Transcript: 1x08 Shawn vs. the Red Phantom
Look! I did it! Sorry it took so long.
1986
EXT. BEACH, DAY
SHAWN is running along the beach, arms outstretched, a towel around his neck acting as a
cape. He runs home.
EXT. SPENCER HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN runs into the yard.
SHAWN:
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than...
SHAWN stops when he sees HENRY in uniform sitting on the steps, flipping through a magazine.
HENRY:
Hey.
SHAWN:
Hey.
HENRY holds up the magazines.
HENRY:
Where did these comics come from? Gus, right? Come here. (SHAWN walks over) Well, at
least you're not a tattletale. (tosses the comics to the ground)
SHAWN:
What's the big deal? All the kids read them.
HENRY:
Yeah, well, all the kids don't live in this house, and all the kids don't have a police officer as a father, Shawn.
SHAWN:
So what?
HENRY:
So, these things make cops look like idiots who'd rather flash a signal in the sky than do real
police work. They set a bad example.
SHAWN:
They do not. (picks up comics)
HENRY:
(stands) Shawn, don't argue with me. Do you have any idea of how many kids' brains I have
to scoop up off the driveway because they think they can fly?
SHAWN:
Those kids are dumb.
HENRY:
Shawn, these things are a fantasy. Real heroes do not wear a cape and they don't wear their underwear on the outside. The guys who wear capes... they're on angel dust. Come here. (puts a hand on SHAWN’S head and guides him to the steps where they sit) You want to know what a
real hero is?
SHAWN:
What?
HENRY:
He's flesh and blood. He wears a badge. He lays it on the line every time he walks the beat. Shawn, do you really want to be a hero someday?
SHAWN:
Yes, sir.
HENRY:
Become a cop. Get your head out of the clouds.
SHAWN sighs.
HENRY:
All right, let's see if we can make this thing useful somehow, huh? (takes the towel from around SHAWN’S shoulders and drapes it over his head) Hit the showers. (kisses SHAWN’S head)
SHAWN heads inside.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is sitting at her desk, rubbing her tired neck and shoulders. The phone rings and she
picks it up.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Somebody needs a hot oil massage.
JULIET:
Pardon?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Stress? Tough day at the office? Who are you kidding? You'll probably never get those reports typed.
JULIET:
Who is this?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Shawn.
JULIET:
Spencer.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Great, you were already thinking about me. You know, you should roll your head both directions
if you really want that to work.
JULIET:
(taps her fingers on the desk and looks around) Okay, where are you?
SHAWN: (over phone)
On the phone. Where are you?
JULIET:
You know damn well where I am. How can you see me? (stands)
SHAWN: (over phone)
Do you really want to know?
JULIET:
I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Then never ask a boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
JULIET:
I don't have a sister.
SHAWN: (over phone)
How about a boyfriend?
JULIET:
Where are you? (looks around the department)
SHAWN: (over phone)
Well, there's a spectral plane where all of our auras are visible, see. When a soul is tortured
or stressed, like yourself...
JULIET:
Okay, never mind.
SHAWN: (over phone)
You asked.
JULIET:
You know what, Shawn? (goes back to desk) I have a really hectic day today. (picks up
notepad) The chief, she's...
SHAWN: (over phone)
Out of the office. Going to a seminar on non-lethal weaponry with Lassiter? Out of town? She
sort of left you in charge?
JULIET:
(drops pad on desk) Okay, psychic. Give me the details. How did you figure that out?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Most of it is in her day planner.
JULIET looks in the direction of VICK’S office and sees SHAWN sitting in her chair, facing in
the opposite direction, holding up the day planner. JULIET gasps. SHAWN turns around.
JULIET:
You cannot be in the Chief's office.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Oh, come on. She's not going to know. Notice how no one ever looks in here? Why is that? What are you guys so afraid of? It's not like the belly bites. She's actually a pretty kick-back lady
if you give her a chance. Look what she's done with this place, it's really warm in here. I know
I can't stay away. And have you tried this chair? (looks at JULIET and smiles)
JULIET:
Okay, you have five seconds to get your butt out of... (looks at notepad) Actually, you
know what? Stay right there.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Ooh, indecisive. I like that.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
JULIET enters and SHAWN is sitting at the desk and claps his hands. JULIET tosses the notepad
on the desk.
JULIET:
Take a look at that. Tell me what you think. (closes the blinds)
SHAWN:
(reads notepad) Flower doodle in the upper right-hand corner is excellent. This horse at
the bottom doesn't look anything like My Little Pony.
JULIET:
The writing, not the... That's a dog. I draw when I get anxious.
SHAWN:
I think you made a wise decision not going into animation, Juliet.
JULIET:
(sits) Mmm.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. Something about a missing kid.
JULIET:
He's not a kid. He's 18. And he's only been gone for 24 hours, so technically he's not missing.
SHAWN:
You want my help.
JULIET:
I'm not sure yet. His name is Malone Breyfogle.
SHAWN:
Malone Breyfogle?
JULIET:
Mmm-hmm.
SHAWN:
I'll tell you this much, kid's been lifted up by his underwear more than once.
JULIET:
He seems like a good kid. Honor roll, never been in trouble. His mother's worried sick.
SHAWN:
You can't do anything until he's been missing for 48 hours? (gets up and walks around to the
front of the desk) That's so stupid.
JULIET:
Exactly. I know the rules and regulations. They made sense when I memorized them, but... When
you have to look into some poor mother's eyes and tell her she can't worry about her son until
he's two days missing...
SHAWN:
That is really depressing. Consider me hired.
JULIET:
You're not hired. I can't pay you. If it turns out there's something to it, I'll make sure you
get put on the case. That's all I can do.
SHAWN:
Juliet, (picks up notepad) I'm quite sure we can work out some kind of services exchange.
You see, I like to do a little sketching myself, and sometimes I need a model.
Juliet scoffs, stands, takes the notepad and leaves the office.
SHAWN:
Was that inappropriate? Felt okay.
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS and SHAWN are crossing the road.
GUS:
Let me get this straight. I left in the middle of work to come check out a case, which is not a
case, in which we likely won't get paid.
They walk up a driveway.
SHAWN:
Who are you kidding right now? I pulled you out of a Starbucks. Where you were pretending to
finish your route that you actually finished yesterday so we could do a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us much larger favors in the future. (rings doorbell) Preferably ones
that I can't mention in the presence of nuns or men of the cloth.
The door is opened by MRS BREYFOGLE.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Oh, hello. Thank you so much for coming. Come in. Can I get you boys anything?
SHAWN and GUS step inside and she closes the door.
INT. BREYFOGLE LIVING ROOM, DAY
GUS and SHAWN are sitting on the couch. SHAWN is hugging a pillow.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
(calls from other room) They'll be ready in a minute.
GUS:
I can't believe you're letting that woman make us pancakes.
SHAWN:
She offered, Gus. Tell me you're not excited about pancakes.
GUS:
She's worried sick.
SHAWN:
Cooking helps her cope.
GUS:
How do you know that?
SHAWN:
How do you know it doesn't?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
(from kitchen) Do you boys want your syrup warmed up?
SHAWN:
(calls) I don't need it, Mrs. Breyfogle, but Gus does, so, I guess, yes.
GUS:
You're the one who won't eat cold syrup.
SHAWN:
Yeah, but I'm working you into the conversation. Now she knows your name.
MRS BREYFOGLE enters the living room with SHAWN’S plate, already having given GUS his. They
use the pillows on their laps as a flat surface for the plates.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
I'm just afraid something terrible has happened. (gives SHAWN his plate) Here you go.
(sits in chair) My son, Malone, has been acting so strange lately.
GUS:
(swallows) Strange how?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Well, he worked so hard to get a paid summer internship with a big computer company, then turned
it down at the last second, wouldn't tell me why. Rarely leaves his room. Even his two oldest
friends, Rob and Don, tell me they hardly get to see him.
SHAWN:
Have you spoken with Rob and Don since Malone disappeared?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
No. I spoke to their parents. Both boys are at computer camp.
SHAWN and GUS exchange a look.
SHAWN:
All right. These are delicious.
GUS:
Yes.
SHAWN:
But I need to see his room.
INT. BREYFOGLE HOME, MALONE’S ROOM, DAY
MRS BREYFOGLE leads SHAWN and GUS into the room. It is a mess with comics strewn about the
floor and the bed unmade. There is also a photo of three boys smiling into the camera. SHAWN
“sees” plaster on the bed and looks to the ceiling where there is a recessed light.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Are you all right?
SHAWN:
I feel the answer is in the light.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
The light?
SHAWN reaches back to the switch on the wall and keeps turning the light on and off.
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn? Will you tell the spirit to hurry the hell up?
SHAWN moves over and steps on the bed, hands reaching the low ceiling around the light.
SHAWN:
Oh, yes. (stands in the center of the bed) Yes, I'm definitely feeling something here.
(looks at GUS and slowly bounces) It's good. It's nice.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
What? What is it?
SHAWN:
This mattress. It feels like one of those mattresses where you can bounce a bowling ball, but
the glass of wine doesn't spill. Gus, go find a glass of wine and a bowling ball.
GUS only glares at him impatiently.
SHAWN:
Mrs. Breyfogle, I feel we'll find a clue in here.
SHAWN takes out the bulb and cash showers down.
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS and SHAWN leave the house and walk down the driveway.
GUS:
How does some 18-year-old kid still living at home make that kind of money?
SHAWN:
Lemonade stand? That is, if instead of lemons, he's using heroin.
GUS:
Whatever it is, anything that pays in stacks of cash like that can't be legal. Or healthful.
SHAWN:
It's obvious what happened. Malone was involved in some shady dealings. He's either off on a
spending spree or things got a little too shady for him.
They cross the street to the car.
GUS:
So, what now?
SHAWN:
Find his friends. Computer camp, please. Malone's rolling in dough. Whatever he's doing, they're
with him. We find them, we find him. The question is where.
GUS:
(points at him with car key) Wait a second. You don't already know where he is?
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm a professional gathering information, okay? I'm getting there.
GUS:
(chuckles) You know, Shawn, I... I just thought you were a little better than this. Just
a little.
SHAWN:
All right, what is this? You know where he is?
GUS:
(leans against car) Of course I do. While you're playing with light switches and ordering
breakfast, I was investigating a case. (swings the keys in his hand)
SHAWN:
I see. Okay. Okay, I'll bite. (leans against the car and crosses his arms) Where is he,
Chocolate Columbo?
GUS:
Tri-Con.
SHAWN:
Do what?
GUS:
Tri-Con. The Tri-Annual Comic Book and Science Fiction Convention is in Santa Barbara this
weekend. You saw all those comic books in Malone's room. You're 18 years old. You have a ton of
cash burning a hole in your pocket and you love comics. Where else would you go to spend your
disposable income? Think, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Gus, I apologize. That's brilliant.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN:
Let's verify it so we can go check it out.
GUS:
Shawn, I'm sure he's there. There's no doubt.
SHAWN:
You're sure?
GUS:
Yep.
SHAWN:
How's that?
GUS reaches into his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper, unfolds it and shows SHAWN.
SHAWN:
Are those directions to the convention center?
GUS:
I found it in his wastebasket.
INT. LASSITER’S CAR, ON THE ROAD, DAY
LASSITER is driving while VICK has her head turned, looking out the window.
LASSITER:
You know, in case I never said it, I was really pleased when you were named as chief. Interim
chief. I'm sure that's only temporary.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
It's true that the outgoing chief was important to me. He was my mentor. Made me the cop I am
today.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
I know the outside perception is that the force was a real boys' club under him, so I thought it
was really smart when they named a, you know, woman.
VICK:
All right, honey.
LASSITER:
(glances at VICK) Excuse me, what?
VICK:
I love you.
LASSITER:
Huh?
VICK:
(chuckles) Okay. (hand pushed back hair to reveal Bluetooth) Yeah, I'll just see
you when we get back. Okay. (looks at LASSITER) I'm sorry, Detective, were you saying
something?
