I had to go to the boarding care...
Suddenly in a funk. The possibility of "Shut up and Listen" ending this semester and being on "hiatus" is looming over my head. No longer doing my internship with KMYI (My 94.1) but rather just Magic which isn't bad but it is good to have KMYI on your resume since it is the top radio stations in San Diego...
I think my period is causing me to be hormonal. And then the events of yesterday with the "run in with the ex" has stirred my thoughts. I'm fine, like I'm not going anywhere, and I want to stay with Jeff but something about his ex's messages irked me. I guess maybe it kinda put pressure on me to think about "the future" even though I'm trying not to. He had such an intense relationship with this chick and I know she hurts over the fact that he got over her so quickly...I don't know. Eh...WHATEVER. I don't want to be bummed nor do I want drama so...here's a big middle finger to drama and sadness! Eat shit bitch!
So this weekend going to be with the familia...maybe hang out with the girls. I'm not sure what's going down really, all I know is that Sunday is Rach's last work day at Aurora and I have a damn double that day. Last night (or rather this morning) I had only 4 hours of sleep and I woke up at 7:30AM like oh shit I gotta go into work for 5 hours and then go to the station only to get one of the KKSM people to say a dick remark to me and find out that we might not be doing the show this semester. So things are looking a little glum...I'm sure if I sleep in and just rest my mind I will be back into the swing of things...hopefully. I feel like running outside and screaming obscenities at random people. Hahaha...damn hormones!
Feeling bloated. What the fuck?
This has to be a first. I have not written in my JOURNAL JOURNAL since I met Jeff...I need to get back into that damnit! Heh, I guess I have just been living life...going down the path that it takes me. I'm feeling very blah at the moment. I want del taco...maybe I'll get del taco. Mmmmmm, crinkle cut fries. That shit is awesome. It's better than MC D's fries...better than In N' Out Fries too and I loooove those damn fries! I think tomorrow I'm going to go back to my place, clean my room situate my damn life and get an agenda/deadline going for me because I'm feeling like I'm literally flying by the edge of my seat. Sheesh.
Is it still cool to hang out with your ex's? I told Daron we should get lunch tomorrow and he was really excited about it. I gave him the pictures I had developed of us when we went to the baseball game and the fair. THey're nice pics but one thing is very obvious about them...we look like FRIENDS. That's a good thing. And when I gave them to him he kinda looked at them with this nostalgic look. Even though I have no romantically emotional ties with him...I still care about him and I hope he does well and yes...I will miss him a little when he leaves for good and I know things will change between us and we probably won't talk but hopefully we do hear from one another from time to time. I have no hard feelings towards him. WE just didn't work out romantically and that's fine. What we had was what it was...
I was thinking about how I'm going to be turning 25 this year...in about 2 months...quarter of a century old. There's no turning back now...I'm an adult. I've BEEN an adult. Damnit in two months I can rent a damn vehicle without my parents or someone older than 25!! It's so weird. I'm thinking about things more concretly than ever before. It kinda brings me anxiety. Hahahaha...oh gawd...Why do I still feel like a child? Why do I still feel like my parents need to keep holding my hand? Why does everything feel surreal like all this effort and all these relationships and life experiences are just part of some game that has no real ending? Oh great....I'm basically just living...ha! My most dreaded fear.
Gotta pump myself up again. I think I need a breather. I think I need a little Jenn time. Hmmm...but I have no time for Jenn time...OH FUCK IT I'LL MAKE TIME FOR JENN TIME THIS COMING WEEK! And that's final! Maybe I'll just run away somewhere for a weekend and not tell anyone...yeah right! I've watched too many horror stories of people who didn't tell anyone where they went and thought it was just a weekend...like that girl in Aruba!
But yeah I need some alone time...we'll see.
I think my period is causing me to be hormonal. And then the events of yesterday with the "run in with the ex" has stirred my thoughts. I'm fine, like I'm not going anywhere, and I want to stay with Jeff but something about his ex's messages irked me. I guess maybe it kinda put pressure on me to think about "the future" even though I'm trying not to. He had such an intense relationship with this chick and I know she hurts over the fact that he got over her so quickly...I don't know. Eh...WHATEVER. I don't want to be bummed nor do I want drama so...here's a big middle finger to drama and sadness! Eat shit bitch!
So this weekend going to be with the familia...maybe hang out with the girls. I'm not sure what's going down really, all I know is that Sunday is Rach's last work day at Aurora and I have a damn double that day. Last night (or rather this morning) I had only 4 hours of sleep and I woke up at 7:30AM like oh shit I gotta go into work for 5 hours and then go to the station only to get one of the KKSM people to say a dick remark to me and find out that we might not be doing the show this semester. So things are looking a little glum...I'm sure if I sleep in and just rest my mind I will be back into the swing of things...hopefully. I feel like running outside and screaming obscenities at random people. Hahaha...damn hormones!
Feeling bloated. What the fuck?
This has to be a first. I have not written in my JOURNAL JOURNAL since I met Jeff...I need to get back into that damnit! Heh, I guess I have just been living life...going down the path that it takes me. I'm feeling very blah at the moment. I want del taco...maybe I'll get del taco. Mmmmmm, crinkle cut fries. That shit is awesome. It's better than MC D's fries...better than In N' Out Fries too and I loooove those damn fries! I think tomorrow I'm going to go back to my place, clean my room situate my damn life and get an agenda/deadline going for me because I'm feeling like I'm literally flying by the edge of my seat. Sheesh.
Is it still cool to hang out with your ex's? I told Daron we should get lunch tomorrow and he was really excited about it. I gave him the pictures I had developed of us when we went to the baseball game and the fair. THey're nice pics but one thing is very obvious about them...we look like FRIENDS. That's a good thing. And when I gave them to him he kinda looked at them with this nostalgic look. Even though I have no romantically emotional ties with him...I still care about him and I hope he does well and yes...I will miss him a little when he leaves for good and I know things will change between us and we probably won't talk but hopefully we do hear from one another from time to time. I have no hard feelings towards him. WE just didn't work out romantically and that's fine. What we had was what it was...
I was thinking about how I'm going to be turning 25 this year...in about 2 months...quarter of a century old. There's no turning back now...I'm an adult. I've BEEN an adult. Damnit in two months I can rent a damn vehicle without my parents or someone older than 25!! It's so weird. I'm thinking about things more concretly than ever before. It kinda brings me anxiety. Hahahaha...oh gawd...Why do I still feel like a child? Why do I still feel like my parents need to keep holding my hand? Why does everything feel surreal like all this effort and all these relationships and life experiences are just part of some game that has no real ending? Oh great....I'm basically just living...ha! My most dreaded fear.
Gotta pump myself up again. I think I need a breather. I think I need a little Jenn time. Hmmm...but I have no time for Jenn time...OH FUCK IT I'LL MAKE TIME FOR JENN TIME THIS COMING WEEK! And that's final! Maybe I'll just run away somewhere for a weekend and not tell anyone...yeah right! I've watched too many horror stories of people who didn't tell anyone where they went and thought it was just a weekend...like that girl in Aruba!
But yeah I need some alone time...we'll see.