Gift fic for chivakaza
For: chivakaza
From: Naughty Reindeer
Title: AVOTT
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Kai | Uruha, Kai, Reita, Ruki, Aoi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Notes: -
Summary: it's like sorting pieces of puzzle
It's like sorting pieces of puzzle - the more you sort, the more you realize that in a way you always knew which had been the ending picture.
just at the beginning of March 2009: a family
They hurry outside. Reita first, in his baggy pants and his loose white t-shirt, darting straight into the heavily pouring rain, closely followed by Aoi going aye, aye from the first drops cutting into his heated body. They giggle and mostly fool around - still, they are going to take their motor bikes from the street to shelter them in the passageway.
In the hallway of PS Company, Uruha follows them with his gaze, still keeping the door open to secure their way back. He snorts looking at their antics and finally at their disappearance around the corner. He's in a black blazer, white t-shirt and black skinny jeans and he watches how the spatter falls uncoordinated, the wind distributing the water unequally, wetting the alley, washing the vertical facades. It's cold and Uruha can feel chills running down his spine. His hand becomes damp from the rebellious droplets, his hold on the handle keeping him from staying dry.
"Did they make it?" Ruki approaches with casual, bored steps, a more than visible taint of disgust printed on his face. He's wearing sunglasses, his permed hair looks entirely a mess and he didn't even step out. Still, he finds it difficult to maintain his new look these days.
"Yeah, they're already past the corner."
Ruki tentatively runs his hands over one of his jeans pockets, but then he remembers he's still inside, so he can't smoke. He tsk-s annoyed. "I'm gonna call the cabs." He begins to drift away, taking his phone out. Goes near one of the big vertical planes of glass, bends a little inspecting the surface of the sky, "Yes, hello-"
Uruha sees Kai at the end of the main hallway that is connected to the lobby, approaching, coming from the elevators. He's wearing this white t-shirt with an abstract print, black jeans showing his too skinny frame. He's grinning and he's holding these two umbrellas, and Uruha motions towards Ruki to look behind him to see them too.
"-yeah, in five minutes ok." Ruki shuts the phone down. "Ah, our dearest leader, how kind of you."
Kai laughs. "Sakai brought them to me."
"Sakai is always good at something," Ruki comments, irony dropping from every word.
"Did they make it?" Kai asks Ruki.
"Yeah, they should be back already," Uruha answers.
"Oh, I think I see them."
Ruki turns around and snorts soundly. "Look at those losers".
Aoi and Reita drag the motor bikes near one of the walls of the passageway and secure them there now. They're almost half soaking wet, but their matching grins show it doesn't really bother them.
"Has someone called the cabs?" Kai asks.
"Yeah, they should be on their way," Ruki replies, keeping his stare out on the boys outside. Reita shows them the rock on sign as a mark of manly victory. It makes Ruki burst into a short fit of giggles.
"What are you doing?" Uruha shouts from the door - twenty first century communication. "I'm starting to get really wet here."
Aoi motions to him to close the door, casually takes his cigarettes out of his pocket and starts to smoke, his body language confirming that they'll be remaining there inside the passageway until the cabs' arrival.
When they do, Ruki rushes the situation, like always - or it's more like Kai doesn't speak really, because that's really the issue.
They have to go back to the studio tonight and there's always the same problem: what will Kai do? Because Kai lives farthest from the PSC building, with his parents, and if he leaves now, he won't be able to come back today anymore. Instead of talking and sorting this problem out before, they do it in the street, in the rain, in front of the two cabs, then inside the two cabs that are still waiting for them to decide who goes where and with whom.
Uruha offers. Like always. He's the last available solution. And Kai accepts it meekly - not like he has any choice left in the first place.
Ruki gets borderline unapproachable because his feet are wet already, so Kai and Uruha are left alone to share a cab, while Ruki, Reita and Aoi take the other one.
Two weeks later Uruha offers to share his apartment with him, to solve this problem once and for all and to help himself with the rent as well - because Uruha couldn't stop himself three years ago when he bought this place, which was indeed a little bit too big for just one person to afford.
This will be the beginning.
----------
middle of April 2009: in which Uruha does math
toothbrushes
towels
shower gels
shampoos
shaving foams
plates on the table
pairs of cuttlery
3 little flower pots with herbs (Kai's first actual attempt at occupying space; his first contribution)
mugs
mobile phones
pair of house slippers
After one week of living with Kai, Uruha has a revelation: 1 can become 2. A man in his late twenties goes back to basic math and learns that 2 is kinda nice for a change. 2 makes you discover new things about yourself. 2 keeps you company. 2 can annoy you to death. 2 can compensate when 1 doesn't want to do a certain task.
Uruha starts to become friends with 2.
----------
May 2009: hello
One day Kai shouts something from the bathroom, alarming him. There had been a malfunction on the street, and a big leak, and the pipes failing. Kai was in the middle of his shower still covered in foam. When Uruha opened that door he was greeted by an amused face, like someone just said the stupidest thing out loud. Between giggles Kai bursted, I just ran out of water. His face was all crimpled by trying to see the whole situation on the brighter side, dimples visible, black strands of his hair messily glued on his forehead from the water. His right hand was revealing his entire bare form, Kai holding the plastic drape of the shower booth aside as proof for the situation he was actually in, asking for a solution.
Kai was all muscles - not like in muscles-muscles, but like in only flesh and no fat. Kai was skinny. Like always. And indeed, entirely naked. Kai was completely naked in front of Uruha for the first time. He was in the shower. Of course he was naked. Kai had beautiful oily skin from the shower gel.
Uruha stepped into the bathroom, getting closer to Kai, going with his hand a little past him so he could examine the faucet to see if indeed nothing could be resolved there.
Kai didn't help when he brought himself nearer and couldn't stop his rambling going from do you think it's broke? to I seriously can't believe this, especially when your apartment building administrator is haunting us like we're gonna blast something in here and to do you think we should call the water services? He was a pack of questions and a pack of shaky flesh from the cold that started to creep into his skin. He was a constant annoying buzz to Uruha's ears that had troubles concentrating.
With his damp hand Kai got Uruha's own hands wet in the process because this was who Kai really was, not very trusting, but at the same time gaining confidence once he had someone nearby doing the same thing as he was. He snooped around Uruha as if he knew best and tried the battered handle some more. "Ok, so it's not from here," he concluded hastily when Uruha gave him more room.
Mineral water.
Mineral water was exactly what saved Kai that day. 4l. 4l of mineral water in the form of two bottles. Bottle number one went quite smoothly, Uruha being able to hold it higher for Kai so he could rinse his hair. Kai kept giggling and he had this nervous laugh caused by the chill of the water, the bubbly bubbles, Uruha's awkward silence, his own crazy conversation to keep them company, a weird form of shame of being naked in front of a friend starting to creep in. Bottle number two came with a polite I can manage from here on, from Kai's part, and hurried, stumbled oh, okay, from Uruha. Bottle number two revealed one first limit.
----------
Before one of the photo shoots Kai says, "You're prettier." Makes him go hmm? "You're prettier without make-up," ties it with a laugh. It makes Uruha falter. "See, when you do that-" and he unexpectedly comes closer to him, pointing with his index finger close to his skin at the corner of one eye, makes him flinch a little out of reflex, "-when you apply eye-shadow there you cover something that makes you, you".
And because Kai leans even closer and also bends himself by the middle, Uruha adds hurriedly, "But isn't that the point?" and he locks gaze with Kai for a moment.
"Yes, but in your case it's almost like it's spoiling you". Uruha is at loss with words, but he knows how Kai was always the one that used make-up the less. Finds comfort in blaming that judgment on Kai. But, "It's feminizing you in a fake way", Kai adds.
It's not like being compared publicly to a tranny, but to Uruha it seems close enough, he obviously looks upset so Kai backs off a little realizing his own bluntness might have seem plain rude and nothing more. "Me and my big mouth..." Kai side-comments, laughing nervously. "I know I'm not Reita and I shouldn't talk to you like this even if we're sharing the same apartment....," he tries to make it better.
There is still half an hour before the show tonight and Aoi enters casually smoking his cigarette, all confident and bored. "What's up?" he goes, although it sounds more like only conversational. He aims straight for the small couch and he sits not entirely well-mannered, gives out an air as if he owns the place.
"Go ask Ruki if he finished with my bag," Uruha says to Kai while he goes back facing the lit mirror, turning in his chair a little bit too sudden.
It doesn't take a genius to get the clear message that is being sent to him. Kai checks Uruha once more in the reflection then and he also notices Aoi in the background studying them curiously. Taking one of his drumsticks he left on the table he adds a low, right. On his way to the door he politely salutes Aoi.
Aoi witnesses all of this wryly. "What did he do this time?"
----------
Monday, June 8 2009: one day before Uruha's birthday
Uruha just arrives back from the studio, two bags of groceries in his hands. He knows he's back home too early, but he actually tried to come late. The fact that the intercom is ringing is distressing him because no one was supposed to come at their place today. He ignores the rings and leaves the bags on the counter, trying his best to keep the place silent. He goes to the fridge and takes the bottle of water from his shelf, uncaps it and starts drinking while he scans Kai's shelf and some leftovers he had there.
His mobile phone starts ringing and Uruha curses it inside his mind. He knows he's been exposed and Kai surely heard it too and now he knows for a fact that he's home. He exchanges his right hand with his left to hold the bottle and he takes out his mobile phone.
"What kind of lie were you preparing for me?"
"Hello, sis."
"Oh, so now you are hello-ing me. I'm just outside your building, so if you'd be nice enough to let me in, that would be nice."
