Transcript: 1x14 Poker? I Barely Know Her!
1985
INT. SBPD, LOCKER ROOM, DAY
Some off-duty cops are playing poker. The camera pans from one to the next, face level.
MAN 1:
I'll raise. I've got a good feeling about this hand.
MAN 2:
Too rich for me. Fold.
MAN 3:
Big surprise, rookie. That's all you ever do, is fold. Call. What do you say to that, big shot?
MAN 3 turns his head and the camera moves over but there is no one there. The camera then moves down to show SHAWN. The camera angle changes to show him sitting cross-legged on the bench they are using as a table.
SHAWN:
I say... (he looks at each of the men in turn, catching their tells) The last card didn't make Mr. O'Grady's flush. Mr. Duritz was smart to fold, because he missed his straight... And you, Mr. Hastings, your cards just stink. You're bluffing. I call (throws his money on the table) Two pair, jacks and sevens.
O’GRADY:
Oh, damn! Every time.
HASTINGS:
You'd think we'd know better by now.
HENRY:
What the hell is going on here?
The men make themselves scarce. SHAWN sits on the bench as HENRY chastises him.
HENRY:
Poker, Shawn? Poker? What were you thinking?
SHAWN:
I don't know. I get bored waiting.
HENRY:
Why didn't you just say so? I mean, if you're bored, I guess it's okay. What is wrong with you? (straddles the bench) How do you even know how to play poker?
SHAWN:
Mr. Hastings taught me.
HENRY:
Hastings, huh? I want it to stop. You understand? No more poker. No more gambling. You're too young.
SHAWN:
Dad, I don't gamble. I win.
HENRY:
You win? And approximately how often do you lose?
SHAWN:
I don't know.
HENRY:
You don't know?
SHAWN:
Well, I haven't lost yet.
HENRY:
How... how... how much did you win?
SHAWN stands and empties his pockets of wrinkled bills.
HENRY:
Is that it?
SHAWN reaches into a pocket and pulls out some more money.
HENRY:
All right, son, listen to me. Just because you can do something doesn't always mean that you should do it. (gathers the money) Do you understand what I'm saying?
SHAWN:
No.
HENRY holds up the wad of bills before standing and walking away.
SHAWN:
Hey, that's mine!
HENRY:
Not anymore. (puts money in donation box)
SHAWN:
Yes, it is!
HENRY:
Uh-Uh, no. No, no, no, I'm giving it away. (walks back to SHAWN) I’m giving it away. Why? Because I can, and according to your little philosophy, your poker philosophy, if I can, then I should. Right? (lifts SHAWN onto the bench) I know it might seem like you're going to win every time, Shawn, but no matter how good you are, there's always somebody who's better. And there's one rule in gambling, the house always wins. Eventually. Do you understand what I'm saying?
SHAWN:
Don't gamble?
HENRY:
Not for money.
PRESENT DAY
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN is sitting at his desk while GUS is throwing wadded balls of paper at the basketball hoop set over the trash basket.
GUS:
I got 10 bucks says you can't make this shot. (makes the shot)
SHAWN:
Gus, I can't take your money.
GUS:
That's right, because you can't make the shot.
SHAWN:
I could easily make the shot, which is why I can't take your money. There's no sport in it.
GUS:
I say you're all mouth.
SHAWN:
I'm all mouth?
GUS:
Yup.
SHAWN:
All right.
SHAWN rips a page out of the magazine he’s reading and scoots over to GUS in his desk chair. GUS hands him a paper ball and SHAWN wraps his piece of paper around it before standing.
SHAWN:
(clears throat) Sail straight, my precious. (kisses the ball before throwing it into the basket)
GUS:
Okay. Double or nothing. Trivia question this time. History.
SHAWN:
Grover Cleveland.
GUS:
Damn! How do you do that?
SHAWN:
It's the sweetness.
HENRY has entered the office without either of them noticing.
HENRY:
So, this is how you spend your days.
SHAWN:
Oh, my God! Dad, what are you doing here?
HENRY:
Nice. Is that the way you greet all the people that come through your door?
SHAWN:
That's exactly how I greet everyone. Maybe that's why business is down.
GUS:
Hmm.
HENRY:
Are you going to invite me in?
GUS:
(walks forward) Oh, yeah, please...
SHAWN:
(stops GUS) Whoa! This could be a trick. What's the rule?
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, you've seen Lost Boys 14 times. What's the rule?
GUS:
You're on your own. (walks to his desk)
HENRY:
(walks in and looks around) Is this is all there is?
SHAWN:
Actually, this is the satellite office. Main headquarters is in an underground ice cave Gus and I sculpted last winter.
HENRY:
What about your license?
SHAWN:
(clears throat) My pilot's license? It's out back in the CESSNA, or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Problems at the Kazakhstan border. I could give details, but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked.
HENRY:
I'm talking about your private eye license. (tosses a baseball at SHAWN) Well, you need one, don't you?
GUS:
Psychics are exempt from the requirements.
HENRY:
Oh, well, hooray for loopholes.
SHAWN leans against the front of GUS’ desk tossing the baseball as HENRY walks around the office criticizing the little things.
HENRY:
A little dark. Could use a couple more lamps. You're probably killing your eyes. That outlet... looks a little overloaded. That plasma... you'd probably do better by putting it on that wall. You'd have less glare coming in through the window in the afternoon...
SHAWN:
You know, Dad, I really appreciate you making the long drive down to Feng Shui it up sweet for us, but we're kind of in the middle of something here.
HENRY:
What would that be, Shawn? Would that be NBA garbage can hoops, (takes one of the paper balls out of the garbage to put it through the hoop) or trivia super-challenge?
SHAWN:
Believe it or not, we have an 11:00. So maybe we should wrap this up.
HENRY:
Ah, it's a little too late for that, Shawn. (sits in SHAWN’S abandoned chair and smiles) I am your 11:00.
**************************************************************************
PSYCH
“Poker? I Barely Know Her”
By
Kerry Lenhart, John J. Sakmar & Douglas Steinberg
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Joanna Kerns
**********************************************************************
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
HENRY walks the room explaining while he’s there as SHAWN takes his chair back and wheels it behind the desk. He puts his feet up on the desk as GUS sits on the corner.
