This Life of Yours (2/?)
This Life of Yours (2/?)
Title: This Life of Yours
Author:jstbecause
Genre: Angst, Romance
Pairings: pre-slash Dean/Castiel,
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me.
Rating: R
Warnings: AU, references to prostitution
Word Count: ~2600 (this part)
Summary: Castiel is just a single father with a complicated life. And a crush on his neighbor, Dean.
A/N: This took a lot longer than I originally planned but I really wanted to get the history straight. I added enough detail so that you can understand how Castiel got to where he is but not too much that all is revealed. I'm hoping that I did alright. Thank you to my amazing betas nos4a2no9 and savannamae17 you really made the difference so thank you lots. Reviews are always welcomed, hope you enjoy!
Previous Chapter
Castiel woke to the sound of his alarm that buzzed urgently. He reaches over to his nightstand to turn off the source of the annoyance. His hand brushes over his face as he yawns. It’s an early Saturday morning and Castiel is nowhere near prepared for the day to begin. He needs coffee. But before that can happen, Castiel walks to his son’s bedroom to check that he’s all right. He places a light kiss on Elliot’s forehead, causing him to stir a little, before exiting the room quietly. Castiel trudges to the kitchen and starts the coffee maker.
When he pours himself a cup, he adds a touch of vanilla creamer, but not so much that it overwhelms the taste of the caffeine, exactly how he likes it. He idly stirs a spoon in his mug with one hand as he flips through the mail with the other. Most of it is a mixture of coupons and catalogues Castiel doesn’t bother looking through. But a wave of relief washes over him when he notices the lack of envelopes from billing companies.
He leans into the kitchen counter and slowly brings the cup to his lips, blowing the liquid before taking a sip. The warmth trickles down his throat, calming yet readying Castiel for the day. It was so rare that he had moments like these lately. He can’t remember the last morning he was in his own home sipping coffee at his leisure. Mornings are usually hard and a rush of routine events. There’s no time for slow moments and calming cups of coffee.
Regrettably, Castiel scheduled too many clients in the past weeks. Less of his time was spent at home, with his son, and more time in strange beds and compromising positions. He grimaces at the thought. More often than not, Castiel would come home in the wee hours of the morning to an empty house because Elliot was staying at his brother, Gabriel’s.
Gabriel had been a saint during all of this: picking Elliot up from school, helping him with homework, keeping him occupied until bedtime, ultimately sacrificing his free time to help Castiel out. Castiel had fallen behind in payments again. He didn’t know how though, hadn’t even noticed it until the money in his bank account started wearing thin. He had gotten too comfortable with just a few clients a week and that wasn’t cutting it anymore.
In addition to this, Castiel feels guilty. Nothing was more important than making time for his son. So maybe that’s why he didn’t hesitate to cancel on both of his clients today. It’s Saturday and he’s spending it with Elliot. He hits “send” on the second text message and doesn’t expect a response in return.
Castiel immediately feels relaxed and returns to Elliot’s bedroom with peace of mind.
“Good morning.” Castiel kneels near Elliot’s bed and places a soothing hand on his back, keeping his voice low. “I don’t have to work today.” The boy’s hazel eyes meet Castiel’s blue ones almost immediately with a sleepy smile to match. His chestnut colored hair sticks out in different directions. “How do pancakes sound?”
***
They’re in the kitchen making breakfast, wearing aprons that read “Chef Daddy” and “Chef Junior.” Originally they were a novelty purchase, a random bargain really, but now Castiel and Elliot prefer cooking with them on.
Castiel pours some flour into a measuring cup and hands it to an eager Elliot who wastes no time dumping it into a bowl in front of him. Castiel adds a few more ingredients, making the contents of the bowl moist.
“Can I stir Daddy?” Elliot asks with beaming eyes. Castiel nods and hands him a stirring spoon two sizes too big for his small hands. They both smile.
Elliot grabs a hold of the spoon with both hands, struggling to keep the bowl in one place. Castiel holds the base of the bowl until the ingredients blend together, making it easier for Elliot to control.
“I wanna add blueberries,” Elliot says while stirring.
“Of course.” Castiel walks over to the fridge to get a plastic container of blueberries. He adds a handful to the batter while Elliot continues to stir.
Someone knocks at the door, making Castiel to question who it could be so early.
“Keep stirring,” Castiel reminds him as he jogs lightly toward the front door to answer it.
Gabriel is standing on the other side of the door, wide smile plastered on his face and large box in hand.
“Morning bro. I come bearing gifts.” Gabriel presses the box into Castiel’s arms as he enters the door.
“Oof, Gabe.“ Castiel struggles steadying the box in his arms as he shuts the door. “What is this thing?” He asks, looking down at it inquisitively.
“Just a little something for my favorite nephew.”
“Gabriel,” He says warningly. “He has enough toys. You spoil him.”
“Yeah, but that’s my job.”