"Oh, so it was you," Uruha's voice is gentle and amused.
"Yes. Who did you think it was?"
Uruha laughs. "Ok, I'll let you in now."
He presses the intercom button and he's about to close his phone, but his sis keeps going.
"I'm a little bit disappointed at you."
"Hmm?"
"I said, I'm a little bit disappointed at you," her voice changes a little, her breathing becoming harder from the effort.
Uruha snorts. "I thought we were going to speak face to face, not through the phone. You're unbelievable."
"I'm coming all the way from nowhere and this is all what my little brother is telling me..."
Uruha gets impatient and starts to look around like he'd see Kai here anytime soon. This is such a bad timing.
"Well, if you'd have at least announced yourself beforehand," he snorts, advances back to the counter and leaves the bottle there.
"You're supposed to be ecstatic and giddy with joy at hearing from me like this...is there a girl there hurrying now to at least get her panties and bra back on?"
Uruha laughs wholeheartedly. "Not this week."
"Oh," by the sound of it Uruha realizes she's just opening the door to the elevator. He looks around the kitchen and then towards the hallway to see if it's at least presentable. "Tomorrow is your birthday, stupid, and this was supposed to be a surprise."
Uruha stops in his tracks. His voice changes. It has a certain quality of affection and confidentiality. "Shiho..."
"Oh, shut up."
Uruha laughs. "God, you're still the same."
"Mom told me to remind you that this weekend you're invited at the house."
"But I said I'll come!"
"Well, you know mom."
"Yeah."
"Did you have lunch?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you cook for me now," he laughs.
"You better not. Last time there was not even food in the fridge." She makes a short pause. "Is Kai there?"
Uruha panics. "Hmm?" he pretends.
"Yeah...?"
Uruha has a whole torrent of lies going on in his head and he doesn't know which one would be more suitable now.
"Stop doing that!"
"I think he sleeps!" He manages to blurt out.
"What are you hiding?"
"Nothing."
"Wait a minute...is Kai with a girl?"
Uruha feels the way his cheeks actually start to get warmer.
"no," his voice gives him out.
Shiho starts to laugh. "Oh, so now you're covering one for another. Uruha, seriously, you're both big men and I'm an older woman. You're not sixteen anymore and I'm not gonna rip your head off for telling the truth."
"No, seriously, he's just sleeping."
"Right. Well, don't blame me for the looks I'm gonna give you while I'll meet her today."
"He's just sleeping!"
"Ok, just open the door because I'm a few feet away from you already."
He doesn't know exactly how, but at some point Uruha simply figured it out. Figured out the days Kai was jerking off. Apparently Kai was very ordered and strict in his jerking off schedule too - not like himself. They never talked about this openly and Uruha had a certain manly etiquette himself as to not disturb Kai in those days, coming back home approximately as to when he speculated Kai already finished.
"Heeey," Uruha opened the door.
"Ok, just close your mobile phone," Shiho said while escaping a smile in the corner of her mouth. "Oh just look at you," they hugged and Uruha took her bags that were apparently hanging heavy in her hands. "Gods, look at your hair," she didn't seem too convinced. "I don't know about this auburn..."
Uruha laughed while she went past him and left him to close the door.
"So what's her name?" Shiho had long black hair that was caught in a sporty tail. She was wearing blue pants and a perfectly cut brown chemise with white cuffs that was stuck inside her pants.
"Whose name?"
"Oh, are these Kai's?"
"Oh, the herbs. Yes."
"Mmm, they smell delicious." She turns around facing him, "you never took care of those plants I brought years ago."
"That was years ago," he laughs. "Well, you know me."
She sits down one of the chairs in the kitchen. "So come on, spill it out. You can tell your older sister what's Kai doing."
It actually caught him unguarded. While his mind distorted the question, being aware of the truthful answer, Uruha had to look away in his defense. He remembered his teens days with Reita and how open they were about this. They both knew when the other was jerking off and things were less stressful this way because they were not bumping in corners into each other when they were visiting. He had to look away because while thinking of Reita (and at one point they actually jerked off together in the same room while watching this really lame porn - they were very young) he actually kept this genuine camaraderie friendship way of thinking, but just right now when Shiho asked him about Kai, his mind bore an idea, a curios idea about what Kai would look like while jerking off, a blurry flash that left him a little bit distressed.
"You know how I love the details. Is she cute?"
Uruha went to the fridge. "I told you, he's sleeping."
Uruha starts to become curious about 2 jerking off. This time 2 being Kai. Still, he fucks a girl on his birthday.
----------
July 2009
There is melted ice cream on his left hand continuing to drip messily from the cone and Uruha gives him a stressed look that says help? while with his right hand he continues to eat carelessly and a little bit in a hurry from the McDonalds Big Burger, inside the pocket of his pants the mobile phone insisting to cry out.
There's a comic halt on the street and Uruha letting himself be pocketed as an obedient citizen under a policeman's hands would do, motioning with his entire body towards exactly where Kai should be looking. It's pretty stupid, Kai thinks, because who could ever phone someone at such an hour, 2:00 AM being the time when Uruha decided he wanted to eat an original, western style McDonalds burger before anyone else in Tokyo. Invitation Kai couldn't actually miss because he was practically dragged out, Uruha making sweet promises about all the pickles he would ask for to be put extra into Kai's burger.
Although Kai moves fast, Uruha's body strangely memorizes his fingers on his jeans and the specific force he applied on every inch. The way his deft fingers went past his pocket and further in to pick the mobile phone out. It's funny, the way his mind seems to analyze things that happen in a matter of seconds, but it happens, and soon they draw out a reaction, a curious reaction that makes Uruha flinch all of a sudden, and to try to stay away from Kai's hand.
Kai doesn't seem to notice, too concentrated on the phone and taking it out; it escapes him the look Uruha has on his face.
----------
August 2009
A postcard arrives one day. It's the typical touristic kitsch and Uruha can't do anything but smile.
Hello, apartment,
how are you? Did you water the herbs like I asked you to? (now you'll think the sole purpose I send you a postcard is that I'm trying to check up on you, but don't worry, the leader is both in vacation from Gazette as much as from living with you).
...
Shit I can't believe I'm sending you a postcard.
...
So yeah, I lied. I WAS checking up on you, trying to assure myself you're all good and everything is fine there.
P.S.(C): the mountains are good. A little bit too quiet for my taste...Be prepared when I come back for quarrel. I haven't properly talked and fought with anyone in a week. I think I'm starting a habit of talking with leaves. (why is my P.S. this long?!?)
K.
----------
September 2009
"You ok?" Reita asks Kai.
Inside the rented karaoke room there's little space for conversations like this.
Kai dismisses Reita with his hand. He's had a few drinks and Reita gets worried because Kai sometimes tends to get melancholic when having a little bit too much to drink. Especially lately.
At one point Uruha notices Reita hunched over Kai and he knows something's wrong, so he comes closer while singing the next lines in a comical way. There's this girl who has been glued to Uruha the whole night, she gets near too, her slender, delicate arms hanging from the back around Uruha's neck.
Kai is met by the microphone Uruha is extending to him, letting him finish the next line. He avoids his face and everything around him and he nods in disapproval, flinching back from Uruha's hand.
Uruha ignores his morose state although he is aware Kai is morose. He thinks insisting is a good solution.
Abe, Reita's high school friend starts cheering sweetly from the couch he's sitting on, and soon Kai finds himself with the girl near him cheering him on too.
It's Reita who cuts in and grabs the hand Uruha is stretching the microphone out with and hurries some of the most off tune notes Kai has ever heard ever. Uruha bursts into laughter and punches him friendly in the shoulder.
----------
just at the beginning of October 2009
"Thanks for dropping me," Kai says, turning around briefly to face Uruha. There is a slight frown on his features like he just remembered this and he wanted to bring it on, so he wouldn't feel indebted any longer.
"No problem." But Uruha doesn't ask why he didn't take his own car to drive to spend the weekend at his parent's house and instead he's taking the train.
A group of three schoolgirls are waiting in the station three meters away and, although they are seated, they seem like they can't stand still in one place and they're giggling like mad, gossiping about the new teacher perhaps.
"You don't have to wait any longer with me," Kai says suddenly. More like expelling the words into the wind. "Aoi was about to drop by tonight".
"Yes, I know that. But he can wait."
Kai has black hair from the night and the wind is playing with his strands, bringing them more texture, revealing his big shaved patterns on the side. There's a red halo around the corners of the untamed strands and around all of his silhouette. Kai turns around and gives Uruha a small smile.
In all this time Uruha has come to understand him better.
"You're not going to burn the house down, right?" Kai burst in a bit of giggles.
"Oh, so now you're making fun of me."
"Well, I wasn't the one sticking crackers in the toaster weeks ago."
"Nothing happened in the end and I told you I'll never do it again."
Kai laughs.
"Hey..." Uruha begins, suddenly changing his tone, "...you know, you can always talk to me."
Kai listens. For the first time he actually listens to him. He blinks slowly and his eyes are completely focused and concentrated. "I know," he goes.
one Friday in October: finally
He couldn't decide what he was feeling - if Ruki would've been his little conscience, now he could've heard that bored-annoyed-highly sarcastic retort of you're just confused popping into his mind, stating the actual state of fact, barely an introduction to "How stupid can one be to not know what one wants?" work-in-progress-lifestyle-book signed by the same theoretical idea of a Ruki-conscience. But there was no Ruki here yet - and most of all, not Ruki impersonating his conscience (thank God) - it was just this curt, strong hissing of a cigarette (Kai's), hitting the bed of leaves all around them while the lazy drops of Autumn rain made everything more unclear and difficult in Uruha's mind.
