I should be on trial for everything I havent done
I feel i only write on here when i have to vent and have nothing positive to say. this my friends, is one of those times once more. Why have i not done anything that i have ever wanted to in my life. I wanted to move out west and go to school there. DIDNT (worried about money for travel). Wanted to learn a musical instrument. DIDNT (no real reson just scared of failure). Wanted to begin writing meningful words. DIDNT. (what could I possibly have to say when I havent lived a real life yet). Wanted to go find and go after someone I love. HAVENT (self conifidence running on empty). though I am sure this list could continue I feel every word typed adds another foot to the six feet I have already began to dig for myself. I am a 23 y/o college student who has no ambition and no passion. I did once. I swear this, At least I think I swear this. I did once right? I see myself in my friends and those I once called friends. They are living the life I sought for myself. The drive they have is what i imagined for myself when I thought the world was before me. I keep saying my time will come. oh yes my time will come, but how will it know where to find me when I hide in the shadows. This dark overcast on ym life is one I am not sure how to lift. Shit here I am looking for an grand revelation once again. this is why i am where i am. I wait and wait and wait for opportuinites to be great, to be what I always thought was fortold to me. well nothing has come. I can not play any musical ANYTHING, I still live in Illinois, Though I write now I know my words fall on uninterested deaf ears, and further more, I have not found that one that has been promised to me so many times before. The nice guy will get the girl in the end. Well fuck the end. what could is the end if there was no one there with you on your journey. I yet again i ramble on. let these words fade away with my future. let them circle anything meaningful with no hope of being worthy of recognition. let me fade away. let the darkness come over and cleanse my tired mind. let this be the last you hear of me until my fortune turns and I can once more look onto this world with hope and wonderment. as a did as a child, when the my future held hope and promise, and i believed I could be what I wanted.