Another rant
So as I stated in my last entry I just found out that I had been cheated on. How much it hurt and how I am super against cheating.
With that said... I have cheated before. Realized the pain that it caused everyone involved and my mind couldn't handle it. I knew that I instantly did wrong. That it shouldnt have happened regardless of what I was feeling or what I had been told about the relactionship that was violated. In some sense I wanted the other person to find out because I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to go away - leave us alone. TOTALLY wrong I know. I am ashamed of this. There is no pride there. I know what I did was unexcuseable and should have been avoided. I should have waiting until the person I slept with was single and that would have been the right thing to do. I realized that my head was not in the right place and doing something completely out of want and desire sometimes hurts more than one person in the process. I should have been stronger.
Now, does this mean because I did cheat before that it doesnt hurt to find out that the ONE person in my life I thought could tell me anything. The person that I thought would be able to be honest with me regardless of what it was about. The hurt is just the same. Her and I talked about everything regardless if it hurt one or both of us. We had a very open relationship. I dont get why this is the one thing that she couldnt talk to me about. Because of this I do wonder what all happened behind my back. I wonder how often was she honestly faithful to me. Was our commitment a complete joke?
With that said... I have cheated before. Realized the pain that it caused everyone involved and my mind couldn't handle it. I knew that I instantly did wrong. That it shouldnt have happened regardless of what I was feeling or what I had been told about the relactionship that was violated. In some sense I wanted the other person to find out because I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to go away - leave us alone. TOTALLY wrong I know. I am ashamed of this. There is no pride there. I know what I did was unexcuseable and should have been avoided. I should have waiting until the person I slept with was single and that would have been the right thing to do. I realized that my head was not in the right place and doing something completely out of want and desire sometimes hurts more than one person in the process. I should have been stronger.
Now, does this mean because I did cheat before that it doesnt hurt to find out that the ONE person in my life I thought could tell me anything. The person that I thought would be able to be honest with me regardless of what it was about. The hurt is just the same. Her and I talked about everything regardless if it hurt one or both of us. We had a very open relationship. I dont get why this is the one thing that she couldnt talk to me about. Because of this I do wonder what all happened behind my back. I wonder how often was she honestly faithful to me. Was our commitment a complete joke?