Is Death really as bad, as when it feels like you've died??
Thats a question I've started asking myself. I mean when you die, you really can't feel anything anylonger. And you know inside that you will soon be at a better place (At least I believe people will go to a better place), but when you are not dying, you are not yet going to that place, and yet still have to live on with that pain.
Its almost 5am. I'm still up. Really its no surprise, because I really haven't gotten much sleep since Lindsay left, and I really haven't gotten too much sleep since I didn't talk to her since my Birthday last Friday.
But now I can't sleep since I told her I thought it best if we stopped talking. I know Kelli you like this, I don't. I mean the last thing I really want is to stop talking to her. But I need for her to live her life how she wants to. I don't want her dating a guy (Which she told me that today) and have to talk to me, like I'm important, when I know to her I'm not. Or at least that is what I'm going to tell myself.
I mean I'm happy that she is happy and everything. I just don't think I could talk to her and know she is seeing someone. Someone who is in the place I so badly want to be in. AHHH!!! I'm surprisingly not that jealous of the situation though. I just hope he can make her as happy as she deserves to be. Someday I'll be back with her, so until then, maybe I should have fun?
No. I don't want anything or anyone else until I get my chance. So thats the next thing on my list. I read on somebody's LJ, "If you are going through hell, keep going." And I like that. I'm going through hell, so I'll keep going until I reach my destination. So my hell will be from now, til I get a chance to move to California. Then until I get to be with her. So...
So other then today sucking serious shit (Since I told her that at 1:14am) Yesterday was alright. I started my new job at SEARS. Today was just of paper work and some online coarse thingys. It was neato, I guess. I was up there with this other just hired guy and we were taking our online stuff, and I was like "Its 9:46pm (Store closes at 9), you think they forgot about us?" He said, "I don't know." So later at like 10, I say, "I hear footsteps." Then he goes, "I hear lights being switched off." Then all the lights in our room (And in the store) go off. So were both like... um. And so we start walking out of the room, out of the hall, around the turn and we see the manager walking towards the exit. I yell "Susan!" and she turns around, and shes like, "Oh my gosh!! I forgot all about you guys! I was going to lock you in the store."
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FREAKIN AWESOME, now that I think about it. I mean they have mattresses and stuff, so SWEET. I'd been sleeping on the clock. I'm sure its like impossible for it to happen but it would have been cool.
AHHH I MISS LINDSAY.
So another day, another day to die.
J.R. Dubya...
Ya know fuck it.
Jeremy
Its almost 5am. I'm still up. Really its no surprise, because I really haven't gotten much sleep since Lindsay left, and I really haven't gotten too much sleep since I didn't talk to her since my Birthday last Friday.
But now I can't sleep since I told her I thought it best if we stopped talking. I know Kelli you like this, I don't. I mean the last thing I really want is to stop talking to her. But I need for her to live her life how she wants to. I don't want her dating a guy (Which she told me that today) and have to talk to me, like I'm important, when I know to her I'm not. Or at least that is what I'm going to tell myself.
I mean I'm happy that she is happy and everything. I just don't think I could talk to her and know she is seeing someone. Someone who is in the place I so badly want to be in. AHHH!!! I'm surprisingly not that jealous of the situation though. I just hope he can make her as happy as she deserves to be. Someday I'll be back with her, so until then, maybe I should have fun?
No. I don't want anything or anyone else until I get my chance. So thats the next thing on my list. I read on somebody's LJ, "If you are going through hell, keep going." And I like that. I'm going through hell, so I'll keep going until I reach my destination. So my hell will be from now, til I get a chance to move to California. Then until I get to be with her. So...
So other then today sucking serious shit (Since I told her that at 1:14am) Yesterday was alright. I started my new job at SEARS. Today was just of paper work and some online coarse thingys. It was neato, I guess. I was up there with this other just hired guy and we were taking our online stuff, and I was like "Its 9:46pm (Store closes at 9), you think they forgot about us?" He said, "I don't know." So later at like 10, I say, "I hear footsteps." Then he goes, "I hear lights being switched off." Then all the lights in our room (And in the store) go off. So were both like... um. And so we start walking out of the room, out of the hall, around the turn and we see the manager walking towards the exit. I yell "Susan!" and she turns around, and shes like, "Oh my gosh!! I forgot all about you guys! I was going to lock you in the store."
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FREAKIN AWESOME, now that I think about it. I mean they have mattresses and stuff, so SWEET. I'd been sleeping on the clock. I'm sure its like impossible for it to happen but it would have been cool.
AHHH I MISS LINDSAY.
So another day, another day to die.
J.R. Dubya...
Ya know fuck it.
Jeremy