why do I feel that making sense is so underappreciated these days?
decent grammar and spelling, but the contents...
RESEARCH. it's your friend. and believe me, I'm not even talking about time-consuming studies on complicated matters. I mean, just basic stuff. the stuff one could think was obvious if you were enough of a fan to sacrifice your time for writing fanfic.
but let's start from the beginning.
“I…am not…CUTE!” Kyo yelled out his window for perhaps the tenth time that morning.[...]“And I’m certainly not kawaii, either!”
makes you wonder what language Kyo speaks.
on a second thought, I've wondered that for some time now.
No one was likely to hear him since he was a good five stories up, at one of the PSC buildings
...
PS-fucking-C?
why does Kyo live in the PSC building? does he work there? as the cleaning staff maybe? music not enough to cover his living expenses, with economical crisis and all that?
When Kyo woke up, [...] [he] made his way downstairs to the kitchen. On the way, he bumped into Shinya, nearly pushing the drummer back down the stairs.
so, Shinya works there too, apparently. and lives there. I'm starting to feel really sorry for those poor, homeless guys.
“Morning, Kyo!” Die’s cheerful voice rang out in the vocalist’s ear.
alright. they live in one big community of starving artists. strikingly cheerful indeed.
Toshiya ran through the kitchen, giggling, followed by a whining Shinya in what Kyo and Die believed to be a game of tag, then all was quiet.
oh. the mature characterizations kind of swept me off my feet.
then the remaining mature characters, namely Kyo and Die, have a deep!conversation, which goes along the line of:
“Die…do you think I’m cute?”
it, like, totally beats "to be or not to be?".
Die thinks he does.
“But, but, it’s a good cute! I mean, if I was gay, I’d do you!”
[...]
“If I was gay…I’d let you do me.”
...
and they lived happily ever after.
except that not really.
“Hey, Kyo! Are you okay, cuz you didn’t seem okay. I mean, you kinda just stormed off to your room, and we all didn’t know what was up, so we drew lots to see who was gonna figure out what was wrong with you, and so Die went up and me and Kaoru bet that he wouldn’t come back down alive, and--” Shinya babbled on and on, not even pausing for breath. “But you’re okay, riiiiight?”
because Shinya really strikes you as the talkative one, doesn't he.
Kaoru flipped through the pages and sipped his coffee quietly, then chuckled softly. He looked up to Kyo for the first time that morning and spoke in a playful, but deadly serious voice.
playful but deadly serious. and I'm loving this fic but bubbling with hatred.
Afternoon rolled by lazily, bringing with it the sounds of other PSC bands practicing their new songs and goofing off in the rec. rooms.
what other PSC bands do you mean? Nightmare and D'espairsRay? X Japan? oh, I dunno, Tokio Hotel?
you could hear the strained words ‘momiji manjuu’ followed by a tinny note or two on a guitar.
ah, those PSC bands. you got me fooled.
oh, by the way, the author notes:
Thanks to a very kind reviewer, I’m continuing this fic. If you’re lucky, I just may add in some other PSC characters…
oi, I think we are not very lucky. D:
the sad thing is, out of all the comments, there was just one 'this story sucks' one, and it was because 'they are not gay, it's disrespectful.' whut?
RESEARCH. it's your friend. and believe me, I'm not even talking about time-consuming studies on complicated matters. I mean, just basic stuff. the stuff one could think was obvious if you were enough of a fan to sacrifice your time for writing fanfic.
but let's start from the beginning.
“I…am not…CUTE!” Kyo yelled out his window for perhaps the tenth time that morning.[...]“And I’m certainly not kawaii, either!”
makes you wonder what language Kyo speaks.
on a second thought, I've wondered that for some time now.
No one was likely to hear him since he was a good five stories up, at one of the PSC buildings
...
PS-fucking-C?
why does Kyo live in the PSC building? does he work there? as the cleaning staff maybe? music not enough to cover his living expenses, with economical crisis and all that?
When Kyo woke up, [...] [he] made his way downstairs to the kitchen. On the way, he bumped into Shinya, nearly pushing the drummer back down the stairs.
so, Shinya works there too, apparently. and lives there. I'm starting to feel really sorry for those poor, homeless guys.
“Morning, Kyo!” Die’s cheerful voice rang out in the vocalist’s ear.
alright. they live in one big community of starving artists. strikingly cheerful indeed.
Toshiya ran through the kitchen, giggling, followed by a whining Shinya in what Kyo and Die believed to be a game of tag, then all was quiet.
oh. the mature characterizations kind of swept me off my feet.
then the remaining mature characters, namely Kyo and Die, have a deep!conversation, which goes along the line of:
“Die…do you think I’m cute?”
it, like, totally beats "to be or not to be?".
Die thinks he does.
“But, but, it’s a good cute! I mean, if I was gay, I’d do you!”
[...]
“If I was gay…I’d let you do me.”
...
and they lived happily ever after.
except that not really.
“Hey, Kyo! Are you okay, cuz you didn’t seem okay. I mean, you kinda just stormed off to your room, and we all didn’t know what was up, so we drew lots to see who was gonna figure out what was wrong with you, and so Die went up and me and Kaoru bet that he wouldn’t come back down alive, and--” Shinya babbled on and on, not even pausing for breath. “But you’re okay, riiiiight?”
because Shinya really strikes you as the talkative one, doesn't he.
Kaoru flipped through the pages and sipped his coffee quietly, then chuckled softly. He looked up to Kyo for the first time that morning and spoke in a playful, but deadly serious voice.
playful but deadly serious. and I'm loving this fic but bubbling with hatred.
Afternoon rolled by lazily, bringing with it the sounds of other PSC bands practicing their new songs and goofing off in the rec. rooms.
what other PSC bands do you mean? Nightmare and D'espairsRay? X Japan? oh, I dunno, Tokio Hotel?
you could hear the strained words ‘momiji manjuu’ followed by a tinny note or two on a guitar.
ah, those PSC bands. you got me fooled.
oh, by the way, the author notes:
Thanks to a very kind reviewer, I’m continuing this fic. If you’re lucky, I just may add in some other PSC characters…
oi, I think we are not very lucky. D:
the sad thing is, out of all the comments, there was just one 'this story sucks' one, and it was because 'they are not gay, it's disrespectful.' whut?