Transcript: 9x00 Last Christmas
INT. HOUSE, NIGHT
We see a large Christmas tree in front of a bow-style window. It is snowing outside. There are presents under the tree. We then see the stairs. There is a lit garland wrapped around the banister.
INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM, NIGHT
CLARA is asleep in bed when she hears a loud noise from outside that wakes her. She sits up and hears a MAN yelling.
MAN: (o.c.)
Agh! Moron! Numbskull! Elf!
MAN 2: (o.c.)
That's racist!
MAN: (o.c.)
Of course it's not racist, you ARE an elf!
CLARA gets up, puts on a robe and goes up to the roof.
EXT. HOUSE, ROOF, NIGHT
CLARA opens the door and sees three men arguing. One is dressed in a very familiar seasonal costume. There are presents and oranges strewn about the roof. What looks to be a sleigh is standing on its end resting against…
SANTA:
Chimneys?
ELF:
I'm sorry!
SANTA:
I'm just checking that you can see these massive chimneys.
ELF:
I... er... They're hard to miss.
SANTA:
As you've clearly demonstrated, Ian!
WOLF:
(rings jingle bells) Donner! Donner and Blitzen! Come on down, down here, boys.
CLARA looks up and sees the flying reindeer, including one with a glowing red nose.
WOLF:
Good boys, good boys. Rudolph!
SANTA:
Just, just clear all the tangerines up. Pick 'em up - all of them, Ian.
IAN:
You know no-one really likes the tangerines, don't you?
SANTA:
How dare you! That's my signature gift! That and the walnut.
Ian picks up the tangerines and the other elf - WOLF, according to his vest - calls the reindeer.
WOLF:
Down here, boys, come on. Rudolph?!
IAN:
(sees CLARA) Er, sir? We've been seen.
SANTA:
Hello...
CLARA:
Hello.
WOLF:
Hello, ha-ha!
IAN:
Hello, human.
WOLF:
You can't call her human!
IAN:
It's not racist. They don't mind.
SANTA:
Hush up, both of you. Oh, sorry about this... girl? W-We... are just three passing, perfectly ordinary... roof people, doing some emergency... roof things. Carry on. Merry Christmas. If-if it is Christmas, I mean...! Ha-ha! I don't much care for things like that, myself. Pfft! I mean, Christmas, ha-ha-ha!
CLARA:
Are you... Santa Claus?
SANTA:
Me?! No! Oh, no! It's ridiculous. Ha-ha. No, no, no, ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho...
The reindeer fly behind him, spoiling his attempt to lie.
WOLF:
Rudolph! Rudolph! Down here!
SANTA:
All right, fine, yes. Yes, it's me. Ha! Guilty. How did you recognise me?
WOLF:
You know how you grew that beard as a bit of a disguise? People have picked up on it.
CLARA:
OK, no. Hang on, stop, shut up. What? Seriously, you... you're Father Christmas? You're real?
SANTA:
Of course I'm real!
WOLF:
How could he not be real?
SANTA:
Huh? How do you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?
CLARA:
Well, I thought it was my mum and...
IAN & WOLF:
Mum and Dad?!
SANTA:
Ho-ho!
IAN:
Well, of course it was!
WOLF:
I mean, it makes perfect sense!
IAN:
Your mum and dad, one day a year, for no particular reason, just out of the blue, suddenly decide to give you a great, big pile of presents.
WOLF:
No, no, no. Because..."They love you so much!" It's a lovely story, dear.
IAN:
Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world, yeah?
SANTA:
(checks book) OK, right. Clara Oswald. Mostly favours travel books, science kits. Strict ban on hair products. Marginal for the naughty list, '93. (clicks tongue) Believer until the age of nine. Why did you stop?
CLARA:
Because you're a fairy tale. I grew out of fairy tales.
SANTA:
(sighs) Did you, Clara? Did you really?
The TARDIS materialises on the roof and the DOCTOR steps out.
DOCTOR:
Clara, I want you to step inside the TARDIS. I don't want you to talk, I want you to do as I ask. Please.
IAN:
That was good, with the box.
WOLF:
Hmph! Not often we get upstaged on a rooftop. Hmm!
DOCTOR:
(softly to CLARA) Yes, I'm really here. I'm back. Now get inside the TARDIS.
CLARA goes into the TARDIS and shuts the door behind her with saying a word.
DOCTOR:
(faces SANTA) I know what this is. I know what's happening, and I know what's at stake.
SANTA:
I don't think you do, Doctor. But I promise, before this Christmas Day is done, you'll be glad of my help.
DOCTOR:
Happy Easter! (walks to TARDIS)
WOLF:
Ooh, brutal!
IAN:
Cool exit line, though.
SANTA:
Be sure to save some room for a tangerine, Doctor.
DOCTOR:
Nobody likes tangerines. (enters TARDIS)
INT. TARDIS
CLARA is standing at the console as the DOCTOR strides in.
CLARA:
I'm really back here. This is... this is real, yeah?
The DOCTOR ignores CLARA as he swings the monitor around and uses the controls to enter coordinates.
CLARA:
Doctor? Talk to me. I never thought I was going to see you again. What is going on out there? What's happening?
The DOCTOR throws the dematerialisation lever.
CLARA:
Oh, that noise. Never knew how much I loved it.
The DOCTOR comes up behind CLARA and grips her arm, turning her to face him.
DOCTOR:
There's something you have to ask yourself, and it's important. Your life may depend on it - everybody's life. Do you really believe in Santa Claus? (walks back to monitor)
CLARA:
Do you know what? Yeah. Right now, yeah. I think I do.
**********************************************************************
Peter Capaldi
Jenna Coleman
DOCTOR WHO
“Last Christmas”
By
Steven Moffat
PRODUCER
Paul Frift
DIRECTOR
Paul Wilmshurst
**********************************************************************
EXT. ICY WASTELAND
We zoom along the ground towards a base of some sort.
INT. BASE, CORRIDOR
A WOMAN is standing in the middle of the corridor wearing a radio headpiece. Another woman’s voice comes over the radio.
WOMAN 2: (o.c.)
'You are now 20 feet from the infirmary. In a moment, as soon as you're ready.'
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
WOMAN 2 and a MAN and WOMAN 3 are watching the WOMAN on monitor. They all have the radio sets.
WOMAN 2:
I'll disable the security protocols.
WOMAN 3:
Your neural link is good and holding. We stand ready to abort and extract at the first sign of an anomaly.
MAN:
We're going to be with you 'every step of the way, Shona.'
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
INT. BASE, CORRIDOR
SHONA waits nervously.
WOMAN 2:
We're all depending on you and we know you won't let us down. Shona, I'm opening the door.
WOMAN 2 flicks a switch and a screen reads in big letters “Auto Door Lock System PURGE”. The heavy doors in front of SHONA slide open. There’s another corridor with a closed door at the end.
SHONA:
I need the toilet!
WOMAN 3:
No, you don't. We're monitoring your bodily functions.
SHONA:
'And how are you monitoring THAT? Cos that's rude!' That is...perverted.
MAN:
Do you remember my briefing, Shona?
SHONA:
Yeah. Well, no. I remember some of it. (walks slowly down the corridor)
WOMAN 2:
Some of it?
WOMAN 3:
How much?
SHONA:
Till he put his hand on my knee. 'And then I was just grossing.'
MAN:
(turns to others) It was intended as a comfort!
WOMAN 3:
For whom?