LASSITER:
No, I wasn't.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, ENTRANCE HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS approach the entrance into the main convention hall.
GUS:
We can't just walk into the con.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, "the con"?
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
You're calling a place filled with overweight teenagers battling mild cases of scoliosis and
advanced bed-wetting "the con"?
GUS:
We can't get in there. The tickets were sold out a month ago.
SHAWN:
Did you already try to get tickets?
GUS:
Focus, Shawn.
SHAWN:
How much were they?
GUS:
Will you focus?
SHAWN is distracted by something happening behind GUS. A man in a casual suit takes a poster
advertising the presence of George Takei from an easel, hiding it.
MAN:
No, no, no, leave this out of sight until we get the issues resolved with the food in his room,
all right? I don't know if he's going to walk over the blueberry issue, but we cannot have
people lining up until we're sure he's participating. (picks up poster and dials cell) I
gotta call his agent. (walks away) Get me a list of all the produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating the Star Trek fans.
SHAWN and GUS try to get inside.
SECURITY:
You can't come in without tickets.
SHAWN:
They didn't tell you we were coming?
SECURITY:
Who?
SHAWN:
We work for George. Takai?
SECURITY:
You mean Takei?
SHAWN:
Yeah. Those closest to him know exactly how he likes it pronounced, okay? You think you can have
a convention without Commander Chekov?
GUS:
(whispers) Sulu, jackass.
SHAWN:
Have his fresh blueberries arrived yet?
SECURITY:
(checks clipboard) I don't have record of receiving them yet.
SHAWN:
You don't have record of having received them yet. Give me that. (takes clipboard and flips
page) They don't have the fresh blueberries. (laughs and looks at GUS)
GUS and the SECURITY man join with forced laughter. SHAWN slams the clipboard onto the
podium.
SECURITY:
(stammers) What's the big deal?
SHAWN:
What's the big deal? What is the big deal? Do you have any idea what happened when they forgot
his blueberries at the con in San Antonio? That comb-over will be the least of your...
(regains control) You know what, it's better. It's better if you don't know. It's how I
ended up with a stutter and a wooden pinky toe. Now for the love of Scotty...
GUS:
(whispers) Still Sulu.
SHAWN:
Would you...(stutters) Please, let me get in there and save all of our asses?
The SECURITY man lets them through.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the main hall that is lined with booths and people milling about, a large
amount in costume.
SHAWN:
Dude, some guy in a wolf costume with a light saber just said hi to you.
GUS:
I don't know that guy.
SHAWN:
He looked right at you.
GUS:
He was mistaken.
SHAWN:
He said, "Hi, Gus”. And then another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
GUS:
I don't know any of these people, Shawn, okay?
SHAWN:
Uh-huh.
A young WOMAN at one of the booths hands them each a flier.
WOMAN:
Hey, guys. I'm Talia. This is Dent. We're from Parastone Pictures and just wanted to remind you
to go see the world premiere of the Red Phantom trailer tomorrow night.
DENT:
It'll be the biggest movie of the summer. Do not miss out.
SHAWN:
No way, I love the dead phantom.
TALIA:
Red Phantom.
SHAWN:
What, he didn't die at the end? (walks away with GUS) Bye.
TALIA:
Bye.
GUS:
I hear this movie's going to bomb.
MAN ON P.A.:
Check one. Check two.
GUS:
Too bad. I kind of dug the Red Phantom.
SHAWN:
You haven't even seen the trailer, you already hate it, how's that possible?
GUS:
Fortress of Attitude.
SHAWN:
What did you just say to me?
GUS:
Fortress of Attitude. It's this site that reviews movies based on comic books. The
Malcontent, the guy who runs it, says he already saw a 30-minute presentation here at the
convention. He blazed it online.
SHAWN:
Can't you just look at porn on the net like every other guy and his brother?
GUS:
Everybody reads this blog.
SHAWN:
No. Not everybody.
GUS:
Everybody here does, Shawn.(stops walking) And you know what? I don't care what you
think. So why don't you let me do the talking here at the convention, and try not to embarrass
me. This is my turf. And yes, I know the guy in the codpiece. His name is Dave. And he's a very
nice guy. (struts off in the other direction)
SHAWN:
(watches him go) Snap.
They wander through the exhibits and GUS picks up a few things. At one booth a man is signing
autographs.
MAN:
Two for 50 cents.
GUS stops and looks over SHAWN’S shoulder.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
That's Hiltz Kooler. (walks over to the MAN signing autographs) Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan. He's my favorite, actually. I was wondering, (reaches into bag
and pulls out comic) would you mind signing my original copy of The Green Spirit Strikes
Again? (hands KOOLER the comic)
KOOLER:
Whoa. Haven't seen one of these in a while. (signs comic)
GUS:
I couldn't believe I found a guy selling one. I love how this story reinvented the character for
today.
KOOLER:
Well, there you go. (hands back comic) Enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
GUS:
You know, I wish they'd based the movie on this story arc. (puts comic back in bag)
KOOLER:
What am I gonna do? I told them about a million times. They don't listen to me.
GUS:
Still a huge fan.
KOOLER:
Well, I’m glad someone is after that Green Spirit movie.
SHAWN:
Wait, wait, wait. Is this the movie you dragged me to where the hero had big nipples on the
outside of his costume?
KOOLER:
Damn those nipples.
SHAWN:
(laughs) They were like big angry marshmallows.
GUS:
(drags SHAWN away) Be nice to him, Shawn. The Green Spirit movie nearly killed the
character.
SHAWN:
Gus, all I care about is finding our guys. I can't take much more of this.
GUS:
There's too much real estate. We can't cover it all at once. Maybe we should split up.
SHAWN:
I can help our situation. (walks off)
Up onstage is the MAN who didn’t want to promote George Takei due to the blueberries. He is
the Events COORDINATOR.
COORDINATOR: (into microphone)
So, next on our list... (SHAWN goes onstage and stands next to him on the podium) Sir,
can I help you?
SHAWN:
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic, SBPD. I just need a moment.
COORDINATOR:
Psychic?
SHAWN:
Mmm-hmm.
COORDINATOR:
Welcome. (into microphone) Ladies and gentlemen, science fiction fans, we've got a
special treat for you today, we have a psychic, a real live professional psychic.
GUS gets up onstage and stands beside SHAWN.
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn, no.
COORDINATOR:
Who's this?
The crowd clamors.
SHAWN:
This is my sidekick, Magic Head.
A MAN in the crowd raises his hand.
MAN:
You're a psychic? Like Professor X?
GUS:
Professor X is a telepath, not a psychic.
SHAWN:
But I do have telepathic tendencies.
GUS:
No, you don't. You have psychic visions. They're different.
SHAWN:
No, really, I can do both.
GUS:
No, you can't.
MAN:
Can you read me?
SHAWN:
Sure. (SHAWN wiggles the fingers of his right hand by his temple and places his right on GUS’
head. GUS ducks out from under it) I'm getting a reading. I'm getting a reading right now,
yes. You spend a great deal of time in front of your computer.
The man gasps and the crowd murmurs. SHAWN reaches for GUS’ head again, but GUS knocks his
hand away.
SHAWN:
And, I see a girl. Yes. You like her from afar. She doesn't really know you exist.
MAN:
Yes. Yes. Her name's Megan. Do I have a chance?
SHAWN:
(hesitates) Don't put too much work into it. I think she might want to be "just friends."
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn, we're supposed to be looking for Malone.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Obviously Malone is keeping a low profile. (pretends to get another
vision) Whoa! Boy, I'm getting...Whoa! I'm getting an "R." I am getting an "R." (walks
back and forth across the stage) Does anyone here have a name that begins with "R"? Oh, wait
a second...Hold, nobody... and a "D." Yes a "D." An "R" and a "D." (stammers) An "R"
name... Rim... Rolph... Robert... No "bert," just Rob. Rob. And a "D" name, yes. Uh, Dan. Uh,
Doodle. Dook... Dook...Dookie... Duder... Dumb...Don! Yes! Rob and a Don.
Two teenage BOYS in the back raise their hands.
BOYS:
(shout) That's us!
The crowd applauds as the BOYS come forward.
SHAWN:
An actual Rob and Don together. (chuckles) Sometimes I scare myself.
ROB and DON come onstage.
SHAWN:
Hey, fellas, first I need you both to empty your pockets.
ROB and DON do so and hold the contents in their cupped hands.
SHAWN:
Mmm... Oh!(takes an object from one of the boys) A room key. Even though you both reside
locally.
ROB:
Oh, our friend sprang for a hotel suite for us.
SHAWN:
Ah, room 129.
DON:
428.
SHAWN:
Yes, of course. (reaches for GUS’ head again) I'm getting something. This friend you
speak of, I sense you haven't seen him for a while, but you didn't tell anyone, no. You're not
supposed to be here. You told your parents you were going to computer camp. Computer camp, guys?
Really? (makes another attempt at GUS’ head but GUS blocks him) I know what you're
hiding.
Scared, the BOYS run from the stage.
GUS:
We're not going after them?
SHAWN:
What for? Malone's not with them. But I think I know where he might be.
SHAWN and GUS leave the stage.
COORDINATOR: (into microphone)
Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, HALLWAY, DAY
SHAWN and GUS exit the exhibition hall.
SHAWN:
Let's check out room 428.
They start down the hallway. Ahead of them is the SECURITY man from earlier speaking with
George TAKEI.
SECURITY:
Well, they seemed pretty convincing. That's them there!
TAKEI:
(walks over) Why are you telling people you're my assistants?
SHAWN:
(looks at GUS)(hesitantly) Because we are your assistants.
TAKEI:
Excuse me?
SHAWN:
Are you serious, George? (scoffs) I know we said we'd work outside the loop, but this is
a little ridiculous.
TAKEI:
I don't recognize you.
SHAWN:
You hired us personally. We met you in Chicago at a screening of that movie with the whales.
GUS:
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
TAKEI:
The last time I was in Chicago, I was doing a reading from my autobiography.
SHAWN:
Right. We booked that. (to GUS) Remember Robin told us he'd never be able to fill a room
that size?
GUS:
Yeah.
TAKEI:
I don't know any Robin.
SHAWN:
That's because I fired her. Look, George, you don't need that kind of negativity, okay? It's her
fault what happened in San Antonio. Though you didn't hear that from me.
TAKEI:
I'm very confused.
SHAWN:
Look, George, we can stand around and talk all day...
GUS:
Like Robin used to.
SHAWN:
Or I can try to do something about solving your blueberry crisis. The choice is yours.
TAKEI:
Well, all right, then. Get to it.
SHAWN:
Thank you. (walks on)
GUS:
Thank you. (follows SHAWN)
INT. MALONE’S HOTEL ROOM, DAY
The room is trashed.
SHAWN:
Ew!
GUS:
Gosh. I see why Rob and Don were freaked. They didn't want to be held responsible for this mess.
(closes door)
SHAWN:
This place is trashed.
GUS:
Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by. (laughs at own joke as walks around room)
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?
GUS:
He used to trash hotel rooms.
SHAWN:
Used to. The man has kids now. He lives in France.
GUS:
You got a better version?
SHAWN:
Of course I do. How about that lame-o who's dating Kate Moss?
GUS:
He's British and nobody knows who he is.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. Too inside. Stephen Dorff. Always solid. (sees flyers for The Malcontent)
Dude, come here.
GUS:
Why would this kid have these mock-ups?
SHAWN “zooms” in and highlights letters in the word: MALcONtEnt.
SHAWN:
Because I think our missing person has a secret identity. By day, he's a laptop-toting, comic-
loving virgin. At night, he's your favorite blogger.
GUS:
You think The Malcontent is a kid?
SHAWN:
He must have pissed off the wrong people with his blog.
GUS:
(sees a handwritten note on a table) Shawn, look.
SHAWN:
"One down, two to go." Hmm. There goes the kid-on-a-spending-spree theory. Oooh. Keith Moon.
