(no subject)
The Home Run that missed....
This summer I took a chance and asked out this stellar girl who I had had a crush on for some time; and guess what...it turns out that she likes me too! And that I was able to be her Boyfriend, if only for the short time of the summer. I don't know what happened. The ball was fair! It was a swing and an outside pitch low and away; I connected and that exstacy you feel when you hit that grand slam homer.....well I felt it! It was wonderful!
And then something happened. Or didn't. Or perhaps things happened as I knew they would and must. to be certain I was in disbelief or shock. A good movie is made by being able to suspend disbelief. A good play or novel or anything that is written and is not experienced first hand requires that first the person buy into what it is they are reading, or seeing, etc. This is really how people get through life. They buy into the ideals, ideas, concepts, dreams, happenings both real and fake. They buy into these things because it is within human nature to hope or at the very least it is within my nature to hope. Hope for a wonderful tomorrow where things work out; ya get the girl, evil triumphs over good and all those things happen which we want to happen.
Of course what fails to happen and what shortcomings there are in life come out of the ability to understand and perhaps see that disbelief and the large gap which exists between reality, faith, hope, doubt, and living. Wisdom is unknown in this case.
Did I know that Jillie was going back to school?
Yes
Did I know she was 17 soon to be 18 and I was twenty?
Well...DUH!
Did I think that this would work out and that things would be peachie hunky dorry and all those other slang catchphrases which cause people to be happy?
No..not really BUT I did expect to be able to work for this, this thing was worth fighting for, trying, failing, getting up and trying again it was worth the sacrafice, the kind gestures and all those things that relationships should be worth.
Now for all those who know me, the answer you are all asking is kinda clear.....and Yes I am glad that no alcohol is within the vacinity to drink; for i would be drinking up a storm and going out...perhaps from the failing of my faith or perhaps just to not feel so helpless.
The thing everyone always forgets in relationships is that YOUR plans are selfish. Doesn't matter who the YOUR is.....me, you, them, they, those guys...doesn't matter. It all starts with the "i" and the "What is best for me, or what would I do?" Sorry but it does, guarenteed. So now for my selfishness.....I admit it; I ignored Jill's side of things. I ignored the fact that she is 17; and focused on us(inclusive of me). I knew, but ignored, that she would be starting her first year of college soon. I thought that I was a great catch and as conceited as it sounds....I thought that she had done pretty well in snagging me....such are the downfalls of being one person, one view. And yet I, in my infinite wisdom, philosophy, intelligence....I, me, as I am Well I don't know how to react. I can't be mad at her. She hasn't done anything but be honest. I can't be mad at me...cause I couldn't have done otherwise...perhaps a few things with expanding the relationship; but I don't think it would have mattered. All i can say is I understand her side, and mine...and it hurts...but it hurts because I was beginning to enjoy having a girlfriend as wonderful as I had, as beautiful, and is thoughtful. I am saddened, and I have no where to go with it but to say...I can't be mad.
I'm going to walk, smoke a cigar, take out the garbage, go to bed and hope that tomorrow when I wake up...perhaps I can happy, or perhaps just pleasant enough to enjoy the day. None the less...a piece of the puzzle which is my life has shifted and fallen under the table and I don't know where it goes anymore.
This summer I took a chance and asked out this stellar girl who I had had a crush on for some time; and guess what...it turns out that she likes me too! And that I was able to be her Boyfriend, if only for the short time of the summer. I don't know what happened. The ball was fair! It was a swing and an outside pitch low and away; I connected and that exstacy you feel when you hit that grand slam homer.....well I felt it! It was wonderful!
And then something happened. Or didn't. Or perhaps things happened as I knew they would and must. to be certain I was in disbelief or shock. A good movie is made by being able to suspend disbelief. A good play or novel or anything that is written and is not experienced first hand requires that first the person buy into what it is they are reading, or seeing, etc. This is really how people get through life. They buy into the ideals, ideas, concepts, dreams, happenings both real and fake. They buy into these things because it is within human nature to hope or at the very least it is within my nature to hope. Hope for a wonderful tomorrow where things work out; ya get the girl, evil triumphs over good and all those things happen which we want to happen.
Of course what fails to happen and what shortcomings there are in life come out of the ability to understand and perhaps see that disbelief and the large gap which exists between reality, faith, hope, doubt, and living. Wisdom is unknown in this case.
Did I know that Jillie was going back to school?
Yes
Did I know she was 17 soon to be 18 and I was twenty?
Well...DUH!
Did I think that this would work out and that things would be peachie hunky dorry and all those other slang catchphrases which cause people to be happy?
No..not really BUT I did expect to be able to work for this, this thing was worth fighting for, trying, failing, getting up and trying again it was worth the sacrafice, the kind gestures and all those things that relationships should be worth.
Now for all those who know me, the answer you are all asking is kinda clear.....and Yes I am glad that no alcohol is within the vacinity to drink; for i would be drinking up a storm and going out...perhaps from the failing of my faith or perhaps just to not feel so helpless.
The thing everyone always forgets in relationships is that YOUR plans are selfish. Doesn't matter who the YOUR is.....me, you, them, they, those guys...doesn't matter. It all starts with the "i" and the "What is best for me, or what would I do?" Sorry but it does, guarenteed. So now for my selfishness.....I admit it; I ignored Jill's side of things. I ignored the fact that she is 17; and focused on us(inclusive of me). I knew, but ignored, that she would be starting her first year of college soon. I thought that I was a great catch and as conceited as it sounds....I thought that she had done pretty well in snagging me....such are the downfalls of being one person, one view. And yet I, in my infinite wisdom, philosophy, intelligence....I, me, as I am Well I don't know how to react. I can't be mad at her. She hasn't done anything but be honest. I can't be mad at me...cause I couldn't have done otherwise...perhaps a few things with expanding the relationship; but I don't think it would have mattered. All i can say is I understand her side, and mine...and it hurts...but it hurts because I was beginning to enjoy having a girlfriend as wonderful as I had, as beautiful, and is thoughtful. I am saddened, and I have no where to go with it but to say...I can't be mad.
I'm going to walk, smoke a cigar, take out the garbage, go to bed and hope that tomorrow when I wake up...perhaps I can happy, or perhaps just pleasant enough to enjoy the day. None the less...a piece of the puzzle which is my life has shifted and fallen under the table and I don't know where it goes anymore.