SHONA:
'All I could see was his nose, with all the little hairs coming out of it.' Have you seen those? It's like he's got insects trapped up there, all trying to escape, with their wee, wiggly legs. (wiggles her fingers)
WOMAN 2:
OK. Let's just go through this again. 'There are four sleepers inside the infirmary. 'You're fine, so long as they don't wake up.
SHONA stops outside the closed door.
WOMAN 3:
She's in range.
WOMAN 2:
Shona, I'm unsealing the infirmary. (flicks a switch on panel) 'From now on, everything you think and feel, 'everything you see, will be available to them.' Most of it's fine, like traffic noise when you're sleeping. So long as you don't think about them. So long as you don't look at them. So don't think about them... Don't look at them.
The door slides open and it looks like a typical infirmary. Three of the beds are occupied, sheets pulled all the way up, covering the patients.
SHONA:
I thought there was going to be music.
WOMAN 3:
We've got your playlist, ready to go.
WOMAN 2:
Focus on the words of the song, try to remember what comes next. 'That will work like interference.
WOMAN 3:
Here comes your earworm.'
WOMAN 3 presses a few buttons and “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade plays.
WOMAN 2:
Keep your eyes on the floor. 'Shut them where possible.' Focus on the music and move forward through the infirmary.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
INT. BASE, INFIRMARY
SHONA walks forward into the infirmary, swaying to the music as she does. She begins to dance and hum as she gets into the song. The doors close behind her.
WOMAN 3:
Oh, dear Lord, she's not actually...
WOMAN 2:
If dancing works, it works.
MAN:
This is insane!
They continue to watch SHONA from the control room.
WOMAN 2:
This is working!
SHONA gets her whole body into the dance as she moves across the infirmary floor. She barely notices when a door marked “WARNING Exterior Door Low Temperature Beyond This Point” opens.
SHONA:
Argh! Argh!
WOMAN 2:
Shona? Shona, what's wrong?
SHONA:
We've, we've got ghosts!
WOMAN 2:
'Ghosts?!'
SHONA:
Yeah, yeah, it's a skeleton man and a girl in a nightie!
The DOCTOR and CLARA enter the infirmary. CLARA is wearing boots and a jacket. We can see the TARDIS behind them in the snow. The DOCTOR and CLARA look at the patients in the beds. Those in the control room watch everything.
CLARA:
Doctor?
SHONA:
No, no, you're making me think about them, don't make me think about them! (shuts her eyes and clamps her hands to her head)
CLARA:
What are they?
The patients rise up in their beds.
SHONA:
Look, just don't ask, yeah? And don't look. Don't make me think about them!
The sheets fall from the patients and we see they have no face - or something is covering them. The DOCTOR scans one with the sonic.
DOCTOR:
Deaf. Blind. How can they see us? How do they even know that we're here?
SHONA:
They can only see you, yeah, if you see them. So just don't look, don't even think about them!
DOCTOR:
Oh, telepathic! They can home in on their own image in someone else's brain. Third-party perception. Mind piracy. (goes to CLARA) We're being hacked.
CLARA:
What does that even mean?
The patients are now standing beside their beds.
DOCTOR:
The visual input from your optic nerve is being streamed to their brains. Stop broadcasting. Close your eyes!
The DOCTOR and CLARA close their eyes. The image of the “faces” stretch and morph. There is a chirruping sound. They keep walking towards CLARA and the DOCTOR.
CLARA:
They're still coming, aren't they?
DOCTOR:
It's because you're still thinking about them. So long as you retain them as an active memory, they can still home in. Think about something else.
CLARA:
How?!
SHONA:
(sings) “So here it is, Merry Christmas...”
CLARA:
Why is she singing?!
SHONA:
(sings) “Everybody's having fun...”
DOCTOR:
She's running interference. She's trying to distract herself. 304 minus 17.
CLARA:
Sorry, what?
DOCTOR:
Plus 20 - just do it!
CLARA:
507!
A crack opens on the “face” of one of the patients and it looks like a slimy mouth.
DOCTOR:
Minus 14, times four.
The mouth opens wider.
CLARA:
1,972.
DOCTOR:
Stop being so good at arithmetic!
The mouths open and we can see human faces underneath.
CLARA:
I can't help it!
DOCTOR:
Danny Pink! What's Danny Pink up to right now? Probably flirting with your neighbour or texting women of low moral character.
As the DOCTOR speaks, CLARA flashes on images of Danny. She slaps him in the face with eyes wide open. The mouths close. The creatures remain still as they stand in a circle around CLARA and the DOCTOR.
CLARA:
(harsh whisper) Don't you dare. Don't you dare say that.
DOCTOR:
I was only...
CLARA:
Danny Pink is dead.
The chirruping resumes.
DOCTOR:
No, he's not.
CLARA:
He's dead.
The infirmary doors open and the others rush in with weapons aimed.
WOMAN 2:
Go, run, now, now, now!
CLARA runs and the DOCTOR helps SHONA.
DOCTOR:
Come on, quick, quick, come on!
Something resembling a spider lowers itself from the ceiling on a thread.
MAN:
Here they come!
Suddenly, there are creatures lowering themselves all around the room. The DOCTOR looks up and one falls towards his face.
DOCTOR:
No!
EXT. BASE
From a distance, we see an explosion.
INT. BASE, INFIRMARY
The exterior door in blown in. An orange rolls across the floor followed by Slinkys two-by-two and an army of toy robots. Everyone watches, stunned. Through the blown-open space, we see SANTA riding Rudolph. The reindeer rears up with a whinny.
SANTA:
Whoa, whoa! Ah! (dismounts) Good boy.
SANTA enters the infirmary followed by IAN - who carries a balloon toy - and WOLF carrying an air gun.
SANTA:
Well, now. What seems to be the problem? This is the North Pole. We don't want any trouble here.
Outside, Rudolph brays.
SANTA:
Rudolph? (uses a fob to remotely “lock” the reindeer with a beep) Easy, son. (to patients) Oi! Sleepy heads! It's Christmas Eve, early to bed.
SANTA claps his hands and the patients go back to their beds. The DOCTOR watches them carefully.
WOMAN 2:
Who the hell are you?
DOCTOR:
Oh, take a guess, go on. Push the boat out! Tooth Fairy, maybe? Easter Bunny?
IAN:
(rounds on the DOCTOR brandishing balloon) Shut your mouth, wise guy, or you get yours!
WOLF:
It's a balloon animal.
IAN:
That's a toy gun.
WOLF:
Yeah, well, at least it's unsuitable for children under four! Parts small enough to swallow. So watch out.
SANTA sighs.
SHONA:
This is ridiculous. Am I dreaming?
DOCTOR:
Oh, very good!
WOMAN 2:
I need to know exactly who you are, and what's happening here.
SANTA:
Hello, Ashley. Lead scientist on a polar expedition! That microscope really paid off, didn't it? Now, your mum and dad wanted me to get you a toy one, but sometimes, I take a chance.
ASHLEY:
Who are you? Why are you dressed like... that?
SANTA:
Why do you think?
SHONA:
Come on, this is mental! This is totally not happening.
SANTA:
I got three words, Shona. Don't make me use 'em.
SHONA:
What three words?
SANTA:
(counts on fingers) My. Little. Pony.
SHONA:
Shut up, you!
SANTA:
Yeah? I've got lots more, babe.
SHONA:
(holds hands out like claws) I will mark you, Santa!
CLARA:
OK, Doctor, are you going to explain? What is going on?
SANTA:
It's an invasion, Miss Oswald.
CLARA:
An invasion of what, elves?
WOLF:
Whoa! (points at CLARA) THAT is racist.
