The Beginning
Hello All. On my lifelong journey to figure out who I am I have loved and lost. Hated others and hated myself. I have loathed looking into the mirror because my reflection was not me, not the real one anyway. This past year I have grown a lot sprititually and emotionally. I now have the inner strength to acknowledge who I am and to love the person in the mirror.
Though I love the person in the mirror, I do not care for his appearance. I am in the process of changing that and starting my transition from female to male. It's hard since I have feminine features and a big rack. I have worn my hair short in the shape of a faux hawk or crew cut for the last year. I bind my chest and wear masculine clothing. I starting shaving my face fuzz.
I don't go by my birth name and hope to have that legally changed inside of three months. I need to have a hysterectomy in May for PCOS and dysfunctional uterine bleeding. Hopefully I can get a doctors letter and have my gender markers changed then too. I have no idea if my surgeon will write that letter. I think she will probably feel deceived if I don't tell her until after the surgery that I am trans. I have a reasonable fear that she won't do it on moral grounds. I have been refused this necessary surgery by more than five doctors thus far.
I am currently on Lupron Depot and in chemical menopause. Hot flashes (and occasional cold ones) do truly suck. I no longer need/wear a winter coat, though I live in Michigan and for the past week the average temp is between -5 and 1 degree F. The loss of sex drive sucks too. I am so fortunate to have my partner E. She is the most amazing woman. Her love and support are what is pushing me to be the best man I can be and to make it a reality, not just a dream.
I don't know that I will be a frequent writer on this site but I do hope to plot the details of my transition so that other guys struggling with these issues can find some solace in shared experiences. I am open to questions and comments always.
Though I love the person in the mirror, I do not care for his appearance. I am in the process of changing that and starting my transition from female to male. It's hard since I have feminine features and a big rack. I have worn my hair short in the shape of a faux hawk or crew cut for the last year. I bind my chest and wear masculine clothing. I starting shaving my face fuzz.
I don't go by my birth name and hope to have that legally changed inside of three months. I need to have a hysterectomy in May for PCOS and dysfunctional uterine bleeding. Hopefully I can get a doctors letter and have my gender markers changed then too. I have no idea if my surgeon will write that letter. I think she will probably feel deceived if I don't tell her until after the surgery that I am trans. I have a reasonable fear that she won't do it on moral grounds. I have been refused this necessary surgery by more than five doctors thus far.
I am currently on Lupron Depot and in chemical menopause. Hot flashes (and occasional cold ones) do truly suck. I no longer need/wear a winter coat, though I live in Michigan and for the past week the average temp is between -5 and 1 degree F. The loss of sex drive sucks too. I am so fortunate to have my partner E. She is the most amazing woman. Her love and support are what is pushing me to be the best man I can be and to make it a reality, not just a dream.
I don't know that I will be a frequent writer on this site but I do hope to plot the details of my transition so that other guys struggling with these issues can find some solace in shared experiences. I am open to questions and comments always.