GUS nods in agreement.
INT. SBPD, DAY
SHAWN is leaning against a desk when GUS joins him.
GUS:
I just went over the posts on Malone's blog.
SHAWN:
Did he bash anything in particular?
GUS:
The Red Phantom movie. He's relentless. It's weird, because if you go back a little, he
was originally saying great things about it.
They walk upstairs to the main floor.
SHAWN:
So Parastone Pictures paid him to praise the Red Phantom flick. That must be where all
the money from his room came from.
GUS:
Makes sense. Malone's blog started the bad buzz which sunk Parastone's last comic book movie.
SHAWN:
I don't think the nipples helped either, Gus.
GUS:
Well, yeah.
SHAWN:
So the studio had everything riding on this new film. They would have done anything to prevent
history from repeating itself.
GUS:
But Malone blazed The Red Phantom anyway.
SHAWN:
He reneged, which might be why he's missing. We need to find those execs.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET stands when she sees them.
JULIET:
Hey. Any progress?
SHAWN:
I picked up Malone's astral trail. (JULIET looks at him) That's what it's called. It
leads to a hotel across from the convention center. Room 428. Oak door, can't miss it.
JULIET:
That's more specific than usual.
SHAWN:
Sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood. You won't find Malone, but I sense some seriously
dark juju magumbo went down in there.
JULIET:
(picks up phone) Yeah, send some uniforms to the hotel across from the convention center
and tell them to cordon off room 428. Good. (hangs up phone)(to SHAWN) This had
better be for real. (picks up jacket and walks with them) So, how's the convention? A lot
of cool stuff going on, I bet.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on. Not you, too.
GUS:
You're a collector, too?
JULIET:
Since middle school.
GUS:
(stops walking) I just got Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
JULIET:
(whirls around) Shut up, you did not?
GUS:
Yes, I did.
SHAWN:
(raises hand) Hi. Missing kid, worried mom. Can we focus here?
GUS:
Since when did you get so structured?
SHAWN:
Since you turned into Urkel (stammers) and you just became (stammers) Jan Brady…
GUS:
Wow.
SHAWN:
Tina Yothers... There's... There's not an exact match for that.
JULIET walks away.
GUS:
You didn't want to tell her about our suspicions with the Parastone executives?
SHAWN:
Please, Gus, we have to leave something to divine later.
They follow after JULIET.
INT. LASSITER’S CAR, ON THE ROAD, DAY
LASSITER and VICK sit facing forward, both silent. LASSITER tries to make conversation.
LASSITER:
Yeah. This is nice. It's good one-on-one time. Let the guard down. You know, I had an idea not
too long ago, and it's funny I should think of it now, but it really doesn't make any sense to
have so many officers working the daytime shift at Grab.
VICK:
(shows discomfort) Detective.
LASSITER:
(continues without having heard) Since most car thefts occur at night.
VICK:
Lassiter.
LASSITER:
Now, if you were to split the shift, go with me on this...
VICK:
Carlton!
LASSITER:
What?
VICK:
My water just broke.
LASSITER:
Are you sure?
VICK:
No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason.
LASSITER:
Oh, no. Oh, can you move my briefcase?
VICK:
Your briefcase?
LASSITER:
It might be in the line of the...
VICK:
Do you understand how uncomfortable this is?
LASSITER:
It's leather. I didn't Scotchguard it! (VICK is aghast) You know what, never mind. Just
has tremendous sentimental value.
VICK:
Just take me to the nearest hospital. All right? (LASSITER goes to put the light on the
roof) Oh, I don't think we need that.
LASSITER:
Oh, I think we do. (puts light on roof) Do you know what? We'll use the siren, too. For
you. Just in case. (flips on siren)
The car speeds down the highway.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER, DAY
As SHAWN and GUS exit, KOOLER is just going in.
KOOLER:
Hey, guys.
GUS:
Hey.
KOOLER:
Can't stop to talk. Got to sign autographs. (goes inside)
SHAWN:
Look, dude, I got a date with that Talia girl from the studio in, like, an hour. A nice romantic
walk on the beach to Jim's. Best scungilli in Santa Barbara.
GUS:
Why couldn't you just talk to her now?
SHAWN:
Because, Gus, happy hour doesn't start until 5:00.
GUS:
You're supposed to be figuring out if she's innocent.
SHAWN:
That's exactly what I plan to do.
They stop short when George TAKEI appears in front of them.
TAKEI:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
GT.
TAKEI:
The blueberries are still wrong. I requested North Carolina blueberries, but they sent me
Michigan blueberries. People say I'm crazy, but I can taste the difference.
SHAWN:
I don't think that's crazy at all.
TAKEI:
And I requested that my green room not be at the end of the hall. I have to be in the middle.
It's affecting my chi.
SHAWN:
Gus.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Did you skimp out and get the Michigan blueberries?
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
And screw up the room location? And what are you doing to George's chi? Are you touching it and
whatnot? Stop it. This is my fault, Mr. Takei. My fault for farming out responsibilities that I
should have seen to personally. My humblest apologies. We'll get you the right blueberries as
soon as possible and a better room assignment. You have my word.
TAKEI:
Well, all right, then. (looks at GUS) Good help is hard to find, I suppose. (walks off)
GUS:
Why did you blame that on me?
SHAWN:
Dude, we needed a fall guy.
GUS:
I can't be the fall guy in front of one of my heroes, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Okay, then you and I need to create a third imaginary assistant that's completely incompetent. I
think her name should be Beatrice. What say you?
GUS doesn’t answer, just walks off.
EXT. BEACH, DAY
SHAWN is walking with TALIA, who is on her phone.
TALIA: (into phone)
All right, yeah, just send it to my assistant.
SHAWN:
It's tremendous. You don't mind it, though. You don't mind all the comic book stuff?
TALIA:
It's fun, harmless, a little wish fulfillment. Oh, come on, you didn't pretend to fly around
like Superman when you were a kid?
SHAWN:
(ignores question) So, uh, pretty high stakes on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
TALIA:
We, uh, took a bath a couple of years ago on this other comic book movie, The Adventures of
the Green Spirit.
SHAWN:
Yeah, the nipple flick.
TALIA:
God, is that all anyone remembers about that movie?
SHAWN:
Yes.
TALIA:
Ugh, we had to build a landfill for the unsold action figures. So, we're pulling out all the
stops to launch the trailer for the Red Phantom movie. You know, lasers, music. Dent even
organized this whole pyrotechnics display. Word of mouth is the first and most vital step in
this world.
SHAWN:
Vital enough to pay somebody off?
They stop walking.
TALIA:
What?
SHAWN:
Hmm? Let's say there's a blogger, right? And he's wielding way more power than he should. And he
can be had for a price. You guys would be fools not to take a shot, right?
TALIA:
Who are you, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I'm a psychic. I work with the police. I'm investigating a disappearance. Malone Breyfogle. The
Malcontent. I'm sensing you probably know a lot about him.
TALIA:
Okay, this conversation is over.
SHAWN:
No. It's just starting to get good. See, he reneged on a promise and now he's missing.
TALIA:
Missing? Look, whether or not this guy had a consultation fee is beside the point. We don't harm
people. It's just a movie.
SHAWN:
Just a movie? You think your boss will tell me the same thing?
TALIA:
I don't know. Why don't we go ask him together?(heads off) Dent is back at our convention
headquarters.
SHAWN:
Fine. So, no scungilli, then?
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, STAIRS, DAY
SHAWN:
I didn't expect you to be so cooperative, so if I seemed a little pushy...
TALIA:
Accusing me of kidnapping?
SHAWN:
I accused you of bribery. I implied you may have had something to do with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, HALL, DAY
SHAWN:
You know, a lot of couples start off on the wrong foot. It just means we have nowhere to go but
up.
TALIA:
Well, when you're done here with Dent, we're done. (opens door to office)
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, OFFICE, DAY
The office is a wreck, similar to Malone’s room.
TALIA:
What the... Oh, my God. What happened here? Where is he?
SHAWN:
(walks into the room) Some seriously dark juju magumbo went down in here. (sees note
on the desk) "Two down, one to go." (claps hands together) Okay, good news, your boss
is innocent. Bad news, he just became a face on a milk carton.
EXT. STREET, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk along the sidewalk. They stop at a churro vendor and SHAWN orders two.
GUS:
I checked Malone's blog again today. There are more entries blazing the Red Phantom
movie. I think Malone was kidnapped before the blogs showed up. He was probably going to honor
his deal with Parastone. (takes his order)
SHAWN:
So, the kidnapper is the one roasting this new movie online? (gets his order)
GUS:
He also wrote, "The guilty will pay."
SHAWN:
The guilty will pay?
GUS:
Yep.
SHAWN:
Wow.
They cross the street to beach path.
SHAWN:
One of these comic book freaks has clearly blurred the line between reality and…comic book.
GUS:
The kidnapper still has one more person to snatch. And it appears he's targeting anyone involved
in this bribery scam. (cell phone rings)
SHAWN:
Talia. Talia has to be the next victim. We need to get the real police in here.
GUS:
(answers phone) Hello? Uh, hello, Mr. Takei, what can I do for you? Just name it.
(listens) Hold on. (to SHAWN) It's for you.
SHAWN:
(takes phone) G-Dog. What's up, handsome? Beatrice? I canned her. Yeah, she's out of
here. Tonight? Absolutely, sir. I'll meet you there. (ends call) Huh.
GUS:
What? What's happening?
SHAWN:
Karaoke with George later.
GUS:
Get out of here. This is a Trek fan's dream come true.
SHAWN:
Hmm. Awkward.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
He sort of just invited me. You know what? Call him back, tell him I said we need you for all
the high harmonies. (gives GUS his phone back before walking off)
GUS:
(follows SHAWN) This is messed up, Shawn.
SHAWN:
No, this is messed up. (picks at pastry) This isn't a churro. This is... I don't know
what this is.
INT. HOSPITAL, DELIVERY ROOM, DAY
VICK is sitting on the bed and two nurses are monitoring her. LASSITER enters.
LASSITER:
Okay, finally got a hold of your husband. He's on his way, but apparently traffic is a nightmare.
VICK:
Thank you, Carlton.
DOCTOR:
Everything's looking really good. You just relax.
LASSITER:
I'm going to go now and let you...
VICK:
(rubs side) No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go.
LASSITER:
You want me to stay?
VICK:
Yeah. In class, I always had a coach. So, just stand here and keep your eyes north of the equator.
LASSITER:
Yeah, that won't be a problem. (removes jacket)
DOCTOR:
You ready for your epidural?
VICK:
No, thank you. I'm going to do this naturally.
DOCTOR:
Okay. We'll hold off, then.
A nurse helps LASSITER into scrubs.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
Are you insane?
VICK:
I don't need it.
LASSITER:
Listen, I would put myself on a morphine pump if I were going to push eleven pounds of limbs and
elbows out of...
VICK:
(cuts him off) I've made my decision.
LASSITER:
And I admire you for it.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are walking through the booth area.
SHAWN:
Have you considered this? Maybe the whole thing is a stunt.
GUS:
What do you mean?
SHAWN:
You know, to promote the movie. The whole scenario is just so fantastical. It's like a plot to a
comic book. Dent could have arranged it, maybe Talia. It could have been all three of them. It's
just so theatrical with the cryptic notes.
JULIET finds them.
JULIET:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
Hi.
JULIET:
Hi. Gus said you've seen the kidnapper.
SHAWN:
(to GUS) You told her that?
GUS:
We needed her.
JULIET:
Can you give me a description?
SHAWN:
(to GUS) You can't tell her I've seen the kidnapper when I didn't see the kidnapper.
(to JULIET) I didn't see the kidnapper.
JULIET:
You didn't?
SHAWN:
I saw through the kidnapper's eyes. He was stalking his next victim. It was a woman.
SHAWN puts a hand to his temples as if having another vision and reaches his other hand to
GUS’ head.