HENRY:
Bill Peterson. He owns Peterson Motors. I met him about 20 years ago when I grabbed a couple of punks boosting tires off of his lot. Shawn, shouldn't you be writing some of this down?
SHAWN:
Why would I do that? Will there be a quiz?
HENRY:
Would you shut up and pay attention? I got a call from him yesterday. He's got a kid. Brandon. He's just a little younger than you. He thinks his son might be mixed up in something.
GUS:
Like what?
HENRY:
He'll fill you in when he gets here. The point is, he doesn't want cops involved, so he called me.
SHAWN:
And you said...
HENRY:
I said I'm retired, and he should definitely involve the cops.
SHAWN:
Sweet. You came all the way here to tell us that. Awesome.
HENRY:
No, Shawn. He doesn't want his son in trouble, and I might have mentioned to Peterson, accidentally, that you, uh... You might be able to help.
SHAWN:
Whoa, time out! Flag on the play! Did you vouch for me?
HENRY:
No, I wouldn't say I exactly vouched for you.
SHAWN:
Gus, Henry vouched for me. (stands and walks over to HENRY)
HENRY:
I did not vouch for you.
SHAWN:
You were bragging on me. You have a dad-crush on me. (holds out his arms and wiggles his fingers, inviting a hug)
HENRY:
Shawn, I was not bragging on you. I merely restated stats about your track record that are in the newspaper.
SHAWN:
Let's hug it out.
HENRY:
Put your arms down.
SHAWN:
Give me hug.
HENRY:
Put your… No, I'm not going to give you a... If I had known that Peterson was going to insist on hiring you, I would have blasted your character outright, and I would have mentioned your unnatural fear of pointy things.
SHAWN:
Ah! Distaste for pointy things.
HENRY:
Please, just do me this one favor. Would you listen to the man's story, tell him you can't help, send him to the cops, and whatever you do, don't do it with all that rolling your eyes around and all that (flaps arms around) floppy crap.
SHAWN:
What is this? First of all, I don't flop around all the time, okay? My game is predicated on finesse. How dare you criticise my job.
The front door opens.
HENRY:
He's here. He's here. Don't tell him I came by. Do you got a back way out this place?
SHAWN:
You came through it.
HENRY:
Oh, right. (runs out the back way)
PETERSON clears his throat before knocking on the door to the inner office.
PETERSON:
Excuse me. Are you Shawn?
SHAWN:
Yes, that's correct, Mr. Peterson. (twitches)
PETERSON:
Wow, that is my name.
SHAWN:
Don't be too impressed, Bill. I could've gotten that information anywhere. After all, Peterson Motors is gigantic.
PETERSON:
Yeah, well, I'm suitably impressed. (shakes SHAWN’S hand)
GUS:
Don't be. Burton Guster. (shakes PETERSON’S hand)
PETERSON:
Pleasure to meet you. (sits on the edge of SHAWN’S desk) Look, I'll get right to it. I have a son, Brandon. Up until a few weeks ago, he worked for me. Now he's disappeared.
GUS:
What happened a few weeks ago?
PETERSON:
I fired him. He was lazy, directionless. I thought I could get him to buckle down, focus in on something.
SHAWN:
How did that go?
PETERSON:
Well, he's been evicted from his apartment, his cellphone's been cut off, and he forged a check from my account to the tune of $30,000. (stands) I need to find my son. Can you help me?
GUS:
Well, Mr. Peterson, this sounds like a case for the police. Let me get you a number.
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be a gooey chocolate chip cookie.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
This is precisely what we do here, sir. We find people. We'll find your Brandon.
SHAWN starts shaking and trembling until GUS slaps him on the back.
INT. SBPD, DAY
JULIET is walking down the hall talking with a uniformed officer.
JULIET:
Okay, make sure we are not disturbed. I need five minutes uninterrupted. Make sure no one comes in.
OFFICER:
Yeah.
JULIET enters VICK’S office, shuts the door. LASSITER looks at her before she closes the blinds. The OFFICER takes position at the door.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
JULIET walks over to VICK.
VICK:
What's with all the secrecy, O'Hara?
JULIET:
I've got a real mindbender.
VICK:
Problem with the railway theft?
JULIET:
No. It's a detective.
VICK:
Is this something for Internal Affairs?
JULIET:
It's Detective Lassiter.
VICK:
What's the problem with our head detective?
JULIET:
Well, it's his birthday.
VICK:
Oh, that's not a problem.
JULIET:
Yeah! It is! He seems quiet.
VICK:
He is quiet. That's who he is. O'Hara I think it's nice that you care for your partner, but he's a grown man. He'll be fine.
JULIET:
I just thought it would be nice to surprise him.
VICK:
Oh... Detective Lassiter does not like surprises.
JULIET:
Of course he likes surprises. Everybody likes surprises.
VICK:
Detective Lassiter has a very particular comfort zone, and you don't even want to know what we now call the (whispers) "Secret Santa Debacle of 2005."
JULIET:
I just wanted to do something nice for him, but nobody seems to know what he likes.
VICK:
Well, you're his partner. Shouldn't you know?
JULIET:
Well, we don't really talk. I mean, he doesn't. He nods and responds, mostly. He never really poses a question. Although, sometimes he asks if we can ride in silence.
VICK:
O'Hara, your heart is in the right place, but I am very sure you will have to do this yourself.
JULIET:
(sighs) Okay, fine. (leaves)
EXT. BRANDON’S APARTMENT BUILDING, DAY
GUS parks the car in front of the building and they get out and walk to the front door.
GUS:
Shawn, what are we doing here? Brandon’s dad said he was evicted.
They stop on the porch, outside the door.
SHAWN:
Gus, let me ask you something. When's the last time you were evicted from your apartment?
GUS:
(scoffs) Never.
The door opens and SHAWN holds it as a woman steps out. SHAWN waves as she walks by.
SHAWN:
Exactly. You wouldn't understand. This is my world.
They walk through the door and into the complex.
INT. BRANDON’S APARTMENT BUILDING, PARKING GARAGE, DAY
SHAWN leads GUS to a storage compartment built of wood and lined with chicken wire.