Clearly he couldn't decide what he was feeling, because the jeans that were now warming up Kai's skinny legs were Reita's and Uruha missed the explanation to that - like why exactly did Uruha need an explanation for Reita borrowing an old pair of jeans to Kai? Maybe the man was in a rush when they left their rent-shared apartment and he got only a pair and Reita offered to borrow him one. Maybe Reita was a good friend and suddenly decided to make a welcoming gift to each and every one of them and this was Kai's. Maybe Reita decided to gain Kai more on his side and to finish his ultimate strike of seduction he-
okay, that's stupid.
...
Maybe it was just a shitty old pair of jeans Kai bought here in Reita's hometown first thing he arrived when Uruha went inside with Reita to do the daily groceries yesterday and Kai had to be phoned so they would be rejoined once more.
But why did Uruha know nothing about it?
...
He stopped his thoughts there because obviously, even his last fragment of logic, clearly tried to send him a subtle message that he was indeed derailing already.
It was like small pebbles hitting a thin layer of plastic film bent in all four corners, horizontally suspended in air, it was rain on dry leaves that would rustle under their feet, Reita and Kai some few meters in front of him, their own voices getting lost together in one collective buzz. And the jeans, the goddamn ugly jeans that repulsively caught almost Uruha's entire field of vision.
Strangely enough he found the pair of jeans familiar. As if he'd seen them before.
They were his jeans. The jeans he bought Reita as a birthday gift years and years ago . Kai was wearing the jeans Uruha specially picked up.
"Uruha, hurry up," Reita said.
next day: weekend
"Uruha! Come on, where the fuck are you guys?"Reita's annoyed shouts come from not too far away.
Uruha looks at Kai and urges him on, hide, hide and he can see the way Kai can't contain his amusement and his strangled laughter. you're gonna get us caught, Uruha jokes, and it's like they're back in school and Uruha has some brief flashes from the past and it's this sweet nostalgia that hits his already older spirit and it's good, only this time there's Kai here with him too.
"Kai! Oh, man, come on," Reita's shouts seem to come closer.
Kai turns with his back and leans against the wall that frames the small river canal. He covers his mouth with his hand and tries to calm himself down. The action doesn't go unnoticed by Uruha and they have a brief exchange of glances, Uruha openly amused and Kai almost like excusing himself. It's strange because it's not simply the thrill and joy of the game Kai is experiencing, it's also the fact that he's been accepted in this little game and between them, Uruha and Reita, and until this point, this holiday is all that's been about for him really.
"Where are those children?"
Uruha flinches like burnt because this is Ruki's voice and that sneaky bastard is always good at this stuff. It makes Uruha get closer to Kai, so he can be at least assured Kai won't be the reason this will all go to vain. He pushes his body a little bit too much against him while he keeps his stare alerted to the railing above, waiting any moment now to be caught.
It's Kai's shaky body that breaks his attention, his muffled laughter starting to fail being suppressed. Uruha gives him the best admonishing look he can and his lips form a mute calm down, but he breaks a smile in the corner of his mouth as well, because he knows how hard that is right now, because little games like these are always prone to take only stupid, childish fun turns like this, and indeed this is the entire point to them.
"Did you see where they went?" Ruki asks Reita from somewhere close.
"No---," and it's this part Uruha can't manage to hear anymore.
"But they did know that Aoi is on his way, right?"
Reita's answer is too faded again for Uruha's ears to decipher, the water behind them washing the words, dispersing them in its monotone flow. Yet he manages to hear a I bet this is all Uruha's work. His own contentment makes him exchange an amused look with Kai.
"By the way, what's down there?" Ruki's question hovers and Uruha's intuition quickly puts him on guard, because it's the first thing that crosses his mind and he never underestimated Ruki's intuitive abilities. He knows that Ruki's referring to the small canal with the river that passes through Reita's hometown, their place of hiding indeed - or maybe it's simply the strategy of a typical person always thinking about the worse case scenario.
Out of reflex Uruha brings his hands on Kai's arms and he begins to slowly lower his body down, bending his knees a little and hunching his back, lowering his head as if making himself smaller and hiding better. Kai follows him silently and he lets himself be guided like that, like truly valuing Uruha's inner senses of perception.
"Seriously, this is child's play..." Ruki dismisses an honest and bored remark. But it's a very close remark. Close to where they find themselves actually, Kai and Uruha exchanging one mirrored alarmed stare.
It's Kai who breaks down first. Naturally. He snorts a little bit too loud and a little bit too careless. In a matter of seconds it's Uruha's hand on his mouth, shutting him down and neutralizing any other possible leaks. Uruha still thinks it's pointless and he half awaits to see Ruki's annoyed head over that railing telling him you are so lame, but that never comes. It's just him and Kai, and him shushing him close to his ear, just in case.
"Let's go back," Reita breaks the silence. "Aoi just texted me. He's at the house waiting for someone to let him in," and Reita adds a quick laugh from obvious reasons.
Kai keeps still under his hands. Kai is warm (or is it himself who's getting warmer?), and smelling of men's cologne, and something else. Kai.
His hand begins to sweat over Kai's mouth and at one point he realizes what he's done so he suddenly let's go like burnt.
He doesn't catch Kai's weak stare that stays unfocused. He just catches Kai's sudden giggle."We almost got caught. Did they leave?" Kai always knew how to close weird, possible uncomfortable parentheses. Or maybe he's just imagining things.
the last day of the weekend
They are sprawled on the ground, over and between thousand of leaves, a few meters away from Reita's parents house, just beside this tree where Uruha told Kai how Reita split his head open in his teenage years, when he wanted to show everybody he's Superman and obviously found out he's just as human as everyone else.
Kai mumbles something and his voice is too low. Uruha understands nothing, still he lulls in the affirmative.
"Seriously, what did Aoi put in this?" Kai says while curiously studying the plastic bottle with the warming potion Reita filled for him. Then he starts to giggle uncontrollably, nuzzling his face in Uruha's blonde strands close to his neck, breaking into a fit.
Uruha laughs wholeheartedly thinking about Aoi and thinking about something smart and witty to say that would make Kai laugh even more.
"You know," Kai almost gurgles between laughs, "when Ruki was here before, just before you came out of the house," he gives out a laugh, "is it even funny?" he asks himself, and it's Uruha's turn to laugh now because that's exactly how a normal conversation goes with Kai: him speaking to you, then him questioning himself in front of you, like waiting for a second opinion from an invisible public, "nevermind. So, Ruki told me this little story about Reita."
Uruha takes Kai's bottle from his hand and takes some more sips, while Kai starts to gesticulate and touch Uruha briefly, pointing out invisible dots of opinion on his jacket.
"Apparently Aoi is the source of it because Reita simply denies it. Are you ready?" and he starts to laugh uncontrollably.
"Yeah I'm ready."
"Here it goes: when Reita was a teenager he was watching these cartoons one day. It was Christmas and there was this western 70ies something cartoon."
Uruha nods and leans his head against Kai's shoulder.
"And it was with this little mouse. A mouse who got thrown out of the house on winter's day-no, on Christmas day," he bursts into laughter as people who don't know how to make a joke do, starting to laugh before they even finish telling the joke. "And then he stood at every window on every day with a puppy face begging to be let in again." And Kai starts to slap Uruha on his thigh while laughing uncontrollably. "Apparently, Reita's dad found Reita crying just like a baby at that cartoon. Our Reita," he triumphantly finishes laughing out loud and squirming against Uruha's body.
Uruha laughs, though it's pretty stupid. No, it's really stupid. Actually it's not even funny.
"And Ruki told you this?" he laughs amused.
"Yeah. Apparently Aoi is the one who told me," he tells him a second time. "I mean, Ruki," he corrects himself.
"Although Reita denies it," Uruha finishes for him.
"Yes," Kai laughs out of breath, "I think I'm gonna burst my stomach," he continues to laugh and he keeps slapping Uruha on the chest like mutely asking for help.
Uruha laughs himself, but is the first calming down, just waiting for Kai to follow. He feels Kai's body vibrating against him with every single laugh, shaking him now and then. He looks at the sky and he looks at the stars.
"You know," his voice starts gentle.
"It wasn't funny right?" Kai asks while still trying to cool down.
"No-"
"I was actually expecting you to tell me sooner," he laughs. "Shit, I'm so drunk," he snorts in disbelief and more to himself.
Uruha laughs. "Stop interrupting me," he says it in a fake irritated manner.
Kai laughs.
"No, I mean, I was about to say something else."
Apparently Kai listens carefully, which makes him to burst into laughter even more. "Oh, now I see. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"So...what was I about to say?" truthfully he forgets indeed.
Kai laughs. "I'm sorry," Kai pats him gentle on his chest.
Their laughter dies out and they both think of nothing. Kai tentatively has a thought that wants to break out, but instead he just smiles to himself.
"Did the others go to sleep?" Uruha asks.
"I don't know."
"tomorrow we're leaving..."
"yeah..."
"In the summer it's full of cicadas here," Uruha says out of nowhere.
"Excuse me?" Kai starts to laugh stupidly.
Uruha laughs too because he realizes what Kai is laughing about. "That's what I was about to tell you minutes ago."
Kai laughs. "Oh, ok." He starts to laugh some more. "I think I'm at that point I could laugh at anything you'd tell me right now," he concludes. "Gods, I haven't done something like this in such a long time," he talks to himself.
"What? Laughing?" Uruha laughs.
