That time I brushed my teeth with mineral water..
Oh God, I’m back from the middle of nowhere.
Honestly, it wasn’t horrible, I just wouldn’t voluntarily go back there. If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ve no doubt read all the shenanigans I got up to.
There was my first day in Colombo, after getting dropped off at the hotel by my friend and told explicitly, “Whatever you do, don’t take a tuktuk,” to which I reply, “Yeh, sure awesome, sleep now please.” The minute I step out of the hotel myself, some guy on the street is all, “Hey, there’s a Buddhist festival near here. I take you,” and I say, “AWESOME!” Then I see a temple and some elephants and some gold and diamond encrusted statues of Buddha before tuktuk-man insists I pay him AU$100 and I realise this has been a huge ploy to get my money. Apparently all my previous travel experience has taught me nothing. Just as I start walking back to the hotel and praying that I don’t feature on National Geographic’s new season of Banged Up Abroad, the monsoon rain starts coming down. I have never had so much mud between my toes before.
Day three had me behind the wheel of a manual four-wheel drive, trying to navigate the streets of Colombo. I can’t remember who’s smart idea it was, but my jerk friends thought it would be hilarious to watch me drive. I never realised how much multi-tasking was required in order to simultaneously change gears, press the horn and flash the high beams.
Day five was the company Christmas party; we sang Christmas carols from the roof and played stupid games like musical chairs and blow this balloon as fast as you can and if you pop it first you win. There was an awkward moment where I walked back into the office to get my phone, but instead was greeted by my bosses and many bottles of spirits. Instead of my phone, I left with a lot of coconut liqueur. In my newly drunken haze, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to eat all the curry I could find. My stomach was still burning on the plane ride home.
On the upside, look, photo of me and an orphan baby elephant! I wanted to try feeding it, but locals were already looking at me weirdly for being Chinese.
Honestly, it wasn’t horrible, I just wouldn’t voluntarily go back there. If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ve no doubt read all the shenanigans I got up to.
There was my first day in Colombo, after getting dropped off at the hotel by my friend and told explicitly, “Whatever you do, don’t take a tuktuk,” to which I reply, “Yeh, sure awesome, sleep now please.” The minute I step out of the hotel myself, some guy on the street is all, “Hey, there’s a Buddhist festival near here. I take you,” and I say, “AWESOME!” Then I see a temple and some elephants and some gold and diamond encrusted statues of Buddha before tuktuk-man insists I pay him AU$100 and I realise this has been a huge ploy to get my money. Apparently all my previous travel experience has taught me nothing. Just as I start walking back to the hotel and praying that I don’t feature on National Geographic’s new season of Banged Up Abroad, the monsoon rain starts coming down. I have never had so much mud between my toes before.
Day three had me behind the wheel of a manual four-wheel drive, trying to navigate the streets of Colombo. I can’t remember who’s smart idea it was, but my jerk friends thought it would be hilarious to watch me drive. I never realised how much multi-tasking was required in order to simultaneously change gears, press the horn and flash the high beams.
Day five was the company Christmas party; we sang Christmas carols from the roof and played stupid games like musical chairs and blow this balloon as fast as you can and if you pop it first you win. There was an awkward moment where I walked back into the office to get my phone, but instead was greeted by my bosses and many bottles of spirits. Instead of my phone, I left with a lot of coconut liqueur. In my newly drunken haze, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to eat all the curry I could find. My stomach was still burning on the plane ride home.
On the upside, look, photo of me and an orphan baby elephant! I wanted to try feeding it, but locals were already looking at me weirdly for being Chinese.