SHAWN:
So the landlord keeps Brandon's stuff as collateral. Brandon comes back, landlord gets paid. Brandon doesn't, there's a garage sale.
GUS:
Well, the buzzer upstairs says that his is 227.
SHAWN:
227? Marla Gibbs.
GUS:
Regina King.
SHAWN:
Jackée.
GUS:
Hal Williams.
SHAWN:
Hal Williams?
GUS:
Hal Williams as Lester Jenkins.
SHAWN:
Yeah, right. (looks at the padlock and sees scratches around the keyhole) Looks like somebody took a screwdriver to this thing.
GUS:
Let me see.
SHAWN walks around to the other side of the locker as GUS looks at the lock.
GUS:
Okay, so Brandon needed something inside here, but he couldn't get in. If you were in his shoes, what would you do next?
SHAWN:
(grips the chicken wire) First of all, I'd feel very ashamed of myself.
GUS:
Tell me about it.
SHAWN looks down at the floor and sees marks on an envelope and then an open space near the base of the wire where it meets the wood.
SHAWN:
But then, (moves back to stand next to GUS) I think I'd come back with some scissors. (lies on the floor and reaches through the hole, GUS beside him) Let's see if we can find what he was reaching for.
GUS:
Here, let me reach. (puts his arm through the hole as well) My reach is better.
SHAWN:
Excuse me.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
When exactly did we have a reaching contest?
GUS:
My reach has always been better.
SHAWN:
But my arms are slender-erer. Slender-er?
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Slenderer...
GUS:
Skinnier?
SHAWN:
Yes.
GUS:
You know what? You're right. My biceps probably wouldn't fit through this thing anyway. (pulls arm out)
SHAWN:
I knew you'd fall for that.
SHAWN reaches the box of envelopes with an exaggerated grunt. He and GUS kneel and go through the papers.
GUS:
Let's see. Final notice, final notice, final notice, plus an eviction? Gosh, this kid has some serious cash-flow problems. No wonder why he stole from his pops. What do you got?
SHAWN:
A bunch of pawn shops. Whoa, wait a second. If you're a guy with an apartment, what's the one thing you definitely don't have?
GUS:
I don't know, a horse?
SHAWN:
A horse, that's true! (imitates buzzer) Answer we were looking for was yard or garden. I would have accepted both yard... and garden.
GUS:
I was joking.
SHAWN:
So if you're a guy without a yard or garden…
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
…why would you have a business card for a garden supply store?
SHAWN holds up the card in front of GUS who notices writing on the back.
GUS:
What is R,R,L,R,L,L?
SHAWN:
(reads card) Rrlrll. Rrlrll.
GUS:
Of course, "rrila rilla."
SHAWN:
No, no. (rolls the Rs) Rrlrll. Rrlrll.
GUS:
What does it mean?
SHAWN:
We should probably figure that out, huh?
GUS:
You think?
EXT. GARDEN CENTER, PARKING LOT, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are sitting in the car watching the customers.
GUS:
How long are we going to sit here? Brandon might not even show up. When I suggested we do a stakeout, You were like, "No, no. We need to do something active."
SHAWN:
I am doing something active.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
I'm preparing to try and enjoy this chalupa. (prepares to eat)
GUS:
Odd.
SHAWN watches as a silver sports car pulls into a parking space.
SHAWN:
No, what's odd is the customers that keep driving into this place. Look at these cars. They're ridiculous. They're all fancy and whatnot.
GUS:
Not exactly what you would use to pick up shrubs and fertilizer.
They watch as the driver gets out and walks around to the passenger side. A woman hands him his wallet and waves as he goes inside.
SHAWN:
Let's see what these people are up to.
SHAWN puts down the chalupa and he and GUS get out of the car. They walk past the silver car and SHAWN looks at the charm bracelet on the woman’s wrist - it is made to be a straight flush with diamonds, the real thing.
EXT. GARDEN CENTER, DAY
SHAWN and GUS follow the man through the garden center to the open area in the back. He pauses in front of a trellis by some hedges and looks around carefully. GUS and SHAWN duck down behind some flowers and watch him disappear inside. They stand.
GUS:
Let's go.
They cross over to the area and go the same direction as the man they were following. They peer around a corner and see the path is clear. They turn right and come upon a dead end.
GUS:
Wrong turn.
They go back to where they turned and then go in the other direction. They come back.
GUS:
What the...
SHAWN:
Dude, it's a maze. (flashes back to finding the card with the writing on the back)
They make their way back to the entrance of the maze and SHAWN recalls the letters as GUS watches.
GUS:
Shawn, what are you doing?
SHAWN:
Right, left, right... Dude, the letters on the back of that card were directions. Follow me.
GUS:
All right.
SHAWN and GUS enter the maze.
SHAWN:
(pauses) Right. (makes the turn and stops) Rrlrll… Rrlrll, rrlrll.
GUS:
Sh-Shawn!
SHAWN:
Right. (continues) Left... Left... Yes! (goes to open the door they find)
GUS:
Whoa, wait a second, wait a second. Maybe we should take a peek and see what we're getting into, Shawn.
They push the bushes aside and peer through. Inside are a number of tables where people are playing cards.
GUS:
Oh, you know what this is, Shawn? It's one of those underground poker games. My poker buddies talk about them.
SHAWN:
Since when do you have poker buddies?
GUS:
My online poker buddies, Shawn. I'm good. I'm up $7 million.
SHAWN:
You have $7 million, and you failed to mention it until just now?
GUS:
It's not real money, Shawn. That's illegal.
One of the men playing poker has just lost big. One of the men running the game comes over.
MAN 1:
Rough luck there, again, huh?
MAN 2:
Yeah, a bit of bad luck.
SHAWN:
Dude, you should get in this game.
GUS:
How? These games are tight. You got to know somebody to get in.
SHAWN:
Oh, we'll just throw Brandon's name around. Maybe they'll let us in.
MAN 2:
Uh, yeah, one more hand, I'll get it.
MAN 1:
It's not working out for you today, is it?
MAN 2:
No. Not right now.
MAN 1:
I’ll tell you what. (snaps his fingers) Why don’t you stand up here?
Two large men come up behind the player.
MAN 2:
I’m just gonna…
MAN 1:
Come on. Come here.
