so close, and yet so far away....
So i figured out why i dont ost nearly as much as most people...
Cuz i always have one whopper of a post when i do, and it usually takes a while for me to get my words together.:)
but here goes..
Is it wrong for me to want her back?
Undoubtedly youve heard the story of the ex. The happiness, the sadness, the dissing and the heartache. The pain, the breakup, and the things to x-rated for this journal.
Well here is what i think is the final chapter....the aftermath.
Ive been talking to alot fo girl lately, in hopes that i find that 'one' i'm looking for. But despite it all, "she" keeps coming back to mind. That beautiful face that could make a million men wanna break up with there women. That flowing red hair so rarely seen on a woman. That model-esque body that would make any man turn and say "damn!!" Now combine all these attributes and you have in my mind, the perfect woman.
and thats just the physical.
She's smart, funny, has a wonderful smile. She holds the power to be your best friend as well as your girlfriend. She's a kid at heart, who never gives the impression that she'll grow old and bitter. She was in this sense, perfect.
"horse crocky!!!"
i can here you all saying that.
"she cant be perfect, no one is."
true...
But!
It is all in the eyes of the beholder. With her only negative flaw being her mistreatment by exs, how can i say she isnt perfect? Lets go back. Look at my physical and non physical attributes. Those arent the first time i've either typed or said those words aloud. Those words are what im convinced 'the one' for me exhibits.
and there in lies the dilemma....
i threw away the 'one'
"Now Josh, you had a good reason!!"
true...but....
is it really justified to throw away the 'one' over a little thing? i mean yea, heartache isnt a little thing, but shit.
I loved her.......more than words could ever express.
I often look back on that time, and see a whole nother person.
I see an internally and externally happy me...
i see a man who has a purpose....
i see a man who's erratic nature and promiscuous life humbled....
Why?
her....
she humbled me...just like my Sergant said she would.
She gave me renewed focus at work. Renewed focus on life.....
what can i say? I loved her. Loved her more than i have any other girl.
*Author's note* I've only truely loved 2 women in my life. Put together, my love for those two can not compare to what i felt for this woman.
And you know what sucks?
After everything that happened...the accusations, the hate, the anger of it all...I still love her. I fight back ever urge to tell her i do because i know what has been done, has been done. And accordingly, i have no chance in winning her back.
"But Josh!! Youre the man!. Everyone loves you! Youre like the perfect guy. Youre sweet, caring, loving, and you speak truth. Why wouldnt a girl take you back?"
I hear that shit all the time from my friends and girls auditioning to replace her.
But i answer those questions with this...
"IF IM SO GOD DAMN PERFECT, WHY CANT I HAVE HER BACK?"
I think its safe to say the term "hooked" can be applied here. We broke up in August, one month ago, and yet....i cant let go. Could it be because of our wonderful weekend together? Is it because subconciously, i know that from what i learned about her, i know (or feel) i was her 'one'? Or could it be because of the aformentioned fact that she was/is 'the one' and no girl could ever be as good as her....
As i'm typing this, i get the sense that its a little of both. I mean she has a man now...and i dont a single thing about him...but i'm already convinced he's not good enough for her.
conceited? hardly.
its just a feeling i get...partially because im still in love with her, partially because i saw something in her when we together. I found a girl who was happy....a girl who found what she was looking for before having it all torn away from her.
Amazing isnt it?
me...torn between my choices and my beliefs. At war with myself over my actions which many approve of. But the war stems from the fact that the one person who need to approve of his actions, doesnt.
But yet if you see me ont he street, you wouldnt see me at wr with myself. You'd think i was one of the happiest guys on the planet. And if you think that, then i must be one helluva actor.
Where's my fucking oscar?
Coming to a theatre near you....a paramount film.....Life......starring Joshua Cirilo.
and the line that guarantees me an oscar...
"I'm happy"
HA
dont even vote, just gimme my god damn award.
you have no fucking clue what goes on im my head.
and if you did, you'd either be sad, sympathetic, or scared.
and here's the kicker...this all stems from 'her'
Let this be a declaration! women do have the power. If they can make even the strongest of men collapse under emotions, then who are we to say they are weak?
if only she'd take me back...
i dont think my world will ever be right unless she does. But shit...shes spoken for already...
crap...
Well now to put my mask back on. Cant have my Marines thinking theres something wrong with their Corporal.
This act just might win me another oscar...