"No," he takes a breath of air just to cool himself out. "Just, staying like this...without a worry...on the ground with my whole body...on leaves," he laughs somehow sadly, "Letting go," he concludes.
Kai's laughter dies out and to Uruha this is getting awkward. He can feel his heart and the way it starts to race, shame starting to creep in because he finds nothing else to say, nothing that will take Kai's thoughts off of what he's thinking, nothing that will break this silence.
"Hey"
"Hmm?" Uruha flinches suddenly woken up from his thoughts.
Kai laughs. "Let's go to bed. I don't wanna have to drag you after you're falling asleep here..."
Uruha pokes him with his elbow.
"But it started to get cold outside!" Kai defends himself laughing.
"Yeah, right," and he smiles wryly.
Back inside the house it's dark and Kai manages to hit every possible corner that stands in their way. It's Uruha who stops once in a while to make sure Kai follows and doesn't break anything.
"Shhh, you're gonna wake everyone up."
Kai muffles some giggles. He misses the door and ends up with half of his body plastered against the doorframe.
"Kai!" Uruha escapes the name comically, in a sort of funny form of a high pitched whisper.
Through the dark he blindly finds Kai's body and first touches him on his clothed ribs. His hand then accurately grabs him by the arm and pushes gently against where he was, guiding Kai through the door.
In the room he keeps Kai steady and following him. He wants to turn on the bed lamp, but he's stopped by Kai who sort of bumps into him, misjudging Uruha's sudden halt.
Kai loses his balance and in an attempt to re-steady him Uruha turns around, suddenly trying to catch him. He doesn't even bother to help himself, just falls over the edge of the bed laughing, then weakly lets himself being helped by Uruha.
"Kai..." Uruha gently admonishes, "quit fooling around."
Kai laughs and his body feels heavy and tired and-
"What did you want to do?" Kai asks stupidly.
"Turn the light on," Uruha explains, but he seems affected by something because his voice changes a little.
"Leave it out," Kai laughs while Uruha helps dragging his whole body in the bed.
"I'm gonna scold Aoi for whatever he put in the drinks," Uruha says nervously.
Kai laughs.
"No seriously," he warns.
Kai bursts into a fit of laughter.
"Oh, Kai, come on..." he starts laughing himself.
"Come here." Kai grabs him and pulls him.
"Kai, what are you doing?..." Uruha says in a truthfully annoyed voice.
Uruha falls over Kai and it's really uncomfortable and stupid.
"You're so heavy," Kai says and it's like he's discovering for the first time some facts about Uruha he misjudged.
Uruha grunts in annoyance and he props himself up on his palms in order to lift himself. He feels Kai's hands on him and him dragging him back over him.
"No, Kai-"
"I'm just trying to help," he laughs, not understanding that Uruha actually wants to get himself off him, not inside the bed.
Uruha escapes a frustrated sigh and he gets tired in the process of lifting himself and fighting Kai off. His mind slips and he suddenly gets caught in the psychological slope of realizing what is happening and how Kai lies so easy underneath him. His senses get aware of the way Kai is emanating body heath and how close to his face he is.
Kai grunts, fighting with Uruha's weight and he turns them both around just like a lever, flipping Uruha over completely in the bed. "There," he says satisfied, taking mouthfuls of air from the effort.
Uruha intercepts Kai's hot puffs of air on his face, hears his heavy breathing and every single frequency of sound, the way Kai gulps slowly, the way his whole presence is animated with life. Uruha realizes he's in Kai's personal space and he's starting to feel small and afraid.
He lifts himself trying to get away, but he finds himself caught by Kai's arm who pulls him back.
"What are you doing?" Kai asks him amused.
"Kai let me go."
"Why?" he giggles.
"...you're so drunk..." he says more like talking to himself.
But he doesn't have time to prepare himself from Kai lifting himself up too, pressing his face against his hair and murmuring a sweet stay here and pulling him back down.
Uruha's heart starts to race, adrenaline flowing through his veins like mad. He's afraid he'll do something reckless if this goes on.
"We have to be up early tomorrow..." he pleads weakly.
"Today," Kai corrects him.
Uruha expels a frustrated bubble of sigh. "Stop contradicting me..."
Kai snorts and Uruha is not facing him, is not able to see how his features have actually started to turn serious.
He's getting more and more frustrated and he tries to calm himself down. He looks straight at the ceiling, his eyes already long adjusted to the darkness in the room. Suddenly he gets alarmed because Kai moves right beside him so he escapes a hurried what are you doing?
Kai snorts amused, "getting undressed. I can't breathe in all of this." He sits up, unzips his jacket, "you should do the same," gets entangled and tired from the effort, "hey, give me a hand..."
Uruha feels weird, he feels really weird, as in he feels displaced, like all of this is not really happening. It's like he's just staying somewhere on the side and watches how this Uruha helps this Kai.
The jacket goes down and Kai manages to escape from strangling himself while taking his scarf off too. Suddenly free he lets himself plop back on the bed. He exhales soundly and then he turns to look at Uruha who remains in a sitting position one second more. It leaves Kai puzzled. "Hey," he says. He tugs at his jacket, "take it off."
Uruha seems to listen to him and to start executing what he's being told. He doesn't like what he's feeling and what his body starts to ask for.
Kai looks at him from the corner of his eye, he sees his big back, he sees his arms, his blond hair.
The bed is small. Small for two people, at least. Uruha sits down and he prepares to reason this with Kai.
When Uruha turns his head to face him, Kai has his eyes already closed.
"Kai..."
"Hmmm?" he mutters.
"This is stupid."
Kai snorts. "Go to sleep, Uruha," he says. Casually he turns his entire body on the side, facing Uruha, while keeping his eyes still closed. He scoots closer and he boldly presses his forehead against his shoulder.
Kai looks peaceful, Uruha thinks. His hair is a little bit messed up and his shaved side is almost completely visible. He thinks he sees his eyelids trembling.
"Uruha, go to sleep," Kai suddenly mutters warmly against his arm.
He flinches briefly, as if taken out of his thoughts. He shifts a little on the spot and tries to relax. His body is stiff as a tensioned bow ready to hit.
It's Kai's left hand that slaps him on the face five minutes later making him go ow! shit!
"Just like I expected," Kai's fingers scout straight to his eyes.
"What the fuck Kai?"
"You're not sleeping."
Uruha gets angry. "How can I sleep?" and he turns his face. "There is no room-" gets shushed by Kai's not very mannered hand.
Kai laughs clearly amused.
"You're up for games, now I see," Uruha manages to break through for a moment. Sees the way Kai lifts himself.
Kai looks serious and not really joking. It confuses Uruha.
"You're drunk," Uruha says stupidly like a warning, like saying this is not you.
Kai looks like not really caring for what he has to say. He looks at his face, at his wide forehead (a little bit sweaty), his small eyes (his eyelids nervously flickering once in a while), his big nose (now extremely straight, like Uruha is keeping his breath in), his cheekbones (the skin over them a little bit heated), his full lips, his rippled lips (there's a quick tremble that quivers his bottom one). "What is it?" he suddenly asks intimidatingly. He brings his face lower, closer to Uruha.
Uruha looks lost. "there's no room enough for both of us," he manages.
Kai arches one of his eye brows in amusement.
Uruha tries to get himself a little further away from him.
"That's why you're so uptight?" Kai asks bluntly.
"what?" He starts to lift himself and pushes Kai in the process, tries to take him off himself. It doesn't get him far because Kai seemed ready for something like this, like he was actually expecting it.
There's a mute confused struggle and Uruha losing. Uruha losing when he thinks - his mind is denying reality - he feels a soft brush of lips touching his heated neck in the flash of a second, a brief contact followed by a hot blow of air and then an intake of air. Kai.
Uruha moans, but it's actually a sound born from surprise. He doesn't understand what happens and he blames it on the alcohol.
Kai snorts close to his ear, leaving all of his weight over Uruha and feeling the way Uruha goes weak completely. Kai laughs. Short and nervous. "go to your bed," he whispers quickly. He lets go of him and lifts himself, turns around and lets himself fall down right back next to Uruha. "I'm drunk, so go to your bed Uruha."
Kai listens to the silence. He keeps his back to Uruha, the same way he keeps his eyes open too.
The he hears the bed creaking a little, Uruha's weight shifting. Coming closer to him.
Uruha's hand first touches his clothed hip and then simply snakes down between his thighs, Uruha's whole body getting closer to Kai in a second.
He doesn't even have time to react verbally because he feels Uruha's lips crashing over his, rudely invading.
-----
In the wind the branches wave tiredly. Fog lies dormant breaking the scenery in cubist planes. He knows these places, he has grown up seeing them every year when he was young.
A stroke of smoke blurs his vision and he has to blink. One. Two. Three.
Uruha snorts, a small knowing smile lying in the corner of his mouth. He managed to sleep only three hours, but it was enough.
He listens to the silence around him and the silence inside his mind.
He hesitates, but he does change his right hand with his left, exchanging the cigarette this way. He opens his big palm and looks at its texture. What he felt last night doesn't have any kind of visible mark on it. What he felt last night got imprinted in his hand, but showing its mark inside his heart. Kai fitted so perfectly inside his fist. Kai got harder inside his fist, harder and harder and harder, just like a seed blooming, coming to life. It was incredible. It was like an act of creation. Kai moved under his touch.
Uruha snorts to himself once more. Soon Aoi will wake up noisily and he'll bring his screechy ragged voice with a kind 'morning. Uruha's mind will still be far away, lost between sheets, between Kai trembling against him, grunting lowly, and not being able to stay still for a second.