Even with his inability to acknowledge some of Castiel’s parenting preferences, Gabriel is quite simply the best uncle a kid could ask for.
Gabriel had been there from the get-go, of course. He was the only person Castiel could go to on that winter night when Elliot was born and he was suddenly thrust into parenthood. It was so cold that night, Castiel was worried about keeping Elliot warm. The weather had calmed, but inches of snow still remained that caused a marginally bumpy cab ride. Castiel was constantly checking that the tiny hat on Elliot’s head covered his ears and head fully. Even with Castiel’s qualms, Elliot didn’t fuss, he was so solemn sleeping in Castiel’s arms. Castiel couldn’t stop staring. How could something so small be so captivating?
Castiel didn’t plan on this happening. Both he and Elliot’s mother agreed upon adoption. Albeit, giving your newborn baby up for adoption when you’re in your twenties isn’t common; but that was their choice. Neither one of them were ready to be a parent. They were careless and didn’t live a lifestyle fit for a child. This pregnancy was just a result of a drunken night of sex. Everyone else grew up after high school, Castiel chose not to. He was irresponsible and didn’t care to change that.
And then there he was, holding this impossibly small thing, all because he was too irresponsible to remember to sign the adoption papers. Castiel just had to sign his name on the dotted line, handing over all his rights. But he hadn’t gotten around to doing that, and he didn’t know why.
Somehow, after just moments of holding his son, although he was advised not to, Castiel decided he wasn’t going to sign the papers at all. Elliot settled into his arms so easily, cooing quietly, fascinating Castiel with his every movement. He looked up at Castiel with hooded hazel eyes that resembled his mother’s in so many ways and Castiel caressed his little head tenderly. His hair brushed against Castiel’s hands and Castiel wondered if he’d ever felt something so soft before. Castiel was feeling something he never thought he’d feel, something he had cut all ties with the moment adoption was settled on. He was feeling the love for this child. His child.
Castiel wanted Elliot’s mother to change her mind like he did. They wouldn’t be a couple but maybe they could still raise their child together. He told her that if she’d just hold him that she’d reconsider everything. She reminded Castiel that Elliot’s “real” parents were on a plane to Lawrence at that moment, and if Castiel didn’t sign the papers he was selfish. Castiel still pressed on the issue of her holding him, but she wouldn’t even look at the baby.
“I don’t want to be his mother Cas,” she said. “I made my choice and I guess this is yours.“
She wanted nothing to do with either of them. And with that, Castiel was a single parent.
Castiel showed up on Gabriel’s doorstep that brisk night, diaper bag in tow and a blue bundle in arms. Gabriel welcomed him with no hesitation.
The first three years of Elliot’s life weren’t easy, to say the very least. In spite of that, Gabriel was there emotionally, helping Castiel cope with fatherhood. He’d happily look after Elliot while Castiel was working as a server at the diner near his shabby apartment. And occasionally, much to Castiel’s dismay, Gabriel was a financial crutch. He never enjoyed going to Gabriel for money, but Gabriel always came through, getting Castiel through the toughest times.
Living off of low paycheck and tips from a dead end job was frustrating. The grueling hours only added to his stress. But Gabriel only commended Castiel for being a good father who made an honest living.
Maybe that’s why he was so disappointed when he learned that Castiel had started selling himself. Gabriel would never fully understand that this was something Castiel had to do, but he’d supported him nonetheless.
Elliot was lucky to have him for an uncle, and Castiel couldn’t ask for a better big brother.
Gabriel scans the apartment. “Where is the little guy anyway?”
Castiel places the box on the floor with a grunt, “Elliot, your uncle is here.”
The sound of little footsteps pattering across the hardwood floor grow progressively louder until Elliot emerges in front of them.
“Uncle Gabe!” Elliot charges toward Gabriel in his Spider-man pajamas and apron. He hugs his legs and then Gabriel kneels down to him, holding Elliot’s small hands in his.
“Hey buddy, I got you a little something.” Gabriel gestures towards the box on the floor.
“Thank you thank you thank you Uncle Gabe!” Elliot manages to say while jumping up and down around the box. Both Castiel’s and Gabriel’s laughter fall in line with Elliot’s excitement. Maybe a little spoiling isn’t always a bad thing.
After many hugs and “thank you”s, Elliot calms himself.
“Are you staying for breakfast?” Elliot asks with a head tilt.
“Absolutely!” Gabriel lifts his nephew in his arms and faces Castiel. “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”
Castiel smiles and rolls his eyes. “Pancakes.”
***
Gabriel stays for breakfast, but leaves a short time after to return to work. Castiel and Elliot spend the rest of the morning watching cartoons and playing games. Elliot talks to Castiel about school and all the friends he‘s made this year in kindergarten, and Castiel eases, knowing his son isn't an outsider. He explains to Castiel that he likes kindergarten a lot better than preschool because “they don’t treat me like a baby,” - his words, not Castiel’s. However, he doesn’t like his teacher.
