Oh please just throw me from a window.
first::.. this entry is jsut going to ramble and go from one topic to another with little or no warning. be prepared. this is your only warning.
second::.. Im so fucking pissed. I got grass stains and drit on my new shoes tonight. Some people and I played Hunt and Capture The Flag and i wore my new shoes. I wasnt even thinking. ARGH. this sucks.
third::.. when did i step into the line marked "This Way Back To High School." I must have been dozing off or distracted by pretty lights but either way ive found myself here. Now i knwo i have changed alot as a person but apparently when i come home i revert back to how i was in high school. I am too passive; All i do i bitch and dont act on anything to change whats bothering me (more on this later); I care too much what others think of me again (for the msot part with a few exceptions), and i have good theories on thing but never follow my own advice. Furthermore, I havent hungout with any I had met a college yet. I dont like any of this at all. I was beginning to liek who I was becoming while I was at school but it seems when Im at home all that i strived for vanished without a fight.
fourth::.. I have determined that if I ever was to get on to the Real World I know which character type I would be. I'd be that somewhat funny, not ugly but not quite attractive guy who can just blend into the background at times. The one who is always there to be the mediator for everyone else trying to keep some order with things but never confronting the things that would make his time on the show really worthwhile. The guy who you are always rooting for to get some or get the girl but never does. The guy who is friends with most everyone in the house but no ones best friend. The guy the girls talk to when they have a problem... so basically im the character type that has now become the one they cast the gay guys in. Its so sad. but so true.
fifth::.. All I do is bitch and dont ever act on anything to make me happier. The big portion of this is summed up in me and the fairer sex. unless you were threatening me with the options of either, I having to tell a girl how I feel or sticking a hot cattle prod into my ear, I would also bitch out and never tell the person I care about how I feel. If i could change this about myself than I ahve a feeling that other aspects of my life wouldnt be so stressful. Another thing is acting how i want to. I am always saying how I act different at school and alot more outgoing but why cant i act liek that at home or around my good friends. I am the most reserved around my best friends. This isnt how normal people are. They loosen up with their friends and tighten up around strangers. What prevents me from acting how I want all the time?
sixth::.. I become fixated on a girl way too quickly. This is how it always happens with me and girls... I meet a new girl. Think shes pretty cool. Maybe thinks shes really cute. Talk to her alot at first. Think we have so much in common and that it just makes perfect sense for us to be together. I get emotionally drained jsut thinking about her. I DO NOT ever tell her how I feel. Eventuall i get the impression that she doesnt want ot tlak to me as much anymore. I start to become quiet around her or online and then eventually her and I tlak less and less. But she doesnt leave my mind completely. She gets filed away with the tohers who Ive gone thru the same crap with, and everytime i see her or here her name it hurts alittle for some reason. Welcome to Jeff's section on Unresolved Female Issues.
seventh::.. I think I say that looks dont matter as much to me as other guys but now i realize thats not true. They just somtimes have a different impression of whats hot. So i just see a "hot" girl and can tell shes a ditz or something and dont think twice abou her while other guys gawk over her and forget shes a walking brickwall. But sometimes I see a girl who is hot to me and so I "font notice" shes not the brightest girl that she has the personality as scrambled eggs. I have met so many awesome girls that were jsut ok cute wise and i have never thought of them romantically cause they didnt do it for me physically as much as a nother girl does. So basically even tho i say i look for a girl for the right reasons i realize that Someone who posted annonymously awhile ago was right, and I need to start lookign for girls for the right reasons and not superficial ones. But then again.. does this mean im settling for someone who doesnt exactly do it for me even just because she may be more willing to date me over a girl i find really attractive with a good personality. I dont want to settle, cause then Id always wonder.
eighth::.. I am mad at myself for not starting a workout routine. I always bitch about my skinnyness but then do nothing about it. I am sick of this.
ninth::.. I may be starting to loose my feelings for this certain person but I dont hink it has anything to do with me actually liking them or not. this may sound weird but listen. I may just be telling myself that Im getting over this perso so i can move on. but the thing is i wont move on. She'll just become a "What If" and i really dont want another one of those.
tenth::.. THATS FUCKING IT!!! I HATE BULLSHIT. I HATE PETTY SHIT. I FEE LIEK IM FUCKIGN BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL DEALING WITH STUPID CRAP. I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS PAST THIS!!
