Thoughts and my own story
I'm spamming and I'm sorry but I need to say this. I wrote this as a comment for the '"It Gets Better" Broadway sings for the Trevor Project' and wanted to share it here. Today was a trying day for me, I had to think about my actions and the way I was being around others. This is hopefully the last time I will say this but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I acted/wrote these last couple of weeks. I needed a wake up call and got it, hard. I did what I had to do with homework and stuff but then I went looking on twitter, facebook, youtube, the web for things to hit me. They have. In fact I finally wrote down about why the suicides hit me so hard.
This is my comment:
I've thought of suicide but I saw what it did to people, to my friends. I was lucky enough to have people to speak to without having to call a help line. Thank you for this, for reminding us that not all of humanity is gone yet...We are still here, still kicking and it's because of humans and our hopes and dreams. Thank you again.
I have thought of it, in fact I thought of it again when we first heard about these suicides. I got told bluntly that I'd be brought back and hit upside the head if I did do it. I said I wouldn't, I saw enough of my friends from school trying and cutting themselves. It made me pissed basically because it hit me so hard I didn't know what to think, to do. I acted wrongly and I'm sorry for that. I was thinking of how I react and not how any human would. I was worried about myself, something I try not to do. If I worry, I want to worry about something that is important and to me, worrying about myself and the way I react isn't that important in the wake of these tragedies.
Someone thanked me for actually stepping forward and saying what I said. They said I was a model for GLBT youths and I thanked them. Well I said this:
I don't even know my oriantation yet but I pray that when I actually do figure it out, I have those same friends and family standing by me.
Which is the truth. I love males but females catch my attention also. I really don't know if I'm bisexual or if I'm straight. I haven't figured it out yet. I hope that when I do, I don't lose my friends or my family.
I was going to friends lock this but I think everyone needs to see this. Hopefully it makes more people think, like it did with me, this day. Thank you to everyone who pushed me into actually thinking and not just brushing today off. For making me realize that I was a jerk and still not giving up, for just telling me in their own ways, that even people like me, have someone who cares. Thank you and for (hopefully, this time) the last time, I'm sorry about how I acted/wrote.