(no subject)

[jsp8504]

so, i wanna know why i put myself through some things>? I was doing so well with this whole "getting over marc" thing....I know, call me pathetic but i mean, i guess i really liked the guy....someone please give me a reason why?? anyway, i was doing sooooo good and moving on, then, i had to do it. i broke down and went to one of the softball games.....don't get me wrong, they are the shit/fun/amazing/drunken maddness/sweet all in one and i love going but i knew he would be there and i would have to see him blah blah blah....so, i did good the first game...got pretty hammered and didn't care. tonight i went to another one...not so good this time. sara even told me to stop going just for the simple fact that i would have to see him...i told her that i'm over him and whatnot and went on my way...should have listened to her....it's not that i want to be with him or anything it's just that every time i see him i'm reminded of things...when i was "happy" with him....actually i was never really happy with him. i think i made myself believe that i was happy but in all actuality, i was dying inside. i find myself wanting to call him, after the first game i actually did...he didn't answer and i made some story up the next day that i didn't mean to call him or something, he said he never got it and that he wished he would have or some shit like that....that's what i don't understand...he says shit like that making me think things even more...he does something to my head and i don't understand why i can't get away from it....i really wish that i would have never fallen for him the way i did.....why does this shit happen? i really don't understand

so now i'm left with the question....do i go to the games and have a sweet ass time? or skip them because i know i'll be thinking about him when i leave them?

why does he have to be on the team?

why can't i get over this whole situation?

why do all my journals end up with drama?

I hate drama.