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i feel completely amazing when i am with him, there is no where else in the entire world i would rather be than just hanging out bein lazy and listening to music in his room.
this scares me, mostly because i dont know if he feels even half of what i do. I dont want him to know how much i care, or how much i want to be with him.
he hurt me the other night, more than he knows, and more than i let on. when i asked him why he acts different around his friends and doesnt show affection towards me, but phoebe sits on butters lap and they show affection he says "phoebe is butters girlfriend, i would if i had a girlfriend, but i dont". This made me feel so horrible because I was thinking "okay, well so what am i to you? you can show me affection and say all the right things behind closed doors but as soon as we go out in public i am just your little buddy and you dont want anyone to know about us?" i dont want to be anyone's dirty little secret.
sometimes i refuse to listen to my head, and i let my heart do the leading... it always chooses to give him a chance because i believe he is worth it. i believe he is worth sticking it out and just having faith that he will realize what he has and stop taking it for granted.
enough venting... ! heres some news that makes me smile :)
my 21st bday party is this friday!! :) I am SOOOOO freakin excited :)
Kristy is getting tickets to go to see the chip n dales and wants me to go this saturday, i dont really know what its all about but it should be fun
freakin cmu doesnt have spring softball so i might resort to starting up a co-ed floor hockey team
tests galore this week, i am gonna be studying my little booty right off
kevin is hunting allllllllll weeeeek and he's gonna be right near cmu, but alas he will not come visit :( or maybe he'll surprise me!!! (haha, in my dreams...)
jenny's bday is the 17th!!!!
graffiti party on wednesday!
its my mommys birthday on the 16th :)
its my daddys birthday on the 17th :)
I MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssss DIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa ;)