time
too much thought for words. how can i do the thing i love when it just seems so out of reach. out of all grasp. when the things i love seem so disconnected. the irony of being able to truly laugh with someone whom i feel i can just talk to about anything. the subtleties of friendship, of love, of relationships that are far too valuable to disrupt and destroy. the subtleties of a successful life.
who do you live for? for your children, that they may be able to do what they love? for your family, that it may be strong and happy? for God, that His will be done--and however you interpret that? for yourself, that joy may come into your life? for someone else, that they might knwo joy since you've given up on yourself?
who do i live for? how is my life supposed to pan out? i have no idea. i hate thinking about, i hate trying to deliberate, trying to make it all work. i'm not complaining that there are too many options in front of me, since i know many people have far less options, but, well, there are alot of options to pick from. while i am extremely thankful that i have been given the blessing to choose what i want to do in life, where i want to do it, and who i want to do it with, the choices seem a bit difficiult at times. do i work for a year with computeres to save money for grad school? do i devote myself to music for ayear to see where it goes? do i teach for a year to see if i like it? do i do something completely unrelated...like becmoing a homeless traveller...for a year simply to experience life? do i move somewhere else for a year outside of texas to find work? do i move to austin to see if i'll like it a little more? if it weren't for certain people, would i even be considering that option? do i really want to devote my life entirely to other people, or is it just something i intend on the surface? do i try to stay in the military and deploy for four months to make extra money for grad school? do i even keep worrying about money? i mean, really, i know i should be responsible, but should i even worrya bout it like that? if the air force gives me another chance to get out in 2006, what should i do for the year before going to grad school (thinking that will still be where God wants me)? i feel like i'm thinking way too much about this. in fact, i know i am.
guide me, Father, to know the Truth.
thats all, i suppose. the rest is simply frivolous.
who do you live for? for your children, that they may be able to do what they love? for your family, that it may be strong and happy? for God, that His will be done--and however you interpret that? for yourself, that joy may come into your life? for someone else, that they might knwo joy since you've given up on yourself?
who do i live for? how is my life supposed to pan out? i have no idea. i hate thinking about, i hate trying to deliberate, trying to make it all work. i'm not complaining that there are too many options in front of me, since i know many people have far less options, but, well, there are alot of options to pick from. while i am extremely thankful that i have been given the blessing to choose what i want to do in life, where i want to do it, and who i want to do it with, the choices seem a bit difficiult at times. do i work for a year with computeres to save money for grad school? do i devote myself to music for ayear to see where it goes? do i teach for a year to see if i like it? do i do something completely unrelated...like becmoing a homeless traveller...for a year simply to experience life? do i move somewhere else for a year outside of texas to find work? do i move to austin to see if i'll like it a little more? if it weren't for certain people, would i even be considering that option? do i really want to devote my life entirely to other people, or is it just something i intend on the surface? do i try to stay in the military and deploy for four months to make extra money for grad school? do i even keep worrying about money? i mean, really, i know i should be responsible, but should i even worrya bout it like that? if the air force gives me another chance to get out in 2006, what should i do for the year before going to grad school (thinking that will still be where God wants me)? i feel like i'm thinking way too much about this. in fact, i know i am.
guide me, Father, to know the Truth.
thats all, i suppose. the rest is simply frivolous.