june 11
this is a pain like i've never felt, i wish i could be in a relationship that is full of trust. and anything that was wrong i accualy new about, I wish that i was with some one who liked me for me, and i could be myself around them, and they could be themselfe around me and i'd know how they were feeling and there were no questions. if she had a problem i would be the first to know about it and help her work through it. but im worried that ... maybe that person isn't out there for me.... and if she is it's gonna take what seems like a lifetime finding her, maybe i've already met her and let her slip out of my hands. it's hard to hold in tears and im sick of it.. i want to lock myself in my room for hours, just me and my thoughts, no brother, no friends calling, no body comming over, no parents just me where i could just let out all my emotions and be comfortable doing it. but im glad i have friends that care about me,,, and im glad that i know who most of those people are, it's just that dosn't feel like enough. every second i think about it... every word of it taht goes on this computer screen makes me hurt that much more.. but i hope that dealing w/ it will help me get over this. i wish i would have done some things differently... but sadly thats all i can do at this point... wish. what i would give to be able to stop thinking about it, but it's so hard.