IAN:
Elfist!
WOLF:
Which is a bit hypocritical, from someone of your height.
CLARA wraps her parka closer. SANTA comes back from outside with one of the creatures in a clear container. The DOCTOR is standing apart from the others, watching.
SANTA:
Huh? You seen them before, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
I've heard of them.
SANTA:
The Kantrofarri. (gives container to the DOCTOR)
DOCTOR:
(studies creature) Colloquially known as the Dream Crabs.
SANTA:
Yeah. Depending on how many of those are already on Earth, the human race may well have seen its last day. So, are we going to stand about arguing about whether I'm real or not, or are we going to get busy saving Christmas?
IAN:
Oh-ho-ho! Santa goes badass!
WOLF:
He's giving me the feels.
SANTA:
Shut up! That's a... that's a verbal warning. Please, stop it.
INT. BASE, LAB
Sometime later, the DOCTOR is examining the Dram Crab still in the container. ASHLEY is peering at it from the other side.
CLARA:
Is it dead?
DOCTOR:
I don't know. Possibly.
ASHLEY:
I'm assuming extra-terrestrial.
DOCTOR:
Oh, definitely.
ASHLEY:
Then how can you have heard of these things?
DOCTOR:
Guess.
ASHLEY:
(straightens) Because you're extra-terrestrial, too?
DOCTOR:
Do you believe that?
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
In a small alcove, SHONA is interviewing SANTA and the two elves. SANTA has a mug of something hot in his hand.
SHONA:
If you are Santa...
SANTA:
Mm-hmm.
SHONA:
…what are you doing here?
SANTA:
It's the North Pole. And I own it.
IAN:
He means the actual pole.
WOLF:
It goes right through the middle of the workshop.
IAN:
I've got a selfie with it! (shows photo on his mobile)
WOLF:
Show her. Look at Ian!
SHONA:
The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
IAN:
Of course it is. Look.
SHONA:
If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripy.
WOLF:
It's got to be stripy!
IAN:
Otherwise, you couldn't see it moving ‘round.
WOLF:
It's actually basic physics.
INT. BASE, LAB
ASHLEY:
Why's it called a Dream Crab, for a start?
DOCTOR:
Theorise.
ASHLEY:
Because it generates a telepathic field.
DOCTOR:
And?
ASHLEY:
Alters perception.
DOCTOR:
Meaning?
ASHLEY:
I seem to be doing all the work here.
CLARA:
Meaning we can't trust anything that we see or hear.
DOCTOR:
Go to the window.
ASHLEY:
Why?
DOCTOR:
Because it gets worse.
ASHLEY looks out the window and sees the TARDIS.
ASHLEY:
What is that?
DOCTOR:
That's how Clara and I got here.
ASHLEY:
In a box?
DOCTOR:
Technically, in a telephone kiosk. (smiles widely)
ASHLEY:
(laughs) How?
DOCTOR:
Because it's a spaceship in disguise. You know what the big problem is, in telling fantasy and reality apart?
ASHLEY:
What?
DOCTOR:
They're both ridiculous.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
SHONA:
It's Christmas Eve!
SANTA:
Yeah. You don't have to tell me that.
SHONA:
Then why aren't you out delivering presents?
SANTA:
Technically I am.
SHONA:
Well, you're not. You're stood right there.
SANTA:
Oh, Shona, grow up, love!
IAN:
Yeah, do the math, baby.
SANTA:
There's not just one Santa delivery team. How could there be? There are 526,403,012 children all expecting presents before tomorrow morning. So, that's 22 million children per hour! It's impossible! Obviously, I've got a second sledge. (takes a sip of drink)
INT. BASE, LAB
CLARA:
So we don't know what is real and what isn't?
DOCTOR:
Exactly.
CLARA:
Are we in danger?
DOCTOR:
Oh, we are well way past danger, Clara. If I'm right, and I usually am, we're dying.
ASHLEY:
Then how do we stay alive?
DOCTOR:
I like you. Straight to the point. I want you to show me how you first encountered those creatures, and what happened to those people in the infirmary. I notice you all wear mini-cams. So I assume there is footage.
ASHLEY:
Is it possible I'm about to work with someone who might be a dream?
DOCTOR:
If it helps, so am I.
ASHLEY:
(slaps table) We have footage on the drives. I'll see what I can pull up. (starts to walk away)
DOCTOR:
Ashley? What's this polar base for? Why are you all here?
ASHLEY:
It's a long story. (leaves)
CLARA:
What you said about Danny... Unacceptable.
DOCTOR:
(walks to CLARA) I know. I had to flood your mind with random emotion.
CLARA:
Random?!
DOCTOR:
You never told me he was dead. You said he made it back.
CLARA:
I lied. I lied, so you'd go home to Gallifrey instead of fussing about me.
DOCTOR:
I never found Gallifrey. I lied so you'd stay with Danny.
CLARA looks at the DOCTOR before walking away. The DOCTOR stays where he is, giving her a moment.
CLARA:
So we're dying, then?
DOCTOR:
Yes. (hurries over)
CLARA:
Why?
DOCTOR:
Oh, complicated.
They face each other across the table.
CLARA:
How long do we have?
DOCTOR:
No idea.
CLARA:
Just... Doctor, give me something to do.
DOCTOR:
Trust nothing. Accept nothing you see. Whatever happens, interrogate everything.
CLARA:
In case it's a lie?
DOCTOR:
In case it's a lie.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
SHONA:
Reindeer can't fly. They just can't.
SANTA:
No, no, they can't. It's a scientific impossibility. That is why I feed mine magic carrots. (sips)
The two elves smile as she walks away. The DOCTOR enters with CLARA.
DOCTOR:
You all right?
SHONA:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to talk sense into Beardy-Weirdy.
DOCTOR:
You don't seem much like a scientist.
SHONA:
That's a bit rude, coming from a magician!
DOCTOR:
Why are you out here? What brought you to the North Pole?
SHONA:
Long story, isn't it?
DOCTOR:
You missed the killer question.
SHONA:
Sorry, what?
DOCTOR:
(to SANTA) Beardy-Weirdy.
SANTA:
Yeah?
DOCTOR:
How do you get all the presents in the sleigh?
SANTA:
It's bigger on the inside.
WOLF:
Ooh!
ASHLEY comes over.
ASHLEY:
Doctor?
He turns around and she nods towards for him to follow. He passes the MAN eating a fat turkey leg. CLARA leans on the bank of instruments next to him.
MAN:
Sorry, starving.
The DOCTOR stands next to WOMAN 3 by one of the monitors.
DOCTOR:
What am I looking at?
WOMAN 3:
Footage from a week ago. A side expedition from our main mission.
DOCTOR:
What is your main mission?
WOMAN 3:
Long story. Ice cave directly beneath this base. (hits keys on the panel) Now, look at what we found.
The screen now shows Dream Crabs hanging on the ceiling.
WOMAN 3:
Dormant at first.
DOCTOR:
Until you looked at them too long. Till you thought about them.
WOMAN 3:
Exactly.
DOCTOR:
Sleeping. Probably been down there for centuries.
CLARA:
And it wakes up when you think about it?
INT. BASE, LAB
The Dream Crab in the container twitches.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
DOCTOR:
They can detect their own mental picture in any nearby mind.
ASHLEY:
That's Bellows' theory.
BELLOWS:
It's like it responds to the presence of any data concerning itself.
DOCTOR:
That was always the legend. You think about a Dream Crab, a Dream Crab is coming for you.
