Leave your lights on
It is not the test of man when he stands before the storm with friends, nor even if he is standing before the storm alone and does not shy away is that even a test of his character and metals. It is not what a person does in life, nor what they think. The roads a person has travelled, the people they have met, the adventures that have been had and the choices that they have made.
No none of these things are true tests of a person.
The truest test of a person is when all is quiet, and sitting alone in the darkness they have a change to see what looks back at them. And being alone with there own demons and angels, that a man can have strength enough to not just tolerate his own company; but also enjoy his own company.
When I sit alone, at night, in the bleak darkness and my demons close around...
...it was that they would shrink as I focussed on them...
...but more often then not I find recently the demons are winning and in the darkness I can stand myself, but that life is not a joy and that I shrink at the thought of another day. I do not shtink in the way most do thinking selfishly of release or an end. I shrink as of a man with great sorrow and weight on his soul. An yet, I know deep down that most people are much worse off than I am. That my worries are very small incomparison to others and I have to wonder: how do people go on? How when the darkness seems to be all consuming, when the light waivers, the road is overgrown and you are lost does a man find his way again?
The path is not clear, my legs carry me where they may, my soul remains burdenned but unstained and I move along as many must and I too must as well. Yet sometimes, sitting in the darkness I feel myself asking "why?" and shouting to God; "Hey! Hey you up there! Where the heck did that neat and dandy path I had in HS go? I knew my way then! I knew where to go, what to do; things were either right or wrong?! Not grey! Get your message down here to me so I might have some clue what I'm doing down here is right!"
I can't complain too largely for often times my strength is with God.
And God does listen, and sends messages; I think that sometimes my questions have just become too complex for some simple and controlled answer to come.
But still I watch for the sign....
....that the sun will rise, hope return, and the darkness will be gone and the shadow smaller in the light the next day.
No none of these things are true tests of a person.
The truest test of a person is when all is quiet, and sitting alone in the darkness they have a change to see what looks back at them. And being alone with there own demons and angels, that a man can have strength enough to not just tolerate his own company; but also enjoy his own company.
When I sit alone, at night, in the bleak darkness and my demons close around...
...it was that they would shrink as I focussed on them...
...but more often then not I find recently the demons are winning and in the darkness I can stand myself, but that life is not a joy and that I shrink at the thought of another day. I do not shtink in the way most do thinking selfishly of release or an end. I shrink as of a man with great sorrow and weight on his soul. An yet, I know deep down that most people are much worse off than I am. That my worries are very small incomparison to others and I have to wonder: how do people go on? How when the darkness seems to be all consuming, when the light waivers, the road is overgrown and you are lost does a man find his way again?
The path is not clear, my legs carry me where they may, my soul remains burdenned but unstained and I move along as many must and I too must as well. Yet sometimes, sitting in the darkness I feel myself asking "why?" and shouting to God; "Hey! Hey you up there! Where the heck did that neat and dandy path I had in HS go? I knew my way then! I knew where to go, what to do; things were either right or wrong?! Not grey! Get your message down here to me so I might have some clue what I'm doing down here is right!"
I can't complain too largely for often times my strength is with God.
And God does listen, and sends messages; I think that sometimes my questions have just become too complex for some simple and controlled answer to come.
But still I watch for the sign....
....that the sun will rise, hope return, and the darkness will be gone and the shadow smaller in the light the next day.