The two men lift the poker player up by the arms and hold him still as he faces MAN 1.
MAN 1:
It’s okay. It’s okay. (pats MAN 2 on the chest)
MAN 2:
Okay.
MAN 1:
Just relax, now. Put your hand up like this.(holds hand up as if waiting for a High Five)
MAN 2:
Why?
MAN 1:
Just hold it up. There you go.
One of the men holds MAN 2’s hand up as MAN 1 turns around and picks up a pair of garden clippers.
MAN 1:
Now, maybe next time, you won't force me into such a barbaric form of retribution.
SHAWN:
Good news. There appears to be a seat opening up. Still, I think our best course of action would be to...
GUS:
Get the hell out of here!
SHAWN:
Go, go, go, go!
They run away.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
HENRY and PETERSON are sitting in the soft chairs as SHAWN comes in with headphones over his ears. GUS is behind him.
SHAWN:
(loudly) I want you to know I cannot hear anything you say!
HENRY and PETERSON stand up and walk over.
HENRY:
Shawn, what the hell is going on? What the... Shawn what are you doing?
SHAWN walks right past him.
GUS:
It's his ongoing sensory-deprivation experiment, sharpening one sense by denying others. In this case, he can't hear, which amplifies his sense of smell.
HENRY:
(whispers) What?
PETERSON:
Amazing.
HENRY:
That's one word for it.
SHAWN:
I need complete and utter silence.
HENRY:
What do you need silence for Shawn, if you can't hear anything?
GUS:
Shh!
PETERSON:
Please, Henry, let the boy work.
SHAWN:
I smell chips! Potato! Pot-Ah-To! Let's call the whole thing off. (throws a bag of potato chips to GUS) Mr. Peterson, I want you to grab my arm. (holds his arm straight out in front of PETERSON) Both hands, like you're doing a pull-up. Feel the burn. (PETERSON puts his hands on SHAWN’S arm) I will now become a conduit to your son's thoughts. Please, clear your mind and your nasal passages. Think of nothing but Brandon and those chips. Gus, present spuds. (GUS holds the bag in front of PETERSON who sniffs the contents) I'm getting something. (starts moving arm) It's not clear...
HENRY:
(pushes GUS’ arm away) That's a shocker.
SHAWN:
I'm wrong! It's not potato! Gus, lose the spuds! (GUS puts the potato chips down) Chips... Ponch! John! Striker! Cracker! Poker! Poker? I hardly know her!
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
Poker chips!
HENRY:
Well, what the hell do poker chips smell like, Shawn?
SHAWN:
They smell like butterflies. Poker chips... and playing cards!
SHAWN reaches over and grabs a deck of cards from GUS’ desk. PETERSON is still holding onto his arm.
PETERSON:
What? What about the poker chips and the playing cards?
SHAWN:
(holds up the cards) Oh, Gus, it burns! (jerks his body around and throws the cards down on the floor with a grunt before pulling off the headphones) The link... has been broken. I'll have to read the cards, see what they say.
SHAWN tosses away the headphones and gets down on the floor. GUS gets down as well, so does PETERSON. SHAWN reaches up and yanks HENRY down by his shirt.
HENRY:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
(holds up the jack of hearts) There's your son. Notice there are no diamonds around him.
GUS:
Well, diamonds represent wealth. So Brandon lost his wealth playing poker?
SHAWN:
That's correct, Gus.
HENRY:
Well, what do all these clubs around him mean, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Clubs... clubs are like... clover. He's been playing poker in a garden. (picks up the king of diamonds) With this guy. We need a name. Has he mentioned any of the guys he plays poker with?
PETERSON:
Dumbluck2. That was his online screen name. I kept seeing it on his computer when he was supposed to be working.
SHAWN:
(looks at GUS) Dumbluck2. Here, you can have Brandon. (hands jack of hearts to PETERSON)
PETERSON:
Thanks.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET glances at LASSITER’S open personnel file as she makes a phone call to her partner’s mother.
MRS. LASSITER:
(over phone) Hello?
JULIET:
Hi. Mrs. Lassiter?
MRS. LASSITER:
(over phone) Yes. Who is this? What do you want?
JULIET:
It's about your son...
MRS. LASSITER:
(over phone) Oh, no! It's the phone call!
JULIET:
Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not that. (sits)
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
INT. MRS. LASSITER’S HOUSE, DAY
MRS. LASSITER is sitting down wearing a plum velour housecoat.
MRS. LASSITER:
Well, then, who the hell are you?
JULIET:
I'm his partner.
MRS. LASSITER:
But... you're a woman.
JULIET:
(sarcastic) Yes. Shocking, isn't it?
MRS. LASSITER:
What are you, fulfilling a quota? If you get him shot...
JULIET:
I'm not getting him shot. I just need to ask a few personal questions.
MRS. LASSITER:
Personal questions? You're not a cop. This is some kind of internet scam, isn't it? You'll want my social security number next, right? Well, suck lemons, Cookiepuss. You're getting nothing out of me.
JULIET:
No. No, no, no. It's just... it's his birthday. It's coming up, and I...
MRS. LASSITER:
Who told you that?
JULIET:
Excuse me?
MRS. LASSITER:
Booker doesn't celebrate his birthdays.
JULIET:
(snickers) Booker?
MRS. LASSITER:
Dammit! Ooh, you're good, Trickypants. Well, I just want you to know this phone call is now being recorded.
JULIET:
(whispers) I just need some inside information because I want to surprise him.
MRS. LASSITER:
Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask his wife?
JULIET:
I didn't exactly think that was appropriate with them being separated and all.
MRS. LASSITER:
They're what?
JULIET:
Nothing.
MRS. LASSITER:
My son is separated?
JULIET:
No... I mean, I don't know. Please don't tell him that you know. Please don't tell him that I told you. I really... I had no idea. Can we please just pretend this conversation never happened? (there’s a dial tone on the other end) Hello? (hangs up and puts a hand over her mouth)
Over her shoulder we see LASSITER at his desk. He answers his phone as it rings.
LASSITER:
Lassiter. Mother? What? What do you mean you want your wedding ring back?
JULIET grabs her purse and quickly leaves.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
GUS is sitting on his desk playing on his computer.