INT. BASE, LAB
The Dream Crab continues to twitch until the container falls off the table and breaks.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
MAN:
(points with turkey leg) This is where it gets really nasty.
CLARA:
Only now?
The playback shows a Dream Crab falling onto the head-cam lense and the picture is lost to static.
DOCTOR:
OK. Then what?
BELLOWS presses another button and we are now seeing the infirmary. A patient is lying there with the crab over its face.
MAN:
They're a bit like Facehuggers, aren't they?
The DOCTOR and BELLOWS turn to face him.
DOCTOR:
Facehuggers?
MAN:
You know, “Alien”. The horror movie, “Alien”.
DOCTOR:
There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you.
BELLOWS:
First, they just slept. Couple of days, just lying there.
DOCTOR:
And then they became aggressive?
ASHLEY:
If we got close enough, yeah.
DOCTOR:
It would take the Dream Crab a little while to take control. Depends how much of the host brain was...
ASHLEY:
Was what?
DOCTOR:
Digested.
ASHLEY:
Are they still alive under those things?
DOCTOR:
Depends what you call alive.
ASHLEY:
Are they suffering?
DOCTOR:
No, no, no. The Dream Crab induces a dream state. Keeps you happy and relaxed, in a perfectly realised dream world, as you dissolve. Merciful, I suppose.
MAN:
Compared to what?
DOCTOR:
Compared to that turkey leg you keep eating. Could you rewind? I'd like to see them dormant again. Clara, could you fetch me the dead one?
CLARA:
Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea while I'm at it(!)
DOCTOR:
Ooh. Yes, and a punch in the face, too.
CLARA:
My very next suggestion.
DOCTOR:
Fair enough.
CLARA leaves.
INT. BASE, CORRIDOR
CLARA walks down the corridor and arrives at the lab.
INT. BASE, LAB
Glass crunches under CLARA’S feet. She realizes the container is missing. She turns towards the corridor.
CLARA:
Doctor?
She then sees pieces of the container and crawls under the table to pick it up. The crab lowers itself from the ceiling. CLARA hears it and backs away from the piece of glass with a gasp.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
The DOCTOR turns from the monitor to ASHLEY.
ASHLEY:
What's wrong?
DOCTOR:
We're thinking about it. Clara! (runs from the room)
INT. BASE, LAB
CLARA is sitting under the table, legs hugged to her chest, eyes shut, rocking slightly as she tries to distract herself.
CLARA:
100 minus 42 is 58 times 3 is 174 minus 32 is 142 divided by 7 is 20 and, and, and a bit. Think about something else, think about something else. Danny Pink, Danny, Danny. Danny Pink, I love you and I'll never see you again, and I'm sorry.
We see the crab through the slats of the table above CLARA.
CLARA:
I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
CLARA keeps repeating “I’m sorry” as she looks up and sees the crab. A trail of slime dribbles down between the cracks and lands on her arm. She screams and the crab breaks the table top apart to have better access. She screams again and then…
INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM, MORNING
CLARA wakes up in her own bed and looks around, surprised. The door opens and a man in a Santa suit enters.
MAN:
Ho-ho-ho!
CLARA:
Who are you?
MAN:
What do you mean, who am I? Who do you think I am? (pulls down beard)
CLARA:
Danny?
DANNY:
Merry Christmas! Come on!
CLARA:
Come on where?
DANNY:
Downstairs.
CLARA:
Why?
DANNY:
Well, you know what day it is!
CLARA:
(looks around) What day is it?
DANNY:
(sarcastic) Easter. It's Easter Day. That's why I'm dressed like this, I'm Father Easter.
CLARA:
Is that a thing?
DANNY:
No, because it's Christmas!
CLARA:
Oh! Well, you've made me want chocolate now.
DANNY:
Good. Come on, you. Out of bed, downstairs. (takes her by the hand and helps her from bed) I have surprises.
CLARA:
Tickets for the Indian Orient Express. That painting we saw in Paris, and permission to own a cat.
DANNY:
How did you know?
CLARA:
Because those are exactly the things I want and you are too clever ever to be wrong.
DANNY:
How do you make you clever into me being clever?
CLARA:
I always protect your ego from the truth.
DANNY:
Oh, thank you for that!
CLARA:
It's Christmas.
DANNY:
Hurry up, then! (runs from the room)
CLARA walks after DANNY
INT. HOUSE, HALL, MORNING
CLARA walks slowly down the hall as DANNY goes downstairs. She pauses and turns back to see a blackboard that wasn’t there before. On it is written “CLARA!!”
CLARA:
Danny?
DANNY pauses on the stairs.
CLARA:
Whose blackboard is that?
DANNY:
What blackboard? Are you coming?
CLARA peers at chalkboard before turning to answer DANNY.
CLARA:
Yeah, just a moment...!
She looks back and it now reads “DREAMING!!”
DANNY:
Clara?
CLARA:
Coming!
CLARA doesn’t move but keeps looking at the blackboard. She tries to erase it but it changes to “DYING!”
DANNY:
Clara!
CLARA:
Yeah. Just a minute.
She goes to erase again and it changes to “YOU” then “ARE” then “DYING”. The DOCTOR’S voice echoes “Dying!” She turns around and there are blackboards lining the hall with “Dying!” written all over them. She walks down the hall.
DOCTOR:
(distorted) 'Clara! Clara!'
CLARA closes her eyes and the voice goes away. She looks back and the hall is back to normal. She sighs and smiles.
DANNY:
Well, come on then. You don't know what I'm wearing underneath this Santa outfit!
CLARA:
(goes down the stairs) Your pyjamas. You're too shy to wear less than two layers.
DANNY:
You could have used your imagination.
CLARA:
Yeah, I generally have to.
CLARA bounds down the stairs after DANNY and doesn’t see the blackboard that appears on the wall behind her. “CLARA!!”
DOCTOR:
(echoes) 'Clara!'
INT. BASE, LAB
CLARA is prone under the table, a Dream Crab on her face. The DOCTOR is holding her hand kneeling beside her. The others are scattered about the room.
DOCTOR:
Clara, you're dreaming. You're dying. Can you hear me? Clara?
ASHLEY:
We did try to waken the others. No stimulus worked.
DOCTOR:
OK, we kill it. (stands) We find a way to kill it and we get it off her. How do we kill it?
ASHLEY:
There's no way to kill it without killing your friend, too. And as a scientist, may I just say, I don't like the way you're talking.
DOCTOR:
Santa! (goes to him) In the infirmary, you told the sleepers to go to bed, and they obeyed you.
SANTA:
Sorry, doesn't mean I can get that creature off her.
DOCTOR:
But you can get back in there unharmed.
SHONA:
What?! You're asking Santa for help? He doesn't exist!
DOCTOR:
And how would you know that? How did you become an expert on what does and doesn't exist?
The DOCTOR kneels beside CLARA and takes her hand again.
SANTA:
I can commit several million housebreaks in one night, dressed in a red suit with jingle bells, so of course I can get back into the infirmary.
DOCTOR:
Good. Because there's only one way that I can communicate with Clara.
INT. HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
CLARA and DANNY are curled up on the couch by firelight. There are fairy lights throughout the room. As they kiss, there is a knock on the door.
DANNY:
Your dad?
CLARA:
Going by the timing, I'd say so. If you let him anywhere near the subject of golf, I will do a thing, and it will not be a good thing.
DANNY:
Um, aren't we giving him golf clubs?
CLARA:
(gets up) And I'm prepared to use them! (chuckles)
DANNY sighs contentedly. CLARA opens the door. It’s the DOCTOR.