**********
From: Naughty Reindeer
Title: AVOTT
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Kai | Uruha, Kai, Reita, Ruki, Aoi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Notes: -
Summary: it's like sorting pieces of puzzle
It's like sorting pieces of puzzle - the more you sort, the more you realize that in a way you always knew which had been the ending picture.
just at the beginning of March 2009: a family
They hurry outside. Reita first, in his baggy pants and his loose white t-shirt, darting straight into the heavily pouring rain, closely followed by Aoi going aye, aye from the first drops cutting into his heated body. They giggle and mostly fool around - still, they are going to take their motor bikes from the street to shelter them in the passageway.
In the hallway of PS Company, Uruha follows them with his gaze, still keeping the door open to secure their way back. He snorts looking at their antics and finally at their disappearance around the corner. He's in a black blazer, white t-shirt and black skinny jeans and he watches how the spatter falls uncoordinated, the wind distributing the water unequally, wetting the alley, washing the vertical facades. It's cold and Uruha can feel chills running down his spine. His hand becomes damp from the rebellious droplets, his hold on the handle keeping him from staying dry.
"Did they make it?" Ruki approaches with casual, bored steps, a more than visible taint of disgust printed on his face. He's wearing sunglasses, his permed hair looks entirely a mess and he didn't even step out. Still, he finds it difficult to maintain his new look these days.
"Yeah, they're already past the corner."
Ruki tentatively runs his hands over one of his jeans pockets, but then he remembers he's still inside, so he can't smoke. He tsk-s annoyed. "I'm gonna call the cabs." He begins to drift away, taking his phone out. Goes near one of the big vertical planes of glass, bends a little inspecting the surface of the sky, "Yes, hello-"
Uruha sees Kai at the end of the main hallway that is connected to the lobby, approaching, coming from the elevators. He's wearing this white t-shirt with an abstract print, black jeans showing his too skinny frame. He's grinning and he's holding these two umbrellas, and Uruha motions towards Ruki to look behind him to see them too.
"-yeah, in five minutes ok." Ruki shuts the phone down. "Ah, our dearest leader, how kind of you."
Kai laughs. "Sakai brought them to me."
"Sakai is always good at something," Ruki comments, irony dropping from every word.
"Did they make it?" Kai asks Ruki.
"Yeah, they should be back already," Uruha answers.
"Oh, I think I see them."
Ruki turns around and snorts soundly. "Look at those losers".
Aoi and Reita drag the motor bikes near one of the walls of the passageway and secure them there now. They're almost half soaking wet, but their matching grins show it doesn't really bother them.
"Has someone called the cabs?" Kai asks.
"Yeah, they should be on their way," Ruki replies, keeping his stare out on the boys outside. Reita shows them the rock on sign as a mark of manly victory. It makes Ruki burst into a short fit of giggles.
"What are you doing?" Uruha shouts from the door - twenty first century communication. "I'm starting to get really wet here."
Aoi motions to him to close the door, casually takes his cigarettes out of his pocket and starts to smoke, his body language confirming that they'll be remaining there inside the passageway until the cabs' arrival.
When they do, Ruki rushes the situation, like always - or it's more like Kai doesn't speak really, because that's really the issue.
They have to go back to the studio tonight and there's always the same problem: what will Kai do? Because Kai lives farthest from the PSC building, with his parents, and if he leaves now, he won't be able to come back today anymore. Instead of talking and sorting this problem out before, they do it in the street, in the rain, in front of the two cabs, then inside the two cabs that are still waiting for them to decide who goes where and with whom.
Uruha offers. Like always. He's the last available solution. And Kai accepts it meekly - not like he has any choice left in the first place.
Ruki gets borderline unapproachable because his feet are wet already, so Kai and Uruha are left alone to share a cab, while Ruki, Reita and Aoi take the other one.
Two weeks later Uruha offers to share his apartment with him, to solve this problem once and for all and to help himself with the rent as well - because Uruha couldn't stop himself three years ago when he bought this place, which was indeed a little bit too big for just one person to afford.
This will be the beginning.
----------
middle of April 2009: in which Uruha does math
- bath
- kitchen
- living room
toothbrushes
towels
shower gels
shampoos
shaving foams
plates on the table
pairs of cuttlery
3 little flower pots with herbs (Kai's first actual attempt at occupying space; his first contribution)
mugs
mobile phones
pair of house slippers
After one week of living with Kai, Uruha has a revelation: 1 can become 2. A man in his late twenties goes back to basic math and learns that 2 is kinda nice for a change. 2 makes you discover new things about yourself. 2 keeps you company. 2 can annoy you to death. 2 can compensate when 1 doesn't want to do a certain task.
Uruha starts to become friends with 2.
----------
May 2009: hello
One day Kai shouts something from the bathroom, alarming him. There had been a malfunction on the street, and a big leak, and the pipes failing. Kai was in the middle of his shower still covered in foam. When Uruha opened that door he was greeted by an amused face, like someone just said the stupidest thing out loud. Between giggles Kai bursted, I just ran out of water. His face was all crimpled by trying to see the whole situation on the brighter side, dimples visible, black strands of his hair messily glued on his forehead from the water. His right hand was revealing his entire bare form, Kai holding the plastic drape of the shower booth aside as proof for the situation he was actually in, asking for a solution.
Kai was all muscles - not like in muscles-muscles, but like in only flesh and no fat. Kai was skinny. Like always. And indeed, entirely naked. Kai was completely naked in front of Uruha for the first time. He was in the shower. Of course he was naked. Kai had beautiful oily skin from the shower gel.
Uruha stepped into the bathroom, getting closer to Kai, going with his hand a little past him so he could examine the faucet to see if indeed nothing could be resolved there.
Kai didn't help when he brought himself nearer and couldn't stop his rambling going from do you think it's broke? to I seriously can't believe this, especially when your apartment building administrator is haunting us like we're gonna blast something in here and to do you think we should call the water services? He was a pack of questions and a pack of shaky flesh from the cold that started to creep into his skin. He was a constant annoying buzz to Uruha's ears that had troubles concentrating.
With his damp hand Kai got Uruha's own hands wet in the process because this was who Kai really was, not very trusting, but at the same time gaining confidence once he had someone nearby doing the same thing as he was. He snooped around Uruha as if he knew best and tried the battered handle some more. "Ok, so it's not from here," he concluded hastily when Uruha gave him more room.
Mineral water.
Mineral water was exactly what saved Kai that day. 4l. 4l of mineral water in the form of two bottles. Bottle number one went quite smoothly, Uruha being able to hold it higher for Kai so he could rinse his hair. Kai kept giggling and he had this nervous laugh caused by the chill of the water, the bubbly bubbles, Uruha's awkward silence, his own crazy conversation to keep them company, a weird form of shame of being naked in front of a friend starting to creep in. Bottle number two came with a polite I can manage from here on, from Kai's part, and hurried, stumbled oh, okay, from Uruha. Bottle number two revealed one first limit.
----------
Before one of the photo shoots Kai says, "You're prettier." Makes him go hmm? "You're prettier without make-up," ties it with a laugh. It makes Uruha falter. "See, when you do that-" and he unexpectedly comes closer to him, pointing with his index finger close to his skin at the corner of one eye, makes him flinch a little out of reflex, "-when you apply eye-shadow there you cover something that makes you, you".
And because Kai leans even closer and also bends himself by the middle, Uruha adds hurriedly, "But isn't that the point?" and he locks gaze with Kai for a moment.
"Yes, but in your case it's almost like it's spoiling you". Uruha is at loss with words, but he knows how Kai was always the one that used make-up the less. Finds comfort in blaming that judgment on Kai. But, "It's feminizing you in a fake way", Kai adds.
It's not like being compared publicly to a tranny, but to Uruha it seems close enough, he obviously looks upset so Kai backs off a little realizing his own bluntness might have seem plain rude and nothing more. "Me and my big mouth..." Kai side-comments, laughing nervously. "I know I'm not Reita and I shouldn't talk to you like this even if we're sharing the same apartment....," he tries to make it better.
There is still half an hour before the show tonight and Aoi enters casually smoking his cigarette, all confident and bored. "What's up?" he goes, although it sounds more like only conversational. He aims straight for the small couch and he sits not entirely well-mannered, gives out an air as if he owns the place.
"Go ask Ruki if he finished with my bag," Uruha says to Kai while he goes back facing the lit mirror, turning in his chair a little bit too sudden.
It doesn't take a genius to get the clear message that is being sent to him. Kai checks Uruha once more in the reflection then and he also notices Aoi in the background studying them curiously. Taking one of his drumsticks he left on the table he adds a low, right. On his way to the door he politely salutes Aoi.
Aoi witnesses all of this wryly. "What did he do this time?"
----------
Monday, June 8 2009: one day before Uruha's birthday
Uruha just arrives back from the studio, two bags of groceries in his hands. He knows he's back home too early, but he actually tried to come late. The fact that the intercom is ringing is distressing him because no one was supposed to come at their place today. He ignores the rings and leaves the bags on the counter, trying his best to keep the place silent. He goes to the fridge and takes the bottle of water from his shelf, uncaps it and starts drinking while he scans Kai's shelf and some leftovers he had there.
His mobile phone starts ringing and Uruha curses it inside his mind. He knows he's been exposed and Kai surely heard it too and now he knows for a fact that he's home. He exchanges his right hand with his left to hold the bottle and he takes out his mobile phone.
"What kind of lie were you preparing for me?"
"Hello, sis."
"Oh, so now you are hello-ing me. I'm just outside your building, so if you'd be nice enough to let me in, that would be nice."
