Ms. Stern that) but now I really don't think it's a good idea. I HATE IT this completely sucks. I DON'T want to be here. And I've been talking about going to New York all year. What did I do wrong? Why am I no good? And what do I do now? This summer is turning out truly awful for me. I guess just everything so far has been one big disappointment. And I feel completely responsible...you know you are in control of your own destiny. I think the fact that I am constantly torn between wanting to perform and wanting to be on the administrative side of things that has screwed me over. And i'm sorry if this is petty but if Trevor gets an internship in new york and I don't...i'll be piiiissed!

I'm just thorougly jaded/disappointed/upset right now. Goshd this sucks so bad. And as much as I love the arts council, I don't want to go back because I was hoping to be else where this summer.

Hope you are all having better days
Sincerely,
the biggest failure ever