(no subject)
They say you can never go home again. I have felt this truth in this recently. I went home to Louisiana for a few days for my brother's graduation. Though I hadn't been there in several years, I was so shocked to see the extreme changes, everywhere. I seemed like when I lived there, everything remained the same, but the moment I left, the wheels of progress began to spin. It's was nothing short of crazy and surreal the expect the home I once lived in and totally get another place. There was something different on every corner.
The only reason I really mention this is because I have never left what I now consider to be such a large part of my home, only to find that there really is not a place for me, anyway. The general hostility that I feel within it is so unsetling. I feel like I lived there, thrived there, learned to breathe and create there, only to have one seemingly disgruntled human being remove it all from my grasp. I know it's part of growing up, but this isn't a situation where I grew out of something. There is so much room for growth within, but I feel lately that they have made the decision that the possible responsibility is not something they're interested in. I'm still welcomed and imagined to be part of the whole, but in reality, I've become a seperate entity, sitting off the the side. Had the seperation been by choice, a deliberate decision made because I felt it was time to seperate and move on, I would leave cherishing good memories and feeling as if the foundation of my passion came from the participation within such an organization. I guess all good things have to come to an end and every era of comes to a close, it just hurts so much to know that someone I cherished as a friend could become something so angry and removed from his former self. I know where it started and I can trace the path he took to becoming this person, as well as the catalyst to the feelings that he holds against me. He has taken something totally unrelated into his own life and decided that he has to weather to storm alongside, thus injuring what relationship we used to have. I wish someone would stop him and finally let him know what he really has invested himself into, what it's really like and all of the things he isn't seeing. The truth though, is that I highly doubt it would change anything. He has decided to forfeit everything for it and that's just a choice that I have to get over. In the end, I think I just feel betrayed. I had a friend taken away a replaced with a miserable and atrocious replacement. Someone that isn't even really worth writing this entry over. But, the friend I used to have was worth a million heartfelt journal entries. Consider this in his memory.
The only reason I really mention this is because I have never left what I now consider to be such a large part of my home, only to find that there really is not a place for me, anyway. The general hostility that I feel within it is so unsetling. I feel like I lived there, thrived there, learned to breathe and create there, only to have one seemingly disgruntled human being remove it all from my grasp. I know it's part of growing up, but this isn't a situation where I grew out of something. There is so much room for growth within, but I feel lately that they have made the decision that the possible responsibility is not something they're interested in. I'm still welcomed and imagined to be part of the whole, but in reality, I've become a seperate entity, sitting off the the side. Had the seperation been by choice, a deliberate decision made because I felt it was time to seperate and move on, I would leave cherishing good memories and feeling as if the foundation of my passion came from the participation within such an organization. I guess all good things have to come to an end and every era of comes to a close, it just hurts so much to know that someone I cherished as a friend could become something so angry and removed from his former self. I know where it started and I can trace the path he took to becoming this person, as well as the catalyst to the feelings that he holds against me. He has taken something totally unrelated into his own life and decided that he has to weather to storm alongside, thus injuring what relationship we used to have. I wish someone would stop him and finally let him know what he really has invested himself into, what it's really like and all of the things he isn't seeing. The truth though, is that I highly doubt it would change anything. He has decided to forfeit everything for it and that's just a choice that I have to get over. In the end, I think I just feel betrayed. I had a friend taken away a replaced with a miserable and atrocious replacement. Someone that isn't even really worth writing this entry over. But, the friend I used to have was worth a million heartfelt journal entries. Consider this in his memory.