Life Philosophy
I'm laying in bed at the eve of a week that will see me trying my first murder case. I'm glad to have the opportunity. While I'm struggling to keep a firm grasp on all the fine details of the trial, I can't help but look at the bigger picture of my career...
I have not been giving it my best. I think it's well past time to be blunt with myself. In a lot of ways, I've been going through the motions. As opposed to raising the bar for my performance, I've been twisting and contorting to limbo under the bar. It's time to be real about this.
At work, I put in my 8-5. Files come in, files go out, some sit around for awhile, others move on with only one look. I go home knowing I've done my part to move a stack of paper from point A to point B at or about the appropriate pace. Trials get marginal prep work, case get the average level of investigation, and I learn just enough about new problems to solve them and move on.
I need to be working harder. I had an occasion to talk to a friend I was staying late at work with the other day. He reminded me why I'm even doing my job: justice. It's a very nebulous concept, but an important one. One that requires time and sacrifice. That's what I need to give it.
I think that in a lot of ways my problem has been one of avoidance; filling my time with trivial things (games, TV, comics) to avoid the work required to do important, meaningful things. That must end.
It has to end for my relationship too. Stephanie is worth investing more time in and I should do that. I just need to remember this when those tough moments come and I want to do something easy instead of something important.
I have not been giving it my best. I think it's well past time to be blunt with myself. In a lot of ways, I've been going through the motions. As opposed to raising the bar for my performance, I've been twisting and contorting to limbo under the bar. It's time to be real about this.
At work, I put in my 8-5. Files come in, files go out, some sit around for awhile, others move on with only one look. I go home knowing I've done my part to move a stack of paper from point A to point B at or about the appropriate pace. Trials get marginal prep work, case get the average level of investigation, and I learn just enough about new problems to solve them and move on.
I need to be working harder. I had an occasion to talk to a friend I was staying late at work with the other day. He reminded me why I'm even doing my job: justice. It's a very nebulous concept, but an important one. One that requires time and sacrifice. That's what I need to give it.
I think that in a lot of ways my problem has been one of avoidance; filling my time with trivial things (games, TV, comics) to avoid the work required to do important, meaningful things. That must end.
It has to end for my relationship too. Stephanie is worth investing more time in and I should do that. I just need to remember this when those tough moments come and I want to do something easy instead of something important.