For someone in particular, although probably not you
I went to bed at 4:00AM
but couldn't sleep
my mind yelled
not words but pain, you understand, I know you do
you don't understand for me, but you understand
"I hope you don't think I led you on"
because I can't bring myself to cause you pain
I say, "No."
But maybe you led me on
just a bit
When I asked you to be gentle
Please be gentle
I said
Maybe you didn't understand
or you just didn't give a fuck
because you were in pain for someone else
Maybe I should have known better
Sure, I should have known better
but I saw you
Maybe just for a moment
And you needed not to be alone
maybe just for a moment
I didn't mean to be there or to see you like that
I am sorry I heard you
and sorrier still that I held you
You could have said
and I kind of wish you had
what you said
yesterday
maybe a thousand yesterdays ago
I would have heard you
I would have listened
Bonds of friendship and all that
but you didn't
I think you wondered
if
you've told me that you wondered
if
I wondered
what if
and I hoped
You made no promises
but you knew that I was standing there
in the rain
with flowers
You saw me standing there
in the rain
with flowers
and you knew they were for you
you could have not said maybe
and I would have gotten
back in my car
and played melissa etheridge loudly
and when I saw you
the next time my friends met
I could have laughed at me for being
foolish
and we would have been friends
real friends too
like die for you friends
maybe
but I told you that I felt something
how long ago was that
when it was safe
When it was something else
and you smiled
the selfish part of you that likes being looked at
the part that likes being special
and then it all got worse
I didn't know it would get worse
and maybe I wanted you to be something that you are not
and I held you
and I told you
and it got worse and it got stronger
then I stood naked in front of you
defenseless
unguarded
without any flowers or magic
and my pretty words fell to the asphalt
washed away with so much
that was somehow not enough
just me
alone
I woke this morning
an ache where the
maybe love part was
I will feel pathetic and alone
when I stand before you
in a few hours
because you will be standing next to people I call friends
and I won't know how to talk
or how to listen
or how to laugh
I am not what I am
but you that knew a thousand yesterdays ago
when I was better with words
but couldn't sleep
my mind yelled
not words but pain, you understand, I know you do
you don't understand for me, but you understand
"I hope you don't think I led you on"
because I can't bring myself to cause you pain
I say, "No."
But maybe you led me on
just a bit
When I asked you to be gentle
Please be gentle
I said
Maybe you didn't understand
or you just didn't give a fuck
because you were in pain for someone else
Maybe I should have known better
Sure, I should have known better
but I saw you
Maybe just for a moment
And you needed not to be alone
maybe just for a moment
I didn't mean to be there or to see you like that
I am sorry I heard you
and sorrier still that I held you
You could have said
and I kind of wish you had
what you said
yesterday
maybe a thousand yesterdays ago
I would have heard you
I would have listened
Bonds of friendship and all that
but you didn't
I think you wondered
if
you've told me that you wondered
if
I wondered
what if
and I hoped
You made no promises
but you knew that I was standing there
in the rain
with flowers
You saw me standing there
in the rain
with flowers
and you knew they were for you
you could have not said maybe
and I would have gotten
back in my car
and played melissa etheridge loudly
and when I saw you
the next time my friends met
I could have laughed at me for being
foolish
and we would have been friends
real friends too
like die for you friends
maybe
but I told you that I felt something
how long ago was that
when it was safe
When it was something else
and you smiled
the selfish part of you that likes being looked at
the part that likes being special
and then it all got worse
I didn't know it would get worse
and maybe I wanted you to be something that you are not
and I held you
and I told you
and it got worse and it got stronger
then I stood naked in front of you
defenseless
unguarded
without any flowers or magic
and my pretty words fell to the asphalt
washed away with so much
that was somehow not enough
just me
alone
I woke this morning
an ache where the
maybe love part was
I will feel pathetic and alone
when I stand before you
in a few hours
because you will be standing next to people I call friends
and I won't know how to talk
or how to listen
or how to laugh
I am not what I am
but you that knew a thousand yesterdays ago
when I was better with words