GUS:
(ducks away) Shawn.
SHAWN:
Talia. It's Talia.
JULIET:
Wait. The woman you discovered the second note with is the third victim?
SHAWN:
Quite possibly. Or she could be the kidnapper.
GUS:
So, what, she's kidnapping herself?
SHAWN:
Or the second victim is the kidnapper and he was just pretending to get kidnapped.
JULIET:
Guys, I just saw her. She's outside on the phone.
SHAWN:
Man.
They rush outside.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER, DAY
SHAWN, GUS and JULIET emerge from the front door.
SHAWN:
Where did you see her last?
JULIET:
(points) Over there.
SHAWN sees something and runs over. TALIA’S cellphone is on the ground.
SHAWN:
Oh, man. (sees the number) "9-1..." Uh-oh.
GUS:
What? No note?
SHAWN:
(sees a paper stuck to the heel of a woman’s shoe) Wait a minute.(follows after the
costumed woman) Excuse me. (kneels down and grabs the woman’s leg, lifting her foot to
remove the paper) Thank you. (reads note) "Judgment day." (stands and shows GUS
and JULIET the note) Looks like Talia's joined Malone and Dent in missing-persons land.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, ENTRANCE HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS stand to the side as uniformed police rush into the building.
SHAWN:
Judgment day? It sounds bad. That's, like, the day that you're judged.
GUS:
In T2 it was the end of mankind. (opens comic) Though I doubt our kidnapper has
first-strike nuclear capabilities.
SHAWN:
Ooh! (sees something and walks off)
He sees a bowl of Cheese Doodles and takes a bite of one.
GUS:
What the hell are you doing?
SHAWN:
Running makes me hungry. You know that.
GUS:
You don't know where those have been. They could have bird flu on them or something.
SHAWN:
Bird flu. Wow. Look at you. How can you read a comic book at a time like this?
GUS:
First of all, I can read a comic anytime. And secondly, Juliet has almost the entire police
force inside there. They'll find Talia and the others.
SHAWN:
Dude, whatever this crazy person has planned for these people, he's going to do it soon. He has
all his victims. We need to figure out who stands to gain from the disappearance of those three
and who would want the Red Phantom movie to tank this badly.
GUS:
Why don't you ask your friend, George Takei?
SHAWN:
I would. But once he starts singing Afternoon Delight, he just goes to another place.
GUS:
(looking at comic) Shawn?
SHAWN:
Juliet didn't find anything at the latest crime scene to help?
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
No forensics on the note?
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
(shows a panel in the comic) Look. It's the same as the note in Malone's room.
SHAWN:
Somebody's recreating the crime from this comic book. What happens in this thing?
GUS:
A supervillain named Fear Career, he kidnaps the judge, prosecutor and defense attorney he felt
locked him up years ago.
SHAWN:
Fear Career. Awesome. Then what?
GUS:
He sets them on fire.
SHAWN:
He sets them on fire?
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
Give me that. (grabs the comic from GUS)
GUS:
What the hell are you doing?
SHAWN:
Looking for clues. (thumbs through with fingers covered by orange cheese powder)
GUS:
You're ruining a first printing near-mint work of art. I've been looking for that comic for five
years now.
SHAWN:
Gus, lives are at stake.
GUS:
The kidnapper must be some kind of deranged fan.
SHAWN:
(stops and stares) Deranged? Yes. Fan? I'm not so sure. (rips cover off comic and
walks away)
GUS:
Wait, what? What the... You're buying me another one. First printing! (follows SHAWN)
INT. HOSPITAL, DELIVERY ROOM, DAY
VICK groans as she tries to push.
DOCTOR:
She's not focusing. Can you help motivate her a little bit?
LASSITER:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Motivation was my thing at the academy. (leans over VICK and shouts)
All right, now you listen to me, it's time to squeeze this puppy out. So, when I say push, I
want you to push, you understand me? Push! Push! Push!
VICK:
(shouts back) Yeah, that's not really working for me right now!
LASSITER:
Fine, I was just giving it a shot! Um, okay, okay. (moves in closer and puts his hands around
VICK’S head in an attempt to comfort) Just, just remain calm. Everything's going to be fine.
VICK:
Uh, yeah. I don't need that either. (pushes him away)
LASSITER:
I don't know what you want then. I don't know what any woman wants.
VICK:
Just give me your hand and shut the hell up.
DOCTOR:
It's crowning. Here we go. Here we go.
VICK screams. LASSITER looks on in amazement.
DOCTOR:
It's a girl.
The baby cries. Vick sighs in relief.
LASSITER:
We did it.
DOCTOR:
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
LASSITER:
No, I'm not the...Yeah, okay.
LASSITER cuts the cord as VICK watches. The DOCTOR then hands him the baby.
LASSITER:
Oh, oh, you're going to...Oh! Hi, there. (gently rocks the baby) Nice to meet you.
Children are one of the reasons my wife and I split up. She didn't think I wanted any. She was
wrong.
VICK:
Yeah, that's great, Carlton. You think I might hold my baby now?
LASSITER:
(reluctantly hands over baby) Of course.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS search the room.
SHAWN:
We need to find Juliet fast.
GUS:
She's in plain clothes. She could be anywhere in this place. It's like looking for a needle in a
haystack.
SHAWN:
(sees something and stops) I know how I can get her attention. (heads off)
GUS:
Shawn! Will you stop going up there?
SHAWN:
(turns around at the base of the stage) Sorry. Judgment day. Got to do it.
Off to the side, George TAKEI is waiting for his introduction.
COORDINATOR: (over microphone)
Ladies and gentlemen, George... Uh, okay, okay.
SHAWN comes up to the podium.
COORDINATOR: (over microphone)
Please welcome back to the stage psychic Shawn Spencer!
The crowd applauds as SHAWN holds up his hands.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
(after a few exaggerated poses, places hands on temples) I'm sensing something. Something
strong. A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
As GUS walks past, George TAKEI grabs him by the arm.
TAKEI:
Why is my assistant up there?
GUS:
Maybe he's setting up a karaoke machine for your duet, Chekov.
TAKEI:
Sulu, damn it!
SHAWN: (over microphone)
It's getting clear now. It's a kidnapping spirit responsible for crimes committed right here at
the con! (crowd murmurs) I need help. I must call upon the powers of Magic Head!
(motions to GUS)
CROWD:
(chants) Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head!
TAKEI:
Who's Magic Head?
Resigned, GUS walks onstage.
TAKEI:
Where are you going?
The crowd breaks into applause when GUS arrives. He waves, embarrassed. SHAWN makes a big
show of laying his hand on GUS’ head. GUS glares at SHAWN but lets him do it.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
I can see it now.
Uniformed officers take up places along the aisles. JULIET finds a spot in the crowd.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
It is a vengeful spirit and there is a color. The color is green. It is the Green Spirit.
(walks to front of stage) The kidnapper is the creator of The Green Spirit, Hiltz Kooler.
The crowd parts, making a clear path to KOOLER’S booth.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
Ah, yes, you had motive, didn't you? The studio execs bastardized your beloved Green Spirit and
turned him into a pop culture punch line. You hated Malone, the Malcontent, because it was his
tidal wave of bad buzz that sunk your flick. You were on the brink of becoming a mogul. But then
it all slipped away. Now you're reduced to cursing nipples and signing autographs at
conventions. Like a classic supervillain, you were driven mad by revenge. (scene cuts of what
SHAWN describes) You read Malone's blogs, looking for clues to his true identity. Then, one
day, like manna from heaven, The Malcontent blogged he was coming here. You also read the execs
who had screwed your character would be here, too. All the people that wronged you in the same
place at the same time. The opportunity was too good to pass up. And you could hide your
identity by wearing a costume. And every time you snatched one of your victims, you left a note
just like Fear Career in your comic. (present) Yes, people! This was written by a
criminal. There is malice in the ink. I can see it now. Hiltz always had a very distinctive way
of writing the letter "O." (flashes of the comic, the notes and the autograph) It has the
swirl. (holds up the ripped page from the comic bearing the autograph) I'm sure if the
police analyzed this autograph, they'll see the handwriting is an exact match for the
kidnapper's threatening notes.
The crowd applauds as the police move in.
TAKEI:
(disgusted) It's the same thing that happened in San Antonio.
JULIET grabs a handcuffed KOOLER by the arm.
JULIET:
Where are your victims?
KOOLER:
My plan is already in motion and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
As JULIET leads KOOLER past them, SHAWN remembers that KOOLER is recreating the crime from
the comic.
SHAWN:
They're near fire.
SHAWN remembers TALIA talking about pyrotechnics. He then sees blue sparkles/sequins on
KOOLER’S shoulder. He then sees the decorative bunting along the front of the stage.
SHAWN:
Under the stage.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, UNDER STAGE, DAY
JULIET goes down with a flashlight and sees the explosives
JULIET:
Oh, down here.
Uniformed officers join her and she sees the victims bound and gagged behind the
pyrotechnics.
JULIET:
They're here. All of them. Look, don't worry, everything's going to be just fine, okay? We're
going to get you out of here. Guys.
JULIET backs out of the way and lets the uniforms disconnect the fireworks.
INT. HOSPITAL, NURSERY, DAY
JULIET and GUS are framed by one window waving at the babies.
GUS:
Hi. Hi.
LASSITER and SHAWN are framed by a second window.
SHAWN:
So, after I collared the villain and saved the girl, Jules grabbed the others and everyone
hoisted me on their shoulders, carried me to the car chanting my name. It was awesome. Oh, but
your story about cutting the cord was good, too. Lot of drama, suspense, twist ending that I
don't think any of us saw coming.
JULIET:
At which point did you faint?
LASSITER:
I did not faint. I was merely resting my eyes momentarily and fell slightly backwards.
SHAWN:
Hey, I don't know if it makes a difference. I think you're a hero.
JULIET:
Which one is hers?
GUS:
I don't know. Lassiter, you cut the cord.
LASSITER:
Well, they all look alike. Is there one that poops a lot? I know. Let's ask our psychic.
SHAWN:
You know what, guys, this is weird, I'm not getting anything. I think one of these babies might
be evil, blocking my abilities to communicate. Damien?
VICK walks up behind SHAWN.
VICK:
Come on. Isn't it obvious? She looks exactly like me. (waves) Hi.
JULIET:
Chief, should you be up and walking?
VICK:
Walking? I'm coming into work tomorrow.
SHAWN:
No, don't be ridiculous. You need to go home with your child. Relax. Take a load off. Refresh
yourself. January, I think January. Come back in January.
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
GUS and HENRY are sitting at the kitchen table when SHAWN comes in the back door, smiling.
He’s holding two large poster boards(?) behind his back.
SHAWN:
So glad you both could make it.
HENRY:
Make it? I live here.
GUS:
What's that behind your back, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I dropped back by the con.
GUS:
You went back without me?
SHAWN:
Those people, good people, good hearts. You were right from the beginning, Gus. And I didn't
want to ruin the surprise. Introducing, Tranya Independent Comics' latest limited-edition one-
shot...
SHAWN pulls out a comic cover of a man in purple and yellow spandex with his hands to his
head with “waves” emanating from his head.
SHAWN:
Surprise.
GUS:
(reads) "Follow the adventures of Psych-Man as he uses his bizarre mental powers to foil
criminal plots with his sidekick Magic Head."
SHAWN:
And bam!
SHAWN pulls out the second poster to reveal what looks to be a midget with a large top hat.
The head dwarfs the body. He is holding a magic wand. HENRY snickers.
GUS:
What's that supposed to be?
SHAWN:
Dude, it's Magic Head! It's like looking in a mirror.
GUS:
Why would I need a wand when I have a magic head?
SHAWN:
It's a ceremonial thing. It's, it's just... It's representative. You don't actually use the
wand.
GUS:
Stupid. (drinks his beer)
SHAWN:
I think it's dope. Now, who wants an autograph?
1986
EXT. BEACH, DAY
SHAWN is running along the beach, arms outstretched, a towel around his neck acting as a
cape. He runs home.
