Always
So I have an interview setup for today... 11 this morning... 9 hours from now.
I've always found typing my thoughts out on the internet was always easier than talking about them but now... they both seem to be a little difficult.
The medication I'm on kind of keeps me... ok, it really does well at keeping me very balanced. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I know I still have some underlying issues I should probably look into solving... for starters I'm currently down about 25 pounds (200 - 175 since February). It's not that I'm not eating, because I am, but only when I feel hungry. I dunno, it's strange but I've just stopped having several of the desires that I once did.
I think I've come to terms with my solitude... well, it's hardly solitude... I guess loneliness would have been a better descriptor... and I really am lonely. This is the first time I haven't tried to solve the problem by drinking... in fact I rarely have the desire to do that anymore. I think I'll remain sober on Tuesday as well... I just can't get into anything anymore.
Yeah, I know I could probably call a few people in my phone and hang out, but I've been out of touch with all of them for so long it would be like talking to a stranger I see every now and again... it would be full of long pauses because I'm still not big on talking about random nonsense.
Krista actually yelled at me for that back when we were dating. I asked why she felt it was so important we talk about random things that have no meaning... she told me that it was "just what people do"... and I don't get it.
But I now have a new classification... other than my giant IQ (I know you thought I was going to go somewhere else with that, but seriously... 130? Top 2%?).. well, maybe that's it.
My eccentric behaviors got me in trouble, apparently...
So, ok, if you're a guy (just go with me here) and you've known this girl a while and she's been all sorts of Molotov Cocktease on you and then just randomly stops calling and doesn't respond to texts what would you do? Eh, I moved on.
You know what? TL;DR Version:
When we first started with the dates I wanted a relationship, she didn't so she just cut off all communication.
One evening (1 year later) I get a text to come hang out with her and some friends. Cool, haven't seen her, wonder how she is.
We drink, she gets touchy feely, I go with it because, hey, it's been a while. Nothing short of the same stuff as before except I really don't want to date...
Anyways, we stop talking for a month, maybe... random text, come out and drink with friends... I text back that it's been about 6 days since I had last slept... they insist and I'm not really tired anyways (January sucked, btw, nothing but work and no sleep (literally)). Show up, we drink, I get kind of drunk kind of quick due to not drinking, not eating much, and being tired. We go back to LB's... she falls asleep, RW takes me home. (I'm sober enough to drive but she's being strange).
We chat in the car, she wants to bone me and I'm all for it. She doesn't want a relationship or anything like that, just a good time between friends. Awesome, I'm all for it.
Ok, embarrassingly I fell asleep right after... really... really embarrassed but you know what? Best sleep I've had all month (well, it was Feb. by then) and I don't wake up till 9PM. Oops, was supposed to call boss dude but whatever he OK'd my vacation. I curl up and go back to sleep.
Next morning I wake up and call the boss... hey, guess what, I'm fired. Not because I didn't call yesterday but because apparently I'm at fault for give 300% for the company. Nodded off at a customer site once, they asked Marv to not let me back... so he fires me... on my vacation. And no, I didn't get paid for it.
So I do what any normal person would do. Took an unpaid fucking vacation. He's not going to ruin my time off, forget that!
So, in the midst of all this, apparently RW was expecting a phone call from me. Of course, she didn't know all of this at the time.
I hang out next week at the GL, I get a hello from everyone but her. Total cold shoulder... like, freezing cold. I'm obviously confused... very very confused.
I find out later she was mad because I didn't call her. I attempted to explain what happened... I don't know if she cared, she still isn't talking to me.
But, I'm still confused. When did a "good time between friends" mean I have to call you the next day to talk about the sex? To say what's up? I mean, everyone I know is well aware my conversation abilities are limited to spouting random facts on a subject and then going back to quietly watching everyone.
I know, long post... I really needed to get that out of my system though. Hell, even half the girl friends I know tell me they agree with my perception of things even after hearing the other half (which I still haven't heard in entirety).
Interview today, broke out the suit and everything. Haircut at 9.
