Happy Birthday to Me!
When I turned 30 I decided to try to write something smart (as in aleck) every five years on my birthday. Well it hasn’t been quite five years yet but under the circumstances I thought I would cheat a bit. You see today I turned 43. For most that is not a big deal. It’s not the dreaded 30 or the oh my god, I’m 50 or the thank God 65 I can finally retire. No just plain old 43. The difference with me is that way back in 1987 just after my first bout with cancer left me in a wheelchair I was told that just being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life would shorten my lifespan by 10-15 years. Then in 1993 I had to have an amputation done on my left leg, it was a complete amputation not one of those just above or below the knee types. The doc’s informed me that an amputation such as mine and the infection that caused it and what it did to my body and system would likely shorten my life span by 10-15 years. Recently I had a long sit down talk with my family saw bones that I have went to for more then 30 years and he bluntly told me he thought I would be lucky to make it to 50.
Well here we are in 2008. So I am thinking about this; Back when I was younger I took and age test at a docs office to see how long I would live, I took one again recently not figuring in my past and present medical problems. Both results were age 75. That would be my likely lifespan. So now if we do a little math we find that 75-20=55 and 75-30 =45. So now you can see why I write this now. Now if I am to believe the doc’s, I only have 2-7 years to live. Now that is something sobering. I’ve seen cancer patients with better prognosis. Then I think about just how bad a shape I really am in - other wise I wouldn’t be writing this from a hospital bed - and I begin to worry a bit if the doc’s just may have been in the ballpark all along.
The thought of dying really doesn’t bother me. I know a lot of folks think I am lying about that but it is true. It really doesn’t. What bothers me, really bothers me is all the things I have yet to do that I want to do and the thought of leaving the LOML and my best friend and friends behind. Not to mention my baby girl, Annie (she’s a cocker spaniel by the way). Yes that is what aggravates me the most, not doing everything I wanted to do.
Don’t get me wrong. If you talk to those who know me they will tell you that I have probably done more than the majority of people twice my age. I won’t list all the endeavors and adventures I have taken since I don’t plan on this being a book but there are a few things I really would have loved to have done. Some of them are,
Serve in the Army or Navy - I was enlisted. I had even drilled with the local Guard Unit. I had done everything but say my final I swears, get on the bus to Ft. Benning and become a soldier for the greatest country in the world, the US of A. But fate stepped in and put a halt to it. A long time friend called and asked me to play in a charity softball tourney. They were short a player so I filled in at first base where I usually played. I agreed and in the fifth inning there was a pop up over my head heading into foul territory. I turned and took after it hoping to make an over the shoulder catch. So as I am running looking back over my shoulder watching the ball, not the ground or the fence I step into a small shallow trench that had been dug to help shed off water from the field. I must have hit the depression on an angle because it caused my knee to lock backwards and keep going. I hyper extended it big time or so I thought.
To make a long story short the doc said not only had I hyper extended it but I also tore a bunch of cartilage loose. The knee was completely blown. Crutches and a soft cast was the order of the day until it healed or I had surgery. The Recruitment Sergeant upon seeing me come into the recruiting center quietly got up went and pulled my file and orders and ran them through the shredder. He tuned around and said. Sorry, can’t use ya.
I got used to the phrase a lot over the years. I rehabbed my knee and tried to join the Navy, Marines, Air Force - but the word was out that I had a chronic blown knee. Sorry, can’t use ya was a popular saying. If I had only known how many times I would hear it after I got in the wheelchair. Seems there are a lot of companies out there that simply don’t like to hire someone in a wheelchair, especially when it doesn’t fit the persona of the job. For example, one of my college stints was learning to be a diesel mechanic (pre-wheelchair). I was ASE certified for those that knows what that means and I kept my ASE certification until 2000. So from 1987 to 2000 on of the jobs I tried, begged, and pleaded people to hire me was to be a counter man or parts manager at parts stores for trucks, heavy equipment, and autos. I tried independent stores, chains, and dealerships (for semi’s, Hvy Equipment, and tractors). No one would touch me because Diesel work is a manly mans work and you can’t be a manly man if you are a cripple; or something like that.
I never got to play on a real hockey team.
I never got travel overseas when I was old enough to appreciate it.
I never got to go to Washing DC and the National Museum and Archives.
I never got to jump out of airplanes again. I never got to try my hand at being a professional fisherman.
I never got to slow dance with the LOML.
There are too many to list let alone expound on like I have a tendency to do.
Plus it’s hard to think about, especially the personal ones I can't list.
All in All I have had a wonderful and good life.
There were and are plenty of down and bad times, sickness knows no bounds but when it gets right down to it - Life’s been good.
If it is true that I only have a short time left on the earth then that’s ok I guess. I have faith in what is next and it sounds pretty darn good as well.
So what have I learned these past years since my last note to the world on my birthday? I’ve re-learned what I have always known but sometimes forgot, that a best friend is the only friend you will ever need and once thought basic friend can turn out to be one of the loyalist friends you will ever have. I have also learned that in a relationship even when the worst problems happen, things usually can be solved with a patience and love. Sometimes they can’t unfortunately as I witnessed with my best friend. On occasion there can be extenuating circumstances that factor in, that was sadly the case this time. I have learned that I am not as physically tough or mentally tough as I thought I was. Of course age and illness I think contributed a lot to that. Over the years, constantly having to fight off infections has really worn my body down. It hasn’t done my state of mind and help either.
