the truth about personals
I've compiled a list here of how to understand personal ads. So, for all of you single folks out there, here's the thesaurus...
WOMEN'S ADS:
40-ish.......................49 and holding.
Adventurer...................will listen to you talk about your fishing trip.
Animal lover.................At best you'll be #2 in my life, #3 or #4 is more likely.
Athletic.....................runs to car when its raining.
Blonde.......................I meant my brain is blonde, my hair is brunette.
Creative.....................Can find numerous ways to be a nag.
Dating.......................looking for the richest sucker I can find.
Drama Free...................repressed waiting to explode.
Educated.....................reads Redbook, Vogue, and watches Oprah.
Emotionally Secure...........frigid.
Feminist.....................twisted, bitter, and angry.
Free spirit..................head in the clouds, feet in the clouds.
Friendship first.............give me companionship/good times, forget what you want.
Fit..........................Carries hagen daz from store to car several times a week.
Fun..........................Shopping all the time.
Good Listener................Talks on phone with friends for hours ever day.
Goddess......................Insecure, self-centered, self-infatuated, world revolves around me.
Height/weight proportional...Refuses to state tonnage.
Independent..................Be prepared for lots of arguments.
Likes movies.................Needs distraction from desparate empty life.
Looks aren't important.......less than 'average looking'.
Knows how to treat a woman...wait on me hand and foot, maybe I'll give you the time of day.
Looking for Soul mate........Living in a fantasy world.
New-Age......................My astrologer will tell us everything we should do.
Old-fashioned................I deny my sexuality and you should too.
Open-minded..................I'll let you wear brown socks with black shoes one day a year.
Opinionated................. your always wrong.
Outgoing.....................Loud, crass, obnoxious.
Passionate...................whenever there's a sale on at the mall.
Poet.........................I live in a world of my own.
Professional.................Guy with the body of a woman.
Redhead......................Lots of temper tantrums.
Reubenesque..................Fat but can't admit it.
Romantic.....................send me flowers, bring me candy, surprise me with gifts. Me. Me. Me.
Seeks gentleman..............looking for someone that can be twisted around finger.
Seeks secure man.............you need to support me and have plenty of spending money.
Sexy.........................wears a muumuu that's one size too small.
Single.......................I'm so demanding I can't keep a relationship.
Slender......................I still haven't beaten anorexia.
Social.......................will dump you as soon as someone better is found.
Voluptuous...................trying to make fat sound sexy.
Will respond.................only if I feel like it.
Your pic gets mine...........hehe. You believed me?
MEN'S ADS:
40-ish..................looking for 20 something gal into older men.
Athletic................Runs to the refrigerator during commercials.
Average looking.........Looks like a deflated inner tube.
Compassionate...........Says I'm sorry after hitting you.
Creative................Each girl friend gets a unique story.
Educated................Never wrong.
Family Oriented.........Pays alimony once in a while.
Financially Independent.Ripping off worker's comp system.
Free Spirit.............Haunts bars hoping to get lucky.
Friendship first........The first step towards friendship is sex.
Fun.....................Watch me play video games.
Good looking............Narcissist.
Very Good Looking.......We can trade the numbers of our plastic surgeons.
Honest..................Lies only when necessary.
Likes to cuddle.........As long as sex is involved before, after, and during.
Masculinist.............Twisted, bitter, angry.
Mature..................Only throws temper tantrums for really important stuff, like when out of beer.
No Strings..............In case you still don't know, all I want is sex.
Physically fit..........Back when I was in high school.
Poet....................Said 'I love' you once in a note.
Retired early...........Ripping off social security disability.
Self-confident..........Will treat you like doormat.
Single..................Beds em and dumps em.
Sensitive...............Feels awful when someone dings car.
Steady Income...........Gets welfare check every month.
Very sensitive..........Wears pink pants.
Sincere.................Expert at faking sincerity.
Spiritual...............Thought about going to church once.
Stable..................Been living with parents for several decades.
