A last note
It's very hard to believe this'll be the last entry I'll ever write here.
I'm afraid I don't know how to put anything eloquently, so I must put it simply.
Because of this community, I have a family. A family strong enough and who foolishly love me enough that even after a long and painful absence, they gladly accepted me back.
For quite a while, primarily I was here to support them, though I did a poor job of it. I am not the most social person, and I am extremely dedicated to my work. As the only left-brained member of my band, there is much for me to look after. If I can go back and do all of this again, I'll spend my time here so much more wisely. Perhaps I simply took it for granted that we all had such a place as this to call home.
My busy life as the CFO of Dears Co., Ltd. will go on. Much of my spare time recently is taken up by an ongoing search to find just the right new people to join our staff in order to delegate more of my activities, and allow me to do that other thing I do... namely be a musician...
I will stay with my bandmates and follow them wherever they go.
Fujiyuki and I still have a trip to Egypt to attend to. Now that we have some better clarity of our upcoming schedules, perhaps we'll be able to coordinate this soon. I am very much looking forward to it and the opportunity to see a far-off place with an enthusiastic guide and friend. Ryuuichi-kun and Ju-ken I'm sure have much more mischief in store for all of us, and I look forward to these as well.
Because I am quite terrible at the matter, there are likely almost no people I affected at all outside of my band and family here. There are two certain exceptions, though.
One is that I can say I found a friend in Eriko-san and I hope she feels the same way about me. Any more and I'll simply start blushing. ^_^;;;;;;;;;
The other will be a man by the name of Toshiya.... whose life I indeed affected, very negatively at that, by my terrible behavior. I was certainly not positively affected by him then myself. In the past few years we had periodic moments of olive-branch extending, and now, in my last chance to speak here, I must say that... If you are reading this, Toshiya-san, though I doubt you are, I hope that perhaps someday soon we can meet again and speak to one another. You are one of the most important people to Masa-kun, and I honor this, and thank you.
Now though many things embarass me quite a bit, I do not feel this way at all about taking a last chance to make a public statement here about the men I love.
My darling Masa-kun, you really are the sunshine that brightened up some very dark men, and most of all myself. You tirelessly refuse me the greatest depths of my own misery and there is no end to my thanks for this. I truly think there is none other so loving and caring as you. Perhaps I will not say much more. You are going through enough without any sense of me writing some sort of parting words. I'll come right home to you afterwards and there'll be no parting at all. I love you, and frankly, if I think of everything you did to save and protect and encourage and cherish me all these years, I'll lose the will to finish this and just wish to go crumble in your arms.
My love, Gaku-chan... Long ago and for far too long, you're just as much of an enigma to me as to anyone who views you now from a far-off distance and speculates endlessly about what's going on behind those beautiful eyes. Surely there are people here who still wonder. At times, I wonder if they wonder about me, not that I'm worth the attention, but as I am alike to you in that we both like to keep most people at arm's length. But I am really a very simple man indeed. I live for you, and this is what it comes down to. However.. you taught me a number of important things in this time.
You taught me that I have no reason to doubt your love, and that you won't allow me to try instead to doubt myself. You taught me also that I cannot question my worthiness of your love either. You never asked me to become a workhorse for you. In fact, if it's up to you I'll sure we'll be on vacations to the island half the year. This is merely my attempt to dedicate myself to you. But you tried to teach me again and again that what you wish is for me to be a happy and contented person, and not a slave to the company. I'm afraid my traditional upbringing is stubborn, and a source of unending frustration for us both. But I am striving to learn this terribly important lesson. And now, when I look into your eyes, there is no enigma to me, but rather the pure love of a man I only wish to give myself over to in every second. Mou... of course I'm rambling here. Gaku-chan, I love you, and I thank you.
And above all, my beloved Ren-kun.. Perhaps I tended to sing your praises here more than anyone else, because you are the rarest among rare gems of people, yet you hide yourself well enough that no one'll know you're here most of the time. Well, I know that I owe you my life twice over, and that in the end I am your servant, though you choose not to rule me. You and I both had very pleasant turns this year, didn't we? Only I regressed, and as for you, you made my bedroom into a gaming den once you moved in so I have no peaceable place to study Korean anymore. How I love you for this. In fact, I take a bit of delight in the knowledge that no one will ever really understand you and I, and that's just the way I like it. You are the best man on this earth, and that is all.