DOCTOR:
Hi.
CLARA:
Hi.
The DOCTOR looks around the house.
CLARA:
Doctor?
DOCTOR:
It's not real, Clara. You know it's not real. It's a dream, and it's killing you.
CLARA:
(sarcastic) Merry Christmas! (heads back into the room)
The DOCTOR closes the door behind him and follows CLARA.
CLARA:
You remember Danny, of course.
DOCTOR:
Not as well as you, clearly. You've made him a fraction taller. Merry Christmas, PE.
DANNY stands.
DANNY:
Compliments of the season, sir!
DOCTOR:
Dialogue's pretty good, too. Nice work. It's all in the detail.
CLARA:
Just stop it.
DOCTOR:
He's not real, Clara. None of this is real. What's real is that there is an alien organism wrapped around your face, keeping you warm and happy, while it eats you.
DANNY:
(holds up plate of mini pies) Mince pie, anyone?
DOCTOR:
You're dying.
CLARA:
If this is a dream, how can you be here? How can we both be having the same dream?
DOCTOR:
There was only one way to get to you.
CLARA:
And what was that?
DOCTOR:
I'm dying, too.
INT. BASE, LAB
The DOCTOR is lying on the ground next to CLARA, a Dream Crab on his face. ASHLEY is kneeling next to him.
ASHLEY:
Have we just killed him? Have we just made it worse?
SANTA:
He thinks he can join the dream, get her out. Have a little faith.
INT. HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
CLARA:
You just wake up. Just leave me here, please.
DOCTOR:
You have a pain right here. (puts a finger against her temple) It's like an ice cream pain, but gentle. Do you know what that is? The skin and bone have been parted, probably half an inch, (removes finger) and something has pushed right into the soft tissue of your brain and is very slowly dissolving it. I want you to picture it this way. Somebody has put a straw right through your skull and is drinking you. You should be screaming with agony, but there's anaesthetic. Everything around you right now - even Danny, especially Danny, that's the anaesthetic.
DANNY:
Why are you doing this? Why are you saying all that?
DOCTOR:
Because it's true! (to CLARA) How long do you think you've been here?
CLARA:
All day.
DOCTOR:
No, no, no, no. Barely five minutes. Because dream time goes faster. Because this isn't real. (walks to DANNY pointing) Danny isn't real. Danny Pink died saving the world.
DANNY:
I really didn't.
DOCTOR:
I'm sorry. I thought there was a way back for him, but I was wrong, I can't change that, he's dead.
DANNY:
(walks closer) I didn't die saving the world, Doctor, I died saving Clara. The rest of you just got lucky. How long has she got?
DOCTOR:
Minutes, till it's irreversible.
DANNY:
Well, then, get out the way.
The DOCTOR move aside and DANNY walks up to CLARA.
DANNY:
I'm a dream and you know I am, right?
CLARA nods, eyes tearing.
DANNY:
Right, one thing. But it's important. It's a very important thing. That is totally how you guessed all my presents.
CLARA laughs and plays with the front of his Santa coat.
CLARA:
I miss you.
DANNY:
Five minutes.
CLARA:
What?
DANNY:
You can miss me for five minutes a day. And you'd better do it properly. You'd better be sad. I expect my five. But all the rest of the time, Clara, all the rest of the time, every single second, you just get the hell on with it. Clear?
CLARA:
Don't you soldier me!
DANNY:
Do as you're told.
DOCTOR:
Brave.
DANNY:
Dead already. How does she wake up?
DOCTOR:
I don't know. Just try. Accept this isn't real, and try.
DANNY:
Do it. For me.
CLARA:
(crying) When I wake up, you won't be there.
DANNY:
Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas. And this is ours. This was a bonus. This is extra. But now it's time to wake up.
CLARA and DANNY kiss.
INT. BASE, LAB
The Crab falls off the DOCTOR’S face and he awakes with a cry as he sits up. The other falls from CLARA and she gasps for air.
DOCTOR:
Clara? Clara, look at me, Clara! Clara! Breathe, breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
CLARA looks at him and breathes deep, calming down. The crabs writhe on their backs before turning to dust. The team cleans up, putting pieces of the crab carapace into a specimen jar as the DOCTOR and CLARA watch.
BELLOWS:
So these creatures - when their feeding goes wrong, they die?
CLARA goes to a small mirror over the sink and looks for the hole in the side of her head.
DOCTOR:
The carnivore's hazard. Food has teeth too. (to CLARA) You OK?
CLARA:
No.
DOCTOR:
Good. There are some things we should never be OK about.
CLARA:
(walks over to the DOCTOR) There doesn't seem to be a wound.
DOCTOR:
No. And the pain's still there, isn't it?
SHONA:
Is it the ice cream pain? Just here? (rubs the side of her head) Cos I've got that.
BELLOWS:
It's the cold, I think. Some sort of reaction.
DOCTOR:
But only on one side, just that spot there. Doesn't that strike you as odd?
MAN:
Well, we've all got it.
CLARA:
OK. So why do we all have that pain?
DOCTOR:
Theorise.
CLARA:
Don't treat me like a beginner! I was dreaming, then I woke up, I know that.
DOCTOR:
Do you? And have you ever woken up from a dream and discovered you're still dreaming? Dreams within dreams - dream states nested inside each other. All perfectly possible. Especially when we are dealing with creatures who have weaponised our dreams against us.
BELLOWS:
I don't know about anybody else, but I'm pretty certain I'm awake right now.
DOCTOR:
Which is odd, when you think about it.
ASHLEY:
Odd?
DOCTOR:
Impossible, in fact. How can any of us be awake?
SHONA:
I don't understand.
DOCTOR:
Remember how we all first met? In the infirmary?
<<>>
The infirmary doors open and the others rush in with weapons aimed.
ASHLEY:
Go, run, now, now, now!
CLARA runs and the DOCTOR helps SHONA.
<<>>
DOCTOR:
Those creatures coming down from the ceiling, attacking us.
<<>>
MAN:
Here they come!
Suddenly, there are creatures lowering themselves all around the room. The DOCTOR looks up and one falls towards his face.
<<>>
DOCTOR:
We never stood a chance. How did we survive that?
SHONA:
Well, w-we were rescued.
DOCTOR:
(points and walks forward) Yeah, we were rescued. And who was it that rescued us?
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
SANTA is on his mobile.
SANTA:
No, no, no, I need you to do the east coast right now. Well, otherwise you'll be delivering to the islands in broad daylight.
The others enter the room quietly.
SANTA:
Yeah, listen...Please try and remember that our mugshots are on every Christmas card. Yeah, just get it done, head towards the northern lights. Yes, I remembered to switch them on!
SANTA is aware of them and moves into the alcove to continue without interruption. The DOCTOR goes over to a bookshelf and pulls off some thick paperbacks.
DOCTOR:
The Helman-Ziegler test - the only reliable dream test that I know. Your base manual. I take it none of you have memorised this.
SHONA:
(raises hand) I haven't, I haven't read it.
DOCTOR:
(passes out the manuals) These books should be identical in the real world. But as they don't exist in your memory, in a dream, they can't be. Agreed? Clara, give me any two-digit number.
CLARA:
57.
DOCTOR:
All right, all of you, turn to page 57 and look at the very first word. Right, when I point at you. (points)
ASHLEY:
Isotope.
The DOCTOR points at BELLOWS and she hesitates.
DOCTOR:
Well?
BELLOWS:
Extremely.
MAN:
Inside.