Thoughtful..............Has padded head board on bed.
WOMEN'S ADS:
40-ish.......................49 and holding.
Adventurer...................will listen to you talk about your fishing trip.
Animal lover.................At best you'll be #2 in my life, #3 or #4 is more likely.
Athletic.....................runs to car when its raining.
Blonde.......................I meant my brain is blonde, my hair is brunette.
Creative.....................Can find numerous ways to be a nag.
Dating.......................looking for the richest sucker I can find.
Drama Free...................repressed waiting to explode.
Educated.....................reads Redbook, Vogue, and watches Oprah.
Emotionally Secure...........frigid.
Feminist.....................twisted, bitter, and angry.
Free spirit..................head in the clouds, feet in the clouds.
Friendship first.............give me companionship/good times, forget what you want.
Fit..........................Carries hagen daz from store to car several times a week.
Fun..........................Shopping all the time.
Good Listener................Talks on phone with friends for hours ever day.
Goddess......................Insecure, self-centered, self-infatuated, world revolves around me.
Height/weight proportional...Refuses to state tonnage.
Independent..................Be prepared for lots of arguments.
Likes movies.................Needs distraction from desparate empty life.
Looks aren't important.......less than 'average looking'.
Knows how to treat a woman...wait on me hand and foot, maybe I'll give you the time of day.
Looking for Soul mate........Living in a fantasy world.
New-Age......................My astrologer will tell us everything we should do.
Old-fashioned................I deny my sexuality and you should too.
Open-minded..................I'll let you wear brown socks with black shoes one day a year.
Opinionated................. your always wrong.
Outgoing.....................Loud, crass, obnoxious.
Passionate...................whenever there's a sale on at the mall.
Poet.........................I live in a world of my own.
Professional.................Guy with the body of a woman.
Redhead......................Lots of temper tantrums.
Reubenesque..................Fat but can't admit it.
Romantic.....................send me flowers, bring me candy, surprise me with gifts. Me. Me. Me.
Seeks gentleman..............looking for someone that can be twisted around finger.
Seeks secure man.............you need to support me and have plenty of spending money.
Sexy.........................wears a muumuu that's one size too small.
Single.......................I'm so demanding I can't keep a relationship.
Slender......................I still haven't beaten anorexia.
Social.......................will dump you as soon as someone better is found.
Voluptuous...................trying to make fat sound sexy.
Will respond.................only if I feel like it.
Your pic gets mine...........hehe. You believed me?
MEN'S ADS:
40-ish..................looking for 20 something gal into older men.
Athletic................Runs to the refrigerator during commercials.
Average looking.........Looks like a deflated inner tube.
Compassionate...........Says I'm sorry after hitting you.
Creative................Each girl friend gets a unique story.
Educated................Never wrong.
Family Oriented.........Pays alimony once in a while.
Financially Independent.Ripping off worker's comp system.
Free Spirit.............Haunts bars hoping to get lucky.
Friendship first........The first step towards friendship is sex.
Fun.....................Watch me play video games.
Good looking............Narcissist.
Very Good Looking.......We can trade the numbers of our plastic surgeons.
Honest..................Lies only when necessary.
Likes to cuddle.........As long as sex is involved before, after, and during.
Masculinist.............Twisted, bitter, angry.
Mature..................Only throws temper tantrums for really important stuff, like when out of beer.
No Strings..............In case you still don't know, all I want is sex.
Physically fit..........Back when I was in high school.
Poet....................Said 'I love' you once in a note.
Retired early...........Ripping off social security disability.
Self-confident..........Will treat you like doormat.
Single..................Beds em and dumps em.
Sensitive...............Feels awful when someone dings car.
Steady Income...........Gets welfare check every month.
Very sensitive..........Wears pink pants.
Sincere.................Expert at faking sincerity.
Spiritual...............Thought about going to church once.
Stable..................Been living with parents for several decades.
Thoughtful..............Has padded head board on bed.