What if...

[jrjelinek]

What if you gave everything that you had and only managed to just get by with that effort? The events of the last few days have surfaced this question, over and over, in my head. What started this? In the last few days I took 3 exams, which I extensively studied for, and on each one came up either barely passing or failing. What does this tell me? It tells me that my best effort will just get me by, if I am lucky. Of course after seeing this result three times in past few days I start to believe this is case. Is not college supposed to prepare me for the real world? If this is the case then my best effort in life could only suffice expectations and never exceed, much less satisfy, them. This is more or less an apology to everybody for failing to meet their expectations as a fellow student, as a friend, as a brother and as a son. I am sorry that my best was not good enough and I could not even go back and try harder because I gave everything I had. How can I give more than I have? How can I go above and beyond when I cannot even make expectations?

This is for my broken heart
This is for the days I can't find my way back home
This is for my failed attempts
This is for the days I can't pick myself up again

I go through life searching for the truth
Trying so hard not to fall
I still hold the hope that everything will be alright
And I will have nothing to fear

That hope I speak of is really the only thing I have left going for me. The hope of turning my life around for the thousandth time. The hope of finally succeeding in life. The hope that my best will be more than just getting by.

~Jim