EXT. SPENCER HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN runs into the yard.
SHAWN:
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than...
SHAWN stops when he sees HENRY in uniform sitting on the steps, flipping through a magazine.
HENRY:
Hey.
SHAWN:
Hey.
HENRY holds up the magazines.
HENRY:
Where did these comics come from? Gus, right? Come here. (SHAWN walks over) Well, at
least you're not a tattletale. (tosses the comics to the ground)
SHAWN:
What's the big deal? All the kids read them.
HENRY:
Yeah, well, all the kids don't live in this house, and all the kids don't have a police officer as a father, Shawn.
SHAWN:
So what?
HENRY:
So, these things make cops look like idiots who'd rather flash a signal in the sky than do real
police work. They set a bad example.
SHAWN:
They do not. (picks up comics)
HENRY:
(stands) Shawn, don't argue with me. Do you have any idea of how many kids' brains I have
to scoop up off the driveway because they think they can fly?
SHAWN:
Those kids are dumb.
HENRY:
Shawn, these things are a fantasy. Real heroes do not wear a cape and they don't wear their underwear on the outside. The guys who wear capes... they're on angel dust. Come here. (puts a hand on SHAWN’S head and guides him to the steps where they sit) You want to know what a
real hero is?
SHAWN:
What?
HENRY:
He's flesh and blood. He wears a badge. He lays it on the line every time he walks the beat. Shawn, do you really want to be a hero someday?
SHAWN:
Yes, sir.
HENRY:
Become a cop. Get your head out of the clouds.
SHAWN sighs.
HENRY:
All right, let's see if we can make this thing useful somehow, huh? (takes the towel from around SHAWN’S shoulders and drapes it over his head) Hit the showers. (kisses SHAWN’S head)
SHAWN heads inside.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is sitting at her desk, rubbing her tired neck and shoulders. The phone rings and she
picks it up.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Somebody needs a hot oil massage.
JULIET:
Pardon?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Stress? Tough day at the office? Who are you kidding? You'll probably never get those reports typed.
JULIET:
Who is this?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Shawn.
JULIET:
Spencer.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Great, you were already thinking about me. You know, you should roll your head both directions
if you really want that to work.
JULIET:
(taps her fingers on the desk and looks around) Okay, where are you?
SHAWN: (over phone)
On the phone. Where are you?
JULIET:
You know damn well where I am. How can you see me? (stands)
SHAWN: (over phone)
Do you really want to know?
JULIET:
I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Then never ask a boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
JULIET:
I don't have a sister.
SHAWN: (over phone)
How about a boyfriend?
JULIET:
Where are you? (looks around the department)
SHAWN: (over phone)
Well, there's a spectral plane where all of our auras are visible, see. When a soul is tortured
or stressed, like yourself...
JULIET:
Okay, never mind.
SHAWN: (over phone)
You asked.
JULIET:
You know what, Shawn? (goes back to desk) I have a really hectic day today. (picks up
notepad) The chief, she's...
SHAWN: (over phone)
Out of the office. Going to a seminar on non-lethal weaponry with Lassiter? Out of town? She
sort of left you in charge?
JULIET:
(drops pad on desk) Okay, psychic. Give me the details. How did you figure that out?
SHAWN: (over phone)
Most of it is in her day planner.
JULIET looks in the direction of VICK’S office and sees SHAWN sitting in her chair, facing in
the opposite direction, holding up the day planner. JULIET gasps. SHAWN turns around.
JULIET:
You cannot be in the Chief's office.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Oh, come on. She's not going to know. Notice how no one ever looks in here? Why is that? What are you guys so afraid of? It's not like the belly bites. She's actually a pretty kick-back lady
if you give her a chance. Look what she's done with this place, it's really warm in here. I know
I can't stay away. And have you tried this chair? (looks at JULIET and smiles)
JULIET:
Okay, you have five seconds to get your butt out of... (looks at notepad) Actually, you
know what? Stay right there.
SHAWN: (over phone)
Ooh, indecisive. I like that.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
JULIET enters and SHAWN is sitting at the desk and claps his hands. JULIET tosses the notepad
on the desk.
JULIET:
Take a look at that. Tell me what you think. (closes the blinds)
SHAWN:
(reads notepad) Flower doodle in the upper right-hand corner is excellent. This horse at
the bottom doesn't look anything like My Little Pony.
JULIET:
The writing, not the... That's a dog. I draw when I get anxious.
SHAWN:
I think you made a wise decision not going into animation, Juliet.
JULIET:
(sits) Mmm.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. Something about a missing kid.
JULIET:
He's not a kid. He's 18. And he's only been gone for 24 hours, so technically he's not missing.
SHAWN:
You want my help.
JULIET:
I'm not sure yet. His name is Malone Breyfogle.
SHAWN:
Malone Breyfogle?
JULIET:
Mmm-hmm.
SHAWN:
I'll tell you this much, kid's been lifted up by his underwear more than once.
JULIET:
He seems like a good kid. Honor roll, never been in trouble. His mother's worried sick.
SHAWN:
You can't do anything until he's been missing for 48 hours? (gets up and walks around to the
front of the desk) That's so stupid.
JULIET:
Exactly. I know the rules and regulations. They made sense when I memorized them, but... When
you have to look into some poor mother's eyes and tell her she can't worry about her son until
he's two days missing...
SHAWN:
That is really depressing. Consider me hired.
JULIET:
You're not hired. I can't pay you. If it turns out there's something to it, I'll make sure you
get put on the case. That's all I can do.
SHAWN:
Juliet, (picks up notepad) I'm quite sure we can work out some kind of services exchange.
You see, I like to do a little sketching myself, and sometimes I need a model.
Juliet scoffs, stands, takes the notepad and leaves the office.
SHAWN:
Was that inappropriate? Felt okay.
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS and SHAWN are crossing the road.
GUS:
Let me get this straight. I left in the middle of work to come check out a case, which is not a
case, in which we likely won't get paid.
They walk up a driveway.
SHAWN:
Who are you kidding right now? I pulled you out of a Starbucks. Where you were pretending to
finish your route that you actually finished yesterday so we could do a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us much larger favors in the future. (rings doorbell) Preferably ones
that I can't mention in the presence of nuns or men of the cloth.
The door is opened by MRS BREYFOGLE.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Oh, hello. Thank you so much for coming. Come in. Can I get you boys anything?
SHAWN and GUS step inside and she closes the door.
INT. BREYFOGLE LIVING ROOM, DAY
GUS and SHAWN are sitting on the couch. SHAWN is hugging a pillow.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
(calls from other room) They'll be ready in a minute.
GUS:
I can't believe you're letting that woman make us pancakes.
SHAWN:
She offered, Gus. Tell me you're not excited about pancakes.
GUS:
She's worried sick.
SHAWN:
Cooking helps her cope.
GUS:
How do you know that?
SHAWN:
How do you know it doesn't?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
(from kitchen) Do you boys want your syrup warmed up?
SHAWN:
(calls) I don't need it, Mrs. Breyfogle, but Gus does, so, I guess, yes.
GUS:
You're the one who won't eat cold syrup.
SHAWN:
Yeah, but I'm working you into the conversation. Now she knows your name.
MRS BREYFOGLE enters the living room with SHAWN’S plate, already having given GUS his. They
use the pillows on their laps as a flat surface for the plates.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
I'm just afraid something terrible has happened. (gives SHAWN his plate) Here you go.
(sits in chair) My son, Malone, has been acting so strange lately.
GUS:
(swallows) Strange how?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Well, he worked so hard to get a paid summer internship with a big computer company, then turned
it down at the last second, wouldn't tell me why. Rarely leaves his room. Even his two oldest
friends, Rob and Don, tell me they hardly get to see him.
SHAWN:
Have you spoken with Rob and Don since Malone disappeared?
MRS BREYFOGLE:
No. I spoke to their parents. Both boys are at computer camp.
SHAWN and GUS exchange a look.
SHAWN:
All right. These are delicious.
GUS:
Yes.
SHAWN:
But I need to see his room.
INT. BREYFOGLE HOME, MALONE’S ROOM, DAY
MRS BREYFOGLE leads SHAWN and GUS into the room. It is a mess with comics strewn about the
floor and the bed unmade. There is also a photo of three boys smiling into the camera. SHAWN
“sees” plaster on the bed and looks to the ceiling where there is a recessed light.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
Are you all right?
SHAWN:
I feel the answer is in the light.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
The light?
SHAWN reaches back to the switch on the wall and keeps turning the light on and off.
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn? Will you tell the spirit to hurry the hell up?
SHAWN moves over and steps on the bed, hands reaching the low ceiling around the light.
SHAWN:
Oh, yes. (stands in the center of the bed) Yes, I'm definitely feeling something here.
(looks at GUS and slowly bounces) It's good. It's nice.
MRS BREYFOGLE:
What? What is it?
SHAWN:
This mattress. It feels like one of those mattresses where you can bounce a bowling ball, but
the glass of wine doesn't spill. Gus, go find a glass of wine and a bowling ball.
GUS only glares at him impatiently.
SHAWN:
Mrs. Breyfogle, I feel we'll find a clue in here.
SHAWN takes out the bulb and cash showers down.
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS and SHAWN leave the house and walk down the driveway.
GUS:
How does some 18-year-old kid still living at home make that kind of money?
SHAWN:
Lemonade stand? That is, if instead of lemons, he's using heroin.
GUS:
Whatever it is, anything that pays in stacks of cash like that can't be legal. Or healthful.
SHAWN:
It's obvious what happened. Malone was involved in some shady dealings. He's either off on a
spending spree or things got a little too shady for him.
They cross the street to the car.
GUS:
So, what now?
SHAWN:
Find his friends. Computer camp, please. Malone's rolling in dough. Whatever he's doing, they're
with him. We find them, we find him. The question is where.
GUS:
(points at him with car key) Wait a second. You don't already know where he is?
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm a professional gathering information, okay? I'm getting there.
GUS:
(chuckles) You know, Shawn, I... I just thought you were a little better than this. Just
a little.
SHAWN:
All right, what is this? You know where he is?
GUS:
(leans against car) Of course I do. While you're playing with light switches and ordering
breakfast, I was investigating a case. (swings the keys in his hand)
SHAWN:
I see. Okay. Okay, I'll bite. (leans against the car and crosses his arms) Where is he,
Chocolate Columbo?
GUS:
Tri-Con.
SHAWN:
Do what?
GUS:
Tri-Con. The Tri-Annual Comic Book and Science Fiction Convention is in Santa Barbara this
weekend. You saw all those comic books in Malone's room. You're 18 years old. You have a ton of
cash burning a hole in your pocket and you love comics. Where else would you go to spend your
disposable income? Think, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Gus, I apologize. That's brilliant.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN:
Let's verify it so we can go check it out.
GUS:
Shawn, I'm sure he's there. There's no doubt.
SHAWN:
You're sure?
GUS:
Yep.
SHAWN:
How's that?
GUS reaches into his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper, unfolds it and shows SHAWN.
SHAWN:
Are those directions to the convention center?
GUS:
I found it in his wastebasket.
INT. LASSITER’S CAR, ON THE ROAD, DAY
LASSITER is driving while VICK has her head turned, looking out the window.
LASSITER:
You know, in case I never said it, I was really pleased when you were named as chief. Interim
chief. I'm sure that's only temporary.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
It's true that the outgoing chief was important to me. He was my mentor. Made me the cop I am
today.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
I know the outside perception is that the force was a real boys' club under him, so I thought it
was really smart when they named a, you know, woman.
VICK:
All right, honey.
LASSITER:
(glances at VICK) Excuse me, what?
VICK:
I love you.
LASSITER:
Huh?
VICK:
(chuckles) Okay. (hand pushed back hair to reveal Bluetooth) Yeah, I'll just see
you when we get back. Okay. (looks at LASSITER) I'm sorry, Detective, were you saying
something?