"Oh, so it was you," Uruha's voice is gentle and amused.
"Yes. Who did you think it was?"
Uruha laughs. "Ok, I'll let you in now."
He presses the intercom button and he's about to close his phone, but his sis keeps going.
"I'm a little bit disappointed at you."
"Hmm?"
"I said, I'm a little bit disappointed at you," her voice changes a little, her breathing becoming harder from the effort.
Uruha snorts. "I thought we were going to speak face to face, not through the phone. You're unbelievable."
"I'm coming all the way from nowhere and this is all what my little brother is telling me..."
Uruha gets impatient and starts to look around like he'd see Kai here anytime soon. This is such a bad timing.
"Well, if you'd have at least announced yourself beforehand," he snorts, advances back to the counter and leaves the bottle there.
"You're supposed to be ecstatic and giddy with joy at hearing from me like this...is there a girl there hurrying now to at least get her panties and bra back on?"
Uruha laughs wholeheartedly. "Not this week."
"Oh," by the sound of it Uruha realizes she's just opening the door to the elevator. He looks around the kitchen and then towards the hallway to see if it's at least presentable. "Tomorrow is your birthday, stupid, and this was supposed to be a surprise."
Uruha stops in his tracks. His voice changes. It has a certain quality of affection and confidentiality. "Shiho..."
"Oh, shut up."
Uruha laughs. "God, you're still the same."
"Mom told me to remind you that this weekend you're invited at the house."
"But I said I'll come!"
"Well, you know mom."
"Yeah."
"Did you have lunch?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you cook for me now," he laughs.
"You better not. Last time there was not even food in the fridge." She makes a short pause. "Is Kai there?"
Uruha panics. "Hmm?" he pretends.
"Yeah...?"
Uruha has a whole torrent of lies going on in his head and he doesn't know which one would be more suitable now.
"Stop doing that!"
"I think he sleeps!" He manages to blurt out.
"What are you hiding?"
"Nothing."
"Wait a minute...is Kai with a girl?"
Uruha feels the way his cheeks actually start to get warmer.
"no," his voice gives him out.
Shiho starts to laugh. "Oh, so now you're covering one for another. Uruha, seriously, you're both big men and I'm an older woman. You're not sixteen anymore and I'm not gonna rip your head off for telling the truth."
"No, seriously, he's just sleeping."
"Right. Well, don't blame me for the looks I'm gonna give you while I'll meet her today."
"He's just sleeping!"
"Ok, just open the door because I'm a few feet away from you already."
He doesn't know exactly how, but at some point Uruha simply figured it out. Figured out the days Kai was jerking off. Apparently Kai was very ordered and strict in his jerking off schedule too - not like himself. They never talked about this openly and Uruha had a certain manly etiquette himself as to not disturb Kai in those days, coming back home approximately as to when he speculated Kai already finished.
"Heeey," Uruha opened the door.
"Ok, just close your mobile phone," Shiho said while escaping a smile in the corner of her mouth. "Oh just look at you," they hugged and Uruha took her bags that were apparently hanging heavy in her hands. "Gods, look at your hair," she didn't seem too convinced. "I don't know about this auburn..."
Uruha laughed while she went past him and left him to close the door.
"So what's her name?" Shiho had long black hair that was caught in a sporty tail. She was wearing blue pants and a perfectly cut brown chemise with white cuffs that was stuck inside her pants.
"Whose name?"
"Oh, are these Kai's?"
"Oh, the herbs. Yes."
"Mmm, they smell delicious." She turns around facing him, "you never took care of those plants I brought years ago."
"That was years ago," he laughs. "Well, you know me."
She sits down one of the chairs in the kitchen. "So come on, spill it out. You can tell your older sister what's Kai doing."
It actually caught him unguarded. While his mind distorted the question, being aware of the truthful answer, Uruha had to look away in his defense. He remembered his teens days with Reita and how open they were about this. They both knew when the other was jerking off and things were less stressful this way because they were not bumping in corners into each other when they were visiting. He had to look away because while thinking of Reita (and at one point they actually jerked off together in the same room while watching this really lame porn - they were very young) he actually kept this genuine camaraderie friendship way of thinking, but just right now when Shiho asked him about Kai, his mind bore an idea, a curios idea about what Kai would look like while jerking off, a blurry flash that left him a little bit distressed.
"You know how I love the details. Is she cute?"
Uruha went to the fridge. "I told you, he's sleeping."
Uruha starts to become curious about 2 jerking off. This time 2 being Kai. Still, he fucks a girl on his birthday.
----------
July 2009
There is melted ice cream on his left hand continuing to drip messily from the cone and Uruha gives him a stressed look that says help? while with his right hand he continues to eat carelessly and a little bit in a hurry from the McDonalds Big Burger, inside the pocket of his pants the mobile phone insisting to cry out.
There's a comic halt on the street and Uruha letting himself be pocketed as an obedient citizen under a policeman's hands would do, motioning with his entire body towards exactly where Kai should be looking. It's pretty stupid, Kai thinks, because who could ever phone someone at such an hour, 2:00 AM being the time when Uruha decided he wanted to eat an original, western style McDonalds burger before anyone else in Tokyo. Invitation Kai couldn't actually miss because he was practically dragged out, Uruha making sweet promises about all the pickles he would ask for to be put extra into Kai's burger.
Although Kai moves fast, Uruha's body strangely memorizes his fingers on his jeans and the specific force he applied on every inch. The way his deft fingers went past his pocket and further in to pick the mobile phone out. It's funny, the way his mind seems to analyze things that happen in a matter of seconds, but it happens, and soon they draw out a reaction, a curious reaction that makes Uruha flinch all of a sudden, and to try to stay away from Kai's hand.
Kai doesn't seem to notice, too concentrated on the phone and taking it out; it escapes him the look Uruha has on his face.
----------
August 2009
A postcard arrives one day. It's the typical touristic kitsch and Uruha can't do anything but smile.
Hello, apartment,
how are you? Did you water the herbs like I asked you to? (now you'll think the sole purpose I send you a postcard is that I'm trying to check up on you, but don't worry, the leader is both in vacation from Gazette as much as from living with you).
...
Shit I can't believe I'm sending you a postcard.
...
So yeah, I lied. I WAS checking up on you, trying to assure myself you're all good and everything is fine there.
P.S.(C): the mountains are good. A little bit too quiet for my taste...Be prepared when I come back for quarrel. I haven't properly talked and fought with anyone in a week. I think I'm starting a habit of talking with leaves. (why is my P.S. this long?!?)
K.
----------
September 2009
"You ok?" Reita asks Kai.
Inside the rented karaoke room there's little space for conversations like this.
Kai dismisses Reita with his hand. He's had a few drinks and Reita gets worried because Kai sometimes tends to get melancholic when having a little bit too much to drink. Especially lately.
At one point Uruha notices Reita hunched over Kai and he knows something's wrong, so he comes closer while singing the next lines in a comical way. There's this girl who has been glued to Uruha the whole night, she gets near too, her slender, delicate arms hanging from the back around Uruha's neck.
Kai is met by the microphone Uruha is extending to him, letting him finish the next line. He avoids his face and everything around him and he nods in disapproval, flinching back from Uruha's hand.
Uruha ignores his morose state although he is aware Kai is morose. He thinks insisting is a good solution.
Abe, Reita's high school friend starts cheering sweetly from the couch he's sitting on, and soon Kai finds himself with the girl near him cheering him on too.
It's Reita who cuts in and grabs the hand Uruha is stretching the microphone out with and hurries some of the most off tune notes Kai has ever heard ever. Uruha bursts into laughter and punches him friendly in the shoulder.
----------
just at the beginning of October 2009
"Thanks for dropping me," Kai says, turning around briefly to face Uruha. There is a slight frown on his features like he just remembered this and he wanted to bring it on, so he wouldn't feel indebted any longer.
"No problem." But Uruha doesn't ask why he didn't take his own car to drive to spend the weekend at his parent's house and instead he's taking the train.
A group of three schoolgirls are waiting in the station three meters away and, although they are seated, they seem like they can't stand still in one place and they're giggling like mad, gossiping about the new teacher perhaps.
"You don't have to wait any longer with me," Kai says suddenly. More like expelling the words into the wind. "Aoi was about to drop by tonight".
"Yes, I know that. But he can wait."
Kai has black hair from the night and the wind is playing with his strands, bringing them more texture, revealing his big shaved patterns on the side. There's a red halo around the corners of the untamed strands and around all of his silhouette. Kai turns around and gives Uruha a small smile.
In all this time Uruha has come to understand him better.
"You're not going to burn the house down, right?" Kai burst in a bit of giggles.
"Oh, so now you're making fun of me."
"Well, I wasn't the one sticking crackers in the toaster weeks ago."
"Nothing happened in the end and I told you I'll never do it again."
Kai laughs.
"Hey..." Uruha begins, suddenly changing his tone, "...you know, you can always talk to me."
Kai listens. For the first time he actually listens to him. He blinks slowly and his eyes are completely focused and concentrated. "I know," he goes.
one Friday in October: finally
He couldn't decide what he was feeling - if Ruki would've been his little conscience, now he could've heard that bored-annoyed-highly sarcastic retort of you're just confused popping into his mind, stating the actual state of fact, barely an introduction to "How stupid can one be to not know what one wants?" work-in-progress-lifestyle-book signed by the same theoretical idea of a Ruki-conscience. But there was no Ruki here yet - and most of all, not Ruki impersonating his conscience (thank God) - it was just this curt, strong hissing of a cigarette (Kai's), hitting the bed of leaves all around them while the lazy drops of Autumn rain made everything more unclear and difficult in Uruha's mind.