SHONA:
Chocolate. Why did I get chocolate, what's that about?
MAN:
This can't be right. We must have got it wrong, that's all.
DOCTOR:
Well, we'll do it again. Clara?
CLARA:
24.
DOCTOR:
24.
ASHLEY:
We.
BELLOWS:
Are.
MAN:
All.
DOCTOR:
Shona?
SHONA:
Dead.
ASHLEY:
Since the attack in the infirmary, nothing has been real?
DOCTOR:
The attack is still going on. This is it!
MAN:
We've been dreaming since then?
SANTA returns with IAN and WOLF.
SANTA:
Oh, for Easter's sake! Of course you've been dreaming! Haven't you been paying attention?
IAN:
Rudolph - did you see the nose?
WOLF:
The North Pole? Come on, with stripes?!
IAN:
This...
WOLF:
is...
TRIO:
…a dream!
SANTA:
(walks forward) How much more obvious do you want me to make it? Because I can text the Easter Bunny, you know.
DOCTOR:
Seriously? You're trying to help?
SANTA:
As you stand here, chatting, chatting, your lives are ending. Unless you wake up, unless you free yourselves from these dreadful creatures, they're going to destroy you.
SHONA:
You're a dream who's trying to save us?
SANTA:
Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus. I think you just defined me!
DOCTOR:
(walks around) This makes perfect sense. The Dream Crab tries to make the dream as real as possible to trap you inside it. It creates dreams within dreams so you can never be sure if you are really awake. But your brain knows something is wrong. Your subconscious fights back. THIS is your mind, trying to tell you this isn't real.
SANTA:
So it gives you me, Sweet Papa Chrimbo!
IAN:
It gives you comedy elves, flying reindeer.
DOCTOR:
Exactly!
SANTA:
A time-travelling scientist dressed as a magician.
IAN:
Classic!
DOCTOR:
No, no, no. hang on. No, no, no, no.
WOLF:
Living in a phone box.
DOCTOR:
(defensive) It's a spaceship in disguise!
SANTA:
You see how none of this makes any sense?
DOCTOR:
Shut up, Santa!
SANTA:
I've watched over you all your lives. I've taken care of you from Christmas to Christmas.
BELLOWS:
But you're not real!
SANTA:
And yet, that never stopped me. All of you, come near. Come here, come on! Join hands.
DOCTOR:
No, look, we don't need all this touchy-feely stuff.
SANTA:
Shut up, Doctor!
The DOCTOR huffs and walks away.
SANTA:
Join hands. Come on, concentrate.
BELLOWS:
Why?
SANTA:
You are deep inside this dream, all right, and it is a shared mental state, so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically...
DOCTOR:
(walks back to SANTA) No, no, no. Line in the sand. Santa Claus does not do the scientific explanation!
SANTA:
All right. As the Doctor might say, (deep Scottish accent) "Aw, it's all a bit dreamy-weamy!"
DOCTOR:
Why don't you just go and make a naughty list?
SANTA:
I have, mate, and you're on it!
DOCTOR:
Don't give me that. Look, you're supposed to be warm and friendly and cheerful!
SANTA:
Oh, yeah! Look at your great bedside manner!
DOCTOR:
Don't be so hostile!
CLARA:
Doctor, behave!
ASHLEY:
This is very sweet. But right now I have an alien life form wrapped around my face, and apparently it's digesting my brain. When you speak, how do I know it's not the Dream Crab?
SANTA:
Ooh, good question. Spoken like a scientist. (claps)
CLARA:
Can I put it another way? Why would the part of our brain that is trying to keep all of us alive choose you for a face?
SANTA:
Is anyone else asking that?
SHONA:
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All of us. All of us. Why you?
SANTA:
Well... (stands by elves) It's the North Pole, it's Christmas Day. You're dying. Who you gonna call? Just one last time, huh? One last Christmas, as if your lives depended on it. Please! Ho-ho-ho! Believe in Santa!
The members of the base shrug and put down the manuals. CLARA walks over to the DOCTOR.
DOCTOR:
I'm not very good with this holdy-hand thing.
CLARA:
Tough. (takes his hand and pulls him to the circle)
DOCTOR:
I WILL hold Clara's hand, but that's it.
CLARA:
Shona, take his hand.
SHONA grabs the DOCTOR’S hand as he tries to pull it away.
DOCTOR:
No, I'm fine, I'm fine. This is very Christmassy, isn't it?
ASHLEY:
OK, so what do we...?
SANTA, IAN and WOLF are gone.
BELLOWS:
Where did he go?
DOCTOR:
We're waking up. That part of the dream is over. We're on our own now.
MAN:
Well, then. What do we do?
DOCTOR:
That pain in your head. Make it worse. Head towards it.
ASHLEY:
So when we wake up, what do we expect?
DOCTOR:
Only a few moments will have passed at the most. The attack is still in progress.
SHONA:
(bounces nervously) I'm scared.
DOCTOR:
Congratulations. That means you're not an idiot.
CLARA:
It's not like the last time.
DOCTOR:
Last time wasn't real.
ASHLEY:
Good luck. Stay calm. And God bless us, everyone.
The light shines brightly and then
INT. BASE, INFIRMARY
A Dream Crab falls from the DOCTOR’S face and he gasps. The Sleepers writhe jerkily. Crabs fall from CLARA and the scientists. The crabs on the floor turn to dust.
DOCTOR:
Run!
Everyone heads for the door but one of the Sleepers grabs CLARA by the arm.
DOCTOR:
Clara!
CLARA:
Doctor!
The DOCTOR and the MAN pull at CLARA to free her. The maw of the Sleeper opens and we see what could be a face inside. Finally, she is pulled free.
ASHLEY:
Out, out, now! NOW!
ASHLEY closes the door as soon as everyone is through.
INT. BASE, CORRIDOR
One of the Sleepers reaches a hand through the gap. BELLOWS hits it with the butt of her gun until it is forced out and the doors close completely.
DOCTOR:
Everyone all right?
They nod.
DOCTOR:
Good. Bye. (walks away)
CLARA:
Sorry, I'll just go and... (follows the DOCTOR)
DOCTOR:
No need for chatting, you'll only get attached. This isn't Facebook.
EXT. BASE
The DOCTOR opens the exterior door and walks to the TARDIS. CLARA follows to try and talk him into going back.
CLARA:
Uh... what about the Dream Crabs?
DOCTOR:
Oh, they're fine.
CLARA:
And the people that they're eating?
DOCTOR:
Beyond help.
CLARA:
Doctor, the others are still in danger.
DOCTOR:
(stops) Only if they're stupid. There are polar bears on this ice cap. Am I supposed to do something about that, too?
CLARA:
We know Dream Crabs are still on Earth.
DOCTOR:
There are lots of dangerous things on this funny little planet of yours, Clara, most of which you eat. I'm the Doctor, not your mam! (walks on)
CLARA:
Doctor? If Santa was only in the dream, why was he on my roof?
DOCTOR:
(stops on threshold of TARDIS) Four! Four patients. Four manuals. Hurry! (closes door and runs past CLARA) Do you know what I hate about the obvious?
CLARA:
What?
DOCTOR:
Missing it!
CLARA runs after him as he opens the door.
INT. BASE, CONTROL ROOM
On a monitor, we see the Sleepers are back in their beds. The DOCTOR hurries in followed by CLARA.
DOCTOR:
As you were, no saluting. Are you the same people as before?
CLARA:
Of course they are!
DOCTOR:
Sorry, I deleted you.
SHONA:
Well, that's not a very nice attitude, is it?
