Getting "help"
As I said... I'm posting later... so I'm seeing this couselor. He's actually pretty good so far (1st visit and all). Told him about all my rituals (chopsticks, numbers, cutting things into miniscule pieces, nothing on my lips, etc...) I was totally honest. Even being the humoungous fat ass that I am he has reccomended me to an ED specialest. Thing is I can't get into to see her until Aug. 17. On the one hand Fuck! On the other hand... I can totally drop like 10 more lbs by then... fucked up I know. Told my mom about everything. She's being supportive in her own way. Told her today that it's been 4 days since I've eaten and I can't eat today... that I'd like to go to my doc, get my levels checked, my blood sugar checked (cause I have a history of hypoglcemia, and get some fluids)... her suggestion was that I eat something and have some soda... I would have a nervous breakdown if I had some soda, or eat a meal right now... with the day I've had... with the comments I've recived today... I just can't do it... but the b/f is coming down tomorrow... and ultimatlly I always eat something when he's here... I always feel like it's ok to take a little bit of care of myself... but yeah... while I'm waiting for the ED chick I've got the back up guy I'll be seeing... so thats the scoop...