20 sucks!
Well, I turned 20 years old back in January, and so far it has sucked something royal. I'm still broke and I have no car so my brother and my mother have to take me back and forth to school 4 days a week. So I feel like a total leech and my boyfriend is quick to point that out to me everytime I see him. <-- What a guy right? Classes are going okay, but I can't seem to control my eating habits. My clothes are too small. I can only squeeze into 2 pairs of pants now and like 5 shirts, but I'm too poor to buy new clothes. And I'm convinced that my boyfriend doesn't really wanna' be with me anymore. This deserves a whole new paragraph.
Last April, I fell in love with this boy named Marcus. He was sweet, funny, and marriage minded. We agreed on so much stuff, like we didn't wanna' be dating just to be dating, that we were both seriously looking for life partners, that we wanted grow in our faith, and we both wanted to have kids one day. Well, many months down the line he started to become a jerk, then he started to become an a**hole. (Insert a whole bunch of events here) He finally told me what was going on with him. It turns out now that his 21st birthday is coming he kinda' wants to try the whole being young thing. You know, he want's to go clubbin', drinkin', and having a bunch of friends and some non serious girlfriends. Needless to say that when I heard that my heart sank. This obviously wasn't the same Marcus that I had been talking about marriage with 9 months ago. Well, he comes to the desicion that he's really in love with me and he doesn't want to lose a good thing. Okay, so I figured that was settled. Things kind of cooled off between us and I thought things were going well. Recently those a**hole tendencies are coming back. My theory is that he really doesn't want to be with me since I'm not the clubbing type. He want's me to break up with him so he can get out of this relationship guilt free. I mean, it's not his fault if I break up with him right? So that means he can be free to go out and do his thing. I think he's really just trying to push me away. Like tonight he said to me that it would be better for him to save money and not get married and have kids. He actually said to me, that he isn't sure that he want's to have kids anymore. <-- Needless to say I was absolutely furious. I started to say, "Why are we dating if you don't want to have a family? Isn't it just a waste of time?". I didn't cause I know what he would say then, "Yeah, I gues it is. Why don't you break up with me then?". He's been doing that quite a bit. He'll get me all in a huff and then ask me why am I still with him hoping that I'll say something like, "I don't know, let's break up." But I'm not getting out of the picture that quickly. Unless he dumps me I'm not going anywhere. Even though lately it's been really hard. He's really been swearing at me and just talking to me like a dog somedays. I know after he reads this he's gonna' be like, "Why don't you break up with me then?". I'm just gonna' grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not letting him go this easily. I know that Marcus that I fell in love with is in there somewhere. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that he'll come back before anything bad happens.
Last April, I fell in love with this boy named Marcus. He was sweet, funny, and marriage minded. We agreed on so much stuff, like we didn't wanna' be dating just to be dating, that we were both seriously looking for life partners, that we wanted grow in our faith, and we both wanted to have kids one day. Well, many months down the line he started to become a jerk, then he started to become an a**hole. (Insert a whole bunch of events here) He finally told me what was going on with him. It turns out now that his 21st birthday is coming he kinda' wants to try the whole being young thing. You know, he want's to go clubbin', drinkin', and having a bunch of friends and some non serious girlfriends. Needless to say that when I heard that my heart sank. This obviously wasn't the same Marcus that I had been talking about marriage with 9 months ago. Well, he comes to the desicion that he's really in love with me and he doesn't want to lose a good thing. Okay, so I figured that was settled. Things kind of cooled off between us and I thought things were going well. Recently those a**hole tendencies are coming back. My theory is that he really doesn't want to be with me since I'm not the clubbing type. He want's me to break up with him so he can get out of this relationship guilt free. I mean, it's not his fault if I break up with him right? So that means he can be free to go out and do his thing. I think he's really just trying to push me away. Like tonight he said to me that it would be better for him to save money and not get married and have kids. He actually said to me, that he isn't sure that he want's to have kids anymore. <-- Needless to say I was absolutely furious. I started to say, "Why are we dating if you don't want to have a family? Isn't it just a waste of time?". I didn't cause I know what he would say then, "Yeah, I gues it is. Why don't you break up with me then?". He's been doing that quite a bit. He'll get me all in a huff and then ask me why am I still with him hoping that I'll say something like, "I don't know, let's break up." But I'm not getting out of the picture that quickly. Unless he dumps me I'm not going anywhere. Even though lately it's been really hard. He's really been swearing at me and just talking to me like a dog somedays. I know after he reads this he's gonna' be like, "Why don't you break up with me then?". I'm just gonna' grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not letting him go this easily. I know that Marcus that I fell in love with is in there somewhere. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that he'll come back before anything bad happens.