Which Is Something Elephants Also Do.
I'm still at work right now and I'm feeling very emotional. I usually go through months of ups and downs, and having just gone through a summer of fabulous joy and exultation, I am now entering a winter of darkness. The fall was ambivalent. Ha.
This usually hits closer to the holidays... Winter is never a good season. Granted, it's gorgeous and all that, but with the lack of sunlight, the holiday eating (I haven't put on any weight this year, thank goodness, but we'll touch more on this in a moment), my inability to go running during this season, and especially with the bus strike this year and not being able to go anywhere, it's no surprise my good mood is failing. I feel like a big, fat slug. I want to lose forty pounds, which I tried to do last year to no avail and I'm having trouble motivating myself. I feel really unattractive, so I want to lose weight, but because I feel so unattractive, I can't motivate myself. I just get depressed and want to eat a bunch or sleep for days. It's not helping my sluggish feelings.
Furthermore, I feel like I've lost a bunch of friends. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch with people and quite fairly no one has really made any effort to keep in touch with me. I feel that I should maybe reach out to them, those crazy kids that they are, but I definitely would feel awkward about it. It's a sticky situation.
I also feel like the relationships I have with the people at work are not, nor were they ever, as strong as I thought them to be. Several times a day, I feel neglected or abandoned by people who I thought maybe had even the slightest interest in my well-being... That sounds really complain-y and down on myself, and I don't mean it to. It's a simple fact that I have invested more emotionally in them, than they have in me (which is usually the case with new relationships with me). I guess my caring for them sort of tricks myself into thinking that they care an equal amount for me, even when they have no obligation to do so. It is entirely not to be expected of someone, I'm just weird and like people too much.
Still, it's sort of depressing when I get rejected, even a bit, or am ignored throughout the day for no reason. I have trouble doing that to people, unless I genuinely am busy, and so it's... It's just something about which I have to be rational, but my first instinct is to become upset. It's really unfortunate.
I want to be skinny.
Still, I'm trying to remain as positive as possible. Nobody likes someone who is cranky, or depressed all the time. I really do need to let things roll off my shoulders. I'm trying. I really am. I'm making a concerted effort. And who knows? The sunlight's lasting longer each day, I'll be able to go running in probably two months... I can always bike (although it's hard to get access to the stationary bike on weekdays) and if I just commit myself to eating less, I'm sure even that will make me feel better.
I just need to concentrate on good things, is all. That's not so tough.
This usually hits closer to the holidays... Winter is never a good season. Granted, it's gorgeous and all that, but with the lack of sunlight, the holiday eating (I haven't put on any weight this year, thank goodness, but we'll touch more on this in a moment), my inability to go running during this season, and especially with the bus strike this year and not being able to go anywhere, it's no surprise my good mood is failing. I feel like a big, fat slug. I want to lose forty pounds, which I tried to do last year to no avail and I'm having trouble motivating myself. I feel really unattractive, so I want to lose weight, but because I feel so unattractive, I can't motivate myself. I just get depressed and want to eat a bunch or sleep for days. It's not helping my sluggish feelings.
Furthermore, I feel like I've lost a bunch of friends. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch with people and quite fairly no one has really made any effort to keep in touch with me. I feel that I should maybe reach out to them, those crazy kids that they are, but I definitely would feel awkward about it. It's a sticky situation.
I also feel like the relationships I have with the people at work are not, nor were they ever, as strong as I thought them to be. Several times a day, I feel neglected or abandoned by people who I thought maybe had even the slightest interest in my well-being... That sounds really complain-y and down on myself, and I don't mean it to. It's a simple fact that I have invested more emotionally in them, than they have in me (which is usually the case with new relationships with me). I guess my caring for them sort of tricks myself into thinking that they care an equal amount for me, even when they have no obligation to do so. It is entirely not to be expected of someone, I'm just weird and like people too much.
Still, it's sort of depressing when I get rejected, even a bit, or am ignored throughout the day for no reason. I have trouble doing that to people, unless I genuinely am busy, and so it's... It's just something about which I have to be rational, but my first instinct is to become upset. It's really unfortunate.
I want to be skinny.
Still, I'm trying to remain as positive as possible. Nobody likes someone who is cranky, or depressed all the time. I really do need to let things roll off my shoulders. I'm trying. I really am. I'm making a concerted effort. And who knows? The sunlight's lasting longer each day, I'll be able to go running in probably two months... I can always bike (although it's hard to get access to the stationary bike on weekdays) and if I just commit myself to eating less, I'm sure even that will make me feel better.
I just need to concentrate on good things, is all. That's not so tough.