(no subject)
The absence of love is hard to cope with. I have seen love take a heart in its hands and bring it to life, and within the same heartbeat, break it into a million pieces. It is a sad yet truthful fate... love can make or break you.
I have found that one person can live their life searching for someone to make them happy, to fulfill them... but they will find that person only when they are not searching, but content with themselves.
I have felt completely lost without him, I have wondered why we cannot be together... what is keeping him away... why he keeps me at arms length just when we get close. There were so many words I wanted to say to him... so many times I could have whispered "I am in love with you, and I cannot bare to love anyone but you" but the words would never come... because deep in my heart the saddening truth was that those words I held so precious, would not be returned.
Pride kept my mouth shut and my heart closed off for so long, and true love to me is truthful... it is full of faith in the other person. I had faith that we would keep going...keep growing. Each day I viewed as better than the last, we were closer than before.
It is one of the hardest actions, to let go of something you feel in your gut to be love. When you let go, you will give away the memories, the deep kisses, the way their hands felt in yours, the sound of their voice, the way your heart jumped within your body when they stared at only you from across the room. You will feel empty to think you may never feel as alive as you felt in their arms, ever again, or that no one else could ever possibly make you feel as alive and as happy.
But why should this dictate who you are. Love is amazing, and the way it can make a person feel is surreal... but loving who you are without anyone else should feel more amazing than any other feeling experienced.
I have decided that I am going to focus on independence... on myself... on my family, on my friends, on my career, on my future, for me. I cannot wait :)