SHAWN:
What are you doing?
GUS:
I'm playing online poker, Shawn. I knew I knew that name. Dumbluck2. I've played Brandon before. Right here, and I beat him. I figured I'd hang out, see if he logs on.
SHAWN:
(sees GUS’ eye twitch) Looks like a full house, huh?
GUS:
How did you know that?
SHAWN:
You went... (exaggerates the twitch)
GUS:
I don't do that, Shawn. I didn't do that.
As GUS continues to play, SHAWN gets comfortable, leaning back in a chair, feet on GUS’ desk. He watches his friend.
SHAWN:
Two pair. I'd call, and raise. You're sitting on pocket rockets. You won't do better than that.
GUS:
Seriously, how do you do that?
SHAWN:
Good thing you're not a real poker player. You'd lose more money than Brandon.
GUS:
I am a stellar player, Shawn. And don't think... Wait a second.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
He's on now. Brandon.
SHAWN:
Great. Bring him in.
SHAWN pushes his chair around next to GUS, pushing him out of the way to look at the computer.
GUS:
Bring him in how? Say "Hey, Brandon, your dad's looking for you"?
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second here, time out.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
You're “BigKitty75”?
GUS:
Yeah. As in, the kitty, you know, the pot.
SHAWN:
The kitty?
GUS:
Yes, 75.
SHAWN:
74 other “Big Kitties” came before you?
GUS:
Yes, Shawn, there were 74 of them.
SHAWN:
All right. All right. Does Kitty have a profile?
GUS:
It's Big Kitty, and, no, I don't.
SHAWN:
Perfect. Scoot over. Give me some room to operate here. (pushes over in front of the computer)
GUS:
What are you doing?
SHAWN:
(typing) I'm baiting the hook.
GUS:
Baiting the hook? How? You can't do this, Shawn. This is my account.
SHAWN:
(smiles) Sshh. Relax.
GUS:
Don’t you tell me to…
SHAWN:
You don't have a profile. They don't know if “Big Kitty” is a man or…
GUS:
I'm a man! The players I play poker with, chat with, know that I'm a man, Shawn!
SHAWN:
That's funny, because it appears Brandon thinks you're a...
GUS:
(reads screen) A cheerleader?
SHAWN:
(types) "Where does a girl go around here for fun and games?"
GUS:
(elbows SHAWN) Stop it, Shawn! Get the…
SHAWN:
Relax!
GUS:
I can't transfer my bank. I have seven million bucks.
SHAWN:
Oh, what's my name? Oh, I don't know.
GUS:
Shawn...
SHAWN:
BigKitty75.
GUS:
Shawn...
SHAWN:
You know, kitty? The kitty… Kitty-cat? Feline! Ah, Felicia.
GUS:
“Felicia Fancybottom”? What am I, a James Bond villain?
SHAWN:
Look, he's inviting us into a private chat.
GUS:
Don't do it, Shawn. I'm telling you, don't do it.
SHAWN:
Buy me a drink? (looks at GUS) I think that question's for you, Felicia. "Where?" Well, I don't know.
GUS:
I can't...
SHAWN:
Dude, where do you go to hook up with dudes you meet online?
GUS:
That's not funny, Shawn.
SHAWN snickers as he types.
GUS:
(reads) Coffee with Attitude coffeehouse. Bring a flower?
SHAWN:
What do you think? Poinsettia?
GUS:
That's a plant, not a flower. And it's out of season.
SHAWN:
(types) Perfect. We'll see just how badly he wants to impress Big Felicia Fancybottom.
GUS pushes SHAWN away and he shrieks.
EXT. COFFFE WITH ATTITUDE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk up to the outside patio. SHAWN stops.
SHAWN:
Ah, he's punctual. (sees BRANDON at a table with a poinsettia) I like that in a date.
SHAWN and GUS walk over to the table and sit down.
BRANDON:
Whoa, guys, I'm expecting somebody, actually.
SHAWN:
We know.
GUS:
Felicia.
BRANDON:
Yeah, how do you know... She's not coming, is she?
SHAWN:
He's Felicia. And I'm Felicia.
BRANDON:
Great. Yeah, I knew it. All hot internet women are guys. Of course, you're two guys, which makes it doubly weird.
GUS:
Sorry, Brandon, but your dad's looking for you.
SHAWN:
That's the rub. He hired us.
BRANDON:
Oh, yeah? Well, the joke's on you, because I'm out of here.
BRANDON gets up and walks away. Unnoticed, a car has pulled up and out steps the MAN from the garden center and his two “muscle men”.
SHAWN:
Hey, we just want to talk!
BRANDON sees the men and turns back towards SHAWN and GUS. The two men grab BRANDON.
GUS:
What's going on?
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know these guys?
MAN:
Hey, relax, Brandon and I are friends. I just want to talk to him for a minute. (puts an arm around BRANDON’S shoulder and pulls him away) So how's it going? You good?
BRANDON:
Yeah.
With that response, the MAN forced BRANDON to bend over and then slammed his knee into the boy’s nose.
SHAWN:
Hey!
GUS:
Whoa!
BRANDON stayed bent over, hands on his nose. The MAN leaned over, hands on his knees.
MAN:
Just so you don't forget, you have until Monday.
The MAN straightens up and buttons his jacket before getting back in the car. BRANDON straightens and walks back towards SHAWN and GUS.
BRANDON:
Oh! You were saying?
SHAWN:
Well, it looks like your dad's not the only one who's looking for you, huh?
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS stand and listen as BRANDON explains what happened.
BRANDON:
All right, look. You guys have got to give me a break, okay? I stole $30,000 from my dad and then lost it, and more, to that jerk J.P. Berger. So I can't go home, not until I win enough to pay everybody back.
GUS:
What did he say? You've got till Monday?
BRANDON:
Yeah, he did, but, see, the thing is, I'm a better player than he is. I am much better.
SHAWN:
And yet he bent you over his knee and spanked you in front of the whole class.
BRANDON:
But he shouldn't have. I just... I just got to figure out how he did it. (puts ice on his face)
SHAWN meanders over to one of the chairs and leans on one of the armrests and crosses his arms.