LASSITER:
No, I wasn't.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, ENTRANCE HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS approach the entrance into the main convention hall.
GUS:
We can't just walk into the con.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, "the con"?
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
You're calling a place filled with overweight teenagers battling mild cases of scoliosis and
advanced bed-wetting "the con"?
GUS:
We can't get in there. The tickets were sold out a month ago.
SHAWN:
Did you already try to get tickets?
GUS:
Focus, Shawn.
SHAWN:
How much were they?
GUS:
Will you focus?
SHAWN is distracted by something happening behind GUS. A man in a casual suit takes a poster
advertising the presence of George Takei from an easel, hiding it.
MAN:
No, no, no, leave this out of sight until we get the issues resolved with the food in his room,
all right? I don't know if he's going to walk over the blueberry issue, but we cannot have
people lining up until we're sure he's participating. (picks up poster and dials cell) I
gotta call his agent. (walks away) Get me a list of all the produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating the Star Trek fans.
SHAWN and GUS try to get inside.
SECURITY:
You can't come in without tickets.
SHAWN:
They didn't tell you we were coming?
SECURITY:
Who?
SHAWN:
We work for George. Takai?
SECURITY:
You mean Takei?
SHAWN:
Yeah. Those closest to him know exactly how he likes it pronounced, okay? You think you can have
a convention without Commander Chekov?
GUS:
(whispers) Sulu, jackass.
SHAWN:
Have his fresh blueberries arrived yet?
SECURITY:
(checks clipboard) I don't have record of receiving them yet.
SHAWN:
You don't have record of having received them yet. Give me that. (takes clipboard and flips
page) They don't have the fresh blueberries. (laughs and looks at GUS)
GUS and the SECURITY man join with forced laughter. SHAWN slams the clipboard onto the
podium.
SECURITY:
(stammers) What's the big deal?
SHAWN:
What's the big deal? What is the big deal? Do you have any idea what happened when they forgot
his blueberries at the con in San Antonio? That comb-over will be the least of your...
(regains control) You know what, it's better. It's better if you don't know. It's how I
ended up with a stutter and a wooden pinky toe. Now for the love of Scotty...
GUS:
(whispers) Still Sulu.
SHAWN:
Would you...(stutters) Please, let me get in there and save all of our asses?
The SECURITY man lets them through.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the main hall that is lined with booths and people milling about, a large
amount in costume.
SHAWN:
Dude, some guy in a wolf costume with a light saber just said hi to you.
GUS:
I don't know that guy.
SHAWN:
He looked right at you.
GUS:
He was mistaken.
SHAWN:
He said, "Hi, Gus”. And then another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
GUS:
I don't know any of these people, Shawn, okay?
SHAWN:
Uh-huh.
A young WOMAN at one of the booths hands them each a flier.
WOMAN:
Hey, guys. I'm Talia. This is Dent. We're from Parastone Pictures and just wanted to remind you
to go see the world premiere of the Red Phantom trailer tomorrow night.
DENT:
It'll be the biggest movie of the summer. Do not miss out.
SHAWN:
No way, I love the dead phantom.
TALIA:
Red Phantom.
SHAWN:
What, he didn't die at the end? (walks away with GUS) Bye.
TALIA:
Bye.
GUS:
I hear this movie's going to bomb.
MAN ON P.A.:
Check one. Check two.
GUS:
Too bad. I kind of dug the Red Phantom.
SHAWN:
You haven't even seen the trailer, you already hate it, how's that possible?
GUS:
Fortress of Attitude.
SHAWN:
What did you just say to me?
GUS:
Fortress of Attitude. It's this site that reviews movies based on comic books. The
Malcontent, the guy who runs it, says he already saw a 30-minute presentation here at the
convention. He blazed it online.
SHAWN:
Can't you just look at porn on the net like every other guy and his brother?
GUS:
Everybody reads this blog.
SHAWN:
No. Not everybody.
GUS:
Everybody here does, Shawn.(stops walking) And you know what? I don't care what you
think. So why don't you let me do the talking here at the convention, and try not to embarrass
me. This is my turf. And yes, I know the guy in the codpiece. His name is Dave. And he's a very
nice guy. (struts off in the other direction)
SHAWN:
(watches him go) Snap.
They wander through the exhibits and GUS picks up a few things. At one booth a man is signing
autographs.
MAN:
Two for 50 cents.
GUS stops and looks over SHAWN’S shoulder.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
That's Hiltz Kooler. (walks over to the MAN signing autographs) Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan. He's my favorite, actually. I was wondering, (reaches into bag
and pulls out comic) would you mind signing my original copy of The Green Spirit Strikes
Again? (hands KOOLER the comic)
KOOLER:
Whoa. Haven't seen one of these in a while. (signs comic)
GUS:
I couldn't believe I found a guy selling one. I love how this story reinvented the character for
today.
KOOLER:
Well, there you go. (hands back comic) Enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
GUS:
You know, I wish they'd based the movie on this story arc. (puts comic back in bag)
KOOLER:
What am I gonna do? I told them about a million times. They don't listen to me.
GUS:
Still a huge fan.
KOOLER:
Well, I’m glad someone is after that Green Spirit movie.
SHAWN:
Wait, wait, wait. Is this the movie you dragged me to where the hero had big nipples on the
outside of his costume?
KOOLER:
Damn those nipples.
SHAWN:
(laughs) They were like big angry marshmallows.
GUS:
(drags SHAWN away) Be nice to him, Shawn. The Green Spirit movie nearly killed the
character.
SHAWN:
Gus, all I care about is finding our guys. I can't take much more of this.
GUS:
There's too much real estate. We can't cover it all at once. Maybe we should split up.
SHAWN:
I can help our situation. (walks off)
Up onstage is the MAN who didn’t want to promote George Takei due to the blueberries. He is
the Events COORDINATOR.
COORDINATOR: (into microphone)
So, next on our list... (SHAWN goes onstage and stands next to him on the podium) Sir,
can I help you?
SHAWN:
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic, SBPD. I just need a moment.
COORDINATOR:
Psychic?
SHAWN:
Mmm-hmm.
COORDINATOR:
Welcome. (into microphone) Ladies and gentlemen, science fiction fans, we've got a
special treat for you today, we have a psychic, a real live professional psychic.
GUS gets up onstage and stands beside SHAWN.
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn, no.
COORDINATOR:
Who's this?
The crowd clamors.
SHAWN:
This is my sidekick, Magic Head.
A MAN in the crowd raises his hand.
MAN:
You're a psychic? Like Professor X?
GUS:
Professor X is a telepath, not a psychic.
SHAWN:
But I do have telepathic tendencies.
GUS:
No, you don't. You have psychic visions. They're different.
SHAWN:
No, really, I can do both.
GUS:
No, you can't.
MAN:
Can you read me?
SHAWN:
Sure. (SHAWN wiggles the fingers of his right hand by his temple and places his right on GUS’
head. GUS ducks out from under it) I'm getting a reading. I'm getting a reading right now,
yes. You spend a great deal of time in front of your computer.
The man gasps and the crowd murmurs. SHAWN reaches for GUS’ head again, but GUS knocks his
hand away.
SHAWN:
And, I see a girl. Yes. You like her from afar. She doesn't really know you exist.
MAN:
Yes. Yes. Her name's Megan. Do I have a chance?
SHAWN:
(hesitates) Don't put too much work into it. I think she might want to be "just friends."
GUS:
(whispers) Shawn, we're supposed to be looking for Malone.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Obviously Malone is keeping a low profile. (pretends to get another
vision) Whoa! Boy, I'm getting...Whoa! I'm getting an "R." I am getting an "R." (walks
back and forth across the stage) Does anyone here have a name that begins with "R"? Oh, wait
a second...Hold, nobody... and a "D." Yes a "D." An "R" and a "D." (stammers) An "R"
name... Rim... Rolph... Robert... No "bert," just Rob. Rob. And a "D" name, yes. Uh, Dan. Uh,
Doodle. Dook... Dook...Dookie... Duder... Dumb...Don! Yes! Rob and a Don.
Two teenage BOYS in the back raise their hands.
BOYS:
(shout) That's us!
The crowd applauds as the BOYS come forward.
SHAWN:
An actual Rob and Don together. (chuckles) Sometimes I scare myself.
ROB and DON come onstage.
SHAWN:
Hey, fellas, first I need you both to empty your pockets.
ROB and DON do so and hold the contents in their cupped hands.
SHAWN:
Mmm... Oh!(takes an object from one of the boys) A room key. Even though you both reside
locally.
ROB:
Oh, our friend sprang for a hotel suite for us.
SHAWN:
Ah, room 129.
DON:
428.
SHAWN:
Yes, of course. (reaches for GUS’ head again) I'm getting something. This friend you
speak of, I sense you haven't seen him for a while, but you didn't tell anyone, no. You're not
supposed to be here. You told your parents you were going to computer camp. Computer camp, guys?
Really? (makes another attempt at GUS’ head but GUS blocks him) I know what you're
hiding.
Scared, the BOYS run from the stage.
GUS:
We're not going after them?
SHAWN:
What for? Malone's not with them. But I think I know where he might be.
SHAWN and GUS leave the stage.
COORDINATOR: (into microphone)
Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, HALLWAY, DAY
SHAWN and GUS exit the exhibition hall.
SHAWN:
Let's check out room 428.
They start down the hallway. Ahead of them is the SECURITY man from earlier speaking with
George TAKEI.
SECURITY:
Well, they seemed pretty convincing. That's them there!
TAKEI:
(walks over) Why are you telling people you're my assistants?
SHAWN:
(looks at GUS)(hesitantly) Because we are your assistants.
TAKEI:
Excuse me?
SHAWN:
Are you serious, George? (scoffs) I know we said we'd work outside the loop, but this is
a little ridiculous.
TAKEI:
I don't recognize you.
SHAWN:
You hired us personally. We met you in Chicago at a screening of that movie with the whales.
GUS:
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
TAKEI:
The last time I was in Chicago, I was doing a reading from my autobiography.
SHAWN:
Right. We booked that. (to GUS) Remember Robin told us he'd never be able to fill a room
that size?
GUS:
Yeah.
TAKEI:
I don't know any Robin.
SHAWN:
That's because I fired her. Look, George, you don't need that kind of negativity, okay? It's her
fault what happened in San Antonio. Though you didn't hear that from me.
TAKEI:
I'm very confused.
SHAWN:
Look, George, we can stand around and talk all day...
GUS:
Like Robin used to.
SHAWN:
Or I can try to do something about solving your blueberry crisis. The choice is yours.
TAKEI:
Well, all right, then. Get to it.
SHAWN:
Thank you. (walks on)
GUS:
Thank you. (follows SHAWN)
INT. MALONE’S HOTEL ROOM, DAY
The room is trashed.
SHAWN:
Ew!
GUS:
Gosh. I see why Rob and Don were freaked. They didn't want to be held responsible for this mess.
(closes door)
SHAWN:
This place is trashed.
GUS:
Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by. (laughs at own joke as walks around room)
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?
GUS:
He used to trash hotel rooms.
SHAWN:
Used to. The man has kids now. He lives in France.
GUS:
You got a better version?
SHAWN:
Of course I do. How about that lame-o who's dating Kate Moss?
GUS:
He's British and nobody knows who he is.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. Too inside. Stephen Dorff. Always solid. (sees flyers for The Malcontent)
Dude, come here.
GUS:
Why would this kid have these mock-ups?
SHAWN “zooms” in and highlights letters in the word: MALcONtEnt.
SHAWN:
Because I think our missing person has a secret identity. By day, he's a laptop-toting, comic-
loving virgin. At night, he's your favorite blogger.
GUS:
You think The Malcontent is a kid?
SHAWN:
He must have pissed off the wrong people with his blog.
GUS:
(sees a handwritten note on a table) Shawn, look.
SHAWN:
"One down, two to go." Hmm. There goes the kid-on-a-spending-spree theory. Oooh. Keith Moon.
