Been awhile
Well, I checked on all my friends journals, I hope any problems you have work out friends of mine. I'd love to offer a shoulder and ear if you need it. You all know how to find me.
Anyways...
Last Sunday Mom, Amy, Chris (family friend), Dani and I laid Dad's ashes to rest in the waters off Oregon Inlet in the Outer Banks. Bye Dad...
Honestly I think my biggest problem with this is I don't think I believe in a hereafter...at all... I try to keep myself strong and chipper saying that he is at peace with the waves (kind of a Force like thing I guess), but I just can't keep buying into it... Maybe one day I'll be proved wrong, but right now doubt rules supreme...
Also I am worried about my relationship. I am at an age (soon to be older even) that I am done travelling (nomad like) and am ready to find a career I am happy with, a place to live (permanently, or at least more permanent than renting) and settle down ready to raise a family. However, my wonderful, beautiful love is not at that point. She has a strong wanderlust and I do NOT want to be the one to quell that... I have made up my mind, if she needs to travel, to wander, I will be here when she returns. It will hurt to watch her go, but I love her and want her to be happy. Unfortunatelyshe is not happy right now. Mind you with me she is happy, but the situation, the area, the job, the lack of adventure (I guess) makes her miserable.
Then again doubt rears it's disgusting head... How do I know she will return? She says she will and I believe her, but what if she meets someone more like her that makes her happier? What if she gets hurt or worse yet killed? I love her too much to hold her here, but I worry so much about this damnable world we live in and how it could take her from me...
Anyways in 52 minutes the crystal embedded in my hand will turn a more solid black (see Logan's Run, dammit!). I bid you all good fortune and love and thank you for lending me your time to rant.
Take care all
-Runner Josh (Logan's Run, go rent it NOW!!!!)
Anyways...
Last Sunday Mom, Amy, Chris (family friend), Dani and I laid Dad's ashes to rest in the waters off Oregon Inlet in the Outer Banks. Bye Dad...
Honestly I think my biggest problem with this is I don't think I believe in a hereafter...at all... I try to keep myself strong and chipper saying that he is at peace with the waves (kind of a Force like thing I guess), but I just can't keep buying into it... Maybe one day I'll be proved wrong, but right now doubt rules supreme...
Also I am worried about my relationship. I am at an age (soon to be older even) that I am done travelling (nomad like) and am ready to find a career I am happy with, a place to live (permanently, or at least more permanent than renting) and settle down ready to raise a family. However, my wonderful, beautiful love is not at that point. She has a strong wanderlust and I do NOT want to be the one to quell that... I have made up my mind, if she needs to travel, to wander, I will be here when she returns. It will hurt to watch her go, but I love her and want her to be happy. Unfortunatelyshe is not happy right now. Mind you with me she is happy, but the situation, the area, the job, the lack of adventure (I guess) makes her miserable.
Then again doubt rears it's disgusting head... How do I know she will return? She says she will and I believe her, but what if she meets someone more like her that makes her happier? What if she gets hurt or worse yet killed? I love her too much to hold her here, but I worry so much about this damnable world we live in and how it could take her from me...
Anyways in 52 minutes the crystal embedded in my hand will turn a more solid black (see Logan's Run, dammit!). I bid you all good fortune and love and thank you for lending me your time to rant.
Take care all
-Runner Josh (Logan's Run, go rent it NOW!!!!)