I realize
With every passing day I realize I'm getting older.
I realize it's easier to make excuses than it is to actually get off my ass and do shit.
I realize I'm drifting further and further away from my parents and my brother, trying to "be on my own" but still wanting to hold on to them and not "grow up so fast."
I realize my friends are busy as well and we're seeing less and less of each other; the phone calls are less frequent and the excuses just keep piling up.
I'm realizing I can't live in la la land and believe my bills are going to get paid through the miracle of a scratch lottery ticket...that I have to actually start saving money and paying off my debt.
I'm realizing I have to sacrifice and cut hours at my job so I can get my foot in the Radio Door...I realize I have to stay an intern UNTIL "they" decide to hire me onto the team so I can get paid for the hours I lack through my other job to MAKE up for the bills that keep piling up on my table.
I'm realizing I have to step it up when it comes to my radio career...I have to get my shit out there, and actually WORK hard, NETWORK and PUSH MYSELF to get my name out there, so people can SEE how serious I am...even if I doubt myself at times I realize I have to exude confidence. I realize I haven't been putting my all into KKSM AND Magic and that what I do well is make up excuses and think less of my potential.
I realize I just might have to leave California and move to a smaller market to get this radio thing off the ground.
I realize I have to be more serious about church and be more emotionally and spiritually involved rather than just going every Sunday and listening for those short 2 and a 1/2 hours.
I'm realizing no one is going to take care of me but ME.
I realize I have to compromise and communicate in my relationship with my boyfriend. I realize God has put Jeff in my life for a reason. I realize he's the one and he is my angel. He is my rock. He is my solace, he is my love. I realize that these past 6 months I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with him and my adoration and respect for him just keeps rising.
I realize no matter what that God loves me. God watches over me. God guides me. It is with Him that everything is possible.
I realize that my "problem" is getting bigger and bigger and I have to be serious, love myself and overcome it.
I'm realizing that I can't solve everything all in one day, hell not even in one week sometimes. I realize I have to be patient and believe and trust that things will work itself out.
I realize that the soul, heart and mind can easily be swayed into negativity and it is up to me whether or not I'm going to let it bring me down or if I'm going to push it aside and pray for that person or that situation to get better.
I'm realizing that even though I'm feeling down, that I'm lucky. That I'm in a good position. That I have accomplished a lot in the past two years. Hell even in the past 6 months.
I'm realizing that I'm not a bad person...I'm not pathetic. I'm human.
I'm realizing that one day...things will be ok. I will be ok. And that I will get through this.
I realize it's easier to make excuses than it is to actually get off my ass and do shit.
I realize I'm drifting further and further away from my parents and my brother, trying to "be on my own" but still wanting to hold on to them and not "grow up so fast."
I realize my friends are busy as well and we're seeing less and less of each other; the phone calls are less frequent and the excuses just keep piling up.
I'm realizing I can't live in la la land and believe my bills are going to get paid through the miracle of a scratch lottery ticket...that I have to actually start saving money and paying off my debt.
I'm realizing I have to sacrifice and cut hours at my job so I can get my foot in the Radio Door...I realize I have to stay an intern UNTIL "they" decide to hire me onto the team so I can get paid for the hours I lack through my other job to MAKE up for the bills that keep piling up on my table.
I'm realizing I have to step it up when it comes to my radio career...I have to get my shit out there, and actually WORK hard, NETWORK and PUSH MYSELF to get my name out there, so people can SEE how serious I am...even if I doubt myself at times I realize I have to exude confidence. I realize I haven't been putting my all into KKSM AND Magic and that what I do well is make up excuses and think less of my potential.
I realize I just might have to leave California and move to a smaller market to get this radio thing off the ground.
I realize I have to be more serious about church and be more emotionally and spiritually involved rather than just going every Sunday and listening for those short 2 and a 1/2 hours.
I'm realizing no one is going to take care of me but ME.
I realize I have to compromise and communicate in my relationship with my boyfriend. I realize God has put Jeff in my life for a reason. I realize he's the one and he is my angel. He is my rock. He is my solace, he is my love. I realize that these past 6 months I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with him and my adoration and respect for him just keeps rising.
I realize no matter what that God loves me. God watches over me. God guides me. It is with Him that everything is possible.
I realize that my "problem" is getting bigger and bigger and I have to be serious, love myself and overcome it.
I'm realizing that I can't solve everything all in one day, hell not even in one week sometimes. I realize I have to be patient and believe and trust that things will work itself out.
I realize that the soul, heart and mind can easily be swayed into negativity and it is up to me whether or not I'm going to let it bring me down or if I'm going to push it aside and pray for that person or that situation to get better.
I'm realizing that even though I'm feeling down, that I'm lucky. That I'm in a good position. That I have accomplished a lot in the past two years. Hell even in the past 6 months.
I'm realizing that I'm not a bad person...I'm not pathetic. I'm human.
I'm realizing that one day...things will be ok. I will be ok. And that I will get through this.