GUS nods in agreement.
INT. SBPD, DAY
SHAWN is leaning against a desk when GUS joins him.
GUS:
I just went over the posts on Malone's blog.
SHAWN:
Did he bash anything in particular?
GUS:
The Red Phantom movie. He's relentless. It's weird, because if you go back a little, he
was originally saying great things about it.
They walk upstairs to the main floor.
SHAWN:
So Parastone Pictures paid him to praise the Red Phantom flick. That must be where all
the money from his room came from.
GUS:
Makes sense. Malone's blog started the bad buzz which sunk Parastone's last comic book movie.
SHAWN:
I don't think the nipples helped either, Gus.
GUS:
Well, yeah.
SHAWN:
So the studio had everything riding on this new film. They would have done anything to prevent
history from repeating itself.
GUS:
But Malone blazed The Red Phantom anyway.
SHAWN:
He reneged, which might be why he's missing. We need to find those execs.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET stands when she sees them.
JULIET:
Hey. Any progress?
SHAWN:
I picked up Malone's astral trail. (JULIET looks at him) That's what it's called. It
leads to a hotel across from the convention center. Room 428. Oak door, can't miss it.
JULIET:
That's more specific than usual.
SHAWN:
Sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood. You won't find Malone, but I sense some seriously
dark juju magumbo went down in there.
JULIET:
(picks up phone) Yeah, send some uniforms to the hotel across from the convention center
and tell them to cordon off room 428. Good. (hangs up phone)(to SHAWN) This had
better be for real. (picks up jacket and walks with them) So, how's the convention? A lot
of cool stuff going on, I bet.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on. Not you, too.
GUS:
You're a collector, too?
JULIET:
Since middle school.
GUS:
(stops walking) I just got Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
JULIET:
(whirls around) Shut up, you did not?
GUS:
Yes, I did.
SHAWN:
(raises hand) Hi. Missing kid, worried mom. Can we focus here?
GUS:
Since when did you get so structured?
SHAWN:
Since you turned into Urkel (stammers) and you just became (stammers) Jan Brady…
GUS:
Wow.
SHAWN:
Tina Yothers... There's... There's not an exact match for that.
JULIET walks away.
GUS:
You didn't want to tell her about our suspicions with the Parastone executives?
SHAWN:
Please, Gus, we have to leave something to divine later.
They follow after JULIET.
INT. LASSITER’S CAR, ON THE ROAD, DAY
LASSITER and VICK sit facing forward, both silent. LASSITER tries to make conversation.
LASSITER:
Yeah. This is nice. It's good one-on-one time. Let the guard down. You know, I had an idea not
too long ago, and it's funny I should think of it now, but it really doesn't make any sense to
have so many officers working the daytime shift at Grab.
VICK:
(shows discomfort) Detective.
LASSITER:
(continues without having heard) Since most car thefts occur at night.
VICK:
Lassiter.
LASSITER:
Now, if you were to split the shift, go with me on this...
VICK:
Carlton!
LASSITER:
What?
VICK:
My water just broke.
LASSITER:
Are you sure?
VICK:
No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason.
LASSITER:
Oh, no. Oh, can you move my briefcase?
VICK:
Your briefcase?
LASSITER:
It might be in the line of the...
VICK:
Do you understand how uncomfortable this is?
LASSITER:
It's leather. I didn't Scotchguard it! (VICK is aghast) You know what, never mind. Just
has tremendous sentimental value.
VICK:
Just take me to the nearest hospital. All right? (LASSITER goes to put the light on the
roof) Oh, I don't think we need that.
LASSITER:
Oh, I think we do. (puts light on roof) Do you know what? We'll use the siren, too. For
you. Just in case. (flips on siren)
The car speeds down the highway.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER, DAY
As SHAWN and GUS exit, KOOLER is just going in.
KOOLER:
Hey, guys.
GUS:
Hey.
KOOLER:
Can't stop to talk. Got to sign autographs. (goes inside)
SHAWN:
Look, dude, I got a date with that Talia girl from the studio in, like, an hour. A nice romantic
walk on the beach to Jim's. Best scungilli in Santa Barbara.
GUS:
Why couldn't you just talk to her now?
SHAWN:
Because, Gus, happy hour doesn't start until 5:00.
GUS:
You're supposed to be figuring out if she's innocent.
SHAWN:
That's exactly what I plan to do.
They stop short when George TAKEI appears in front of them.
TAKEI:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
GT.
TAKEI:
The blueberries are still wrong. I requested North Carolina blueberries, but they sent me
Michigan blueberries. People say I'm crazy, but I can taste the difference.
SHAWN:
I don't think that's crazy at all.
TAKEI:
And I requested that my green room not be at the end of the hall. I have to be in the middle.
It's affecting my chi.
SHAWN:
Gus.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Did you skimp out and get the Michigan blueberries?
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
And screw up the room location? And what are you doing to George's chi? Are you touching it and
whatnot? Stop it. This is my fault, Mr. Takei. My fault for farming out responsibilities that I
should have seen to personally. My humblest apologies. We'll get you the right blueberries as
soon as possible and a better room assignment. You have my word.
TAKEI:
Well, all right, then. (looks at GUS) Good help is hard to find, I suppose. (walks off)
GUS:
Why did you blame that on me?
SHAWN:
Dude, we needed a fall guy.
GUS:
I can't be the fall guy in front of one of my heroes, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Okay, then you and I need to create a third imaginary assistant that's completely incompetent. I
think her name should be Beatrice. What say you?
GUS doesn’t answer, just walks off.
EXT. BEACH, DAY
SHAWN is walking with TALIA, who is on her phone.
TALIA: (into phone)
All right, yeah, just send it to my assistant.
SHAWN:
It's tremendous. You don't mind it, though. You don't mind all the comic book stuff?
TALIA:
It's fun, harmless, a little wish fulfillment. Oh, come on, you didn't pretend to fly around
like Superman when you were a kid?
SHAWN:
(ignores question) So, uh, pretty high stakes on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
TALIA:
We, uh, took a bath a couple of years ago on this other comic book movie, The Adventures of
the Green Spirit.
SHAWN:
Yeah, the nipple flick.
TALIA:
God, is that all anyone remembers about that movie?
SHAWN:
Yes.
TALIA:
Ugh, we had to build a landfill for the unsold action figures. So, we're pulling out all the
stops to launch the trailer for the Red Phantom movie. You know, lasers, music. Dent even
organized this whole pyrotechnics display. Word of mouth is the first and most vital step in
this world.
SHAWN:
Vital enough to pay somebody off?
They stop walking.
TALIA:
What?
SHAWN:
Hmm? Let's say there's a blogger, right? And he's wielding way more power than he should. And he
can be had for a price. You guys would be fools not to take a shot, right?
TALIA:
Who are you, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I'm a psychic. I work with the police. I'm investigating a disappearance. Malone Breyfogle. The
Malcontent. I'm sensing you probably know a lot about him.
TALIA:
Okay, this conversation is over.
SHAWN:
No. It's just starting to get good. See, he reneged on a promise and now he's missing.
TALIA:
Missing? Look, whether or not this guy had a consultation fee is beside the point. We don't harm
people. It's just a movie.
SHAWN:
Just a movie? You think your boss will tell me the same thing?
TALIA:
I don't know. Why don't we go ask him together?(heads off) Dent is back at our convention
headquarters.
SHAWN:
Fine. So, no scungilli, then?
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, STAIRS, DAY
SHAWN:
I didn't expect you to be so cooperative, so if I seemed a little pushy...
TALIA:
Accusing me of kidnapping?
SHAWN:
I accused you of bribery. I implied you may have had something to do with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, HALL, DAY
SHAWN:
You know, a lot of couples start off on the wrong foot. It just means we have nowhere to go but
up.
TALIA:
Well, when you're done here with Dent, we're done. (opens door to office)
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, OFFICE, DAY
The office is a wreck, similar to Malone’s room.
TALIA:
What the... Oh, my God. What happened here? Where is he?
SHAWN:
(walks into the room) Some seriously dark juju magumbo went down in here. (sees note
on the desk) "Two down, one to go." (claps hands together) Okay, good news, your boss
is innocent. Bad news, he just became a face on a milk carton.
EXT. STREET, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk along the sidewalk. They stop at a churro vendor and SHAWN orders two.
GUS:
I checked Malone's blog again today. There are more entries blazing the Red Phantom
movie. I think Malone was kidnapped before the blogs showed up. He was probably going to honor
his deal with Parastone. (takes his order)
SHAWN:
So, the kidnapper is the one roasting this new movie online? (gets his order)
GUS:
He also wrote, "The guilty will pay."
SHAWN:
The guilty will pay?
GUS:
Yep.
SHAWN:
Wow.
They cross the street to beach path.
SHAWN:
One of these comic book freaks has clearly blurred the line between reality and…comic book.
GUS:
The kidnapper still has one more person to snatch. And it appears he's targeting anyone involved
in this bribery scam. (cell phone rings)
SHAWN:
Talia. Talia has to be the next victim. We need to get the real police in here.
GUS:
(answers phone) Hello? Uh, hello, Mr. Takei, what can I do for you? Just name it.
(listens) Hold on. (to SHAWN) It's for you.
SHAWN:
(takes phone) G-Dog. What's up, handsome? Beatrice? I canned her. Yeah, she's out of
here. Tonight? Absolutely, sir. I'll meet you there. (ends call) Huh.
GUS:
What? What's happening?
SHAWN:
Karaoke with George later.
GUS:
Get out of here. This is a Trek fan's dream come true.
SHAWN:
Hmm. Awkward.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
He sort of just invited me. You know what? Call him back, tell him I said we need you for all
the high harmonies. (gives GUS his phone back before walking off)
GUS:
(follows SHAWN) This is messed up, Shawn.
SHAWN:
No, this is messed up. (picks at pastry) This isn't a churro. This is... I don't know
what this is.
INT. HOSPITAL, DELIVERY ROOM, DAY
VICK is sitting on the bed and two nurses are monitoring her. LASSITER enters.
LASSITER:
Okay, finally got a hold of your husband. He's on his way, but apparently traffic is a nightmare.
VICK:
Thank you, Carlton.
DOCTOR:
Everything's looking really good. You just relax.
LASSITER:
I'm going to go now and let you...
VICK:
(rubs side) No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go.
LASSITER:
You want me to stay?
VICK:
Yeah. In class, I always had a coach. So, just stand here and keep your eyes north of the equator.
LASSITER:
Yeah, that won't be a problem. (removes jacket)
DOCTOR:
You ready for your epidural?
VICK:
No, thank you. I'm going to do this naturally.
DOCTOR:
Okay. We'll hold off, then.
A nurse helps LASSITER into scrubs.
VICK:
Mmm-hmm.
LASSITER:
Are you insane?
VICK:
I don't need it.
LASSITER:
Listen, I would put myself on a morphine pump if I were going to push eleven pounds of limbs and
elbows out of...
VICK:
(cuts him off) I've made my decision.
LASSITER:
And I admire you for it.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are walking through the booth area.
SHAWN:
Have you considered this? Maybe the whole thing is a stunt.
GUS:
What do you mean?
SHAWN:
You know, to promote the movie. The whole scenario is just so fantastical. It's like a plot to a
comic book. Dent could have arranged it, maybe Talia. It could have been all three of them. It's
just so theatrical with the cryptic notes.
JULIET finds them.
JULIET:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
Hi.
JULIET:
Hi. Gus said you've seen the kidnapper.
SHAWN:
(to GUS) You told her that?
GUS:
We needed her.
JULIET:
Can you give me a description?
SHAWN:
(to GUS) You can't tell her I've seen the kidnapper when I didn't see the kidnapper.
(to JULIET) I didn't see the kidnapper.
JULIET:
You didn't?
SHAWN:
I saw through the kidnapper's eyes. He was stalking his next victim. It was a woman.
SHAWN puts a hand to his temples as if having another vision and reaches his other hand to
GUS’ head.