second::.. Im so fucking pissed. I got grass stains and drit on my new shoes tonight. Some people and I played Hunt and Capture The Flag and i wore my new shoes. I wasnt even thinking. ARGH. this sucks.
third::.. when did i step into the line marked "This Way Back To High School." I must have been dozing off or distracted by pretty lights but either way ive found myself here. Now i knwo i have changed alot as a person but apparently when i come home i revert back to how i was in high school. I am too passive; All i do i bitch and dont act on anything to change whats bothering me (more on this later); I care too much what others think of me again (for the msot part with a few exceptions), and i have good theories on thing but never follow my own advice. Furthermore, I havent hungout with any I had met a college yet. I dont like any of this at all. I was beginning to liek who I was becoming while I was at school but it seems when Im at home all that i strived for vanished without a fight.
fourth::.. I have determined that if I ever was to get on to the Real World I know which character type I would be. I'd be that somewhat funny, not ugly but not quite attractive guy who can just blend into the background at times. The one who is always there to be the mediator for everyone else trying to keep some order with things but never confronting the things that would make his time on the show really worthwhile. The guy who you are always rooting for to get some or get the girl but never does. The guy who is friends with most everyone in the house but no ones best friend. The guy the girls talk to when they have a problem... so basically im the character type that has now become the one they cast the gay guys in. Its so sad. but so true.
fifth::.. All I do is bitch and dont ever act on anything to make me happier. The big portion of this is summed up in me and the fairer sex. unless you were threatening me with the options of either, I having to tell a girl how I feel or sticking a hot cattle prod into my ear, I would also bitch out and never tell the person I care about how I feel. If i could change this about myself than I ahve a feeling that other aspects of my life wouldnt be so stressful. Another thing is acting how i want to. I am always saying how I act different at school and alot more outgoing but why cant i act liek that at home or around my good friends. I am the most reserved around my best friends. This isnt how normal people are. They loosen up with their friends and tighten up around strangers. What prevents me from acting how I want all the time?
sixth::.. I become fixated on a girl way too quickly. This is how it always happens with me and girls... I meet a new girl. Think shes pretty cool. Maybe thinks shes really cute. Talk to her alot at first. Think we have so much in common and that it just makes perfect sense for us to be together. I get emotionally drained jsut thinking about her. I DO NOT ever tell her how I feel. Eventuall i get the impression that she doesnt want ot tlak to me as much anymore. I start to become quiet around her or online and then eventually her and I tlak less and less. But she doesnt leave my mind completely. She gets filed away with the tohers who Ive gone thru the same crap with, and everytime i see her or here her name it hurts alittle for some reason. Welcome to Jeff's section on Unresolved Female Issues.
seventh::.. I think I say that looks dont matter as much to me as other guys but now i realize thats not true. They just somtimes have a different impression of whats hot. So i just see a "hot" girl and can tell shes a ditz or something and dont think twice abou her while other guys gawk over her and forget shes a walking brickwall. But sometimes I see a girl who is hot to me and so I "font notice" shes not the brightest girl that she has the personality as scrambled eggs. I have met so many awesome girls that were jsut ok cute wise and i have never thought of them romantically cause they didnt do it for me physically as much as a nother girl does. So basically even tho i say i look for a girl for the right reasons i realize that Someone who posted annonymously awhile ago was right, and I need to start lookign for girls for the right reasons and not superficial ones. But then again.. does this mean im settling for someone who doesnt exactly do it for me even just because she may be more willing to date me over a girl i find really attractive with a good personality. I dont want to settle, cause then Id always wonder.
eighth::.. I am mad at myself for not starting a workout routine. I always bitch about my skinnyness but then do nothing about it. I am sick of this.
ninth::.. I may be starting to loose my feelings for this certain person but I dont hink it has anything to do with me actually liking them or not. this may sound weird but listen. I may just be telling myself that Im getting over this perso so i can move on. but the thing is i wont move on. She'll just become a "What If" and i really dont want another one of those.
tenth::.. THATS FUCKING IT!!! I HATE BULLSHIT. I HATE PETTY SHIT. I FEE LIEK IM FUCKIGN BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL DEALING WITH STUPID CRAP. I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS PAST THIS!!