Sustenance
I know I'm truly blessed for all the things in my life. From my loving family to my amazing boyfriend Jeff. From my super supportive friends to the people I encounter everyday. From my church group and their hope and faith in God AND in me to my coworkers/FRIENDS at the radio station (both of them) who sustain my adoration for Radio. And of course...my growing career in Radio is a blessing beyond words. The hours suck at times and I complain about my lack of sleep and a weary body...but everytime I crack open that mic and I put my Sony Headphones on...I feel at home. I feel alive. I feel fear, joy, pleasure, anxiety, butterflies...I feel everything all at once. But most of all I feel peace. Peace in knowing I have found something I feel I was meant to do. Peace in knowing that I can make someone I don't know SMILE. Peace in knowing that at the particular moment a song that I'm playing can bring that person a fond distant memory, joy in that moment in time and a bounce in their step. Peace in knowing that all this love can be shared to so many different kinds of people...love of God, love of Radio, love of Music, and the love of humanity.
I was thinking about something the other day...something I've read in books, something I've heard many people say over and over...it's that you can have the high of everything you want in life, the CAREER, the MONEY, the HOUSES, the STATUS....but after a while that high dissipates...sometimes very quickly. And we struggle to find the "next high"...and that's where our "desire", "greed" and "need" for more kicks in. And it's not that I'm not loving my life right now...but well. Here's a perfect and more concrete example. This radio thing...when I found out I was going to be on air for Magic 92.5 I was ECSTATIC beyond belief. I ran around the street (so it seemed) telling EVERYONE that I was going to be on air. And when I did my debut on air shift...I felt like I was on cloud nine. It was so surreal. And I rode on that cloud for a good week. I felt invincible. I was...HIIIIIGGH.
And yesterday I felt...just so. I was just there. And for a quick second I said to myself "I wish I felt the way I did when I first found out I was going to be on air. I wish SOMETHING BIGGER happened...RIGHT NOW!" And in that instance I realized I've been thinking that way all my life. As most of us have or continue to do. And MY reality is: I can have everything...and maybe one day I will…one day I'll have THE CAREER...the BIG TIME SLOT in radio at a lucrative and well known station...I'll make GOOD money...I'll have the beautiful family...I'll have the material things I've always wanted and worked hard for...I'll have the trips around the world...I'll meet all the celebrities...maybe one day all this will happen...and then what?
Will it "sustain" my soul?
Will it be "enough"?
Oh trust me, I’ll be grateful. I’ll count my blessings that I have all these amazing things.
BUT…is that what my purpose is? To BE all these things and HAVE all these things? Because, surely, these things can be taken away in an instance? So what then? Because in the end I only have myself. And that simple thought is what so many of us are afraid of. But is it really something to fear? Or maybe it’s not even something some of us fear but rather some of us find so…incomplete and “boring”. So what then? But maybe what it all boils down to is the pure and simple fact that….
I CAN wake up and find myself taking that first deep breath of the day…and I realize I CAN get out of bed and walk around ON MY OWN. I CAN wake up and hear my mom coming through the front door because she worked the night before. I realize I CAN see my dad in the kitchen making his first cup of coffee for the day and hear my brother typing away at his computer in the next room.
It’s these “simple” things that should sustain my soul and my entire existence. It’s the fact that I CAN help others who are less fortunate than I am. The one thing I never truly stopped to realize is the difference between how I feel when I help someone else and when I do something for myself. It’s when I do something for someone else, even when they give me a light hearted laugh, that stays with me and fills my heart.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I start feeling “blah” about my day and “yearn” for something HUGE, SPONTANEOUS and EXCITING to happen…I have to stop and realize that LIFE is that huge, spontaneous and exciting thing. I have to stop and realize that MY purpose in life is NOT to BE the next Oprah or the next Dr. Laura. My purpose is NOT to own 4 BMW’s or a 15 bedroom house. My purpose IS NOT to get sooooooooo “big” that I forget myself and those around me. My PURPOSE is to be Christ-Like. My PURPOSE is to love unconditionally…without boundaries and without judgement. My PURPOSE is to be THE BEST that I can be…and to help others do the same. And if I can breathe and walk and laugh and love…then that’s what really matters. That’s what sustains one’s soul. And THAT should be ENOUGH.
I was thinking about something the other day...something I've read in books, something I've heard many people say over and over...it's that you can have the high of everything you want in life, the CAREER, the MONEY, the HOUSES, the STATUS....but after a while that high dissipates...sometimes very quickly. And we struggle to find the "next high"...and that's where our "desire", "greed" and "need" for more kicks in. And it's not that I'm not loving my life right now...but well. Here's a perfect and more concrete example. This radio thing...when I found out I was going to be on air for Magic 92.5 I was ECSTATIC beyond belief. I ran around the street (so it seemed) telling EVERYONE that I was going to be on air. And when I did my debut on air shift...I felt like I was on cloud nine. It was so surreal. And I rode on that cloud for a good week. I felt invincible. I was...HIIIIIGGH.
And yesterday I felt...just so. I was just there. And for a quick second I said to myself "I wish I felt the way I did when I first found out I was going to be on air. I wish SOMETHING BIGGER happened...RIGHT NOW!" And in that instance I realized I've been thinking that way all my life. As most of us have or continue to do. And MY reality is: I can have everything...and maybe one day I will…one day I'll have THE CAREER...the BIG TIME SLOT in radio at a lucrative and well known station...I'll make GOOD money...I'll have the beautiful family...I'll have the material things I've always wanted and worked hard for...I'll have the trips around the world...I'll meet all the celebrities...maybe one day all this will happen...and then what?
Will it "sustain" my soul?
Will it be "enough"?
Oh trust me, I’ll be grateful. I’ll count my blessings that I have all these amazing things.
BUT…is that what my purpose is? To BE all these things and HAVE all these things? Because, surely, these things can be taken away in an instance? So what then? Because in the end I only have myself. And that simple thought is what so many of us are afraid of. But is it really something to fear? Or maybe it’s not even something some of us fear but rather some of us find so…incomplete and “boring”. So what then? But maybe what it all boils down to is the pure and simple fact that….
I CAN wake up and find myself taking that first deep breath of the day…and I realize I CAN get out of bed and walk around ON MY OWN. I CAN wake up and hear my mom coming through the front door because she worked the night before. I realize I CAN see my dad in the kitchen making his first cup of coffee for the day and hear my brother typing away at his computer in the next room.
It’s these “simple” things that should sustain my soul and my entire existence. It’s the fact that I CAN help others who are less fortunate than I am. The one thing I never truly stopped to realize is the difference between how I feel when I help someone else and when I do something for myself. It’s when I do something for someone else, even when they give me a light hearted laugh, that stays with me and fills my heart.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I start feeling “blah” about my day and “yearn” for something HUGE, SPONTANEOUS and EXCITING to happen…I have to stop and realize that LIFE is that huge, spontaneous and exciting thing. I have to stop and realize that MY purpose in life is NOT to BE the next Oprah or the next Dr. Laura. My purpose is NOT to own 4 BMW’s or a 15 bedroom house. My purpose IS NOT to get sooooooooo “big” that I forget myself and those around me. My PURPOSE is to be Christ-Like. My PURPOSE is to love unconditionally…without boundaries and without judgement. My PURPOSE is to be THE BEST that I can be…and to help others do the same. And if I can breathe and walk and laugh and love…then that’s what really matters. That’s what sustains one’s soul. And THAT should be ENOUGH.