GUS:
Look, Brandon, it's simple. You go to your dad and convince him to give you your job back, and then figure out a way to pay Berger back his money.
BRANDON:
That sounds really great, but guys I can't go back to work for my dad. Nothing I do is ever good enough for that man. Nothing is right. You... you have no idea what that's like.
SHAWN:
(gets up and walks over) Look, here's some brutal truth. We're the only reasons you're not in jail or worse. Your dad's done. It took someone cashing in a very old favor to get us involved at all. You will not gonna be able to play your way out of this hole, baby boy! So pack it in! Pull the plug! Shut it down! Leave the dead meat in the freezer and put on your Sunday best, because it's Arbor Day, baby!
BRANDON:
Okay, fair enough. Let's get this over with. (stands) Take me to my father.
INT. ECHO, PETERSON PARKING LOT, DAY
PETERSON is showing a car to a couple. SHAWN, GUS and BRANDON watch from the car.
BRANDON:
What did I tell you? Morning till night. The old man never stops selling.
GUS:
Want some advice?
BRANDON:
Yeah, sure.
GUS:
When you owe a man $30,000, I'd be careful about criticizing his work ethic.
BRANDON:
That's a good point.
SHAWN:
You want us to come with you?
BRANDON:
No. No, you know what? I screwed up on my own, I am going to face him on my own.
SHAWN:
That's very Cameron Fry of you.
BRANDON:
Cameron who?
SHAWN:
Wow, are we that much older than you?
BRANDON kisses a stone he has tied on a rope around his neck.
GUS:
What's that?
BRANDON:
That's nothing. It's a good luck charm. I mean, it used to be... but you know what? (unties it and holds it out to SHAWN) Here. I don't need it. I've given up cards. I got no use for it.
SHAWN:
Whoa... no, thanks. I'm not really a jewelry guy. Gus here is.
GUS:
No, I'm not.
SHAWN:
Sure you are.
BRANDON:
(takes necklace back) Right. Phew! Let's get this over with, right? (steps out of the car)
GUS:
Trying to pass that thing off to me?
SHAWN:
You liked it. You like the sweet turquoise.
EXT. PETERSON PARKING LOT, DAY
BRANDON watches as GUS and SHAWN pull away. He looks in his father’s direction before putting the necklace back on.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
We see LASSITER’S neat desk with pencils aligned meticulously. JULIET is talking with an OFFICER.
JULIET:
So you're telling me that you've been working with him for 15 years, but you have no idea what kind of food he likes?
OFFICER:
He orders separate when we get take-out. Something about poison.
The OFFICER walks away and JULIET sighs. She then notices that LASSITER isn’t at his desk. She looks around carefully before walking over. She picks up one of the pencils and uses it to open drawers. She smiles and squats down before pulling out a little black book. She takes a notepad off the desk and begins to copy information. She tears off the paper and puts the pad back and returns the book just as LASSITER comes up behind her.
LASSITER:
What are you doing?
JULIET:
(stands) Looking.
LASSITER:
For what?
JULIET:
A mint.
LASSITER:
I'm allergic to mint.
JULIET:
Ah-ha! (points)
LASSITER:
What?
JULIET:
Nothing. I'm just happy. Now I know you don't like mint. (walks away)
INT. PETERSON MOTORS, SHOWROOM, DAY
A sleep-tousled SHAWN walks inside. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and hasn’t tucked in his long-sleeved over-shirt. He turns around when he hears HENRY.
HENRY:
Well, well... don't you look like hell.
SHAWN:
I know I look like hell, Dad. Everyone who gets up at this hour looks like hell, with the possible exception of Matt Lauer and Diane Lane. Mr. Peterson. How are you, sir? Something wrong?
HENRY:
No, no, Shawn, everything is great. That's why I woke your ass up, so Bill and I could tell you how... terrific everything is.
PETERSON:
It's Brandon.
SHAWN:
Brandon? He seemed fine when we dropped him off yesterday. Maybe a little nervous.
HENRY:
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You found him?
SHAWN:
Well, yeah, we did.
PETERSON:
When was this?
SHAWN:
Yesterday. (sighs) I'm sorry, sir. I should've told you. It was right before closing. We could clearly see you from Gus' car, and he said he wanted to come in by himself, and do this man-to-man, you know? Just you and him. He didn't come in? You never saw him?
PETERSON:
Oh, we saw him, all right. I got the reunion right here. (holds up security DVD) You want to see it?
INT. PETERSON MOTORS, OFFICE, DAY
The DVD plays on a monitor and shows BRANDON enter the office and head for the safe.
PETERSON:
There he is. There's my boy. Guess he couldn't face me, so he waited till after I went home.
SHAWN:
Not the safe. He's breaking into your safe?
PETERSON:
Breaking in? No, he didn't have to break in. He's too smart for that. He knows the combination!
The camera changes to one inside the safe showing BRANDON clearly taking the money.
PETERSON:
There you have it. Not quite the reunion I imagined. (turns off DVD, stands and kicks safe door) So, tell me, psychic, where's my son now?
SHAWN looks over at HENRY who holds his fingers to his head, telling SHAWN to fake a vision.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN is playing the DVD for GUS.
SHAWN:
Something's bothering me, dude. I'm never wrong.
GUS:
You're always wrong. What are you talking about?
SHAWN:
This kid should be a better poker player, Gus. That was a pretty good bluff. Oh, dude, look.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
(pauses DVD) Right there, that necklace thing. (zooms in on necklace)
GUS:
That's horrible.
SHAWN:
He wears his ridiculous good luck charm into battle the way that Superman wears his cape or Rocky Balboa wears his belt. I... I bet you he's on his way back to the maze to take on Berger.
GUS:
No, Berger won't be at the lawn and garden center. Not this weekend.
SHAWN:
Why not?
GUS:
There's a tournament. Winner gets a buy-in to the world poker derby.
SHAWN:
You know where that is?
GUS:
Of course I do.
SHAWN:
Phew!
INT. PETERSON MOTORS, OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN enters the office with the DVD case shaking in his hand.
SHAWN:
Oh... It's flipping! Oh, it wants to flip. Oh, it wants to flap! Dad! (grunts and slaps the case against his forehead) T. P. Toilet paper… No. Teri Polo...