DOCTOR:
(grabs manuals) Four manuals, yes?
ASHLEY:
Yes, why?
DOCTOR:
One each.
MAN:
One each, yes. What's the problem?
DOCTOR:
The problem is, you can't see the problem. For instance, you, gobby one. (throws her a manual)
SHONA:
(stands) I have a name, actually.
DOCTOR:
Doesn't matter, I don't need it. When we first met you in the infirmary, what were you doing?
SHONA:
It's a long story.
DOCTOR:
Uptight boss one. (throws her a manual) What is the primary mission of this polar base?
ASHLEY:
It's a long story.
DOCTOR:
Sexy one, (throws her a manual) what brings you to the North Pole at your age?
BELLOWS:
It's a long... story.
The DOCTOR tosses the last manual to the MAN.
CLARA:
OK. Why are they all giving the same answer, because that is a tiny bit freaky.
DOCTOR:
You think that's freaky? Try this. We were in the TARDIS - why did WE come here?
CLARA:
It's a long story.
The DOCTOR looks at her as CLARA realizes what she said. She puts her hand to her mouth. The DOCTOR turns away.
CLARA:
Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Dreams, they're funny. They're disjointed, they're silly, they're full of... gaps. But you don't notice, because the dream protects itself. Stops you asking the right questions. For example, why do you have four manuals, one each, when you have a crew of eight? Or did you forget about your friends in the infirmary here?
MAN:
But we woke up!
DOCTOR:
Dreams within dreams, I warned you.
BELLOWS:
This isn't a dream. I know it isn't.
DOCTOR:
No-one knows they're not dreaming. Not one of us. Not ever. Not for one single moment of our lives. Clara? Page number. Make it a good one.
CLARA:
12.
ASHLEY:
Very.
MAN:
Very.
BELLOWS:
Very.
SHONA:
Dead.
DOCTOR:
And who's going to be the first to admit it?
ASHLEY:
Admit what?
DOCTOR:
That the pain is still there.
SHONA:
Actually, I think it's getting worse.
They all put a hand to the right side of their head.
DOCTOR:
Yes, there is an alien organism in your brain, eating it. Of course it's getting worse.
CLARA:
Doctor? (moves to the monitors) What are they doing?
DOCTOR:
(joins her) Factually, getting up. Significantly, sensing the endgame.
CLARA:
How?
ASHLEY:
I don't understand.
DOCTOR:
Well, look at them. Go on. Look at them. Look at them properly. Look who they are. They're you. The sleepers are you.
We see the nametags on the Sleepers.
SHONA:
How can they be us?
DOCTOR:
Because we're dreaming, all of us. This base isn't real. None of us are actually standing in the room. I'm probably asleep in my TARDIS. Clara, you must be in bed. God knows where the rest of you are, probably scattered all over the world. But wherever you are, the Dream Crabs have got us, and we're all being networked into the same nightmare.
The Sleepers walk towards the center of the room.
MAN:
What are they doing?
CLARA:
It's your subconscious again. The sleepers represent the part of your mind that's already surrendered to the attack. These are dream images of what's coming to kill you.
MAN:
(stands in front of monitor) That's me? That's actually me?
The Sleeper is standing facing the camera.
DOCTOR:
No, it's a metaphorical construct representing a psychic attack within a shared dreamscape. Do please keep up.
MAN:
But it's me!
DOCTOR:
Don't get too close.
MAN:
Why?
The Sleeper now has his hand on the camera and it looks like it’s trying to reach through.
DOCTOR:
Because this is a nightmare.
The MAN leans in closer to the monitor and is sucked through. CLARA and the DOCTOR are too late to grab him. The women reach out their hands towards the monitors where the remaining Sleepers are reaching through the monitors, stretching them outwards.
DOCTOR:
Look out! They're coming through! Out! Outside, now! Run, run, run, run! Run! Run, run, all of you, go. Run!
Everyone runs out, the DOCTOR in the rear. He turns around and sees the three Sleepers standing by the bank of monitors. He picks up a fire extinguisher and shoots the gas at them. They roar but stop advancing. He drops the extinguisher and runs outside.
EXT. BASE
Once outside the DOCTOR uses the sonic on the door. The others are huddled in parkas.
BELLOWS:
We'll freeze to death out here.
SHONA:
But it's just a dream.
DOCTOR:
This dream just killed your friend, start taking it seriously.
ASHLEY:
Where's Albert? Where's the professor?
DOCTOR:
He probably just woke up somewhere in the real world, dead. If we don't wake up now, we'll do the same.
CLARA:
But how?
DOCTOR:
I don't know.
There is a loud banging and they look to the door to the base. The Sleepers are punching the door and leaving massive dents. They back away. The DOCTOR turns his head and sees the TARDIS.
DOCTOR:
The TARDIS! Come on! Come on! (hurries to TARDIS)
CLARA:
Doctor, it's not the real TARDIS.
DOCTOR:
Well, let's hope that I dreamed it really well then.
Just as they reach the TARDIS, a Sleeper DOCTOR and CLARA step out.
CLARA:
It's us.
DOCTOR:
Of course it's us. We're dreaming too.
SHONA:
(points) Oh, my God...!
The number of Sleepers behind them has now tripled. They slowly advance.
BELLOWS:
How is that possible? How can there be so many?!
DOCTOR:
The logic of a nightmare.
ASHLEY lights a flare and walks around them in a circle, keeping the Sleepers at bay.
SHONA:
So, tell us how to wake up. Because you're always talking like you're so clever, going on and on. So tell us what to do!
DOCTOR:
We have to leave this place.
SHONA:
Leave it?
BELLOWS:
How?
DOCTOR:
Use your imagination.
BELLOWS:
Excuse me?
DOCTOR:
Dream yourselves home.
BELLOWS:
But how?
The creatures' mouths open slowly.
DOCTOR:
Come on, it's Christmas, the North Pole, who you gonna call?
They hear bells and look up to see a sleigh being pulled by only three reindeer - including Rudolph. The sleigh lands between the Sleepers and the group.
SANTA:
Hyahhh! Whoa! Whoa. Ahh...?! Get in the sleigh.
They climb into the sleigh; the DOCTOR sits next to SANTA, CLARA in the seat behind him and the three women in the back.
SANTA:
Fortunately, I know all your home addresses. Hyah!
The sleigh takes off leaving a multitude of Sleepers watching.
INT. SLEIGH
The women, including CLARA, look over the sides as the sleigh flies over the land.
CLARA:
So, what happens now?
SANTA:
Hyah!
CLARA:
This is us just waking up, right?
DOCTOR:
Could be. Well, I hope so. Waking up or...
CLARA:
Or?
DOCTOR:
Just focus on this. Do you believe in Santa Claus?
CLARA:
I've always believed in Santa Claus. But he looks a little different to me.
CLARA wraps her arms around the DOCTOR’S neck, and, after a shrug, just accepts it.
CLARA:
Look!
CLARA points down and we see London below them. CLARA releases her hug.
SANTA:
Hey. You want to take the reins, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
You're a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.
SANTA:
Yes, but do you want a go?
DOCTOR:
Yeah. All right.
The DOCTOR takes the reins and they go into a bit of a dive and then dodge chimneys and taller buildings.
DOCTOR:
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
SANTA:
Easy! This way.
DOCTOR:
No, no, no! Oh, ho-ho! Ah!
SANTA:
Up a bit. Don't stop. There we go.
DOCTOR:
Look at me. Look... look at me!
They fly past the Palace of Westminster and around Elizabeth Tower just as Big Ben chimes midnight.
