First Entry
I've always thought it gay for a guy to own a blog, as I've always associated blogs with bitching and whining, which are general attributes of the opposite sex. However, since graduating from ocs and taking over as platoon commander, I've begun to realise that many aspects of my life are in complete disarray. For one, I've ceased to work out on a regular basis. Also, I've grown arrogant and have closed my ears to criticisms, however constructive, and I somehow always convince myself that I am right, that whatever I've done is the best way to go about it. Now, having been appointed the new Company 2IC, my job scope has grown from taking charge of 4 sergeants, 50 recruits to 3 PCs, 17 sergeants and 200 men, a big leap in such a short space of time. Not that I am reluctant to take up the post, but I do not yet feel ready to fulfill the responsibilities of a 2IC. Despite being resonably adept in multitasking and micromanaging, I still feel inadequate somehow. I can't help feeling that my life is very disorganised, with the recent passing of my grandmother whom I still dearly miss, with the scholarship interviews looming ahead, with my disorganised portfolio, my indulgence in fun, games and late nights, etc etc.
As such, I've resolved to "turn over a new leaf', to reorganise my life, put it into order, and to focus on the things that matter most but are most often neglected. After the passing of my superior last July followed by another(death) of my surbodinate this year, my attitude towards life has changed tremendously. Amidst my grief, I"ve grown to cherish life more, to treasure each and every minute I spend with my friends and family, and become wary of the need to spend my time more meaningfully. As such, I started this journal not as a blog to bitch to my friends, but as a tool to reflect on my life, to remind me of the things I have to do, people I have to meet, to counsel, to help, and more importantly, as a memory for myself or even my loved ones should I meet with a mishap one day.
WTF. Since when did I become so EMO? Guess I've really changed since school days. Speaks volumes of how important experience is. Seeing, hearing, going through life-changing moments are enough to change people, how we think, how we perceive things, people, etc. It's true that army is sian, monotonous, fucked up, blah blah, but one thing good is that it lets you meet lotsa people and go through lots of shit (at least for myself) and after everything is over, you begin to learn HOW to appreciate everything.
Crap it's late.