Unable
I had a curious thing happen to me today, tonight. I had the thought cross my mind that I haven't actually loved in a long time, a romantic love. I seperated with Kara in 2010 and I really think she was the last girl I actually loved. I have loved since, but not a true romantic love. I even fell out of love with Kara after a certain time. I am unsure if I am capable of loving. I have been in two relationships since Kara. Rebecca and Renee. The closest I have come to actual love is Rebecca, but I think I was actually more in love with feeling of Happiness then her. Happiness is something that I didn't feel with Kara for a long time. So I think her being full of life and happiness is what I was attracted too. I did love alot about her but now that I look back I don't think I was in love with her.
I went through a period from June 2011 til December 2011 I was a different person. I took alot of hatred,sorrow, and other feelings and rolled them into a attitude. I had a I'M ALONE, ME AGAINST THE WORLD, LONE WOLF thing. I remember how apprehensive i was to meet rebecca because i was in love with Kara. I threw myself into social scenes and found a world of women and sex that I felt comfortable in. I felt for the first time in my life that I had the confidence that I always lacked, the ego I was needed, the aggression that I didn't have I FOUND. I had girls knocking on my door, stalking me, wanting to be with me, around me. I had to hide my truck and walk to my apartment because they would ride by and see my truck and stop. I had girls knocking on my door and i would i would be laying on my floor laughing and the girls saying "i know your home, im calling you and can hear your phone ringing". I loved it.
I had to be to work at 7am and was kicking girls out at 5am. I was laughing at them, cocky an arrogant. it was crazy, it was my life,
I met Renee in November 2011, I so tired not to be with her, i resisted and finaly gave in. i didn't want to be in a relationship.............
to be continued....
I went through a period from June 2011 til December 2011 I was a different person. I took alot of hatred,sorrow, and other feelings and rolled them into a attitude. I had a I'M ALONE, ME AGAINST THE WORLD, LONE WOLF thing. I remember how apprehensive i was to meet rebecca because i was in love with Kara. I threw myself into social scenes and found a world of women and sex that I felt comfortable in. I felt for the first time in my life that I had the confidence that I always lacked, the ego I was needed, the aggression that I didn't have I FOUND. I had girls knocking on my door, stalking me, wanting to be with me, around me. I had to hide my truck and walk to my apartment because they would ride by and see my truck and stop. I had girls knocking on my door and i would i would be laying on my floor laughing and the girls saying "i know your home, im calling you and can hear your phone ringing". I loved it.
I had to be to work at 7am and was kicking girls out at 5am. I was laughing at them, cocky an arrogant. it was crazy, it was my life,
I met Renee in November 2011, I so tired not to be with her, i resisted and finaly gave in. i didn't want to be in a relationship.............
to be continued....