GUS:
Shawn...
SHAWN:
T. P. Teepee... teepee with a chimmy. Chimmy, chimmy-changa, chimi-changa. Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan. Chimi-changa.
GUS:
Cha-changa?
SHAWN:
Cha-changa! That's it. You say tomato, I say to-mah-to. Cha-changa.
PETERSON:
The Indian casino?
SHAWN:
Cha-ching!
PETERSON:
Dammit. You were right, Henry.
HENRY:
How's that?
PETERSON:
Maybe getting... the police involved is the only way to get his attention. May I have that DVD, please?
SHAWN:
(starts to hand it over then pulls back) No.
PETERSON:
Excuse me?
HENRY:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
Not yet.
PETERSON:
Why?
SHAWN:
Let's give him another chance. I'm sensing there's more to this story, sir. He's actually a pretty good poker player.
INT. CASINO, MAIN ROOM, DAY
SHAWN, GUS, HENRY and PETERSON stride into the room looking for BRANDON.
SHAWN:
I'm getting a very, very strong psychic vibration he's going to lose (sees BRANDON with large amount of chips) big!
SHAWN makes to go over to BRANDON but PETERSON holds him back.
PETERSON:
Not with my money, he's not. (strides over to BRANDON and puts a hand on his shoulder) Let's go.
BRANDON:
Oh, God.
PETERSON:
We're out of here.
BRANDON:
No, Dad. Dad, I can't.
PETERSON:
Would you rather I call the police, show them a certain video of you looting my safe?
BRANDON:
I know, I'm sorry about all that.
PETERSON:
No, Brandon, let's go. (pushes him forward)
BRANDON:
(stops and turns) No, Dad, Dad, I'm in more trouble here than you think. I'm already in, and there don't give refunds here.
SHAWN:
(puts a hand on BRANDON’S shoulder) Fine. I'll play.
HENRY:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You?
SHAWN:
You know what? Actually, sir, this is your call. I work for you. But keep in mind that I am a psychic, and, unlike any of these other players, I come with a money-back guarantee.
PETERSON:
What do you think, Henry? Can he win?
HENRY:
(remembers SHAWN playing with the cops) Yeah. He can win.
INT. CASINO, POKER ROOM, DAY
SHAWN is seated at one of the tables with other players as GUS, HENRY, PETERSON and BRANDON watch from the sides.
PETERSON:
So, what's the deal?
GUS:
Shawn and Berger drew opposite tables. The only way for him to face Berger is if he beats everyone at his table, makes it to the finals, and wins.
SHAWN casually flips a poker chip through his fingers.
SHAWN:
Check.
SHAWN watches the player to his left as he takes a piece of green gum from a clear bowl on the table. He also sees the man’s stained teeth.
SHAWN:
God, must be rough.
PLAYER 1:
Sorry?
SHAWN:
You picked the wrong week to quit smoking, dude. There's a tournament happening here.
PLAYER 1:
What are you talking about?
SHAWN:
What is this about? This is about your lady friend? Your special girl back home? She doesn't like it? Look at the cards, guys, huh? Lot of possibilities on the table right now. Lot of possibilities.
PLAYER 1:
(puts his chips on the table) 50,000.
SHAWN:
(whistles and points to PLAYER 2) Midnight Oil says no! No!
PLAYER 3:
Call.
SHAWN:
Ay-ay-ay. Action. Action in my fanny pack. All right, I'll call you both. (bets and dealer turns over last card) You didn't catch your straight, did you? 100,000. (bets again)
PLAYER 1:
Fold. (tosses in cards)
SHAWN:
You let me down. You let me down. (looks at PLAYER 3) Ronnie!
RONNIE:
What?
SHAWN:
This can be your time. Right here, right now.
RONNIE:
You think you can mess with my head, too?
SHAWN:
Here's the thing. I'm psychic. So if I had to guess, which I don't, I'd say yes. Yes, I can mess with your head, and I can put an entire sandwich in your hair.
RONNIE:
Well, you know what? I'm not playing with a psychic. It's against the rules.
SHAWN:
Against the rules... No, guys, guys, I checked the rule book. I looked in the index under "P". It mentioned polygamy, pancakes, and pterodactyls. Who knew pterodactyls started with a "P"? (looks at PLAYER 4, a woman)I bet you did. You did. It's not against the rules, Ronnie. It's cool.
RONNIE:
No, it's not cool.
SHAWN:
Look at your stack, man. Everything's here. (holds his hands chin level) Everything's here. I need you here. (moves hand to above his head) Take a risk, man. Bluff it up.
RONNIE:
I'll raise you 200,000. (slides his chips onto the table)
SHAWN:
You just bluffed to prove to me that you could bluff. Ronnie... I call this move the all-in. (slides all his chips onto the table)
RONNIE throws in his cards.
SHAWN:
Ronnie, with the origami.
SHAWN rakes in the kitty with a laugh. Play continues until only SHAWN and BERGER remain.
ANNOUNCER:
Center table showdown, Shawn Spencer and J.P. Berger.
They sit at opposite ends of the table. The DEALER fans the cards. She straightens her ponytail before touching the backs of some of them, as if counting. She then picks them up and deals.
BERGER:
(pushes all his chips onto the table) All in.
DEALER:
All in? All in?
BERGER takes off his tinted glasses to clean them, inadvertently holding them over his cards. SHAWN sees a marking on the backs through the glasses that aren’t visible without them. He also notices that the DEALER is wearing the bracelet he saw at the garden center. He remembers what BRANDON said about how he shouldn’t have won. He also recalls what the dealer did with the cards.
SHAWN:
Wait! Wait, wait, wait. (leans over like he’s listening to the chips) The chips demand we stop the game.
BERGER:
What the hell is going on here?
SHAWN:
(holds a chip up to each ear) I can't hear them if you're talking, Berger. What? Really? You guys sure about this? Chips say you're a cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater.
BERGER:
Is that right?
SHAWN:
Yeah.
BERGER:
How do you know that? We're really supposed to believe that you're psychic or something! If you were psychic, I wouldn't be cleaning your clock right now.