And to everyone here, I wish you all well wherever the paths of your lives may lead you.
I'm afraid I don't know how to put anything eloquently, so I must put it simply.
Because of this community, I have a family. A family strong enough and who foolishly love me enough that even after a long and painful absence, they gladly accepted me back.
For quite a while, primarily I was here to support them, though I did a poor job of it. I am not the most social person, and I am extremely dedicated to my work. As the only left-brained member of my band, there is much for me to look after. If I can go back and do all of this again, I'll spend my time here so much more wisely. Perhaps I simply took it for granted that we all had such a place as this to call home.
My busy life as the CFO of Dears Co., Ltd. will go on. Much of my spare time recently is taken up by an ongoing search to find just the right new people to join our staff in order to delegate more of my activities, and allow me to do that other thing I do... namely be a musician...
I will stay with my bandmates and follow them wherever they go.
Fujiyuki and I still have a trip to Egypt to attend to. Now that we have some better clarity of our upcoming schedules, perhaps we'll be able to coordinate this soon. I am very much looking forward to it and the opportunity to see a far-off place with an enthusiastic guide and friend. Ryuuichi-kun and Ju-ken I'm sure have much more mischief in store for all of us, and I look forward to these as well.
Because I am quite terrible at the matter, there are likely almost no people I affected at all outside of my band and family here. There are two certain exceptions, though.
One is that I can say I found a friend in Eriko-san and I hope she feels the same way about me. Any more and I'll simply start blushing. ^_^;;;;;;;;;
The other will be a man by the name of Toshiya.... whose life I indeed affected, very negatively at that, by my terrible behavior. I was certainly not positively affected by him then myself. In the past few years we had periodic moments of olive-branch extending, and now, in my last chance to speak here, I must say that... If you are reading this, Toshiya-san, though I doubt you are, I hope that perhaps someday soon we can meet again and speak to one another. You are one of the most important people to Masa-kun, and I honor this, and thank you.
Now though many things embarass me quite a bit, I do not feel this way at all about taking a last chance to make a public statement here about the men I love.
My darling Masa-kun, you really are the sunshine that brightened up some very dark men, and most of all myself. You tirelessly refuse me the greatest depths of my own misery and there is no end to my thanks for this. I truly think there is none other so loving and caring as you. Perhaps I will not say much more. You are going through enough without any sense of me writing some sort of parting words. I'll come right home to you afterwards and there'll be no parting at all. I love you, and frankly, if I think of everything you did to save and protect and encourage and cherish me all these years, I'll lose the will to finish this and just wish to go crumble in your arms.
My love, Gaku-chan... Long ago and for far too long, you're just as much of an enigma to me as to anyone who views you now from a far-off distance and speculates endlessly about what's going on behind those beautiful eyes. Surely there are people here who still wonder. At times, I wonder if they wonder about me, not that I'm worth the attention, but as I am alike to you in that we both like to keep most people at arm's length. But I am really a very simple man indeed. I live for you, and this is what it comes down to. However.. you taught me a number of important things in this time.
You taught me that I have no reason to doubt your love, and that you won't allow me to try instead to doubt myself. You taught me also that I cannot question my worthiness of your love either. You never asked me to become a workhorse for you. In fact, if it's up to you I'll sure we'll be on vacations to the island half the year. This is merely my attempt to dedicate myself to you. But you tried to teach me again and again that what you wish is for me to be a happy and contented person, and not a slave to the company. I'm afraid my traditional upbringing is stubborn, and a source of unending frustration for us both. But I am striving to learn this terribly important lesson. And now, when I look into your eyes, there is no enigma to me, but rather the pure love of a man I only wish to give myself over to in every second. Mou... of course I'm rambling here. Gaku-chan, I love you, and I thank you.
And above all, my beloved Ren-kun.. Perhaps I tended to sing your praises here more than anyone else, because you are the rarest among rare gems of people, yet you hide yourself well enough that no one'll know you're here most of the time. Well, I know that I owe you my life twice over, and that in the end I am your servant, though you choose not to rule me. You and I both had very pleasant turns this year, didn't we? Only I regressed, and as for you, you made my bedroom into a gaming den once you moved in so I have no peaceable place to study Korean anymore. How I love you for this. In fact, I take a bit of delight in the knowledge that no one will ever really understand you and I, and that's just the way I like it. You are the best man on this earth, and that is all.
And to everyone here, I wish you all well wherever the paths of your lives may lead you.