Post-Roast Post

[jtothecapitalc]

Thanks very much to all those who came to my roast, and a special thanks to everybody who roasted me, and a REALLY special thanks to Bart and Tara for not only hosting this thing, but also for spending hours shopping, cooking, carpentering a mini-podium and rearranging their house into a roasting forum. The turnout was much higher than expected,

Comments

[hatefulping]

Wish I could've made it, but I had plans for this weekend back in APRIL, sadly. I banged this out in 15 minutes during lunch, sleep deprived and stressed, and I regret not having more time to devote to it. I did, indeed, laugh at your retort, though. Here ya go, for posterity's sake:

While JC and I have been tentative rivals over the years of knowing
each other, for me it's very much a love-hate relationship. Most of
you know about some of the history and stories between us two. We've
never been great friends, nor have we ever been great enemies. I can
always strike up an honest, straightforward, and fulfilling
conversation with him just as easily as I can find a reason to take a
baseball bat to his kneecaps. My uncle Lee once told me that you
always become what you loathe, and these many years later I can
certainly see sides of myself in JC's persona. So, JC, when I do
finally snap and grin maniacally as I make sure you never walk again,
listening to you howl like a punted jack russell terrier, just
remember that thing you've said to so many women you've left in the
wake of your life: it's not you, it's me.

Despite JC's shortcomings as a likable human, he is surrounded by
sycophantic friends who scurry around to be near him. Actually, to
help me explain this phenomenon, let me turn to current events. If JC
were the BP oil spill, his friends are the immense activity and effort
of booms and dispersants and dredging required to keep his toxic,
black sludge from contaminating the beautiful and pleasant shores
representing the people we actually like. But, just like the oil
spill, all our efforts are for naught as he always finds a way to
sully the things we cherish most. Sadly, as a result, today it is now
nearly impossible for anyone to have an untainted oyster.

However, I do have to admit a grudging respect for him. JC lives his
life unfettered by morality and conscience. He does not try to pass
off as more than what he is, nor does he make excuses for what he
does. He sticks to his guns and follows what he believes. Even
though I grew up in Lynchburg, hypocrisy capital of the free world, I
still have profound respect for anyone who actually follows the
Christian faith wholeheartedly. It is the same with JC. He is not a
hypocrite, and although I find the principles with which he guides his
life to be rather vile, he rarely strays from them. Thus why he still
gets the nod from me. Happy birthday, you bastard.

[jtothecapitalc]

Pinger, I'd have loved to see you there but I understand prior commitments. tara put on a black hat and shades and did her best Ping to read this and she got the point across very well.