Clearly he couldn't decide what he was feeling, because the jeans that were now warming up Kai's skinny legs were Reita's and Uruha missed the explanation to that - like why exactly did Uruha need an explanation for Reita borrowing an old pair of jeans to Kai? Maybe the man was in a rush when they left their rent-shared apartment and he got only a pair and Reita offered to borrow him one. Maybe Reita was a good friend and suddenly decided to make a welcoming gift to each and every one of them and this was Kai's. Maybe Reita decided to gain Kai more on his side and to finish his ultimate strike of seduction he-
okay, that's stupid.
...
Maybe it was just a shitty old pair of jeans Kai bought here in Reita's hometown first thing he arrived when Uruha went inside with Reita to do the daily groceries yesterday and Kai had to be phoned so they would be rejoined once more.
But why did Uruha know nothing about it?
...
He stopped his thoughts there because obviously, even his last fragment of logic, clearly tried to send him a subtle message that he was indeed derailing already.
It was like small pebbles hitting a thin layer of plastic film bent in all four corners, horizontally suspended in air, it was rain on dry leaves that would rustle under their feet, Reita and Kai some few meters in front of him, their own voices getting lost together in one collective buzz. And the jeans, the goddamn ugly jeans that repulsively caught almost Uruha's entire field of vision.
Strangely enough he found the pair of jeans familiar. As if he'd seen them before.
They were his jeans. The jeans he bought Reita as a birthday gift years and years ago . Kai was wearing the jeans Uruha specially picked up.
"Uruha, hurry up," Reita said.
next day: weekend
"Uruha! Come on, where the fuck are you guys?"Reita's annoyed shouts come from not too far away.
Uruha looks at Kai and urges him on, hide, hide and he can see the way Kai can't contain his amusement and his strangled laughter. you're gonna get us caught, Uruha jokes, and it's like they're back in school and Uruha has some brief flashes from the past and it's this sweet nostalgia that hits his already older spirit and it's good, only this time there's Kai here with him too.
"Kai! Oh, man, come on," Reita's shouts seem to come closer.
Kai turns with his back and leans against the wall that frames the small river canal. He covers his mouth with his hand and tries to calm himself down. The action doesn't go unnoticed by Uruha and they have a brief exchange of glances, Uruha openly amused and Kai almost like excusing himself. It's strange because it's not simply the thrill and joy of the game Kai is experiencing, it's also the fact that he's been accepted in this little game and between them, Uruha and Reita, and until this point, this holiday is all that's been about for him really.
"Where are those children?"
Uruha flinches like burnt because this is Ruki's voice and that sneaky bastard is always good at this stuff. It makes Uruha get closer to Kai, so he can be at least assured Kai won't be the reason this will all go to vain. He pushes his body a little bit too much against him while he keeps his stare alerted to the railing above, waiting any moment now to be caught.
It's Kai's shaky body that breaks his attention, his muffled laughter starting to fail being suppressed. Uruha gives him the best admonishing look he can and his lips form a mute calm down, but he breaks a smile in the corner of his mouth as well, because he knows how hard that is right now, because little games like these are always prone to take only stupid, childish fun turns like this, and indeed this is the entire point to them.
"Did you see where they went?" Ruki asks Reita from somewhere close.
"No---," and it's this part Uruha can't manage to hear anymore.
"But they did know that Aoi is on his way, right?"
Reita's answer is too faded again for Uruha's ears to decipher, the water behind them washing the words, dispersing them in its monotone flow. Yet he manages to hear a I bet this is all Uruha's work. His own contentment makes him exchange an amused look with Kai.
"By the way, what's down there?" Ruki's question hovers and Uruha's intuition quickly puts him on guard, because it's the first thing that crosses his mind and he never underestimated Ruki's intuitive abilities. He knows that Ruki's referring to the small canal with the river that passes through Reita's hometown, their place of hiding indeed - or maybe it's simply the strategy of a typical person always thinking about the worse case scenario.
Out of reflex Uruha brings his hands on Kai's arms and he begins to slowly lower his body down, bending his knees a little and hunching his back, lowering his head as if making himself smaller and hiding better. Kai follows him silently and he lets himself be guided like that, like truly valuing Uruha's inner senses of perception.
"Seriously, this is child's play..." Ruki dismisses an honest and bored remark. But it's a very close remark. Close to where they find themselves actually, Kai and Uruha exchanging one mirrored alarmed stare.
It's Kai who breaks down first. Naturally. He snorts a little bit too loud and a little bit too careless. In a matter of seconds it's Uruha's hand on his mouth, shutting him down and neutralizing any other possible leaks. Uruha still thinks it's pointless and he half awaits to see Ruki's annoyed head over that railing telling him you are so lame, but that never comes. It's just him and Kai, and him shushing him close to his ear, just in case.
"Let's go back," Reita breaks the silence. "Aoi just texted me. He's at the house waiting for someone to let him in," and Reita adds a quick laugh from obvious reasons.
Kai keeps still under his hands. Kai is warm (or is it himself who's getting warmer?), and smelling of men's cologne, and something else. Kai.
His hand begins to sweat over Kai's mouth and at one point he realizes what he's done so he suddenly let's go like burnt.
He doesn't catch Kai's weak stare that stays unfocused. He just catches Kai's sudden giggle."We almost got caught. Did they leave?" Kai always knew how to close weird, possible uncomfortable parentheses. Or maybe he's just imagining things.
the last day of the weekend
They are sprawled on the ground, over and between thousand of leaves, a few meters away from Reita's parents house, just beside this tree where Uruha told Kai how Reita split his head open in his teenage years, when he wanted to show everybody he's Superman and obviously found out he's just as human as everyone else.
Kai mumbles something and his voice is too low. Uruha understands nothing, still he lulls in the affirmative.
"Seriously, what did Aoi put in this?" Kai says while curiously studying the plastic bottle with the warming potion Reita filled for him. Then he starts to giggle uncontrollably, nuzzling his face in Uruha's blonde strands close to his neck, breaking into a fit.
Uruha laughs wholeheartedly thinking about Aoi and thinking about something smart and witty to say that would make Kai laugh even more.
"You know," Kai almost gurgles between laughs, "when Ruki was here before, just before you came out of the house," he gives out a laugh, "is it even funny?" he asks himself, and it's Uruha's turn to laugh now because that's exactly how a normal conversation goes with Kai: him speaking to you, then him questioning himself in front of you, like waiting for a second opinion from an invisible public, "nevermind. So, Ruki told me this little story about Reita."
Uruha takes Kai's bottle from his hand and takes some more sips, while Kai starts to gesticulate and touch Uruha briefly, pointing out invisible dots of opinion on his jacket.
"Apparently Aoi is the source of it because Reita simply denies it. Are you ready?" and he starts to laugh uncontrollably.
"Yeah I'm ready."
"Here it goes: when Reita was a teenager he was watching these cartoons one day. It was Christmas and there was this western 70ies something cartoon."
Uruha nods and leans his head against Kai's shoulder.
"And it was with this little mouse. A mouse who got thrown out of the house on winter's day-no, on Christmas day," he bursts into laughter as people who don't know how to make a joke do, starting to laugh before they even finish telling the joke. "And then he stood at every window on every day with a puppy face begging to be let in again." And Kai starts to slap Uruha on his thigh while laughing uncontrollably. "Apparently, Reita's dad found Reita crying just like a baby at that cartoon. Our Reita," he triumphantly finishes laughing out loud and squirming against Uruha's body.
Uruha laughs, though it's pretty stupid. No, it's really stupid. Actually it's not even funny.
"And Ruki told you this?" he laughs amused.
"Yeah. Apparently Aoi is the one who told me," he tells him a second time. "I mean, Ruki," he corrects himself.
"Although Reita denies it," Uruha finishes for him.
"Yes," Kai laughs out of breath, "I think I'm gonna burst my stomach," he continues to laugh and he keeps slapping Uruha on the chest like mutely asking for help.
Uruha laughs himself, but is the first calming down, just waiting for Kai to follow. He feels Kai's body vibrating against him with every single laugh, shaking him now and then. He looks at the sky and he looks at the stars.
"You know," his voice starts gentle.
"It wasn't funny right?" Kai asks while still trying to cool down.
"No-"
"I was actually expecting you to tell me sooner," he laughs. "Shit, I'm so drunk," he snorts in disbelief and more to himself.
Uruha laughs. "Stop interrupting me," he says it in a fake irritated manner.
Kai laughs.
"No, I mean, I was about to say something else."
Apparently Kai listens carefully, which makes him to burst into laughter even more. "Oh, now I see. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"So...what was I about to say?" truthfully he forgets indeed.
Kai laughs. "I'm sorry," Kai pats him gentle on his chest.
Their laughter dies out and they both think of nothing. Kai tentatively has a thought that wants to break out, but instead he just smiles to himself.
"Did the others go to sleep?" Uruha asks.
"I don't know."
"tomorrow we're leaving..."
"yeah..."
"In the summer it's full of cicadas here," Uruha says out of nowhere.
"Excuse me?" Kai starts to laugh stupidly.
Uruha laughs too because he realizes what Kai is laughing about. "That's what I was about to tell you minutes ago."
Kai laughs. "Oh, ok." He starts to laugh some more. "I think I'm at that point I could laugh at anything you'd tell me right now," he concludes. "Gods, I haven't done something like this in such a long time," he talks to himself.
"What? Laughing?" Uruha laughs.