I have learned to appreciate every day and every moment with those I love.
That is something I have taken for granted for far to long. I thought I would have learned it by the time my Dad died - all the time I intentionally stayed away thinking is was grown up and cool. I was a child and acting very childish and very stupid.
But as I said Life is Good.
What’s next is Better.
Keep the Faith.
Jerry
Well here we are in 2008. So I am thinking about this; Back when I was younger I took and age test at a docs office to see how long I would live, I took one again recently not figuring in my past and present medical problems. Both results were age 75. That would be my likely lifespan. So now if we do a little math we find that 75-20=55 and 75-30 =45. So now you can see why I write this now. Now if I am to believe the doc’s, I only have 2-7 years to live. Now that is something sobering. I’ve seen cancer patients with better prognosis. Then I think about just how bad a shape I really am in - other wise I wouldn’t be writing this from a hospital bed - and I begin to worry a bit if the doc’s just may have been in the ballpark all along.
The thought of dying really doesn’t bother me. I know a lot of folks think I am lying about that but it is true. It really doesn’t. What bothers me, really bothers me is all the things I have yet to do that I want to do and the thought of leaving the LOML and my best friend and friends behind. Not to mention my baby girl, Annie (she’s a cocker spaniel by the way). Yes that is what aggravates me the most, not doing everything I wanted to do.
Don’t get me wrong. If you talk to those who know me they will tell you that I have probably done more than the majority of people twice my age. I won’t list all the endeavors and adventures I have taken since I don’t plan on this being a book but there are a few things I really would have loved to have done. Some of them are,
Serve in the Army or Navy - I was enlisted. I had even drilled with the local Guard Unit. I had done everything but say my final I swears, get on the bus to Ft. Benning and become a soldier for the greatest country in the world, the US of A. But fate stepped in and put a halt to it. A long time friend called and asked me to play in a charity softball tourney. They were short a player so I filled in at first base where I usually played. I agreed and in the fifth inning there was a pop up over my head heading into foul territory. I turned and took after it hoping to make an over the shoulder catch. So as I am running looking back over my shoulder watching the ball, not the ground or the fence I step into a small shallow trench that had been dug to help shed off water from the field. I must have hit the depression on an angle because it caused my knee to lock backwards and keep going. I hyper extended it big time or so I thought.
To make a long story short the doc said not only had I hyper extended it but I also tore a bunch of cartilage loose. The knee was completely blown. Crutches and a soft cast was the order of the day until it healed or I had surgery. The Recruitment Sergeant upon seeing me come into the recruiting center quietly got up went and pulled my file and orders and ran them through the shredder. He tuned around and said. Sorry, can’t use ya.
I got used to the phrase a lot over the years. I rehabbed my knee and tried to join the Navy, Marines, Air Force - but the word was out that I had a chronic blown knee. Sorry, can’t use ya was a popular saying. If I had only known how many times I would hear it after I got in the wheelchair. Seems there are a lot of companies out there that simply don’t like to hire someone in a wheelchair, especially when it doesn’t fit the persona of the job. For example, one of my college stints was learning to be a diesel mechanic (pre-wheelchair). I was ASE certified for those that knows what that means and I kept my ASE certification until 2000. So from 1987 to 2000 on of the jobs I tried, begged, and pleaded people to hire me was to be a counter man or parts manager at parts stores for trucks, heavy equipment, and autos. I tried independent stores, chains, and dealerships (for semi’s, Hvy Equipment, and tractors). No one would touch me because Diesel work is a manly mans work and you can’t be a manly man if you are a cripple; or something like that.
I never got to play on a real hockey team.
I never got travel overseas when I was old enough to appreciate it.
I never got to go to Washing DC and the National Museum and Archives.
I never got to jump out of airplanes again. I never got to try my hand at being a professional fisherman.
I never got to slow dance with the LOML.
There are too many to list let alone expound on like I have a tendency to do.
Plus it’s hard to think about, especially the personal ones I can't list.
All in All I have had a wonderful and good life.
There were and are plenty of down and bad times, sickness knows no bounds but when it gets right down to it - Life’s been good.
If it is true that I only have a short time left on the earth then that’s ok I guess. I have faith in what is next and it sounds pretty darn good as well.
So what have I learned these past years since my last note to the world on my birthday? I’ve re-learned what I have always known but sometimes forgot, that a best friend is the only friend you will ever need and once thought basic friend can turn out to be one of the loyalist friends you will ever have. I have also learned that in a relationship even when the worst problems happen, things usually can be solved with a patience and love. Sometimes they can’t unfortunately as I witnessed with my best friend. On occasion there can be extenuating circumstances that factor in, that was sadly the case this time. I have learned that I am not as physically tough or mentally tough as I thought I was. Of course age and illness I think contributed a lot to that. Over the years, constantly having to fight off infections has really worn my body down. It hasn’t done my state of mind and help either.
I have learned to appreciate every day and every moment with those I love.
That is something I have taken for granted for far to long. I thought I would have learned it by the time my Dad died - all the time I intentionally stayed away thinking is was grown up and cool. I was a child and acting very childish and very stupid.
But as I said Life is Good.
What’s next is Better.
Keep the Faith.
Jerry