DOCTOR:
(standing) Look at me! I'm riding a sleigh. I'm riding a sleigh. Yippee yah-yay!
They all cheer and squeal, making noises like one does on a ride. The DOCTOR sits and hands the reins back to SANTA.
DOCTOR:
Oh. Maybe you could...
SANTA:
Yeah, yeah.
SHONA:
I work in a shop.
ASHLEY:
I'm sorry?
SHONA:
I thought I was a scientist. That's rubbish.
BELLOWS:
Finally, something that makes sense.
SHONA:
You're horrible, you.
ASHLEY:
Perfume.
SHONA:
What?
ASHLEY:
I'm an account manager for perfume. (to DOCTOR) Does this mean we're waking up?
DOCTOR:
(faces them) Possibly. With any luck, we'll all wake up in our proper times and places.
CLARA:
Proper times?
DOCTOR:
Well, we could all be from different time zones. Time travel is always possible in dreams.
SHONA:
We might not know each other? Not any of us?
ASHLEY:
No, possibly not.
SHONA:
Well, you know what we should do? We should swap numbers. We should have a reunion.
ASHLEY:
Bellows!
BELLOWS is gone.
INT. HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY
BELLOWS wakes with a start. The room is bright and snow is falling outside. A young GIRL enters the room.
GIRL:
Gran! Dinner's ready.
BELLOWS:
(fixes glasses) Yeah, sorry, I must have dozed off.
The GIRL leaves. BELLOWS gets ready to follow and is almost surprised to find herself in a wheelchair. She wheels out of the room, not noticing the small pile of dust of the floor.
INT. SLEIGH
SHONA:
Um, now I'm pretty sure I can remember my number so... if you memorise it then you text me, we can go for a curry...
DOCTOR:
The chances of you remembering any of this are very slim.
SHONA:
Well, don't say that. We'll remember, won't we, Ashley? Ashley?
ASHLEY is gone.
INT. BEDROOM
ASHLEY wakes with a start. A Dream Crab is on the pillow next to her. She screams and jumps out of bed as it dissolves.
INT. SLEIGH
SHONA:
Am I next? Is it me now?
CLARA:
Shona, you're going home. You're surviving.
SHONA:
Do you want to hang out sometime? We can just hang out.
CLARA:
Sure.
SHONA:
Santa, can I stay a bit longer?
SANTA looks back and SHONA is gone.
INT. FLAT
SHONA wakes up on her couch and sees the Dream Crab in its death throes on the floor. It then turns to dust.SHONA:
Gross!
She then picks up a list from the table that reads “Christmas Day Itinerary 1. DVD (Alien) 2. DVD (The thing from another world) 3. Dad comes ‘round. 4. DVD (Miracle on 34th Street.) 5. THRONES marathon. 6. Forgive Dave???” She takes a pen from the table and puts a check-mark next to number six.
INT. SLEIGH
CLARA:
(stands) It's a pity we have to wake up, really. It's not really something we do every day, is it?
SANTA:
No, no, strictly once a year.
DOCTOR:
We stay, we die, Clara.
CLARA:
You're always such a downer, Doctor.
The DOCTOR is gone.
???
The DOCTOR wakes up on the ground of some alien planet once the Dream Crab dies.
DOCTOR:
Clara! (runs into the TARDIS)
INT. SLEIGH
SANTA:
You really should be waking up, too, Clara.
CLARA:
Just a little longer.
SANTA:
Why?
CLARA:
(lays her head on SANTA’S shoulder) Every Christmas is last Christmas.
SANTA:
Hyah!
EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT
The TARDIS materializes.
INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR enters the bedroom while holding a specimen jar. A Dream Crab is still on her face.
DOCTOR:
Oh, Clara. Might have known that you would be the one to sleep in. OK. I tracked the psychic signal here. I'm pretty sure that I know how to do this now. One of the advantages of actually being awake. (uses the sonic on the crab) So, you just hold still. I've just got to zap the neural centres.
The DOCTOR zaps the crab in the spots near CLARA’S temples. He then grabs the crab and lifts it from her face.
DOCTOR:
The Dream Crabs must have got to me first then found you in my memory. (puts the crab in the container) The others were collateral damage. Well, good to see you properly at last. How long has it been? Clara...
CLARA:
Oh, you know, about 62 years. (she turns on light and we see she is an old woman) Doctor, (reaches out a hand and he helps her stand) I have missed you very much, you stupid old man. (hugs him and laughs)
DOCTOR:
I've missed you, too.
INT. HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR enters the room with a hat in each hand. There is a fire going and Christmas cards, lights and stockings hanging from the mantel. CLARA is sitting at the dining table.
DOCTOR:
These are Christmas hats, I've seen people use them. You put them on and absolutely anything seems funny.
CLARA:
Oh, probably won't work on you.
DOCTOR:
Probably not. You want to try?
CLARA:
Go on, then.
The DOCTOR puts the yellow paper crown on her head and we see the younger CLARA.
CLARA:
Can you really see no difference in me?
DOCTOR:
Clara Oswald, you will never look any different to me. So, how was it then?
CLARA:
How was what?
DOCTOR:
The 62 years that I missed.
CLARA:
Oh, how was my life, you mean?
DOCTOR:
(picks up a framed photo) Is there a Mr Clara? (walks around room)
CLARA:
(old again) No. But there were plenty of proposals.
DOCTOR:
They all turned you down though?
CLARA:
I turned them down! I travelled. I taught in every country in Europe. I learned to fly a plane.
DOCTOR:
(puts down photo and sits on couch arm) Regrets?
CLARA:
Oh! Hundreds. (chuckles) I just wish there were time for a few more.
DOCTOR:
Yeah, they're always the best part. Christmas cracker? We should do one. (picks up one and CLARA takes other end) No-one ever matched up to Danny, eh?
CLARA:
There was one other man. But that would never have worked out.
DOCTOR:
Why not?
CLARA:
He was impossible.
The DOCTOR puts his other hand over CLARA’S.
DOCTOR:
We should do this every Christmas.
CLARA:
Because every Christmas is last Christmas.
They pull the cracker.
DOCTOR:
I'm sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had.
SANTA:
Do you, Doctor? How much do you wish that?
DOCTOR:
No. I'm not still...
SANTA:
Wakey, wakey! (echoes)
???
The DOCTOR wakes up on the ground of some alien planet once the Dream Crab dies.
DOCTOR:
Clara! (runs into the TARDIS)
INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR sonics the crab as before and removes it from a still-young CLARA. She wakes with a gasp and sits up.
CLARA:
Doctor. Am I young?
DOCTOR:
No idea. (gives her a hand mirror) Is that any good?
CLARA:
(sighs) Oh, that's good.
DOCTOR:
The TARDIS is outside.
CLARA:
So?
DOCTOR:
So, all of time and all of space is sitting out there. A big blue box. Please, don't even argue.
CLARA smiles. The DOCTOR holds out his hand and she takes it. She then leans forward and kisses him on the cheek.
CLARA:
Merry Christmas, Doctor.
DOCTOR:
Merry Christmas, Clara Oswald.
She laughs and they run from the bedroom.
EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT
We’re looking down from a window. CLARA and the DOCTOR arrive at the TARDIS.
CLARA:
Well, look at you, all happy. That's rare.
DOCTOR:
Do you know what's rarer? Second chances. I never get a second chance, so what happened this time? Don't even know who to thank.
They enter the TARDIS. As it dematerializes, we see a tangerine resting on the windowsill.