The Sky Fell.
Man can I predict the future or what?! I knew that this was gonna' blow up and it did. Let me just give you all the rundown really quick. Alex and Ryan are engaged, but they both decided that each could have a side dish. One other person to fool around with. Anyway, I became Alex's side dish. I know that this is a sin against common decency, but I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. Anyway, after it happened the first time, Alex reassured me that Ryan was okay with it (I even talked to her on the phone) and that the no asteroids were gonna' hit the Earth and the sky wasn't gonna' fall metaphorically speaking. Well, the third time that this side dishing took place the sky did fall. I knew it was coming, but like in all those cheap horror flicks, I didn't take cover. <-- Let me be the first one to tell you that it hurt. I've never found myself gasping for air as much as I was that night. I guess I should tell you what happened.
Let's start with the razor burn. I got some wicked razor burn after giving myself a bikini shave. Then I found out that the words to the No Doubt song Don't Speak aren't touch me touch me darling, but hush hush darling. (It's amazing how you can hear what you want to hear) When I got over to Alex's I wasn't really feeling the drive from him or myself. Then, Ryan called upset and really sick. She was just in a lot of pain, physical, mental, and emotional as she put it. Well, we decided that we needed to end this for Ryan's sake, but we'd stay this last night. (Bad idea) Ryan called back upset which is when I slipped out the door. I walked back to Aycock, in the snow, thinking to myself, "What have I been doing this passed week?!". Anyway, I got back to my room and cried myself to sleep. I talked to Alex the next day to get the rundown from Ryan. All is forgiven and there will be no more side dishes or anymore of that nonsense.
So where does that leave me, the "other woman" in this story? Well, I'm about to tell you. I have never been as angry with myself as I was when all of this was happening. You just don't mess around with your best friend whose engaged. I knew this from the beginning, but I went on with it anyway. I felt lower than the scum that you scrub off the bottom of the bathtub. I don't think that it would have been so bad if I had never met Ryan, but since I know her I felt all the worse for taking her through this. I can't stand to see someone in pain. It hurts me deeply to know that she's hurting and that's not something that I can live with. I'll probably ring her in a week or so to see how she's doing and let her take out any hostillities on me that she may be repressing to Alex.
Hmm, so what have I learned from this experience? If someone tells you that everything will be alright and the sky isn't gonna' fall be careful. I mean, I still trust Alex with m life, but there are somethings that can't be prevented. When I engaged in this sexual relationship, I let myself be very vulnerable and I was scared to death. When I was with him I felt safe as if nothing could touch me until the sky fell and I found myself alone in reality. He has a part of me that I'll never get back. I don't mind him having it, given that he is my best friend, but I guess I just miss it. There is a certain amount of security that comes with being innocent, mine is gone now and my sky is patched with tears and old duct tape.
Let's start with the razor burn. I got some wicked razor burn after giving myself a bikini shave. Then I found out that the words to the No Doubt song Don't Speak aren't touch me touch me darling, but hush hush darling. (It's amazing how you can hear what you want to hear) When I got over to Alex's I wasn't really feeling the drive from him or myself. Then, Ryan called upset and really sick. She was just in a lot of pain, physical, mental, and emotional as she put it. Well, we decided that we needed to end this for Ryan's sake, but we'd stay this last night. (Bad idea) Ryan called back upset which is when I slipped out the door. I walked back to Aycock, in the snow, thinking to myself, "What have I been doing this passed week?!". Anyway, I got back to my room and cried myself to sleep. I talked to Alex the next day to get the rundown from Ryan. All is forgiven and there will be no more side dishes or anymore of that nonsense.
So where does that leave me, the "other woman" in this story? Well, I'm about to tell you. I have never been as angry with myself as I was when all of this was happening. You just don't mess around with your best friend whose engaged. I knew this from the beginning, but I went on with it anyway. I felt lower than the scum that you scrub off the bottom of the bathtub. I don't think that it would have been so bad if I had never met Ryan, but since I know her I felt all the worse for taking her through this. I can't stand to see someone in pain. It hurts me deeply to know that she's hurting and that's not something that I can live with. I'll probably ring her in a week or so to see how she's doing and let her take out any hostillities on me that she may be repressing to Alex.
Hmm, so what have I learned from this experience? If someone tells you that everything will be alright and the sky isn't gonna' fall be careful. I mean, I still trust Alex with m life, but there are somethings that can't be prevented. When I engaged in this sexual relationship, I let myself be very vulnerable and I was scared to death. When I was with him I felt safe as if nothing could touch me until the sky fell and I found myself alone in reality. He has a part of me that I'll never get back. I don't mind him having it, given that he is my best friend, but I guess I just miss it. There is a certain amount of security that comes with being innocent, mine is gone now and my sky is patched with tears and old duct tape.