100 Things Germany isn't allowed to do during World Meetings (and any other time)

[juandalyn]

1. I’m not allowed to bring my brother to the meetings.
2. - even if he begs.
3. - even if he bribes me with beer. Or wurst.
4. - I will not chain him to make him not follow me.
5. - not that I ever wanted to bring him with me.
6. I will not sit next to South Italy.
7. I will not sit between South and North Italy.
8. I will not sit between South Italy and Spain.
9. I will not sit next to France.
10. - I will NEVER AGAIN sit next to France.
11. I’m not allowed to use words like „oven“ or „gas“ next to Poland.
12. - I should try not to talk to Poland at all.
13. - I will not sit between Poland and Russia.
14. - I will not make Poland sit between Russia and me.
15. I won’t ask any of the nations what my brother has done back when I can’t remember anything.
16. - I will try to ignore the stories about my brother back then.
17. I will try to ignore Englands nazi jokes.
18. - I won’t tell him he would’ve lost the war if America didn’t help him.
19. I will not mention ANY war when France is around.
20. - I will not tell France that he would’ve lost all wars if England and America didn’t help him.
21. I will not start a discussion with Austria about Beethoven.
22. - he was a great composer of the Viennese Classic.
23. - but he was German.
24. I won’t correct America’s „Ich bin ein Berliner“.
25. - even if it sounds completely wrong.
26. I won’t say that Hitler was Austrian.
27. - even if it’s right.
28. - nobody will listen to me anyway.
29. I’m not allowed to say anything about radical politic systems.
30. - especially not about the right-wing.
31. I’m not allowed to question America’s, China’s or Russia’s political systems.
32. I won’t ask if Russia gives back Königsberg/Kaliningrad.
33. - not even to make Prussia happy.
34. - I should especially don’t mention Prussia around Russia.
35. - nor around Poland and Lithuania.
36. - same goes for Estonia and Latvia.
37. I will ignore France’s comments „how cute Saarland was“.
38. - same goes for Denmark and Schleswig.
39. - ditto for Russia and the whole former GDR.
40. I won’t try to explain that Lederhosen are normally only worn at Bavaria’s place.
41. - or Austria’s.
42. - I won’t force Austria to wear them during meetings just to show.
43. I will ignore questions if I could perform Schuhplattler.
44. - even when I’m drunk.
45. - ESPECIALLY when I’m drunk.
46. - I won’t force Austria to join me.
47. I’m not allowed to hit Italy.
48. - even if he’s asleep.
49. - or if he’s playing with Greece’s cats or Hanatamago.
50. - If I do I should make sure that Romano’s not watching.
51. I’m not allowed to walk to Spain during the break and make sure that I’ll take my vacations at his house next summer.
52. - especially if the Italy bros. are around.
53. I’m not allowed to reserve my seat with a towel.
54. - even if the pattern is the European flag.
55. - especially if the pattern is the German flag.
56. I won’t mention the fact that with the global warming Holland will disappear.
57. - I’m not allowed to make sinking sounds to Holland.
58. - nobody will believe they come from me anyway.
59. I will not start a discussion with America about global warming.
60. I will not buy cheap cigarettes from Czech Republic.
61. I will not try open an account with any of Liechtenstein’s banks.
62. - I will never again try to open an account with any of Switzerlands banks.
63. - nor will I try with any of Luxembourgs.
64. I won’t make Holland and Belgium have a discussion about who invented fries.
65. I won’t order magazines from Japan.
66. - I won’t pay him with kuchen.
67. I won’t bring beer to the meetings.
68. - I won’t let my brother do.
69. - see #1.
70. I’m not allowed to tell Cuba that the meeting room is smoke-free.
71. - I won’t accept cigars as bribery.
72. I won’t start a drinking session with England.
73. - especially because his beer tastes like pee.
74. - I mean, hey, it’s warm.
75. - I have to stop Italy from joining us.
76. - we won’t let Denmark or Holland join us.
77. - I won’t sing bad songs about France then.
78. - I won’t sing bad songs about France sober either.
79. I’m not allowed to call France „Franzecke“, „Franze“ or „Froschfresser“.
80. - I won’t tell him his best footballer of all times wasn’t even French.
81. I won’t start discussions about football.
82. - I won’t join the football/soccer between America and England.
83. - I won’t say Americans can’t play football.
84. - because America is the whole continent and not only the US.
85. - even though Canada can’t either.
86. If there’s already a discussion about football I won’t mention the fact that England as the homeland has won the World Cup only once.
87. - I won’t mention the Wembley Goal.
88. - which wasn’t a real goal.
89. - we would’ve won back then without that goal.
90. I’m not allowed to blame America for the Opel crisis.
91. - even if it’s his fault.
92. - he should’ve watch GM back then.
93. I won’t say anything to France’s complaining about my wine.
94. - I will ignore his advice to stick to beer.
95. - I won’t swap his apple juice with beer.
96. - even if it was funny last time.
97. - nobody believes it was me who did it, anyway.
98. - except for France.
99. - nobody listens to France, anyway.
100. I’m not allowed to bring my riding crop to meetings to get the control.
101. - I’m not allowed to leave it near Russia.