GUS:
(ducks away) Shawn.
SHAWN:
Talia. It's Talia.
JULIET:
Wait. The woman you discovered the second note with is the third victim?
SHAWN:
Quite possibly. Or she could be the kidnapper.
GUS:
So, what, she's kidnapping herself?
SHAWN:
Or the second victim is the kidnapper and he was just pretending to get kidnapped.
JULIET:
Guys, I just saw her. She's outside on the phone.
SHAWN:
Man.
They rush outside.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER, DAY
SHAWN, GUS and JULIET emerge from the front door.
SHAWN:
Where did you see her last?
JULIET:
(points) Over there.
SHAWN sees something and runs over. TALIA’S cellphone is on the ground.
SHAWN:
Oh, man. (sees the number) "9-1..." Uh-oh.
GUS:
What? No note?
SHAWN:
(sees a paper stuck to the heel of a woman’s shoe) Wait a minute.(follows after the
costumed woman) Excuse me. (kneels down and grabs the woman’s leg, lifting her foot to
remove the paper) Thank you. (reads note) "Judgment day." (stands and shows GUS
and JULIET the note) Looks like Talia's joined Malone and Dent in missing-persons land.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, ENTRANCE HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS stand to the side as uniformed police rush into the building.
SHAWN:
Judgment day? It sounds bad. That's, like, the day that you're judged.
GUS:
In T2 it was the end of mankind. (opens comic) Though I doubt our kidnapper has
first-strike nuclear capabilities.
SHAWN:
Ooh! (sees something and walks off)
He sees a bowl of Cheese Doodles and takes a bite of one.
GUS:
What the hell are you doing?
SHAWN:
Running makes me hungry. You know that.
GUS:
You don't know where those have been. They could have bird flu on them or something.
SHAWN:
Bird flu. Wow. Look at you. How can you read a comic book at a time like this?
GUS:
First of all, I can read a comic anytime. And secondly, Juliet has almost the entire police
force inside there. They'll find Talia and the others.
SHAWN:
Dude, whatever this crazy person has planned for these people, he's going to do it soon. He has
all his victims. We need to figure out who stands to gain from the disappearance of those three
and who would want the Red Phantom movie to tank this badly.
GUS:
Why don't you ask your friend, George Takei?
SHAWN:
I would. But once he starts singing Afternoon Delight, he just goes to another place.
GUS:
(looking at comic) Shawn?
SHAWN:
Juliet didn't find anything at the latest crime scene to help?
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
No forensics on the note?
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
(shows a panel in the comic) Look. It's the same as the note in Malone's room.
SHAWN:
Somebody's recreating the crime from this comic book. What happens in this thing?
GUS:
A supervillain named Fear Career, he kidnaps the judge, prosecutor and defense attorney he felt
locked him up years ago.
SHAWN:
Fear Career. Awesome. Then what?
GUS:
He sets them on fire.
SHAWN:
He sets them on fire?
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
Give me that. (grabs the comic from GUS)
GUS:
What the hell are you doing?
SHAWN:
Looking for clues. (thumbs through with fingers covered by orange cheese powder)
GUS:
You're ruining a first printing near-mint work of art. I've been looking for that comic for five
years now.
SHAWN:
Gus, lives are at stake.
GUS:
The kidnapper must be some kind of deranged fan.
SHAWN:
(stops and stares) Deranged? Yes. Fan? I'm not so sure. (rips cover off comic and
walks away)
GUS:
Wait, what? What the... You're buying me another one. First printing! (follows SHAWN)
INT. HOSPITAL, DELIVERY ROOM, DAY
VICK groans as she tries to push.
DOCTOR:
She's not focusing. Can you help motivate her a little bit?
LASSITER:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Motivation was my thing at the academy. (leans over VICK and shouts)
All right, now you listen to me, it's time to squeeze this puppy out. So, when I say push, I
want you to push, you understand me? Push! Push! Push!
VICK:
(shouts back) Yeah, that's not really working for me right now!
LASSITER:
Fine, I was just giving it a shot! Um, okay, okay. (moves in closer and puts his hands around
VICK’S head in an attempt to comfort) Just, just remain calm. Everything's going to be fine.
VICK:
Uh, yeah. I don't need that either. (pushes him away)
LASSITER:
I don't know what you want then. I don't know what any woman wants.
VICK:
Just give me your hand and shut the hell up.
DOCTOR:
It's crowning. Here we go. Here we go.
VICK screams. LASSITER looks on in amazement.
DOCTOR:
It's a girl.
The baby cries. Vick sighs in relief.
LASSITER:
We did it.
DOCTOR:
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
LASSITER:
No, I'm not the...Yeah, okay.
LASSITER cuts the cord as VICK watches. The DOCTOR then hands him the baby.
LASSITER:
Oh, oh, you're going to...Oh! Hi, there. (gently rocks the baby) Nice to meet you.
Children are one of the reasons my wife and I split up. She didn't think I wanted any. She was
wrong.
VICK:
Yeah, that's great, Carlton. You think I might hold my baby now?
LASSITER:
(reluctantly hands over baby) Of course.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, MAIN HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS search the room.
SHAWN:
We need to find Juliet fast.
GUS:
She's in plain clothes. She could be anywhere in this place. It's like looking for a needle in a
haystack.
SHAWN:
(sees something and stops) I know how I can get her attention. (heads off)
GUS:
Shawn! Will you stop going up there?
SHAWN:
(turns around at the base of the stage) Sorry. Judgment day. Got to do it.
Off to the side, George TAKEI is waiting for his introduction.
COORDINATOR: (over microphone)
Ladies and gentlemen, George... Uh, okay, okay.
SHAWN comes up to the podium.
COORDINATOR: (over microphone)
Please welcome back to the stage psychic Shawn Spencer!
The crowd applauds as SHAWN holds up his hands.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
(after a few exaggerated poses, places hands on temples) I'm sensing something. Something
strong. A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
As GUS walks past, George TAKEI grabs him by the arm.
TAKEI:
Why is my assistant up there?
GUS:
Maybe he's setting up a karaoke machine for your duet, Chekov.
TAKEI:
Sulu, damn it!
SHAWN: (over microphone)
It's getting clear now. It's a kidnapping spirit responsible for crimes committed right here at
the con! (crowd murmurs) I need help. I must call upon the powers of Magic Head!
(motions to GUS)
CROWD:
(chants) Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head!
TAKEI:
Who's Magic Head?
Resigned, GUS walks onstage.
TAKEI:
Where are you going?
The crowd breaks into applause when GUS arrives. He waves, embarrassed. SHAWN makes a big
show of laying his hand on GUS’ head. GUS glares at SHAWN but lets him do it.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
I can see it now.
Uniformed officers take up places along the aisles. JULIET finds a spot in the crowd.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
It is a vengeful spirit and there is a color. The color is green. It is the Green Spirit.
(walks to front of stage) The kidnapper is the creator of The Green Spirit, Hiltz Kooler.
The crowd parts, making a clear path to KOOLER’S booth.
SHAWN: (over microphone)
Ah, yes, you had motive, didn't you? The studio execs bastardized your beloved Green Spirit and
turned him into a pop culture punch line. You hated Malone, the Malcontent, because it was his
tidal wave of bad buzz that sunk your flick. You were on the brink of becoming a mogul. But then
it all slipped away. Now you're reduced to cursing nipples and signing autographs at
conventions. Like a classic supervillain, you were driven mad by revenge. (scene cuts of what
SHAWN describes) You read Malone's blogs, looking for clues to his true identity. Then, one
day, like manna from heaven, The Malcontent blogged he was coming here. You also read the execs
who had screwed your character would be here, too. All the people that wronged you in the same
place at the same time. The opportunity was too good to pass up. And you could hide your
identity by wearing a costume. And every time you snatched one of your victims, you left a note
just like Fear Career in your comic. (present) Yes, people! This was written by a
criminal. There is malice in the ink. I can see it now. Hiltz always had a very distinctive way
of writing the letter "O." (flashes of the comic, the notes and the autograph) It has the
swirl. (holds up the ripped page from the comic bearing the autograph) I'm sure if the
police analyzed this autograph, they'll see the handwriting is an exact match for the
kidnapper's threatening notes.
The crowd applauds as the police move in.
TAKEI:
(disgusted) It's the same thing that happened in San Antonio.
JULIET grabs a handcuffed KOOLER by the arm.
JULIET:
Where are your victims?
KOOLER:
My plan is already in motion and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
As JULIET leads KOOLER past them, SHAWN remembers that KOOLER is recreating the crime from
the comic.
SHAWN:
They're near fire.
SHAWN remembers TALIA talking about pyrotechnics. He then sees blue sparkles/sequins on
KOOLER’S shoulder. He then sees the decorative bunting along the front of the stage.
SHAWN:
Under the stage.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER, UNDER STAGE, DAY
JULIET goes down with a flashlight and sees the explosives
JULIET:
Oh, down here.
Uniformed officers join her and she sees the victims bound and gagged behind the
pyrotechnics.
JULIET:
They're here. All of them. Look, don't worry, everything's going to be just fine, okay? We're
going to get you out of here. Guys.
JULIET backs out of the way and lets the uniforms disconnect the fireworks.
INT. HOSPITAL, NURSERY, DAY
JULIET and GUS are framed by one window waving at the babies.
GUS:
Hi. Hi.
LASSITER and SHAWN are framed by a second window.
SHAWN:
So, after I collared the villain and saved the girl, Jules grabbed the others and everyone
hoisted me on their shoulders, carried me to the car chanting my name. It was awesome. Oh, but
your story about cutting the cord was good, too. Lot of drama, suspense, twist ending that I
don't think any of us saw coming.
JULIET:
At which point did you faint?
LASSITER:
I did not faint. I was merely resting my eyes momentarily and fell slightly backwards.
SHAWN:
Hey, I don't know if it makes a difference. I think you're a hero.
JULIET:
Which one is hers?
GUS:
I don't know. Lassiter, you cut the cord.
LASSITER:
Well, they all look alike. Is there one that poops a lot? I know. Let's ask our psychic.
SHAWN:
You know what, guys, this is weird, I'm not getting anything. I think one of these babies might
be evil, blocking my abilities to communicate. Damien?
VICK walks up behind SHAWN.
VICK:
Come on. Isn't it obvious? She looks exactly like me. (waves) Hi.
JULIET:
Chief, should you be up and walking?
VICK:
Walking? I'm coming into work tomorrow.
SHAWN:
No, don't be ridiculous. You need to go home with your child. Relax. Take a load off. Refresh
yourself. January, I think January. Come back in January.
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
GUS and HENRY are sitting at the kitchen table when SHAWN comes in the back door, smiling.
He’s holding two large poster boards(?) behind his back.
SHAWN:
So glad you both could make it.
HENRY:
Make it? I live here.
GUS:
What's that behind your back, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I dropped back by the con.
GUS:
You went back without me?
SHAWN:
Those people, good people, good hearts. You were right from the beginning, Gus. And I didn't
want to ruin the surprise. Introducing, Tranya Independent Comics' latest limited-edition one-
shot...
SHAWN pulls out a comic cover of a man in purple and yellow spandex with his hands to his
head with “waves” emanating from his head.
SHAWN:
Surprise.
GUS:
(reads) "Follow the adventures of Psych-Man as he uses his bizarre mental powers to foil
criminal plots with his sidekick Magic Head."
SHAWN:
And bam!
SHAWN pulls out the second poster to reveal what looks to be a midget with a large top hat.
The head dwarfs the body. He is holding a magic wand. HENRY snickers.
GUS:
What's that supposed to be?
SHAWN:
Dude, it's Magic Head! It's like looking in a mirror.
GUS:
Why would I need a wand when I have a magic head?
SHAWN:
It's a ceremonial thing. It's, it's just... It's representative. You don't actually use the
wand.
GUS:
Stupid. (drinks his beer)
SHAWN:
I think it's dope. Now, who wants an autograph?