"No," he takes a breath of air just to cool himself out. "Just, staying like this...without a worry...on the ground with my whole body...on leaves," he laughs somehow sadly, "Letting go," he concludes.
Kai's laughter dies out and to Uruha this is getting awkward. He can feel his heart and the way it starts to race, shame starting to creep in because he finds nothing else to say, nothing that will take Kai's thoughts off of what he's thinking, nothing that will break this silence.
"Hey"
"Hmm?" Uruha flinches suddenly woken up from his thoughts.
Kai laughs. "Let's go to bed. I don't wanna have to drag you after you're falling asleep here..."
Uruha pokes him with his elbow.
"But it started to get cold outside!" Kai defends himself laughing.
"Yeah, right," and he smiles wryly.
Back inside the house it's dark and Kai manages to hit every possible corner that stands in their way. It's Uruha who stops once in a while to make sure Kai follows and doesn't break anything.
"Shhh, you're gonna wake everyone up."
Kai muffles some giggles. He misses the door and ends up with half of his body plastered against the doorframe.
"Kai!" Uruha escapes the name comically, in a sort of funny form of a high pitched whisper.
Through the dark he blindly finds Kai's body and first touches him on his clothed ribs. His hand then accurately grabs him by the arm and pushes gently against where he was, guiding Kai through the door.
In the room he keeps Kai steady and following him. He wants to turn on the bed lamp, but he's stopped by Kai who sort of bumps into him, misjudging Uruha's sudden halt.
Kai loses his balance and in an attempt to re-steady him Uruha turns around, suddenly trying to catch him. He doesn't even bother to help himself, just falls over the edge of the bed laughing, then weakly lets himself being helped by Uruha.
"Kai..." Uruha gently admonishes, "quit fooling around."
Kai laughs and his body feels heavy and tired and-
"What did you want to do?" Kai asks stupidly.
"Turn the light on," Uruha explains, but he seems affected by something because his voice changes a little.
"Leave it out," Kai laughs while Uruha helps dragging his whole body in the bed.
"I'm gonna scold Aoi for whatever he put in the drinks," Uruha says nervously.
Kai laughs.
"No seriously," he warns.
Kai bursts into a fit of laughter.
"Oh, Kai, come on..." he starts laughing himself.
"Come here." Kai grabs him and pulls him.
"Kai, what are you doing?..." Uruha says in a truthfully annoyed voice.
Uruha falls over Kai and it's really uncomfortable and stupid.
"You're so heavy," Kai says and it's like he's discovering for the first time some facts about Uruha he misjudged.
Uruha grunts in annoyance and he props himself up on his palms in order to lift himself. He feels Kai's hands on him and him dragging him back over him.
"No, Kai-"
"I'm just trying to help," he laughs, not understanding that Uruha actually wants to get himself off him, not inside the bed.
Uruha escapes a frustrated sigh and he gets tired in the process of lifting himself and fighting Kai off. His mind slips and he suddenly gets caught in the psychological slope of realizing what is happening and how Kai lies so easy underneath him. His senses get aware of the way Kai is emanating body heath and how close to his face he is.
Kai grunts, fighting with Uruha's weight and he turns them both around just like a lever, flipping Uruha over completely in the bed. "There," he says satisfied, taking mouthfuls of air from the effort.
Uruha intercepts Kai's hot puffs of air on his face, hears his heavy breathing and every single frequency of sound, the way Kai gulps slowly, the way his whole presence is animated with life. Uruha realizes he's in Kai's personal space and he's starting to feel small and afraid.
He lifts himself trying to get away, but he finds himself caught by Kai's arm who pulls him back.
"What are you doing?" Kai asks him amused.
"Kai let me go."
"Why?" he giggles.
"...you're so drunk..." he says more like talking to himself.
But he doesn't have time to prepare himself from Kai lifting himself up too, pressing his face against his hair and murmuring a sweet stay here and pulling him back down.
Uruha's heart starts to race, adrenaline flowing through his veins like mad. He's afraid he'll do something reckless if this goes on.
"We have to be up early tomorrow..." he pleads weakly.
"Today," Kai corrects him.
Uruha expels a frustrated bubble of sigh. "Stop contradicting me..."
Kai snorts and Uruha is not facing him, is not able to see how his features have actually started to turn serious.
He's getting more and more frustrated and he tries to calm himself down. He looks straight at the ceiling, his eyes already long adjusted to the darkness in the room. Suddenly he gets alarmed because Kai moves right beside him so he escapes a hurried what are you doing?
Kai snorts amused, "getting undressed. I can't breathe in all of this." He sits up, unzips his jacket, "you should do the same," gets entangled and tired from the effort, "hey, give me a hand..."
Uruha feels weird, he feels really weird, as in he feels displaced, like all of this is not really happening. It's like he's just staying somewhere on the side and watches how this Uruha helps this Kai.
The jacket goes down and Kai manages to escape from strangling himself while taking his scarf off too. Suddenly free he lets himself plop back on the bed. He exhales soundly and then he turns to look at Uruha who remains in a sitting position one second more. It leaves Kai puzzled. "Hey," he says. He tugs at his jacket, "take it off."
Uruha seems to listen to him and to start executing what he's being told. He doesn't like what he's feeling and what his body starts to ask for.
Kai looks at him from the corner of his eye, he sees his big back, he sees his arms, his blond hair.
The bed is small. Small for two people, at least. Uruha sits down and he prepares to reason this with Kai.
When Uruha turns his head to face him, Kai has his eyes already closed.
"Kai..."
"Hmmm?" he mutters.
"This is stupid."
Kai snorts. "Go to sleep, Uruha," he says. Casually he turns his entire body on the side, facing Uruha, while keeping his eyes still closed. He scoots closer and he boldly presses his forehead against his shoulder.
Kai looks peaceful, Uruha thinks. His hair is a little bit messed up and his shaved side is almost completely visible. He thinks he sees his eyelids trembling.
"Uruha, go to sleep," Kai suddenly mutters warmly against his arm.
He flinches briefly, as if taken out of his thoughts. He shifts a little on the spot and tries to relax. His body is stiff as a tensioned bow ready to hit.
It's Kai's left hand that slaps him on the face five minutes later making him go ow! shit!
"Just like I expected," Kai's fingers scout straight to his eyes.
"What the fuck Kai?"
"You're not sleeping."
Uruha gets angry. "How can I sleep?" and he turns his face. "There is no room-" gets shushed by Kai's not very mannered hand.
Kai laughs clearly amused.
"You're up for games, now I see," Uruha manages to break through for a moment. Sees the way Kai lifts himself.
Kai looks serious and not really joking. It confuses Uruha.
"You're drunk," Uruha says stupidly like a warning, like saying this is not you.
Kai looks like not really caring for what he has to say. He looks at his face, at his wide forehead (a little bit sweaty), his small eyes (his eyelids nervously flickering once in a while), his big nose (now extremely straight, like Uruha is keeping his breath in), his cheekbones (the skin over them a little bit heated), his full lips, his rippled lips (there's a quick tremble that quivers his bottom one). "What is it?" he suddenly asks intimidatingly. He brings his face lower, closer to Uruha.
Uruha looks lost. "there's no room enough for both of us," he manages.
Kai arches one of his eye brows in amusement.
Uruha tries to get himself a little further away from him.
"That's why you're so uptight?" Kai asks bluntly.
"what?" He starts to lift himself and pushes Kai in the process, tries to take him off himself. It doesn't get him far because Kai seemed ready for something like this, like he was actually expecting it.
There's a mute confused struggle and Uruha losing. Uruha losing when he thinks - his mind is denying reality - he feels a soft brush of lips touching his heated neck in the flash of a second, a brief contact followed by a hot blow of air and then an intake of air. Kai.
Uruha moans, but it's actually a sound born from surprise. He doesn't understand what happens and he blames it on the alcohol.
Kai snorts close to his ear, leaving all of his weight over Uruha and feeling the way Uruha goes weak completely. Kai laughs. Short and nervous. "go to your bed," he whispers quickly. He lets go of him and lifts himself, turns around and lets himself fall down right back next to Uruha. "I'm drunk, so go to your bed Uruha."
Kai listens to the silence. He keeps his back to Uruha, the same way he keeps his eyes open too.
The he hears the bed creaking a little, Uruha's weight shifting. Coming closer to him.
Uruha's hand first touches his clothed hip and then simply snakes down between his thighs, Uruha's whole body getting closer to Kai in a second.
He doesn't even have time to react verbally because he feels Uruha's lips crashing over his, rudely invading.
-----
In the wind the branches wave tiredly. Fog lies dormant breaking the scenery in cubist planes. He knows these places, he has grown up seeing them every year when he was young.
A stroke of smoke blurs his vision and he has to blink. One. Two. Three.
Uruha snorts, a small knowing smile lying in the corner of his mouth. He managed to sleep only three hours, but it was enough.
He listens to the silence around him and the silence inside his mind.
He hesitates, but he does change his right hand with his left, exchanging the cigarette this way. He opens his big palm and looks at its texture. What he felt last night doesn't have any kind of visible mark on it. What he felt last night got imprinted in his hand, but showing its mark inside his heart. Kai fitted so perfectly inside his fist. Kai got harder inside his fist, harder and harder and harder, just like a seed blooming, coming to life. It was incredible. It was like an act of creation. Kai moved under his touch.
Uruha snorts to himself once more. Soon Aoi will wake up noisily and he'll bring his screechy ragged voice with a kind 'morning. Uruha's mind will still be far away, lost between sheets, between Kai trembling against him, grunting lowly, and not being able to stay still for a second.
**********