Castiel laughs, “You don’t like Miss Becky? I thought she was nice.”
“No Daddy, she’s icky.” Elliot sticks his tongue out and scrunches up his nose. Castiel tries not to laugh at that, but he has to admit that Miss Becky is a lot to take in to say the least.
They talk more about a list of things. Elliot tells jokes that make Castiel genuinely laugh and it’s the happiest Castiel’s been all week. Sometimes he forgets how truly amazing his kid is.
Sometime during the afternoon Elliot asks if they can go to the zoo. Castiel is hesitant at first, but he takes one look at those big hazel eyes, beaming with excitement and hope, and that settles it.
***
The drive to the zoo is filled with sing-a-longs and laughter, following the trend of the day.
They see all the animals and attractions the zoo has to offer. As expected, Elliot has the most fun of the both of them. But Castiel is just as delighted to experience the zoo through his son’s eyes. Elliot is fascinated by the creatures. He isn’t shy about asking their guide as many questions that he can think of. He’s eager to visit each exhibit, sometimes more than once, even when Castiel finds it hard to keep up with him at some points.
The wonders of a five year old, Castiel thinks.
“Daddy,” Elliot says while looking up at the polar bear’s glass exhibit. “I’m gonna be a zookeeper when I grow up.”
***
By the end of the trip, Castiel’s camera is filled with pictures of the both of them. Elliot has swapped out his plain blue t-shirt for one that reads “Kansas City Zoo” on the front of it. He’s happy and so is Castiel.
The drive back to Lawrence seems longer what with the both of them spent from the day’s events. Castiel pulls into the parking lot, finally in sight of his home, he feels at ease. He turns the ignition off and steps out of the car, approaching the backseat to retrieve his sleeping son. He struggles with the car seat before it eventually becomes undone.
“We’re home buddy,” Castiel whispers. Elliot makes a weak attempt to wake up and Castiel realizes he’ll just have to carry him inside. He picks Elliot up and a grunt escapes him, he’s gotten so big. Even so, Castiel happily carries his weight. He situates the small body in his arms, with Elliot’s head on his shoulder, and legs loosely around his waist.
“Daddy?”
“I’m here,” He says soothingly. “Go back to sleep we’ll be upstairs in a bit.”
“I had fun today,” Elliot says sleepily. “You’re a really good Daddy.” He adds before sleep takes him over again. A smile graces Castiel’s lips. Seriously, his cheeks hurt from smiling so much today.
All in all, today was a good day.
Castiel walks into the building, toward the elevator, waiting for the doors to open. The bell dings and Castiel spies a familiar face.
“So they are alive.” Dean exits the elevator, white plastic bag in hand, and stands facing Castiel.
“Hello Dean.” Castiel laughs pleasantly.
“Haven’t seen you two in awhile and I must admit, I’m a little hurt,“ Dean brings his empty hand to his chest. “You use me for my amazing babysitting purposes and not even a phone call.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy and-”
“Cas, I’m only joking.” They both laugh, Castiel rather awkwardly.
“It’s been a long day. My ability to detect sarcasm is very low,” Castiel explains honestly.
“Yeah I can see that. Someone’s all tuckered out.” He gestures to a sleeping Elliot.
“Yes, trip to the zoo seems to have done the trick.” Castiel shifts Elliot in his arms.
“Looks like.”
Castiel nods struggling for a response, and he hates this. Castiel isn’t a particularly shy person. He’s not the most natural person when it comes to social interactions, but he’s always been able to keep the integrity of who he really is. It’s only around Dean that Castiel finds it hard to articulate his personality. This crush is beginning to become bothersome. Castiel feels like he’s in grade school all over again. Finally, Dean breaks the silence.
“Well ok, I’m gonna go take this,” Gestures to a trash bag. “Out. See you around Cas.” Dean walks in the direction of the garbage chute.
“Dean wait,” Castiel flusters. “We’ve lived in the same building for, what? Almost three years now?”
Dean looks curiously at him so Castiel continues to ramble. “So maybe we could hang out, perhaps grab a bite to eat or get a drink? I barely know you and I think I should, you know? I mean you look after my son almost on a regular basis and the kid loves you.” He chuckles lightly. “And I want to love you too.” Castiel’s eyes go wide and he shifts nervously in his stance adjusting Elliot in his arms again, noticing that he feels heavier than before. “That came out terribly wrong. I just mean that-”
“Cas, I get what you mean,” Dean laughs in good nature. “How’s next Friday night for you? We could get some dinner and go from there.”
“Uhm, Friday’s great,” Castiel answers on impulse.
“Okay. I’ll see you.” Dean shoots Castiel one more enticing smile.
Castiel smiles back and mutters a weak “okay.” He enters the elevator feeling dazed. He pushes the elevator button and hums no song in particular.
Today was a really good day.