"That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore"
Far Away - Nickelback
I Love You...can't you see that?
Cuz i always have one whopper of a post when i do, and it usually takes a while for me to get my words together.:)
but here goes..
Is it wrong for me to want her back?
Undoubtedly youve heard the story of the ex. The happiness, the sadness, the dissing and the heartache. The pain, the breakup, and the things to x-rated for this journal.
Well here is what i think is the final chapter....the aftermath.
Ive been talking to alot fo girl lately, in hopes that i find that 'one' i'm looking for. But despite it all, "she" keeps coming back to mind. That beautiful face that could make a million men wanna break up with there women. That flowing red hair so rarely seen on a woman. That model-esque body that would make any man turn and say "damn!!" Now combine all these attributes and you have in my mind, the perfect woman.
and thats just the physical.
She's smart, funny, has a wonderful smile. She holds the power to be your best friend as well as your girlfriend. She's a kid at heart, who never gives the impression that she'll grow old and bitter. She was in this sense, perfect.
"horse crocky!!!"
i can here you all saying that.
"she cant be perfect, no one is."
true...
But!
It is all in the eyes of the beholder. With her only negative flaw being her mistreatment by exs, how can i say she isnt perfect? Lets go back. Look at my physical and non physical attributes. Those arent the first time i've either typed or said those words aloud. Those words are what im convinced 'the one' for me exhibits.
and there in lies the dilemma....
i threw away the 'one'
"Now Josh, you had a good reason!!"
true...but....
is it really justified to throw away the 'one' over a little thing? i mean yea, heartache isnt a little thing, but shit.
I loved her.......more than words could ever express.
I often look back on that time, and see a whole nother person.
I see an internally and externally happy me...
i see a man who has a purpose....
i see a man who's erratic nature and promiscuous life humbled....
Why?
her....
she humbled me...just like my Sergant said she would.
She gave me renewed focus at work. Renewed focus on life.....
what can i say? I loved her. Loved her more than i have any other girl.
*Author's note* I've only truely loved 2 women in my life. Put together, my love for those two can not compare to what i felt for this woman.
And you know what sucks?
After everything that happened...the accusations, the hate, the anger of it all...I still love her. I fight back ever urge to tell her i do because i know what has been done, has been done. And accordingly, i have no chance in winning her back.
"But Josh!! Youre the man!. Everyone loves you! Youre like the perfect guy. Youre sweet, caring, loving, and you speak truth. Why wouldnt a girl take you back?"
I hear that shit all the time from my friends and girls auditioning to replace her.
But i answer those questions with this...
"IF IM SO GOD DAMN PERFECT, WHY CANT I HAVE HER BACK?"
I think its safe to say the term "hooked" can be applied here. We broke up in August, one month ago, and yet....i cant let go. Could it be because of our wonderful weekend together? Is it because subconciously, i know that from what i learned about her, i know (or feel) i was her 'one'? Or could it be because of the aformentioned fact that she was/is 'the one' and no girl could ever be as good as her....
As i'm typing this, i get the sense that its a little of both. I mean she has a man now...and i dont a single thing about him...but i'm already convinced he's not good enough for her.
conceited? hardly.
its just a feeling i get...partially because im still in love with her, partially because i saw something in her when we together. I found a girl who was happy....a girl who found what she was looking for before having it all torn away from her.
Amazing isnt it?
me...torn between my choices and my beliefs. At war with myself over my actions which many approve of. But the war stems from the fact that the one person who need to approve of his actions, doesnt.
But yet if you see me ont he street, you wouldnt see me at wr with myself. You'd think i was one of the happiest guys on the planet. And if you think that, then i must be one helluva actor.
Where's my fucking oscar?
Coming to a theatre near you....a paramount film.....Life......starring Joshua Cirilo.
and the line that guarantees me an oscar...
"I'm happy"
HA
dont even vote, just gimme my god damn award.
you have no fucking clue what goes on im my head.
and if you did, you'd either be sad, sympathetic, or scared.
and here's the kicker...this all stems from 'her'
Let this be a declaration! women do have the power. If they can make even the strongest of men collapse under emotions, then who are we to say they are weak?
if only she'd take me back...
i dont think my world will ever be right unless she does. But shit...shes spoken for already...
crap...
Well now to put my mask back on. Cant have my Marines thinking theres something wrong with their Corporal.
This act just might win me another oscar...
"That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore"
Far Away - Nickelback
I Love You...can't you see that?