Have a good day, those of you who will take the time to read this. I love you all and miss you very much.
I've always found typing my thoughts out on the internet was always easier than talking about them but now... they both seem to be a little difficult.
The medication I'm on kind of keeps me... ok, it really does well at keeping me very balanced. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I know I still have some underlying issues I should probably look into solving... for starters I'm currently down about 25 pounds (200 - 175 since February). It's not that I'm not eating, because I am, but only when I feel hungry. I dunno, it's strange but I've just stopped having several of the desires that I once did.
I think I've come to terms with my solitude... well, it's hardly solitude... I guess loneliness would have been a better descriptor... and I really am lonely. This is the first time I haven't tried to solve the problem by drinking... in fact I rarely have the desire to do that anymore. I think I'll remain sober on Tuesday as well... I just can't get into anything anymore.
Yeah, I know I could probably call a few people in my phone and hang out, but I've been out of touch with all of them for so long it would be like talking to a stranger I see every now and again... it would be full of long pauses because I'm still not big on talking about random nonsense.
Krista actually yelled at me for that back when we were dating. I asked why she felt it was so important we talk about random things that have no meaning... she told me that it was "just what people do"... and I don't get it.
But I now have a new classification... other than my giant IQ (I know you thought I was going to go somewhere else with that, but seriously... 130? Top 2%?).. well, maybe that's it.
My eccentric behaviors got me in trouble, apparently...
So, ok, if you're a guy (just go with me here) and you've known this girl a while and she's been all sorts of Molotov Cocktease on you and then just randomly stops calling and doesn't respond to texts what would you do? Eh, I moved on.
You know what? TL;DR Version:
When we first started with the dates I wanted a relationship, she didn't so she just cut off all communication.
One evening (1 year later) I get a text to come hang out with her and some friends. Cool, haven't seen her, wonder how she is.
We drink, she gets touchy feely, I go with it because, hey, it's been a while. Nothing short of the same stuff as before except I really don't want to date...
Anyways, we stop talking for a month, maybe... random text, come out and drink with friends... I text back that it's been about 6 days since I had last slept... they insist and I'm not really tired anyways (January sucked, btw, nothing but work and no sleep (literally)). Show up, we drink, I get kind of drunk kind of quick due to not drinking, not eating much, and being tired. We go back to LB's... she falls asleep, RW takes me home. (I'm sober enough to drive but she's being strange).
We chat in the car, she wants to bone me and I'm all for it. She doesn't want a relationship or anything like that, just a good time between friends. Awesome, I'm all for it.
Ok, embarrassingly I fell asleep right after... really... really embarrassed but you know what? Best sleep I've had all month (well, it was Feb. by then) and I don't wake up till 9PM. Oops, was supposed to call boss dude but whatever he OK'd my vacation. I curl up and go back to sleep.
Next morning I wake up and call the boss... hey, guess what, I'm fired. Not because I didn't call yesterday but because apparently I'm at fault for give 300% for the company. Nodded off at a customer site once, they asked Marv to not let me back... so he fires me... on my vacation. And no, I didn't get paid for it.
So I do what any normal person would do. Took an unpaid fucking vacation. He's not going to ruin my time off, forget that!
So, in the midst of all this, apparently RW was expecting a phone call from me. Of course, she didn't know all of this at the time.
I hang out next week at the GL, I get a hello from everyone but her. Total cold shoulder... like, freezing cold. I'm obviously confused... very very confused.
I find out later she was mad because I didn't call her. I attempted to explain what happened... I don't know if she cared, she still isn't talking to me.
But, I'm still confused. When did a "good time between friends" mean I have to call you the next day to talk about the sex? To say what's up? I mean, everyone I know is well aware my conversation abilities are limited to spouting random facts on a subject and then going back to quietly watching everyone.
I know, long post... I really needed to get that out of my system though. Hell, even half the girl friends I know tell me they agree with my perception of things even after hearing the other half (which I still haven't heard in entirety).
Interview today, broke out the suit and everything. Haircut at 9.
Have a good day, those of you who will take the time to read this. I love you all and miss you very much.