Trigger warning: life
Wouldn't it be great if life came with trigger warnings? Society has managed to do the major ones; sex, death, violence. People are catching up on the less common ones; rape, child abuse, suicide and so forth. But wouldn't it be great if everything was individually tailored? If you had a really rare trigger, like an irrational trauma caused by balloons, (I'm assuming that's rare - that is rare right?) and you had some way of knowing how to avoid balloon-related situations without shutting yourself away completely.
I'm in the situation where I'm having to shut myself away completely, and it's so frustrating. I can't really associate with people without being miserable. There are two things in polite society that I can't cope with. Two questions that I wish I were never asked again. Unfortunately, this will never happen, so instead I just have to avoid being around people.
Question 1: "How are you?"
How I hate that question. Please don't ask. Not just because you don't want to know, but because I don't want to think about it. My mouth will say "oh fine, fine". My brain will say "Liar. You're not fine. You're never fine. You're a screwed up sack of shit in dire inescapable pain. You're miserable. You're angry. You want to kill people. You want to kill yourself. Who do you think you're kidding? Fine she says! Ha!" and continue along that vein for a good half hour.
Question 2: "So what do you do?"
I like to answer this one with "Do? I do a lot a things. I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm going to be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you went away and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.". Unfortunately, this gets me looks of utter confusion. "No, I mean for work. What do you do, what's your job?"
*sigh*
I don't have a job. And even when I did, I still hated to say. I don't want to define myself by my economic output. Screw the system people. If you do the work you do by choice, that's great. But so many people don't. Please don't remind me that I'm trapped in a horrible situation, selling my body and/or soul to be a part of this stupid pointless rat race.
I've chosen to remove "what do you do" from my conversation question list and replace it with "what are you into". That way, I can learn about people based on what they're interested in, which is usually much more pleasant. If they're into their work, they can say so, but it's not compulsory. If only more people could do the same.
I should come up with ways to cope when people ask me questions and I don't want to think about the answer. How does one do that? In the meantime, I'll continue to avoid human interaction, in the hope that never again will someone ask me how I am or what I do.
I'm in the situation where I'm having to shut myself away completely, and it's so frustrating. I can't really associate with people without being miserable. There are two things in polite society that I can't cope with. Two questions that I wish I were never asked again. Unfortunately, this will never happen, so instead I just have to avoid being around people.
Question 1: "How are you?"
How I hate that question. Please don't ask. Not just because you don't want to know, but because I don't want to think about it. My mouth will say "oh fine, fine". My brain will say "Liar. You're not fine. You're never fine. You're a screwed up sack of shit in dire inescapable pain. You're miserable. You're angry. You want to kill people. You want to kill yourself. Who do you think you're kidding? Fine she says! Ha!" and continue along that vein for a good half hour.
Question 2: "So what do you do?"
I like to answer this one with "Do? I do a lot a things. I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm going to be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you went away and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.". Unfortunately, this gets me looks of utter confusion. "No, I mean for work. What do you do, what's your job?"
*sigh*
I don't have a job. And even when I did, I still hated to say. I don't want to define myself by my economic output. Screw the system people. If you do the work you do by choice, that's great. But so many people don't. Please don't remind me that I'm trapped in a horrible situation, selling my body and/or soul to be a part of this stupid pointless rat race.
I've chosen to remove "what do you do" from my conversation question list and replace it with "what are you into". That way, I can learn about people based on what they're interested in, which is usually much more pleasant. If they're into their work, they can say so, but it's not compulsory. If only more people could do the same.
I should come up with ways to cope when people ask me questions and I don't want to think about the answer. How does one do that? In the meantime, I'll continue to avoid human interaction, in the hope that never again will someone ask me how I am or what I do.