SHAWN:
Cleaning my clock? What does that mean, Berger? What, you'd take time out of your day to clean another man's timepiece? And if so, that would be a bad thing? No, I would be gracious. I would say, "J.P, dude... thanks for spritzing my watch." Besides, it doesn't matter. Doesn't take a psychic to figure out that these cards are marked.
BERGER:
You know, if you had been paying attention, you'd realize that the decks were all sealed.
SHAWN:
Shh! He's saying the decks are sealed. What do you got for me? Well, come on, guys, speed it up. Check the... Oh! For shame! You dirty filthy rascal with the suede-suede head. (goes over to BERGER and picks up the glasses) Ah-ha! (looks through them) Face card, face card. (turns over cards)
SECURITY:
Well, how's that possible? These are brand-new decks. We got spotters on every table.
SHAWN:
But you didn't check your dealers. Okay, I'm on the dealer. What do you got for me? Hair clip! Hair clip, of course. You! You, stand up. (pulls the DEALER up) I'm sorry.
BERGER:
(stands) Hold on! This...(rubs eyes)
SHAWN:
(looks through glasses) Oh my, there's some kind of invisible ink on this hair clip, and every time she fussed with her ponytail and I think we can all agree it's a fetching tail, it's a silky tail, she got the ink on her fingers, and then she put her fingers on the cards! (fans cards) And then her special partner with his special rose-colored glasses could see that everything is turning up faces. (turns over cards)
SECURITY:
All right, put a hold on all of these chips here. Take these two into custody until we sort this out.
BERGER and the DEALER are taken out.
BERGER:
This is ridic... You're ridiculous!
SHAWN:
For shame!
BRANDON laughs and shakes hands with PETERSON.
>>>LATER>>>
The winnings are put on the table in front of SHAWN, GUS, HENRY, PETERSON and BRANDON.
SHAWN:
That is... so much money. I'll, uh... I'll let you guys... make it right. (stands off to the side with GUS)
BRANDON:
Well, now I know why I always lost to Berger. It wasn't me. But, um... it was me... stealing from you, lying to you, and... Dad, for that, I really am sorry.
PETERSON:
Well, I appreciate the apology, son, but you gonna have to do a lot more than that to earn my trust back. Thank you. (hands SHAWN a strap of money)
SHAWN:
No, thank, thank you, Mr. Peterson.
PETERSON:
No, thank you...
SHAWN:
No, seriously, thank you.
GUS:
Thank you.
PETERSON:
Shut up.
INT. CASINO, MAIN ROOM, DAY
SHAWN and GUS exit the poker room with SHAWN thumbing the cash.
SHAWN:
Dude, $7,500? Peterson is a generous man. This is our most profitable case ever.
GUS:
I know, I got plans. Pay off the flat screen, consolidate our loans, and pay off the bulk in a lump sum!
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
GUS:
Ooh!
SHAWN:
Or… (walks over to roulette wheel)
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
We double up, right here, right now.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Come on, Gus. Think about it. Seriously, 15 large?
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
We could go to Aruba...
GUS:
Shawn...
SHAWN:
Cozumel.
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
Ibeeza.
GUS:
It's "Ibitha”.
SHAWN:
Dude, we could rent a jet to Ibitha.
GUS:
Don't even think about it.
SHAWN:
Rule number one of gambling, do not think.
GUS:
That's not a rule, Shawn!
SHAWN:
Rule number two, always bet on black. (holds the money out in front of him and pulls it out of GUS’ grab) Money plays.
GUS:
Whoa, but…
SHAWN:
Isn't that right, Steve? (tosses cash on table)
GUS:
I can’t believe you did that!
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF LASSITER’S HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk down the street and look as two motorcyclists pass them.
SHAWN:
(sighs) Look, I told you, that's why I don't gamble.
GUS:
Shut up, Shawn.
SHAWN:
What did Wesley say in Passenger 57?
GUS:
I don't want to talk about it.
SHAWN:
He said, "Always bet on black" So I did!
JULIET and VICK are standing on LASSITER’S front lawn. JULIET hands out cold beers while VICK looks at the guests.
JULIET:
Yeah... here you go. They're cold. (to VICK) Um, Lassiter leads a really different private life.
VICK:
Yeah...
JULIET:
I mean, who would've thought he's into bikes. I guess... Hi.
A large number of the guests are bikers in leather and jeans.
VICK:
Some of these people look really familiar.
JULIET:
Yeah! I know, to me, too! But I haven't had a chance to talk to any of them yet.
GUS:
I see his car. I see his car.
JULIET:
What? Oh, everybody, hide! Hide!
Everyone hides behind cars or around the side of the house. JULIET and VICK hide on the porch. LASSITER parks and gets out of his car. He looks around at all the motorcycles and strange cars.
LASSITER:
What the hell?
He closes the car door and walks into the yard, still looking around. JULIET and VICK are the first to pop out and yell “Surprise!” LASSITER pulls his gun and everyone ducks for cover.
JULIET:
Whoa! Whoa! No, it's okay. Oh, my gosh, no, no, no, no! (approaches LASSITER) Carlton. Hey, it's a party. It's a party.
LASSITER:
It's what?
JULIET:
For your birthday. Surprise!
The guests move closer, SHAWN clapping.
LASSITER:
Why are these people at my house?
JULIET:
They're your friends.
LASSITER:
No, they're not.
JULIET:
Yeah, they are. I got them out of your address book.
LASSITER:
You took my book?
JULIET:
Yes, I admit it. I opened your desk. I didn't want to load you up with a bunch of work people, so I just invited the ones with stars by their names.
LASSITER:
These are all people I put in jail. The stars are repeat offenders.
SHAWN and GUS look at each other.
VICK:
You keep a little black book of people you've arrested?
LASSITER:
Of course I do.
SHAWN:
Why?
LASSITER:
To drive by and check on them.
A large transvestite holds up a brightly-wrapped present. LASSITER holsters his gun as he walks back to his house. JULIET goes after him.
JULIET:
Um, Carlton, where are you going?
LASSITER:
To pack.
JULIET:
Why?
LASSITER:
(stops on porch and turns) Because now they know where I live.
SHAWN:
(raises arm) Happy birthday, dude!
GUS:
Happy birthday.
SHAWN and GUS start backing away slowly and break into a run when they reach the street.